Ummm.

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

Clearly there is some weird sort of Jedi mind-flu going around, because I started this story this morning, without having read any of the others to which it bears a striking resemblance. Anyway.







Oh, yeah, Ray thought as he looked in the mirror. This'll do the trick for sure. He shook his head slightly to make the long earrings dance -- he couldn't do anything about the short hair, but a little bit of pretty was certainly called for now. He made a mental note to get some lip-gloss next time he was out.

He backed up to check the rest of the Look. Breasts swelled under his old black tank, one hell of a perky rack, if he did say so himself. His hips and ass were also nicely padded, filling out his old jeans in interesting ways.

He noticed then that his tattoo had changed too, evolving somehow into a heart-shape while still retaining the same Champion logo he'd had since graduation. Ray shook his head in admiration. That old gypsy woman was a fucking artist. Worth every penny.

A knock at the door made him jump, and he almost tripped on the way to answer it. Fraser was going to freak when he saw ...

"Hello, Ray."

Ray blinked.

"May I come in, please?" Fraser continued, shouldering past him in a most un-Fraser-like way.

"I ... you ..."

"Close the door, please; some men were following me making the most horrible suggestions ."

"Gah," said Ray, and closed the door. He tried again. "Girl," he said. "You're a girl."

Fraser turned to face him. "Yes," he said patiently, "as are you yourself."

"But I --"

"Although it behooves us to remember that the correct term is 'woman," Ray."

"But I --"

"May I have a glass of water?"

Ray stopped himself from saying But I again and just nodded, waving his hand in the direction of the kitchen. His knees went on strike all of a sudden, so he took them over to the love-seat for a sit-in while he tried to untangle his brain. When Fraser came over with two glasses of water, Ray took one and chugged it down, wiping his mouth on his arm reflexively and plonking the glass onto the coffee table.

"Okay," he said, "what the fuck?"

Fraser blinked at him, sipping his glass of water oh-so-delicately. "I thought you knew," he said after he swallowed. "It was on the news this morning. Everyone in the world changed gender overnight."


"Son of a bitch," said Ray. "She cheated me!"


"Pardon?"

Ray jumped to his feet and started pacing. "I went to see an old gypsy woman last night. She gave me a nasty-tasting potion to drink and said when I woke up, I'd be --" He stopped talking. This was the embarassing part. Spit it out, Kowalski, he thought.

He took a deep breath. "I'd be someone you might find attractive."

"Oh," said Fraser, sounding really, really surprised. "You ... and ... but I --" He rubbed his thumb across his eyebrow, which Ray interpreted as 'I'm mildly uncomfortable and want to be somewhere else.' To Fraser's credit, though, he didn't take off running like some other guys might've when they found out just how far overboard Ray was willing to go when he was obssessed.

Of course, Fraser wasn't exactly in the category of 'some other guys' right now, either. And he was talking again, so Ray tuned back in to reality.

"I thought you realized," Fraser was saying. "I assumed we were waiting for Ray Vecchio's return to act on what was, to me, at least, a fairly obvious attraction." And Fraser looked kind of pissed-off, too, which made no sense, unless --

"Fuck," said Ray, "you're queer."

Fraser nodded. "As the proverbial three-dollar bill," he said. "Although there was once --"

"Nnnnnnnnnnnn!" said Ray, shaking his head violently. "Not now. No Inuit stories."

"Well, strictly speaking, it wasn't --"

"Benton Fraser, don't you dare. I don't want to hear how in 1867 they decided to make a three-dollar bill, and that's not the point anyway, and ... and ... the point is, Fraser, the point we are straying from is -- do you find me attractive?"

"As a woman?"

Ray closed his eyes. You knew he was going to say that, he told himself. You can't kill him. He looked at Fraser, who was starting to squirm. "Yes. As a woman."

"Well ... no."

"What?"

Fraser winced, whether at Ray's tone or having so clearly said the wrong thing, it wasn't clear. "I, well, it's just that --"

Ray made the hand-twirling gesture for 'get on with it already.'

"You're rather ... butch."

Of all the things Ray might have been expecting, that ... wasn't one. "But ... but ... I thought you liked men."

Fraser did the finger-under-the-collar thing, which just looked weird without the tunic. "I do. And occasionally women. But currently you're ... neither."

"We have to fix me, then," Ray said, "turn me into one or the other."

"I don't see how, no one knows how or why it happened in the first place."

Ray really wished he weren't too butch to cry. He settled for pounding his fist on the arm of the love-seat repeatedly. When it started to hurt, he stopped.

"This sucks, Fraser. A lot."

Fraser nodded. "And there's one thing I don't think you've fully considered yet."

Ray let his head fall back against the back of the love-seat. "What? What could possibly be worse than me going through all this just to be told it was completely pointless and stupid?"

"The fact that in something less than a month, Lieutenant Welsh is going to have PMS."







* except Ces. It's all her fault.

Comments

[aerye.livejournal.com]

"Although it behooves us to remember that the correct term is 'woman," Ray."

God, you gotta love Fraser.

I'm loving this challenge. The best news I had all day was hearing it was extended. Twelve more luscious days of total insanity.

I think I've died and gone to heaven.

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

A) Love, love, love the icon

2) Yes, you do gotta love Fraser. It's sort of an immoral imperative.

III) Challenge = good.

[aerye.livejournal.com]

Yes, you do gotta love Fraser. It's sort of an immoral imperative.

Ack! I love this--a new theme for my life! I'm operating on immoral imperatives!

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

And so say all of us ...

[daughtershade.livejournal.com]

I swear you kill me everytime. This was the best Fraser, like, ever. :D Oh and...

"The fact that in something less than a month, Lieutenant Welsh is going to have PMS."

Didn't need that mental image, thanks. ;D *snicker*

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry! I didn't mean to kill you! (Heeheeheeheehee)

Oooooh

[kimberlyfdr.livejournal.com]

This whole transgendered theme has me in heaven. I know I'm a sick puppy, but I like it!:) Great job, sooo funny.

Re: Oooooh

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Glad you liked it!

[imkalena.livejournal.com]

"Benton Fraser, don't you dare. I don't want to hear how in 1867 they decided to make a three-dollar bill . . . "

HOWL!

And. Welsh. My heavens, you're just . . . EVIL!

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

... or was it 1678? Tch, tch, shoddy research.

Evil I am, baby, and don't you forget it.

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

I adore you! I throw flowers at you! This is fantastic!

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

::gathers flowers to press for always::

Thanks!

[brooklinegirl.livejournal.com]

And Fraser looked kind of pissed-off, too, which made no sense, unless --

"Fuck," said Ray, "you're queer."

Fraser nodded. "As the proverbial three-dollar bill," he said.

Oh my god, this exchange was so perfect, so RayandFraser. So very hugely amusing.

And quite the image you paint for us here:

He backed up to check the rest of the Look. Breasts swelled under his old black tank, one hell of a perky rack, if he did say so himself. His hips and ass were also nicely padded, filling out his old jeans in interesting ways.

I also particularly liked the way his tattoo altered. Heart-shaped, indeed.

And the end...well, I was totally unprepared for it and came very, very close to doing a spit-take. Lt. Welsh with PMS. Now there's a thought.

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

I was going to change the tat into something really girly, but then ... didn't. Because he's still Ray.

[akite.livejournal.com]

Damn, you made me snort. An honest to goodness real snort. So funny and so them.

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

Yay! A snort! Heehee. Glad you liked it.

[bethbethbeth.livejournal.com]

...do you find me attractive?"

"As a woman?"

Ray closed his eyes. You knew he was going to say that, he told himself. You can't kill him. He looked at Fraser, who was starting to squirm. "Yes. As a woman."

LOL! Ah, the old jokes are the best jokes. *G*

I adore this challenge; who knew cliches could be so fun? :)

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

It's so cool to be able to re-use dialog like that, don'tcha think?

And yeah, this is the bestest challenge yet.

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

No, no, see they ... I was ... and then ...

::thwap::

(Heeheehee)

[iroshi.livejournal.com]

Nope. Now they're gay males trapped in female bodies. Which makes them, technically, heterosexual. *snicker*

This is what I keep saying I am, anyway. Well, mostly gay. I'm really essentially bisexual, but I *prefer* men, in theory. But I love whom I love, and the plumbing doesn't matter. Still a man on the inside, though. Sick to death of this female plumbing, gotta tell ya. Have told my mate time and time again, I am *not* doing the female schtick again for at *least* another 10 trips around the wheel. (I say never, but I know better, because I say that *every* time I'm female...and I always do it again when it's needed...*sigh* But not soon, please. Not soon. I want my penis back, dammit.)

[iroshi.livejournal.com]

Myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy BAD!

Got all up in my rambling and forgot to say:

LOVED THIS FIC! It was absolutely adorable!

Is it Ces' fault? Did she start the challenge? 'Cause I'm used to everything being James' fault, myself...

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

Ces started the community, so all praise and blame go to her.

::loves Ces.::

Not sure who James is, though -- James Walkswithwind? James Marsters? P.D. James? ;)

Glad you liked the story.

[iroshi.livejournal.com]

James Walkswithwind. It was just The Thing over on Squidge, back when Senslash was a fun chat room to hang out in...it was All James' Fault. And since I was her Padawan...it just stuck. Everything was her fault, forever after. ^_~

[sihayab.livejournal.com]

Aaaaaaaiiiiiiiiii! ::wiping spit off screen::

Damn, woman! You're too funny! Welsh with PMS... Dear lord... ::shaking head::

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

What? ::blinks innocently::

[chesamus.livejournal.com]

Saw a bumper sticker once commenting that with the aging baby boomer population, men needed to realize there were 20 million women ready to go through menopause... Raging hormones rule!

Seriously tho, interesting, funny twists and turns in this one. What a great solution to the cliche. This is so much fun!

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Glad you liked it!

[theodosia.livejournal.com]

Surely Welsh would have hit menopause by now?

Don't hit me, I'm just handicapped with an overly literal mind. :-)

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

So you have no problem with the whole world spontaneously switching gender, but you're stuck on Welsh's hormone imbalance? Argh! (*G*) And he's only about 50, maybe it hasn't hit him yet. Or maybe he looks older than he is ... working with Fraser'll do that to a person.

This is going to bug me now. ::thwap!:: ;)

[maubast.livejournal.com]

"The fact that in something less than a month, Lieutenant Welsh is going to have PMS."

Oh. Hell.

Talk about *spew*.

LMAO! Thank you!

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

Heeheehee. Glad you liked it.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

First I thought this was some sort of "Gift of the Magi" twist, then I goggled at the screen and then I just gave in and started to laugh. Super stuff, kiddo.

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

Actually it *began* as a "Gift" story, but it kinda changed as I wrote it, 'cos I didn't think Fraser would change himself like that.

Yes! Actual *thought* went into this! ;) Glad you enjoyed it.

[byob-kenobi.livejournal.com]

So brilliant! How do you say so much in so few words? Hysterical!

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

Wow! Uh, thanks! I'm blushing.

[wildmachinery.livejournal.com]

"Close the door, please; some men were following me making the most horrible suggestions."

Fraser/RayK femslash! Oh, lord!

Loved this.

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

Shucks, just doing my part, ma'am. *g*

[thermidor.livejournal.com]

"Well ... no."

That Fraser, always honest. That was so much fun!

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

Poor Ray. Fraser probably doesn't think David Bowie is sexy, either.

(Thanks!)

[jenboo.livejournal.com]

okay, you rock my lame ass, woman!

Lt. Welsh with PMS on top of it all. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

OMG!!! Turnbull will be sooooo girly! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

I bow at the feet of a master (or is that mistress?? *g*)

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

Oooh. Hadn't given any thought to Turnbull...

At least he's got an apron already!

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

* except Ces. It's all her fault.

Ces sweeps back her hair, looks up at the moon and says, "If love is a crime, then I'm guilty! Because I love love love this--actually, I've totally discovered this new kink for the genderfuck thing, geez! Between you and Ray's pert little shelf and JennyBee talking about Fraser's rack, I'm totally melting down over here. I have to try this myself!

The other thing is--I LOVE Fraser's dialogue here, how he's so Fraserish the whole time. An exchange like this is so note perfect!

"Gah," said Ray, and closed the door. He tried again. "Girl," he said. "You're a girl."
Fraser turned to face him. "Yes," he said patiently, "as are you yourself."

Thank you, thank you!

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

Heeheehee. Yes, please, do try it. I'd love to see what you could do with this particular cliche...

And, as always, I am thrilled that you liked my story.

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

You're welcome!!

;)

(Thanks!)

[eledhwenlin]

"The fact that in something less than a month, Lieutenant Welsh is going to have PMS."


*laughs* That was awesome. :)

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

Wow, thanks (again)!