Marriage challenge...

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

A wee bit of schmoop for the marriage challenge. Thanks to sihayab for helping to improve it.

Asking For It


The day Ray's marriage ended was the worst of his life.

Which is why he never planned on getting married again. He knew guys who'd been divorced twice, and he didn't intend to be one of them. He didn't ever want to go through that again.

So it was a good thing that he wound up with Fraser, because they couldn't get married even if they wanted to. Ray told himself that was a relief.

Except, as their...thing started feeling like it could be permanent, he realized it wasn't specifically divorce he was afraid of. It was heartbreak. And heartbreak could happen even without the certificate and the rings and the priest and the reception.

Once he figured that out, he walked around with a constant low-grade buzz of fear that Fraser was gonna wake up and realize this was all a bad idea. Realize Ray was a bad idea. And that would be that.

Fraser, though. Fraser could tell something was up. And one night, lying in bed, just before Ray fell asleep, Fraser asked him quietly what was wrong.

For some reason he could never remember afterwards, Ray tried to tell him. He tried to explain what it had felt like the day Stella made him face the reality that it was over. He even, and this embarrassed him the next morning, asked Fraser to promise he would never break his heart like that.

Fraser was silent, and Ray's heart started to pound. Not in the good way.

And then Fraser said, "I can't promise you that, Ray," which for an instant felt like the worst moment of his life in replay.

But then he went on to say, "You know my word is my bond, but I don't think even my word would convince you that I...want nothing more than a life with you. The only way I can convince you of that is to stay."

And the knot in Ray's chest loosened a little, enough for him to say, "yeah," and he drifted into sleep with Fraser snugged around him like a blanket.

And when word started to spread that guys could get married in Canada, Ray turned the idea over in his mind and smiled. Somehow, it didn't seem like asking for heartbreak anymore.

(379 words)

Comments

[imkalena.livejournal.com]

Listen! It's the world's biggest aw, coming right from my mouth.:) Thank you for the smile!!

[beledibabe.livejournal.com]

Oh, yeah! That's wonderful, hon. I like the changes.

[akite.livejournal.com]

And when word started to spread that guys could get married in Canada, Ray turned the idea over in his mind and smiled. Somehow, it didn't seem like asking for heartbreak anymore.

::sigh:: That was a Ray that I could really see. I could quote more that I liked, but then I would have to paste the whole thing in here. Needy!Ray, you've got to love him.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Ray always manages to break my heart while he's breaking his, which is why I adore him so much. And I adore this, too.

[invader-jim.livejournal.com]

I've got the biggest grin on my face!! And an "aw" is coming from my direction as well. :)

[uselessplayback.livejournal.com]

Awww. What a perfect thing to come home and read. ^_^

[lamardeuse.livejournal.com]

Wow. Gorgeous bit of Ray insight in very few words. Super response to the challenge!

[stungunbilly.livejournal.com]

Lovely. Like a really good korma dish; perfect blend of richness and honey, and spiced with just the right amount of something that burns a little in the chest region.

[dracostella.livejournal.com]

*puddle*

[suaine.livejournal.com]

Ah, that's just... so good :) I love your Ray.

[wildmachinery.livejournal.com]

Best schmoop I've read all week. :-) Beautiful job, Kass.

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

Again with the awwwwwww. That was marvelous, hon.

(How'd it go last night?)

[chesamus.livejournal.com]

Yes, I think we have a Morman Tabernacle choir of "awww" going here. Wonderfully shmoopie - not overdone at all!