His mouth hung open a little as he bobbed around Fraser from different angles, teeth showing. He skated a hand close to Fraser's ear and out again to test his peripheral.
*chuckle*
You know anything you did with him you have to do with me, you know that, right?"
...I wonder what RayK thinks Fraser did with RayV?
*looks innocent*
I might begin, Fraser thought, by pointing out
At this part I got distracted by formatting-- why italicize the first phrase and not the rest of the sentence?
Just because I'm not moving doesn't mean I can't see you.
Ha. We usually see people treating Fraser as if they're having a conversation with him (like the stripper in Body Language), but I bet he sometimes hears things people *wouldn't* say if they remembered that he's not actually a statue.
Next couple paragraphs, something interesting I noticed: it's unmanly and aren't fitting in a grown man versus Fraser's closer relationship with RayV, which he describes as an adult partnership-- he *seems* to be deprecating his relationship with RayK and deprecating RayK himself, but then there's this neat transformation, a transition from praise of RayV's coolness under fire to RayK's contrasting/opposite reaction-- but that paragraph ends with a statement that makes it clear that Fraser loves RayK for it. Which sort of reflects back on the paragraphs above; Fraser's "deprecation" of RayK really isn't. This little gambit, this feint and retreat, is a thousand times more effective at *showing* that the Rays' differences are to be cherished, not taken as a sign that one of them is better than the other, than if Fraser were to say, for example, "I love you both, but in different ways."
Then I got distracted by formatting again. I get that since the first scene sort of transitioned into 1st-pers Fraser's pov, there needs to be a symbol or some horizontal space or something to indicate that the next paragraph is back to 3rd person, but then it switches into Fraser's pov again, and *now* there are italics, and my eyes just went back and forth for a while there. I wasn't completely sure that the formatting was all intentional.
You think you want to see my control break, but you don't want to see what would happen if it did. Believe me, no one does. I certainly don't. Being at the mercy of one's passions isn't freedom, not in the least. And terrible things can happen. You can lose yourself. I wasn't meant to - give way.
Poor, poor Fraser.
*entertains thoughts of Fraser "giving way" in some manner that involves squishing RayK up against the nearest flat surface*
One day he had simply been there, too close, and he'd never backed away. He'd never gotten comfortable, either. He had a static field around him that kept Fraser on edge, although it was an enjoyable edge. He wanted something from Fraser, some kind of moral direction, inspiration perhaps. Or maybe just company.
This is so cool! It sounds so... canonical. Because on the show they *are* pretty edgy around each other, and RayK *wants* and Fraser *enjoys* but he can't really seem to grasp what they're doing, he has to rely on his father's advice (and isn't the old man a genius about interpersonal relationships? *eyeroll*) just to keep things from falling apart in MotB.
on some occasion when he was weak or distracted, he might listen to his instincts, which lacked the sophisticated interpretive skills necessary for full social functioning and only heard Ray saying he wanted more, more, more.
Oh, Fraser.
*licks Fraser's brain*
He should definitely squish RayK against a flat surface. Or, you know, the hood of the car. Or whatever.
feedback, pt 1/2
*chuckle*
You know anything you did with him you have to do with me, you know that, right?"
...I wonder what RayK thinks Fraser did with RayV?
*looks innocent*
I might begin, Fraser thought, by pointing out
At this part I got distracted by formatting-- why italicize the first phrase and not the rest of the sentence?
Just because I'm not moving doesn't mean I can't see you.
Ha. We usually see people treating Fraser as if they're having a conversation with him (like the stripper in Body Language), but I bet he sometimes hears things people *wouldn't* say if they remembered that he's not actually a statue.
Next couple paragraphs, something interesting I noticed: it's unmanly and aren't fitting in a grown man versus Fraser's closer relationship with RayV, which he describes as an adult partnership-- he *seems* to be deprecating his relationship with RayK and deprecating RayK himself, but then there's this neat transformation, a transition from praise of RayV's coolness under fire to RayK's contrasting/opposite reaction-- but that paragraph ends with a statement that makes it clear that Fraser loves RayK for it. Which sort of reflects back on the paragraphs above; Fraser's "deprecation" of RayK really isn't. This little gambit, this feint and retreat, is a thousand times more effective at *showing* that the Rays' differences are to be cherished, not taken as a sign that one of them is better than the other, than if Fraser were to say, for example, "I love you both, but in different ways."
Then I got distracted by formatting again. I get that since the first scene sort of transitioned into 1st-pers Fraser's pov, there needs to be a symbol or some horizontal space or something to indicate that the next paragraph is back to 3rd person, but then it switches into Fraser's pov again, and *now* there are italics, and my eyes just went back and forth for a while there. I wasn't completely sure that the formatting was all intentional.
You think you want to see my control break, but you don't want to see what would happen if it did. Believe me, no one does. I certainly don't. Being at the mercy of one's passions isn't freedom, not in the least. And terrible things can happen. You can lose yourself. I wasn't meant to - give way.
Poor, poor Fraser.
*entertains thoughts of Fraser "giving way" in some manner that involves squishing RayK up against the nearest flat surface*
One day he had simply been there, too close, and he'd never backed away. He'd never gotten comfortable, either. He had a static field around him that kept Fraser on edge, although it was an enjoyable edge. He wanted something from Fraser, some kind of moral direction, inspiration perhaps. Or maybe just company.
This is so cool! It sounds so... canonical. Because on the show they *are* pretty edgy around each other, and RayK *wants* and Fraser *enjoys* but he can't really seem to grasp what they're doing, he has to rely on his father's advice (and isn't the old man a genius about interpersonal relationships? *eyeroll*) just to keep things from falling apart in MotB.
on some occasion when he was weak or distracted, he might listen to his instincts, which lacked the sophisticated interpretive skills necessary for full social functioning and only heard Ray saying he wanted more, more, more.
Oh, Fraser.
*licks Fraser's brain*
He should definitely squish RayK against a flat surface. Or, you know, the hood of the car. Or whatever.