Doors Challenge - The Other Side

[chesamus.livejournal.com]

672 Words. Not really sure where this came from. Dialog only for those who need to be warned about that kind of thing.




Hello, Ray.

Hey, Frase, how ya doin’?

As well as one could be, under the circumstances.

Yeah, I get that. How’d - how’d you track me down?

Some help, but mostly blind luck.

Dief?

In part. Dief found your location once we identified the correct block. Dewey saw your car and reported in.

It’s kinda distinctive.

Like its owner. How are you, Ray?

Not - not doin’ too good here, Frase, an’ these lights keep blinking at me.

What do the lights say?

22:25, 22:24, 22:23. Kind of a theme.

Ray, are you - can you see the mechanism?

The what? Oh, the bombs...

Ah, yes, well, bombs then. How many, Ray?

Hard to say. Two blinky things, connected to a couple of bundles all around the door and the window.

Is it dynamite, Ray?

Nah, silly putty--

Plastique.

Yeah, and there’s these tube things connected. Looks like that Russian stuff.

Are there wires on you?

Yeah, but I’m not - I’m not connected to nothin’. Just tied up like a cow. And he’s almost as good as you with knots. Every time I move it chokes...

Perhaps it would be easier if you lay on your side.

Can’t - no room to roll on one side, an’ I’m bleeding on the other.

Bleeding? He said he only knocked you out!

Can’t trust him, I guess.

[muffled conversation between Fraser and unknown party]

Alright. Ray, we’ve found the plans for the building. The floors and ceilings are reinforced concrete, but the non-load bearing walls appear to be standard construction. The SWAT team is going to attempt to cut through one of the walls in the office next door.

Interesting plan, Frase.

[sounds of hammering]

It’s a start.

A start? What else you got, Frase?

We have an ambulance standing by--

Prob’ly gonna need that.

We usually do.

‘Kay. So the black hats are gonna cut me outta here...

Yes, then we shall reacquaint you with the local ambulance crew. I just passed word to have several units of blood sent over - however useful it is, it concerns me that all of them know your blood type.

Never needed a transistor before I met you.

Does that- I’m sorry, Ray.

I’m not. Glad I met you, glad you came back.

Truly, Ray?

Just - just sorry I made you wait for our adventure. Shoulda gone.

I wondered why you delayed it.

Thought maybe I wouldn’t wanna come back [panting] thought if - if I waited ‘til I could retire, I could stay maybe.

--

That bother you, Frase?

No. It makes makes me happy.

Don’t sound happy.

You’re on the other side of the door, Ray, bleeding and surrounded by bombs. Nothing about this makes me happy.

So what we gonna do, Frase?

First, we break down the wall.

Already said that.

Yes, but a brief review would not, I think, be amiss.

You trying to distract me?

Is it working?

Yeah...

Good. So once we get you out of the room, we shall turn you over to the tender mercies of the ambulance crew.

Needles, Benton.

I’m afraid that can’t be helped, Ray. However, you will then make a full recovery--

Really?

A full recovery, much to the amazement of the fine staff of the nearest medical facility. Then, you shall fill out your retirement papers--

Done. In my nightstand.

Dear God. Ray, how long have you been planning this?

Long time. Too long, maybe.

No, it was time well spent. I could wish - but we’ll get your papers in, and I’ll finally accept the transfer they offered me.

You turned down a transfer? To stay in Chicago?

To stay with you.

--

Ray? Ray!

I’m seein’ lights, Ben. I think they got a hole through.

[shouts from the rescue team]

Ray, I’m afraid I’ve lost track. What do the timers say?

7:34.

Plenty of time, then.

You think?

Yes, plenty of time - I’ll meet you on the other side.

Better hurry or I’ll leave without you.

Never again, Ray. I won’t permit it.

Love ya, too.

Comments

[beledibabe.livejournal.com]

::wibble::

And then?

[chesamus.livejournal.com]

No way - I'm not falling for that again! Do you really want to put yourself through that?

[bethbethbeth.livejournal.com]

Totally nerve-wracking, right up until Ray "sees the light." Seriously...I was reading this with a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach, like somehow you were going to end it...'the bad way."

So glad you didn't *g*

[chesamus.livejournal.com]

Couldn't do it. Besides, would Fraser have left the other side of the door if they ran out of time?

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Naw, this is right, and the right length, and doesn't need any more. You've left enough clues for our minds to fill in the blanks and to end the story happily.

[chesamus.livejournal.com]

Not every story needs to be wrapped up as tidily as COTW. That, and it really started to drag :-)

::sigh::

[theodosia.livejournal.com]

Perfect!

Re: ::sigh::

[chesamus.livejournal.com]

Goodness - thank you ever so!

[lamardeuse.livejournal.com]

Oooh. Me like.

Then, you shall fill out your retirement papers--

Done. In my nightstand.

Dear God. Ray, how long have you been planning this?

Long time. Too long, maybe.

*sighofcontentment*

[chesamus.livejournal.com]

Me glad. Contentment is vastly underrated.

[jenboo.livejournal.com]

*wibble* *sigh*

This was great!! And I kept hearing Jim Morrison singing "Break on through to the other side. Break on through to the other side." It added to the tension. *g*

[chesamus.livejournal.com]

Great idea, I really like that one from the Doors. I got the title from a Moody Blues song though...

...Baby lets investigate the other side of life tonight
the lovers and the fighters and the risks they take
are on the other side of life tonight...

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

This ROCKS, this is so freakin' good. I want a million stories just like this one. The voices are amazing, the structure is great, I'm tense, I'm invested. I'll take it in black, green, and gray if you have it! Thanks so much!

[chesamus.livejournal.com]

Gracias!

I had this idea of the two of them having a conversation through a locked door. Was plotting it out all nice and tight and suddenly a bomb appeared and the dialog took over. Maybe I should get back to the story I originally started for this challenge...

[bluster.livejournal.com]

I was trying to quit biting my fingernails, but they're nothin' but nubs now. You had me worried!! Thankfully they make it out in time. Thanks for a fun, though nervous, read.

[chesamus.livejournal.com]

Guess it's a good thing I didn't put the running clock in (too much formatting, and I was being distracted by the baseball game).

[imkalena.livejournal.com]

I was still worried even when he saw the light. With all the dead people hanging around doors here lately, I didn't know what could have been happening!

[chesamus.livejournal.com]

Never tried a "keep them on the edge of their seat" thing before. This was fun!

[mergatrude.livejournal.com]

Great! Loved it! Wasn't worried for a second (much) ;-)

[chesamus.livejournal.com]

I'd hate to cause you undue worry. Stress isn't good for you. Thanks.

[akite.livejournal.com]

Dang! I'm late to the party again. LJ was just not cooperating with me last night. Enough bitching and back to your regularly scheduled feedback. Ooh, ooh, good one, Chesamus. Had me on the edge of my chair.

[chesamus.livejournal.com]

Boy, nailbiting, edge of the seat action - didn't know I could do that in less than 700 words (didn't know I could do it at all!).

[7ying.livejournal.com]

Love the calm and tender tone here flowing through within. When reading this story, I could hear the shouts, screams and sirens outside everywhere, yet between them there was peace. Something eternal blossomed out suddenly, shimmering in a split moment of life.

Perfect.

[chesamus.livejournal.com]

I've noticed that pocket of zen in the middle of chaos before. One always hopes one can respond in such a way if necessary. You turn a beautiful phrase, BTW. Thank you.

[lynnmonster.livejournal.com]

OK, I *was* worried -- but I just loved Ray and Fraser's voices here, and their connection here just shined right through the dialogue.

[chesamus.livejournal.com]

I'm really surprised at this reaction - I didn't expect anyone to worry. As though I would even consider doing in one or the other...

Granted, I might crease them a little :-)

[chesamus.livejournal.com]

That's the key to the whole thing - it would have to be all or nothing with these two, wouldn't it?

[ozsaur.livejournal.com]

OMG this had me on the edge of my seat. The ending is perfect. :::happy sigh:::

[chesamus.livejournal.com]

::happy sigh:: too. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[byob-kenobi.livejournal.com]

Yes! This was tense, sweet and perfect! I was worried. Especially when you said "I don't know where this came from"...eep.

[chesamus.livejournal.com]

See, the thing is, I don't know where it came from. I was writing a funny story in my head about Fraser locked in the bathroom with Ray on the other side - even had a title for it (Bad Hair Day). Then whammo, this happened!

I promise I will put a disclaimer on anything more serious.

[silverakira.livejournal.com]

Oh, love love love this story. And it's dialogue only, which is always a plus in my eyes.

But I love the way you had Fraser and Ray react to each other. All the insinuations that are made and everything.

[I gotta admit, I was worried at first that it would turn out to be a death fic or something like that. But I think the way you ended it was perfect. :) ]

[chesamus.livejournal.com]

Dialog only is easier for me - and I think we can get away with it in dS because we know the characters so well and can fill in the blanks.

[rubyrosered.livejournal.com]

Phew! Great tension. Plenty of scary details. Confessions through a door. Great ending. I'm all happy now. ::g::

[chesamus.livejournal.com]

A story can go anywhere as long as it ends happy, to my way of thinking. Glad I left you that way.

[wildmachinery.livejournal.com]

That bother you, Frase?

No. It makes makes me happy.

Don’t sound happy.

You’re on the other side of the door, Ray, bleeding and surrounded by bombs. Nothing about this makes me happy.

::wibble::

-mercy

[chesamus.livejournal.com]

is a wibble a weeble who wobbles a wittle? Thanks!

[ntamara.livejournal.com]

:: sniffles ::

action and suspense and drama and romance all in one wonderful dialogue :) good one!

[chesamus.livejournal.com]

Thank you - is that a new icon? It's awfully cute :-)

[ntamara.livejournal.com]

it's actually a quite old one, there's a community for icon recycling (or something like that, can't find it at the moment), and I believe this is one of lanning's, though I may be mistaken

but yeah, ray/on/ray cute :)

[ride-4ever.livejournal.com]

Loved the immediacy of this. And loved the boys' rapport...such a duet.