ext_12448 ([identity profile] prudentia.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] ds_flashfiction2003-05-05 07:33 am

Hourglass Challenge

I've never written anything before. And I can't believe I'm actually posting this here. Even the feedback is awesome.

Just an idea I had. An idea in exactly 100 words.

Religious Experiences or What's in a Name

Barbara and Damian looked on proudly as the priest drew a wet cross on their son's forehead. ‘I name this child Stanley Raymond...’ The baby sobbed bitterly.

*******

Stella stood beside him, a fairy princess in tulle and lace. ‘Do you, Stanley Raymond Kowalski, take this woman...?’ He cringed, hearing muffled sniggering behind him. Christ, he would never live this down.

*******

Weak sunlight filtered into the dark tomb. ‘Your name is Stanley Kowalski?’ the nutjob he’d been partnered with asked incredulously. He turned round angrily. ‘Look, my dad...’

*******

‘Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray...Ray’, moaned Fraser as he spiralled to orgasm. Ray smiled.

[identity profile] ardent-muses.livejournal.com 2003-05-05 01:03 am (UTC)(link)
I like the way you think. :)

There's a lot here for 100 words. Very nice! You're not off the hook, though, because now we'll look forward to your next one. *G*

[identity profile] ntamara.livejournal.com 2003-05-05 01:37 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, that was just great. Incredible what you can do with so little words. Good one!

[identity profile] bethbethbeth.livejournal.com 2003-05-05 01:39 am (UTC)(link)
'I name this child Stanley Raymond...’ The baby sobbed bitterly.

Hee!

This is totally fantastic; people should be directed to read this anytime the "Stan" debate cycles around. *g*

You've *really* never written anything before? Excellent start!

-Beth

[identity profile] ajinamoto.livejournal.com 2003-05-05 01:18 pm (UTC)(link)
I used to go nuts when people would refer to RayV as the "Real Ray." He's the Real Ray Vecchio, they're both Really Rays.

ext_1175: (Default)

[identity profile] lamardeuse.livejournal.com 2003-05-05 03:41 am (UTC)(link)
You've never written anything before.
Ummm...okay.
Please continue.
Now.
ext_12411: (realbreasts)

Yay!

[identity profile] theodosia.livejournal.com 2003-05-05 03:49 am (UTC)(link)
It's hard enough to be concise, but to be concise and funny is hitting a bullseye!
ext_3545: Jon Walker, being adorable! (Default)

[identity profile] dsudis.livejournal.com 2003-05-05 06:00 am (UTC)(link)
::giggle:: "Religious Experience." I love it. And, as everyone else is saying: write more, please. We're on to you now.

[identity profile] aerye.livejournal.com 2003-05-05 06:28 am (UTC)(link)
...the nutjob he'd been partnered with asked incredulously...

::grin::

...as he spiraled to orgasm.

Fucking great imagery. Or great fucking imagery. Or, y'know, whatever.
helvirago: (Default)

[personal profile] helvirago 2003-05-05 08:34 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, I love this. Short and sweet and to the point. Wonderfully done.

[identity profile] maubast.livejournal.com 2003-05-05 10:24 am (UTC)(link)
I'm so glad you posted it. Thank you for letting me look over it! *hugs*

[identity profile] ajinamoto.livejournal.com 2003-05-05 01:09 pm (UTC)(link)
‘I name this child Stanley Raymond...’ The baby sobbed bitterly.


I love this. I love the whole thing and this is just a fabulous beginning for your story.

ext_3548: (not shy)

[identity profile] shayheyred.livejournal.com 2003-05-05 02:04 pm (UTC)(link)
I've never written anything before.
You're lying. You must be.
Anyway, I love this -- it's so spare and cool, and made me grin as Fraser proves he's perfect for RAY, not Stanley, Kowalski.
More, please!

[identity profile] rowanfairchild.livejournal.com 2003-05-06 11:02 am (UTC)(link)
Now that's the way to write a drabble! Glad you've dipped your toe in, and I hope you keep writing.
-R