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ds_flashfiction2003-12-13 02:41 pm
byob-kenobi.livejournal.com) wrote in ds_flashfiction2003-12-13 02:41 pm
Entry tags:
Packing challenge
A little something in honor of having finished my Yuletide story.
She nearly never saw him packing. He was usually out the door before she realized he was gone, with only tracks in the snow to mark his passing. This time, she managed to catch him as he was folding a pair of long johns into his pack.
She stood at the door to the bedroom, sipping her tea. “How long?”
Her husband’s head popped up. “Until we catch the miscreant, of course. These things don’t happen on a schedule, Caroline.”
She sighed. “Of course. It was stupid of me to ask.”
He just half nodded distractedly, already refocused on his task.
“It’s Christmas tomorrow, Robert.”
“Is it? It is, isn’t it?” He straightened. “I nearly forgot. I have a present for Benton.” He called out, “Son! Come in here!”
Ben materialized at the door. Caroline suspected he had been listening down the hall. “Yes, Dad?”
“I have something for you.” He handed him a large hunting knife with a carved ivory handle. “Every man should have one.”
“Robert, don’t you think he’s a little young for that? It’s so sharp.”
He frowned. “He’s a child, not an idiot. There’s no need to coddle the boy.”
He’s only five, she wanted to say, but she bit the words back. There was no point.
He finished his preparations, binding up the pack in a few economical movements. Caroline didn’t need to look to know that there would be nothing left of his in the room. He never forgot so much as a toothbrush.
She walked him to the door. For a moment she could see a flash of apology in his eyes, but it didn’t matter. She doubted he even knew what to apologize for.
“Look after the boy,” he said.
“I always do.”
He put on his Stetson. “Thank you.”
“I’m your wife, Robert. There’s no need to thank me.”
“Well. Be that as it may...I appreciate what you do.”
She smiled a little. “Goodbye.”
He tipped his hat to her and walked out the door.
She nearly never saw him packing. He was usually out the door before she realized he was gone, with only tracks in the snow to mark his passing. This time, she managed to catch him as he was folding a pair of long johns into his pack.
She stood at the door to the bedroom, sipping her tea. “How long?”
Her husband’s head popped up. “Until we catch the miscreant, of course. These things don’t happen on a schedule, Caroline.”
She sighed. “Of course. It was stupid of me to ask.”
He just half nodded distractedly, already refocused on his task.
“It’s Christmas tomorrow, Robert.”
“Is it? It is, isn’t it?” He straightened. “I nearly forgot. I have a present for Benton.” He called out, “Son! Come in here!”
Ben materialized at the door. Caroline suspected he had been listening down the hall. “Yes, Dad?”
“I have something for you.” He handed him a large hunting knife with a carved ivory handle. “Every man should have one.”
“Robert, don’t you think he’s a little young for that? It’s so sharp.”
He frowned. “He’s a child, not an idiot. There’s no need to coddle the boy.”
He’s only five, she wanted to say, but she bit the words back. There was no point.
He finished his preparations, binding up the pack in a few economical movements. Caroline didn’t need to look to know that there would be nothing left of his in the room. He never forgot so much as a toothbrush.
She walked him to the door. For a moment she could see a flash of apology in his eyes, but it didn’t matter. She doubted he even knew what to apologize for.
“Look after the boy,” he said.
“I always do.”
He put on his Stetson. “Thank you.”
“I’m your wife, Robert. There’s no need to thank me.”
“Well. Be that as it may...I appreciate what you do.”
She smiled a little. “Goodbye.”
He tipped his hat to her and walked out the door.
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You give good Bob.
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Anyway: You got it really great, byob. If you can make the reader wanna grab the protagonists and shake some sense in them then you have make a really good job. :-)