Genre Redux Challenge by Tara Keezer

[elementalv.livejournal.com]

Title: The Rakish Detective
Author: Tara "Call Me Barbara" Keezer
Rating: G
Warnings: Ellipses abuse; purple prose; epithets throughout
Notes: A Ray K/Fraser romance in the key of Barbara Cartland. isiscolo beta'd, so you can throw things at her for not stopping me when she had the chance. Roughly 650 words.

---

Benton found himself trapped against Detective Ray Kowalski's breakfast bar. His sapphire orbs glittered with dismay, and a shell pink flush rose on his alabaster skin. His midnight locks were in disarray, though not from any of Nature's tricks.

"Detective ... Please!" he exclaimed. Benton held out one perfectly formed hand before him in an attempt to keep the other man from encroaching further.

The detective's cold, pale hazel eyes glittered with an intensity that sent Benton's heart racing ... though whether with fear or some other emotion, he didn't know.

"I can help you, Fraser," purred the detective, his voice low and rough. "I can help you get back to those Northwest Areas you're always talking about."

Covered in confusion, Benton allowed his hand to drop slightly. "I ... you can?"

"Yes!" Kowalski cried, moving quickly to clasp Benton to his chest.

"Detective!"

Benton shuddered as the detective nuzzled his neck. It was such a strange thing he was feeling ... a feeling he had never before felt. And yet ... yet it felt so ... so very right. Even so, he pushed at the other man and tried to put distance between them.

"What ... what are you doing?" Benton wailed as the detective's hand skated downward to cup Benton's most intimate flesh.

"Don't play the innocent, Fraser," Kowalski demanded. "I can get you home. All I ask in exchange is one night with you."

His limpid, azure globes filled with tears as Benton tried once again to reason with the detective. "I ... I can't!" exclaimed Benton.

"You can!" ejaculated Kowalski. "You were with Vecchio. Everyone knows it. All I want is what you gave him!"

"Ah!" cried Benton, his heart shattering into a thousand pieces. He fought like a wild cat to escape Kowalski's arms, stammering incoherently, "We never ... Raymond Vecchio is as a brother to me ... I've not been with ..." Benton's face flushed a dull, unbecoming red, and he stopped struggling at once. Instead, he straightened his spine and looked straight into the eyes of the man he might have loved. "I have been with no one, Detective. Not Raymond Vecchio, not anyone. You are the first to touch me in such a familiar manner."

Kowalski stared deeply into Benton's icy blue gaze and saw, at last, the truth of the matter. He threw himself violently away from the focus of his passion, crying out in shame, "What have I done? I've destroyed a man ... a good man ... a pure man! And for what? Lust!"

His heart an agony of indecision, Benton pushed away from the breakfast bar, his hand reaching out to the detective. No, he thought suddenly. Not *the* detective. *My* detective!

Benton's heart sang as he realized that only love could have prevented Ray from taking what he so clearly wanted. Only love could have allowed him to at last respect Benton as he should be respected.

"Ray ... my love!" Benton cried out.

Kowalski hunched over further, his psychic pain clearly translated to physical pain. "Go. Go now. I don't deserve to look at you ... be near you ..." a quick sob escaped his throat "... have anything to do with you ever again. Go."

"Ray ..." Benton reached his one true love and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Please. Look at me ... look at me now."

Unable to deny that compelling and much beloved voice anything it asked, Kowalski looked at Benton and saw yet another truth ... the truth that Benton really did love him. The glory of that love seared Ray Kowalski to his soul ... it burned away all the old hatred he felt for his bitter rival, Vecchio ... and in its place was nothing but the ecstasy of loving the man before him.

Straightening up at last, Kowalski reached out to Benton ... touching him in love instead of lust ... memorizing with his fingers and newly warm hazel eyes the man he would love forever.

The End.

Comments

[llassah.livejournal.com]

Wow. My housemates now think I'm unhinged for laughing, then trying to explain why I'm laughing, which just doesn't work. I am in awe. No, really, seriously in awe. And this?

His heart an agony of indecision, Benton pushed away from the breakfast bar, his hand reaching out to the dective. No, he thought suddenly. Not *the* detective. *My* detective!

I love you for that alone *g*

[elementalv.livejournal.com]

[grins] Fraser makes an excellent blushing virgin.

[missapocalyptic.livejournal.com]

Bwahahahaaaaaaaaa!

*wheezes*

I'm desperately searching for stand-out quotes, but every single sentence is painful enough to qualify (you know, painful in the good way). "Perfectly formed hand", "warm hazel eyes", "much beloved voice" etc.pp.

Really, you could earn actual money with stuff like this!

God, I love this challenge!

[elementalv.livejournal.com]

It's frightening how easy this was to write. It makes me paranoid that my more usual style of writing is ready to turn urple at a moment's notice.

[allzugern.livejournal.com]

*cracks up laughing*

His limpid, azure globes filled with tears as Benton tried once again to reason with the detective. "I ... I can't!" exclaimed Benton.

Ahahahaha!

Unable to deny that compelling and much beloved voice anything it asked, Kowalski looked at Benton and saw yet another truth ... the truth that Benton really did love him. The glory of that love seared Ray Kowalski to his soul

*dabs at eyes with lace handkerchief*

Oh, that was beautiful.

[elementalv.livejournal.com]

Ain't love grand?

[akite.livejournal.com]

Oh! I'm glad everyone else is out of the office right now so they can't hear me giggling insanely. You do a wonderful Barbara Cartland.

[elementalv.livejournal.com]

The scary part? I haven't read any of her books for over 25 years, and yet they've stuck with me all this time.

[malnpudl.livejournal.com]

Okay, I was giggling right from the start, but then Ray ejaculated and from then on I was howling.

[elementalv.livejournal.com]

isiscolo is the one who reminded me that Cartland's heroes and heroines always ejaculated at least once during the proceedings.

Too bad it was never the fun kind of ejaculation.

[beledibabe.livejournal.com]

Is it possible to experience both the hysteria of uncontrolled laughter at the same time as a spastic churning in one's alimentary areas?

Sickeningly funny!

[elementalv.livejournal.com]

Oh dear. You're feeling better, I hope.

[sam80853.livejournal.com]

::rolls around on the floor laughing::

[elementalv.livejournal.com]

[dances out of your way, so as not to be rolled upon]

[mergatrude.livejournal.com]

*swoons*

Too much giggling is good for one, surely?

[elementalv.livejournal.com]

*Is* there such a thing as too much giggling? Surely not.

[khylarenelf.livejournal.com]

[howls with laughter]

Ah, my dear...my limpid brown orbs are glistening with jewel-like tears of...something...I can't think of a Cartland-ish word. Amusement just doesn't work...

I don't even know this fandom, but I had to read it! I'm so glad I did. Thanks, dearie...you made my night!

[elementalv.livejournal.com]

Trust me. Ray K and Fraser are so far removed from their canon counterparts that it doesn't matter whether you know the fandom or not. [grins] Glad I made your night.

[j-s-cavalcante.livejournal.com]

Appallingly, frighteningly bad. You are to be commended. :)

[elementalv.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Thank you kindly!

[caersmane.livejournal.com]

Go! Go now and leave meeeeee!!!! (sorry, channelled Eric for a moment there...)
But no, really, I loved it. I adored it. That was great. I used to read bodice rippers, purely out of boredom you understand, and my grandmother had hundreds of them. I think they took like, two hours max to read one.
You nailed the genre. Word perfect.

[elementalv.livejournal.com]

I used to read them myself, though I think Cartland's books never took more than an hour and a half to read. When I think how much of the urple I read when I was young and impressionable, I'm surprised I was able to avoid writing it for the most part.

[tallykat668.livejournal.com]

I laughed so hard I choked into a coughing fit. Ye gods, that's funny!

He threw himself violently away from the focus of his passion, crying out in shame, "What have I done? I've destroyed a man ... a good man ... a pure man! And for what? Lust!"

My cup o' sappiness runneth over... lovely!

[elementalv.livejournal.com]

Oh dear! I hope you're feeling better. Here. Have a sip from the cup of urple. It may calm things down.

[joandarck.livejournal.com]

This is hilarious and beautiful, but I think it's the reintroduction of the breakfast bar that really lifts it to a higher plane. Hearts, woman!

[elementalv.livejournal.com]

I heart the breakfast bar myself. I also heart the image of Fraser being trapped against it, but I'm kinky like that. Glad you enjoyed!

[eledhwenlin]

*flail* I love. I totally love it.

I love this line:
His heart an agony of indecision, Benton pushed away from the breakfast bar, his hand reaching out to the detective. No, he thought suddenly. Not *the* detective. *My* detective!

And this:
Benton's heart sang as he realized that only love could have prevented Ray from taking what he so clearly wanted. Only love could have allowed him to at last respect Benton as he should be respected.

[elementalv.livejournal.com]

I worry that I was capable of writing those sentences. *sigh* But damn, that was fun.

[custardpringle.livejournal.com]

Oh God, I can't look, I can't look--

*peeks through fingers*

[elementalv.livejournal.com]

[pets you]

There, there. It's over now.

[(Anonymous)]

wow, it's amazing how many of the standard words, phrases, and tropes you were able to fit in 650 words! you basically have an entire old-school romance novel here! that is very scary, no? good job! -- tally

[elementalv.livejournal.com]

It's amazing how many I remembered. It's been a very long time since I read any of Cartland's novellas.

[marcellapolman.livejournal.com]

Not that you haven't received enough comments already, but I really want to tell you that I find this a truly lovely badfic. It had me whinny more than once.

[elementalv.livejournal.com]

Enough comments? There are never enough comments (feedback is my crack). Anyway, thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I truly hope I never write anything like this again.

[dessert-first.livejournal.com]

Cracked. Me. Up.

You had me at the first parragraph, trapped against the breakfast bar with a riot of colors going on. And this:

"I can help you, Fraser," purred the detective, his voice low and rough. "I can help you get back to those Northwest Areas you're always talking about."

Covered in confusion, Benton allowed his hand to drop slightly. "I ... you can?"

"Yes!" Kowalski cried, moving quickly to clasp Benton to his chest.

"Detective!"

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

Kowalski hunched over further, his psychic pain clearly translated to physical pain. "Go. Go now. I don't deserve to look at you ... be near you ..." a quick sob escaped his throat "... have anything to do with you ever again. Go."

Bhahaha! Yeah, I hate to tell you, but I think you really have a gift for this sort of thing.

[elementalv.livejournal.com]

Personally, I'm frightened at how easily I fall into writing this particular style of story. Maybe when I'm 80, it won't bother me so much.

[snarkyducky.livejournal.com]

his psychic pain clearly translated to physical pain

and the psychic pain apparently also translated clearly into my tummy pain..

wow! this is brilliant! ;D
♥