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ds_flashfiction2003-07-28 11:06 am
theodosia.livejournal.com) wrote in ds_flashfiction2003-07-28 11:06 am
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Not taking a lot of credit for this one....
A friend alerted me this morning to the The Do-It-Yourself Middle Earth Mary Sue Generator, which asks you a series of fill-in-the-blanks and adds them into the pre-generated text to produce a humorous result. It didn't take more than two tries to produce the following by figuring out which noun or verb or color adjective goes where. I therefore take very little credit -- it was the original author who came up with the majority of the prose... still, it's right on track for the Cliche challenge (I count at least two of the major cliches), and might make you smile....
1010 words, very few of which are actually mine....
Chapter One
Ray sighed heavily as she threw her velvet cloak to the floor. Feisty anger flashed in her blue eyes. 'Curse you father!' she muttered to herself under her breath. 'An arranged marriage! How could you do this to me... your only daughter! Have you no care for my own happiness?' She flopped over onto her soft serge-sheeted bed and glanced around at the empty room. Tears began to flood her eyes and roll softly down her porcelain cheeks. 'I cannot marry another,' she said in a voice no louder than a whisper. 'I cannot, for my true love is Fraser.'
Standing, Ray walked solemnly to the window that overlooked the city of Chicago. The sun was just setting for the night, casting a golden glow over the countryside. But the beauty of the scene touched not Ray's heart, for it was saddened by the news that had been given to her only hours before. She was to be married to Stella, who was a close personal friend of her father's. She had been given no say in this matter- it was arranged behind her back. And there was no turning away from it now. Tomorrow, she would leave for Evanston to meet her future husband. And the day following, they would be wed.
Ray clutched at the windowsill until her knuckles turned white, and she wept bitter tears. How could this be happening? All her life, she had been happy and carefree, and now this trouble... What had she done to deserve such a fate? Slowly, and with the blur of tears still in her vivid blue eyes, she paced about her bedroom. All she could think of now was Fraser, and how the news would break his heart.
They had met two summers ago in Yellowknife, when Ray had gone for a ride in the country with her mother and sisters. But when Ray had strayed off the path to follow an adorable baby half- wolf, she had become separated from her family and hopelessly lost. Then out of nowhere a band of orcs had appeared to attack her. By some stroke of luck, she happened to have her father's Glock hidden secretly within the folds of her skirt. But though she managed to kill 55 of the foul creatures, she was soon outnumbered.
Then just as she though her life would be ended, a beautiful dream-like vision appeared before her. The deadly warrior who had come to her rescue, a handsome Elf, quickly killed off the remaining 13 orcs with his hunting knife before rushing to Ray's side.
It was love at first sight. The moment she looked into his sparkling flame grey eyes, Ray knew there would never be any other for her. 'My name is Fraser,' he said in a voice soft as the summer wind. Tenderly, he put a hand on her nape to make sure she was alright. 'Are you hurt, my lady?' he asked.
'No,' she replied. In truth there was a bad cut on her arse, but she didn't want to worry Fraser. 'And my name is Ray.'
'Ray,' Fraser repeated. He said the name as if savouring the sound of it on his tongue. 'That is a beautiful name, fit for so beautiful a lady.'
Ray blushed coyly. She could feel his eyes wandering over her body, from head to foot, as he took in the sight of her laying on the grass. In truth, she was beautiful. Unusually so, some said. Her father came from the line of Polacks of Skokie, while her mother was born into a lordly house of Numenoreans in Lincoln Park. The blending of the two races came together perfectly in Ray, giving her an exotic look that few males found they could resist. Large almond-shaped bright blue eyes were framed perfectly by shimmering waves of thick international hailing distress yellow hair that fell to her waist. A diamond-encrusted mithril pendant hung ever from her slender white neck, accentuating the delicate frame of her collarbone.
Suddenly, Ray and Fraser were interrupted by a wild cry that signified more orcs still lurked nearby. 'Come,' said Fraser as he hurried Ray to her feet. 'It is not safe to linger here. You must come with me, and hurry!' Taking Ray's hand, he hastened away from the sound. Ray did her best to keep up with him, but the pain in her arse was too great.
'My lady!' gasped Fraser when he saw her lagging behind. 'You are injured!' Immediately he sat her down to examine the wound. Blood had already started to soak through her gown in an ugly red stain. 'I must tend to this wound now as best I can,' he said. 'We will find a healer later, but for now this cannot wait.' Without a second thought, he pulled off his tunic and began tearing it into bandages for Ray's arse.
With this makeshift bandage in place, Ray and Fraser were able to hurry on their way. The cries of orcs were ever-present behind them, but they ran swiftly. Soon, Ray found herself in front of a small cabin, which she guessed must belong to Fraser. He held the door open as he stepped inside, beckoning for her to follow him. 'Come in,' he said. 'We will be much safer in here.'
Ray took a deep breath as she stepped toward the cabin door. Here she was, a young virgin noblewoman, about to be alone in a cabin with someone she had just met. It was true he was the most handsome Elf she had ever seen, and he had just saved her life, but were his true intentions that noble? And what would her family, especially her father, say once they found out where she had been? Ray had half a mind to run back home right then, but as she heard the clamour of orcs drawing nearer once more, she realised she had no choice. She steeled her will and followed Fraser into the cabin, shutting the door firmly behind her.
1010 words, very few of which are actually mine....
Chapter One
Ray sighed heavily as she threw her velvet cloak to the floor. Feisty anger flashed in her blue eyes. 'Curse you father!' she muttered to herself under her breath. 'An arranged marriage! How could you do this to me... your only daughter! Have you no care for my own happiness?' She flopped over onto her soft serge-sheeted bed and glanced around at the empty room. Tears began to flood her eyes and roll softly down her porcelain cheeks. 'I cannot marry another,' she said in a voice no louder than a whisper. 'I cannot, for my true love is Fraser.'
Standing, Ray walked solemnly to the window that overlooked the city of Chicago. The sun was just setting for the night, casting a golden glow over the countryside. But the beauty of the scene touched not Ray's heart, for it was saddened by the news that had been given to her only hours before. She was to be married to Stella, who was a close personal friend of her father's. She had been given no say in this matter- it was arranged behind her back. And there was no turning away from it now. Tomorrow, she would leave for Evanston to meet her future husband. And the day following, they would be wed.
Ray clutched at the windowsill until her knuckles turned white, and she wept bitter tears. How could this be happening? All her life, she had been happy and carefree, and now this trouble... What had she done to deserve such a fate? Slowly, and with the blur of tears still in her vivid blue eyes, she paced about her bedroom. All she could think of now was Fraser, and how the news would break his heart.
They had met two summers ago in Yellowknife, when Ray had gone for a ride in the country with her mother and sisters. But when Ray had strayed off the path to follow an adorable baby half- wolf, she had become separated from her family and hopelessly lost. Then out of nowhere a band of orcs had appeared to attack her. By some stroke of luck, she happened to have her father's Glock hidden secretly within the folds of her skirt. But though she managed to kill 55 of the foul creatures, she was soon outnumbered.
Then just as she though her life would be ended, a beautiful dream-like vision appeared before her. The deadly warrior who had come to her rescue, a handsome Elf, quickly killed off the remaining 13 orcs with his hunting knife before rushing to Ray's side.
It was love at first sight. The moment she looked into his sparkling flame grey eyes, Ray knew there would never be any other for her. 'My name is Fraser,' he said in a voice soft as the summer wind. Tenderly, he put a hand on her nape to make sure she was alright. 'Are you hurt, my lady?' he asked.
'No,' she replied. In truth there was a bad cut on her arse, but she didn't want to worry Fraser. 'And my name is Ray.'
'Ray,' Fraser repeated. He said the name as if savouring the sound of it on his tongue. 'That is a beautiful name, fit for so beautiful a lady.'
Ray blushed coyly. She could feel his eyes wandering over her body, from head to foot, as he took in the sight of her laying on the grass. In truth, she was beautiful. Unusually so, some said. Her father came from the line of Polacks of Skokie, while her mother was born into a lordly house of Numenoreans in Lincoln Park. The blending of the two races came together perfectly in Ray, giving her an exotic look that few males found they could resist. Large almond-shaped bright blue eyes were framed perfectly by shimmering waves of thick international hailing distress yellow hair that fell to her waist. A diamond-encrusted mithril pendant hung ever from her slender white neck, accentuating the delicate frame of her collarbone.
Suddenly, Ray and Fraser were interrupted by a wild cry that signified more orcs still lurked nearby. 'Come,' said Fraser as he hurried Ray to her feet. 'It is not safe to linger here. You must come with me, and hurry!' Taking Ray's hand, he hastened away from the sound. Ray did her best to keep up with him, but the pain in her arse was too great.
'My lady!' gasped Fraser when he saw her lagging behind. 'You are injured!' Immediately he sat her down to examine the wound. Blood had already started to soak through her gown in an ugly red stain. 'I must tend to this wound now as best I can,' he said. 'We will find a healer later, but for now this cannot wait.' Without a second thought, he pulled off his tunic and began tearing it into bandages for Ray's arse.
With this makeshift bandage in place, Ray and Fraser were able to hurry on their way. The cries of orcs were ever-present behind them, but they ran swiftly. Soon, Ray found herself in front of a small cabin, which she guessed must belong to Fraser. He held the door open as he stepped inside, beckoning for her to follow him. 'Come in,' he said. 'We will be much safer in here.'
Ray took a deep breath as she stepped toward the cabin door. Here she was, a young virgin noblewoman, about to be alone in a cabin with someone she had just met. It was true he was the most handsome Elf she had ever seen, and he had just saved her life, but were his true intentions that noble? And what would her family, especially her father, say once they found out where she had been? Ray had half a mind to run back home right then, but as she heard the clamour of orcs drawing nearer once more, she realised she had no choice. She steeled her will and followed Fraser into the cabin, shutting the door firmly behind her.
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Okay, that's where I started laughing and really couldn't stop! Oh, the helpless damsel and her semi-automatic! sniff! How will she ever survive?
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'Flame grey' is pretty good, though.
Bwahaha!
Man, that's what I hate about the Canadian wilderness. You're out enjoying the scenery and then the orcs turn up. Bastards.
This was great!
Rolling all over my serge-sheeted bed
Subsequently I had to try this myself, and have made myself sick laughing in three other fandoms. Thanks for the belly laughs.
Chapter 1???
(Anonymous) 2003-07-28 11:04 pm (UTC)(link)I hope so!!!
My one... um ... suggestion is that instead of 'blue eyes' Ray needs "cerulean orbs," azure, cornflower etc. I did like Ben's 'sparkling flame grey eyes' as others have said and Ray's 'shimmering waves of thick international hailing distress yellow hair that fell to her waist,' is just too funny.
Julia
:snerk:
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Heh.
Hey! Maybe this could *also* be a late submission to the Inappropriate Elf Challenge. *g*
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Polacks of Skokie, orcs, hidden glocks, I can't wait to try it myself!