ext_9238 ([identity profile] joandarck.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] ds_flashfiction2007-08-08 03:01 am

Five Challenge – by joandarck

Fraser/RayK, (RayV/Stella)
Length: 485 words
Rating: PG




Five Times Fraser Compared Ray and Ray



pivotal

"Well, that's the troubling thing. I agree that Ray Vecchio was a fine figure of a man. But it seems I can't be around this new Ray for more than five minutes without developing this very strong, well-nigh uncontrollable desire to bend him over a desk."

Dief sniffed as they walked along.

"Oh, because your remarks about mating are never crude."



late

"It's all right, you big... Yes, I'm still your friend. I want to be your best friend still, Benny, can you tell me that?"

Ray coughed on the phone. The bullet was out, and the internal wounds were healing.

"I... I think I can. Yes."

Ray's voice was quiet on the line, scratched like an old record. "Because he's something more. Right?"

Fraser wanted to lie, but didn't have the practice. Maybe he half-managed it. "He's something... different."

"And that's why I'm telling you to stay up there."



early

The evidence, laid out on the desk under a disguising file folder, was clear. This was almost incontrovertibly not the real Ray Vecchio. However, he suspected the Lieutenant would still prove recalcitrant on the issue. He had measured every conceivable body part, every aspect of Ray that he'd had the opportunity to observe – oh. Well, not quite.

Benton Fraser pulled his hat straight, took a deep breath, and followed his quarry into the men's room.

Calipers were no good here. He'd have to estimate.



before anything

"Someday, my simple-minded Canadian friend, you're going to meet somebody even more irritated by you than me, and then, then you are going to understand just how patient and forbearing I am being right now."

"If you say so, Ray."

Privately, he didn't believe it was possible.



ultimately

The Vecchios had retired for the night. Ray looked well; Florida suited him. He'd tanned, and gained a little weight. The bitterness, the constant struggle, were submerged, blended out into a kind of wry humour. And Stella seemed happy: warm and smiling. He could understand why his own Ray had been so devoted to her.

The couple had a tenderness together that he would never have expected, but he believed it entirely.

"Now you're being ridiculous."

"Just say it." Ray nibbled and ran his lips over the area behind Fraser's ear. "Say it, say it, say it..."

Fraser was up to his elbows in dishwashing suds.

"You've both aged very well," he said patiently, hearing his voice change whether he willed or no. Even now, Ray could do this to him.

"But."

Ray dug his chin into Fraser's shoulder and started letting his hands wander, somewhere between an enticement and a warning.

"But, say it, Fraser..."

He looked at their reflection in the window and wondered, to the bottom of his soul, how he'd ended up in this unexpected, eccentric, beautiful life.

"But you've kept much more of your hair."

"Thank you. Was that so hard?" Ray was pleased.

The wash water began cooling, forgotten.

 
lorem_ipsum: (need a ride by ilmadris)

[personal profile] lorem_ipsum 2007-08-09 05:35 am (UTC)(link)
He had measured every conceivable body part, every aspect of Ray that he'd had the opportunity to observe – oh. Well, not quite.
Benton Fraser pulled his hat straight, took a deep breath, and followed his quarry into the men's room.
Calipers were no good here. He'd have to estimate.


*wheezes* *deep breath*

*dies*

Oh, Fraser. I admire your dedication to, um, truth. And duty. Yes.

(...Oh, are we to infer that he previously checked out RayV?)

"But you've kept much more of your hair."
"Thank you. Was that so hard?"


hee! to RayK's competitive vanity.

Also, I love the section headers! Helps the story chug along with minimal exposition and without confusing the reader.
jadelennox: Paul Gross doing Paul gross arms  (due south: paul gross arms)

[personal profile] jadelennox 2007-08-09 10:06 pm (UTC)(link)
And once a gain, I fall down from the laughing.

[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_unhurt_/ 2007-08-09 11:16 pm (UTC)(link)
late = ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

(oh, and i love your headings very much)

*clings to fic and purrs happily*

[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_unhurt_/ 2007-08-09 11:17 pm (UTC)(link)
(AND i feel for purposes of Full Disclosure, i should say i posted the above before seeing your reply to lipsum up above)

[identity profile] j-s-cavalcante.livejournal.com 2007-08-10 12:48 am (UTC)(link)
Delightful all around, but this bit had me on the FLOOR:

Benton Fraser pulled his hat straight, took a deep breath, and followed his quarry into the men's room.

Calipers were no good here. He'd have to estimate.


Bwah! No words. Hee hee hee...

[identity profile] c-regalis.livejournal.com 2007-08-10 07:08 am (UTC)(link)
"Someday, my simple-minded Canadian friend, you're going to meet somebody even more irritated by you than me, and then, then you are going to understand just how patient and forbearing I am being right now."

Hee! HEE! Well, no way he could have foreseen THAT, right? Right.

ext_3123: Ray Kowalski, slightly forlorn (Big Damn Heroes)

[identity profile] ifreet.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 07:20 am (UTC)(link)
I like these 5 times! Pivotal and early crack me up. I love Vecchio's friendship in late and ultimately. Before anything made me grin. And Kowalski is wonderfully annoying.

I, too, like the headers. They didn't trip me up at all - I didn't notice that 'pivotal' isn't quite a matched set with 'ultimately' until you pointed up the difference in the comment to [livejournal.com profile] lipsum. It parallels in feeling?

I'm in reading-and-commenting-sporadically mode, but then I thought, 'Did I only comment on one of [livejournal.com profile] joandarck's stories? Will that seem weird?' so I decided I better come back to this one before I let any more time lapse. /unnecessary explanation
iadorespike: (Default)

[personal profile] iadorespike 2007-08-12 06:12 pm (UTC)(link)
Dief sniffed! Calipers! Hair!! OMG...I'm still laughing. Thanks so much...hee!

Anna :D

[identity profile] vsee.livejournal.com 2007-08-15 10:36 am (UTC)(link)
This is really, really enjoyable. I wil be coming back to this one often!

[identity profile] arrow00.livejournal.com 2007-08-22 06:26 am (UTC)(link)
Yay for this!

"Oh, because your remarks about mating are never crude."

!!! I *love* it when he snarks at Dief.



This was fucking brilliant. I ate it with a spoon.
eledhwenlin: (Default)

[personal profile] eledhwenlin 2008-07-22 07:13 am (UTC)(link)
The last one killed me. ♥

[identity profile] idreamedmusic.livejournal.com 2010-06-16 09:40 pm (UTC)(link)
I just read this as someone was searching for it and eeeeee, soo good!
Cannot pick a favorite as they're all brilliant. Short, to the point, funny, and poignant.

Thank you!
(deleted comment)

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