Ache: for "Mute Fraser" Challenge - by Shay

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

There's nothing to say. There is no Inuit story, there are no soothing words, no facile phrases to be uttered. There's nothing that will help relieve the heavy burden on his shoulders or alleviate one jot or iota of his pain.

And so Benton doesn't try. He'd like to think he knows when to shut up, but the truth is he can't trust himself to say anything, because the simple words of commiseration and understanding and forgiveness would fall on ears currently more deaf than Diefenbaker's. Ray can't hear him right now, not over his helpless sobs. He's deaf to everything except his own blinding pain and self-recrimination, and too wracked by exhaustion to fight against it.

But Benton doesn't speak for another reason; he can't trust himself to stop after words of understanding and comfort. He's afraid his words will change, that he will reveal himself too much, give too much away. Once unstoppered, his mouth may continue talking until he can no longer control it. What if he pours out his secrets indiscriminately, spilling the words of his heart until they fill the space between them, unleashing a torrent of his innermost desires? Drown an already drowning Ray in a relentless wave of unasked-for emotion?

No. To do such a thing is unimaginable. Ray doesn't need that right now. Maybe Ray will never need it.

Benton keeps silent, and lets his hand, one hand, speak for him, lets it reach across the car seat to clasp Ray's neck and rub his shoulder as shudders of despair course through Ray's body. That's all he can do, or say, right now. And maybe that's enough. That's what he tells himself.

But his jaw aches from clamping it shut so tightly.

Comments

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Oh, this is perfect.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much!

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

Wow. Perfect. The last line's a killer.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

And of course that line got rewritten about, oh, thirty times.

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

Well, rest assured you got it right.

[dubhartach.livejournal.com]

Oh yes. It's even canon. Great stuff.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

That's what I love about Due South. The canon does most of the work for you.

[china_shop]

That's all he can do, or say, right now. And maybe that's enough. That's what he tells himself.

So very Fraser. This is wonderful. :)

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Fraser's silences are so fascinating. This is a rockin' challenge.

[norah.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow. I love this.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Glad you enjoyed it.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Thanks, hon.

[beledibabe.livejournal.com]

You... You... ::helpless flailing::

OMG, the sheer grit and determination and *pain*.

I love Fraser more than ever.

And you, too.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Aw. Thanks, m'dear.

[akite.livejournal.com]

Oh, nice one, Shay!

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

::smiling::

[claire.livejournal.com]

Beautiful!

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much.

[umbo.livejournal.com]

Great job--tight and perfectly worded.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

What a nice comment. Thanks.

[byob-kenobi.livejournal.com]

Oooh, ouch. Perfect.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Yeah, painful scene.

[chickwriter.livejournal.com]

Holy fuck!! You slay me.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

It's a sign of my deep disturbance that that pleases me. I live to slay.

[rjm-257.livejournal.com]

Maybe Ray will never need it.

Yes, he will. The slash writers of the world know better. In the meantime, however, this is beautifully painful.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Indeed they do! And thanks.

[serialkarma.livejournal.com]

Oh, lovely! This is how I imagine Fraser is most often mute: Saying nothing for fear of saying far too much.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Exactly. I love reading his face.

[lynnmonster.livejournal.com]

Oh, yay. You know I love that scene, that whole dynamic in that episode. Beautifully done!

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

It's possibly my favorite scene in canon. Thanks for the cheer.

[sage]

Oh...wow. Yeah. You nailed it.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Mmm - delighted to hear you say so!

[tex.livejournal.com]

To sageness - Just had to sneak in and say that's one of the hottest icons of Callum I've seen in a while! Guh...

[sage]

Isn't he beautiful? Paul Gross looks like too many people I'm related to for me to feel much lust over him, but Callum is just...yum. :)

[ilexa.livejournal.com]

Oh.

That's just heartbreaking and beautiful and so wonderfully done.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

That scene always breaks my heart. And I always wondered if, underneath all the support and caring, Fraser might have his own turmoil.

[lamardeuse.livejournal.com]

Oh, my. So lovely.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Thank you very kindly!

[ekaterinn.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow. That final image - blows me away.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I'm glad it affected you that way.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

I agree about silence. Thanks for writing.

[eightnoon.livejournal.com]

Wow! There is so much to this and I love it!

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

So pleased you liked it.

[doll-revolution.livejournal.com]

wow!

this is so good and true and painful, and it seems like canon!

::stares at shay in awe::

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

You're too kind.

[gurrier.livejournal.com]

Sneaking in late to add to the chorus - perfect, and such a poignant last line.

[mergatrude.livejournal.com]

(I missed this! lj has been screwing with me!)

This is wonderful! Very moving!

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for saying so. I hope your LJ calms down!