ds_flashfiction | DS Holiday party: For scriggle by <user site="livejournal.com"

scriggle asked for:

73. Fraser/RayK "look at all the stars."

Pairing: F/K
Rating: G
Author: metaphoracle
Word Count: 1400+
Notes: I don't pretend to know where this came from. Thanks to

jcjoeyfreak for the beta.

It was December, and I spent the day addressing Christmas cards on behalf of Inspector Thatcher and the RCMP, and my hand was stiff and cramped as a result of the nearly 250 businesses, agencies, and persons who had merited seasonal gramercy. The afternoon's ennui was disturbed only by a slight emergency involving Turnbull and 100 meters of holly berry garland. Thirty minutes, two stitches, a butterfly closure, and a concoction made from the mucus membrane of a pregnant animal later, Turnbull was as good as--well, as he ever was, and I was ready for a quiet evening with a good book and some chamomile tea.

I was rediscovering Ernest Thompson Seton's The Arctic Prairies: A Canoe-Journey of 2,000 Miles in Search of the Caribou Being the Account of a Voyage to the Region North of Aylmer Lake when I became aware that someone was outside my door. At this late hour, four possibilities came to mind. First, that it was Constable Turnbull who for reasons unknown was hesitating before knocking on my door. Second, that it was Inspector Thatcher, who likewise was hesitating before knocking at my door (although, depending upon the amount of liqueur consumed, for reasons much less unknown). Third, that it was an intruder of some sort, perhaps lost or looking for something of value for potential procurement and resale. Fourth, and this was predicated on the fact that it had happened before, was that it could be Ray.

I opened the door in a swift motion and found myself face to face with my experimental haired partner. "Ray?" Confusion overrode my surprise and I studied his face. "I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that you were coming over tonight. Did I forget an engagement?"

Ray shook his head. "Nah, I was just...in the neighborhood."

"And thought you'd commit a felony?"

"Fraser," he said tiredly.

"Sorry." Apparently Ray was not in a mood to indulge my attempts at humour. I obediently quieted and studied him, waiting for him to explain his presence in my hallway.

"I saw somebody today," he said at length.

"Hmm?" I must admit my mind had wandered to another subject.

"I saw somebody. That I knew. But I can't...I couldn't...I didn't know them. Ray Kowalski knew them," he explained.

Well, Ray's emotional state made sense now. Partially. I rubbed my thumb across my eyebrow. "Ah."

Ray shot me a look that would've been a glare had he not been so exhausted. "What do you mean 'Ah?'"

I cleared my throat. "Do you want to come in?"

Ray shook his head, resembling my recalcitrant lupine companion rather strongly. "I don't want to sit down. I want to be...out. Outside. Look at all the stars...or something." Diefenbaker nosed Ray's hand, demanding attention, which Ray distractedly gave.

"Look at the stars," I repeated. "Ah. Well. If you'll allow me to dress, perhaps you could accompany me on a walk with Diefenbaker." I expected him to reject the suggestion, but to my surprise...

"Yeah, okay," Ray mumbled.

Ten minutes later we were walking side by side through the park. Ray's posture was slumped, his hands in his pockets. I respected his silence, knowing that he would speak if he had something to say. Still, I was surprised by his opening gambit.

"You ever think about what it's gonna be like when you're dead?"

I looked towards him, surprised and more than a little confused. "Yes. Although considering your reaction to dead bodies and the morgue in general I must admit it's not something I expected you to voluntarily pass time contemplating."

"Nah, I know it's not. I try not to, y'know, because once I start thinking about it it's like I can't stop thinking about it and I don't want to, y'know. Go down that road. I been there." Ray was agitated, tense.

I nodded as if I understood.

"Do you ah...do you believe in ghosts?" Ray asked next.

My mind struggled to follow Ray's train of thought before it derailed, and failing that, I chose to answer his question honestly.

"I've seen and experienced many things in my life that have made it impossible for me to believe that life in fact ends with death. For example--"

"That's exactly what I'm talking about," Ray interrupted. "After I kick the bucket what if I'm still, y'know. Here. And what if the people..." he shifted uncomfortably as he paused. "What if other people weren't."

"Weren't here?"

"Weren't...yeah. Here. Or here but you can't talk to them."

My mind sought to link the two questions together. I redirected Ray's inquiry back to his initial statement in the Consulate. "Who did you meet this afternoon?"

Ray's eyes turned from the ground to mine, but I could not read them. "My fourth grade teacher. Sister Mary Catherine. And I...I had to lie to her. I had to tell her she was mistaken. That I wasn't Stanley Kowalski, the skinny little Pollack kid with glasses from St. Turibius." Ray's voice had gotten quiet.

"That's not quite the same thing as being a ghost, Ray," I pointed out, not entirely sure what connection he was making.

"I had to lie to a nun, Fraser." Ray said, his arms wrapped tight across his chest. "And she looked at me...it was like she didn't know me. I've never had someone...I mean I've done this undercover gig a lot. I've had to lie to people before. It's the job. I know that. I knew that. But what if...my aunt Josephine is probably the most superstitious woman alive, and I mean...things happen for a reason right? So what if I met Sister Mary Catherine because I needed a reminder. I needed to be reminded of what's gonna happen when I'm...gone. Y'know?"

I took a breath and began to nod, then exhaled and shook my head. "Not even remotely, Ray."

Ray looked determined. "I know...I know it's...crazy, right?"

"Well, no, Ray. I'm certain that you're sane. I'm just not certain what connection your fourth grade teacher has to you being a ghost and-oblique stroke-or undercover."

Ray fidgeted with his gloves. "It's all connected. Cuz you see...if I die...it's not me who dies, y'know? Vecchio dies. I'm already...dead. But I'm not. It's like...I'm a ghost. And you...you're the one person in the world who knows me now. I mean, there's the people who knew me before, and the people who knew me after, but you...know me now." He met my eyes again, and it seemed that this was the key, that this was the reason he'd come to the Consulate.

"I think I understand," I said, after a moment.

He glanced towards me. "You do?"

"Mm, indeed, Ray. You see, Ray, if I'm understanding you correctly, you're identifying yourself as a man who walks between life and death. Historically, many world cultures have had myths about such figures...people who were dead and then reborn, or individuals able to walk between both worlds. It's one of mankind's favorite topics. If you're interested I could recommend--"

"Fraser, you're my partner. Not my librarian. Do not recommend things to me," Ray said, but the tension I had heard earlier in his voice seemed to have lessened.

"As you wish, Ray."

"And don't tell me one of them whadyacallit. Indian stories," he added warily.

"Inuit," I corrected automatically. "And I wouldn't dream of such a thing," I assured him.

He straightened his shoulders, but I detected the hint of a smile around his mouth. "Okay, then." He quickened his pace and walked past me.
"Ray," I said.

He turned and looked at me. "Yeah, Fraser?"

"World mythology aside...I do understand, Ray." And, I hoped, I understood why he had told me, as well. "And if you are so inclined, there is a cup of tea and a book on caribou waiting in my room upon our return."

"You're a freak."

"Understood."

We returned to the Consulate where I, as promised, made tea and read from Ernest Thompson Seton. Ray's good humour slowly returned, and the evening, although not spent alone, was made more enjoyable from the unexpected company.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Wow. Wow. I loved this, this was really profound. And I love friendship fic, which I think tends to get lost amidst all the relationshipnal fic. Thanks!

I wanted to make it porny...really, I did. I settled for slightly UST-y friendship. I'm glad you liked it anyway.

The idea lurking at the heart of this story is very cool indeed. And Ray's line, "Do not recommend things to me," made me smile.

I wanted it to come out more, but time limits are not my friend. Still, I'm glad that you picked up on it, because I think it's such an an unexplored aspect of Ray's life.

Thank you :)

Oh wow, that was an amazing concept, I'm almost surprised no one else has played with it. Poor Ray, but at least he's got Fraser. Excellent job.

Yes, exactly! I wish I'd had more time to explore it the way I wanted to. Maybe I will someday...

Thank you!

Very nice, very sweet.

Thanks :)

I liked this a lot. Despite his distinctive personality and many characteristic quirks, there's so much canon support for Ray feeling unstable, changeable, only real in context. (And interesting chicken/egg stuff with him working undercover.) This is an intriguing twist on the idea, and I love the grounding connection between him and Fraser.

I felt like I'd only gotten to the meat of the idea at the end, and it deserves being fleshed out. But that's classic Due South, right? Give us hints and never really tell us anything.... ;)

Thanks :q

This is wonderful. Ray being undercover and not himself, being not real and struggling with it. It's good he has Fraser to help him out.

Thank you!

Pardon me being so very late to the party but..I really enjoyed this, and I wanted to be sure you know it. I am all for the explicit hijinx, but I love, love, love their goofy, gentle friendship, and you've written a sweet take on it. Thanks.

Thank you so much! And I excuse your lateness for your compliments. :)

DS Holiday party: For scriggle by <user site="livejournal.com"

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