ds_flashfiction | Halloween Challenge - Things That Go Bump (Reply)

Things That Go Bump is sort of a prequel to Relatively Speaking from the Footwear Challenge (I’d link to it, but I can’t get that to work). Anyway, it is 1610 words. Have a safe and happy Samhain, everyone!

ches

We were alone. The precinct party was over, trick or treaters had been bribed, Dief was spending the weekend with Turnbull and his gourmet cooking class, and me and Fraser were ready to finally, finally do the big deed. I’m not really sure why we waited so long.

Yeah, the logistics of fucking on the adventure kinda made that not an option. And the whole ‘who transfers where’ and him convincing me that he really did want to come back to Chicago, and then moving him and the wolf and me someplace where we could make things work without half the world bitching about it to the other half, well that took a lot of energy. No, really, it did.

Ben was all stressed about endangering my career, like I was running for President or something. He was worried about my folks, and Vecchio, and Stella, and probably the mailman for all I know. I learned real fast that a worried Ben wants a hug, not a blow job.

Me? I was just afraid of everything. I can’t cook, I don’t clean, I play my music too loud, and I’m too needy, Stella says. I worried a lot, a lot, about whether I would want too much from Fraser - more than he could give me. And since I knew about Victoria and he knew about Stella, both of us were kinda freaked that the other one was maybe not sold on this man on man stuff. Like idiots, we tiptoed around for months.

But finally there we were - under a sheet, both of us naked, Ben lubed, and me properly gift-wrapped. We’d been kissing and touching and pretty much driving each other crazy until I got him all edgy and whimpering and pushing back against the fingers inside him. I was up on my knees, bent over his back, everything was primed and loaded and ready to go, when suddenly there’s the creak of a door and a god-awful moan coming from behind us.

We hadn’t lived in this house long. I didn’t know all the sounds, all the little quirks that made our row house different from the other fifty thousand row houses in Chicago. What I did know was the only thing that should have been behind us was a closet, and the only person moaning should have been me since I think Ben had stopped breathing about the time I slid the third finger in. Both of us whipped our heads around at the noise.

Now, let me explain something. I’m a cop. I grew up in Chicago. I’ve faced down bank robbers, murderers, walruses, and nerve-gas toting Canadian psychos. I’ve driven a Riviera flambé into the lake they call Michigan. What I’m saying is, I don’t spook easy. I’ve seen more weirdness than I can count, especially since I met up with Ben. But when a man is on his knees ready to deflower the man he loves, only to look over his shoulder and see some old guy looking apoplectic at his closet door, well, I think he can be forgiven for screaming a kinda girlie scream while falling over on his ass.

Ben didn’t scream - he just moaned (actually he sounded a bit like the old guy) and pulled a pillow over his head. The old guy didn’t say anything either, but that’s probably because he was doing a really good impression of a guppy.

It didn’t take me long to figure out who he was. Frase had told me all about the search for the killers of his father and the fact that his dad decided to get in some quality bonding time before continuing on to the afterlife. I was pretty sure I’d seen him on that mountain Frase dragged me over, too. But I really thought we’d seen the last of him, ya know? And yet, there he was, gasping for air he didn’t need to breathe.

To be honest, it pissed me off. I mean I was primed, Benton was primed, and now Ben is in a fetal position and my dick is a few minutes past good pasta. I did the only thing I could do.

“Ben you don’t move, got that?” I think he nodded, though it was hard to tell since he still had the pillow over his head.

I used my best cop finger and pointed it at the dead guy. “You, in the living room. And use the damn door!” He sort of obeyed; he walked through the door instead of the wall.

I scooted to the end of the bed, grabbed my robe, and tugged it on. The condom took care of itself and slid to the floor. Man, I haven’t gone down that fast since Stella’s mom came home early. I patted Ben on the ass and told him I’d be right back, then headed off to meet the man.

Every step down the stairs made me madder. Ben had said goodbye. He’d mourned, moved on, and now Dead Bob was back. Maybe he was just too used to nosing around. Maybe he drove Ben’s mom so crazy she kicked him out of heaven. I didn’t know the reason, but what I did know was that he wasn’t staying here.

I figured I’d get that out right off. “You are not building an office in my closet, you hear me?!”

“I’m sure everyone in the block can hear you, Yank.” He had this wise-ass smirk on his face - I liked him better when he was a guppy.

“Yeah, well, it’s my house and I can yell if I want to. I can do anything in this house I want to.” Which meant if I wanted to ravish Frase swinging from the banister, I needed to make sure this didn’t happen again. “What are you doing popping out of my closet like that? I thought you and Ben’s mom walked into the clouds?”

I think he blushed a bit - it’s hard to tell when a ghost blushes. “Well of course we did. But she worries, wanted me to check up on him, see how he’s doing.”

“Right now, I’d say he’s trying not to have a stroke.” I folded my arms against my chest. Don’t know how I could have intimidated a five year old dressed like I was, but I did my best. “You ever do that again, and I swear I will kick you in the head - well, maybe I won’t really kick you since you’re a ghost and my foot would probably just go right through you. I might pull a groin or something and I got plans for my groin later.”

Ho, boy, that was one not amused guy - ghost - whatever. “Now listen here, Yank. I have every right to speak with my son whenever I please.”

“Shame you didn’t take advantage of that before you died, Bob. Now you don’t have rights. And if I have to get a priest to exorcise this place, I will.” Actually, I didn’t think a priest would do it. He’d probably think two gay guys deserved to be haunted. I bet Ben knew somebody who could help, though, like that shaman guy, Eric, or that voodoo lady. I’d get ‘em both to give the place the full treatment if it meant I could fuck Ben through the mattress without him freakin’ about his dad showing up. “And if his mom is so worried, have her stop by. She’d probably at least knock first.”

“I talked her out of it. Wanted to scout out the territory, as it were.” I wondered if Ben would have grown up smug like his dad if he’d seen him more. “I must say, it is a fine house. Can’t imagine why two people would need this much space. Surely--”

“Nuh-uh. We are not going there. You are not building an office in a closet, a spare room, the basement, the attic, or anywhere else even remotely within walking distance of the property line.”

“But he’s my son...” At which point I found out just where Ben got that Wounded Mountie look. Didn’t matter though. I wasn’t budging. No way I was going to let this happen.

“And he’s my lover. I’ll keep him safe. I’ll keep him happy. I’ll keep him loved.”

I think Dead Bob finally got the picture, even if he did look sad about it. Everything sort of drooped. “May I at least stop by his office? Just to check in?”

“I got no problem with that. You can hang out at the Consulate all you want. Build an office in his closet. Hell, build a cabin, put in a whirlpool, a fireplace, and satellite TV, haunt Turnbull or Dief for all I care. But you aren’t doing it here, got me?”

He was smirking again, so I guess he did. I figured I’d wait awhile to tell Ben what I’d just given permission for, but at least it wasn’t going to be built in my house - our house.

“You’ll do, Yank. I think his mother will be pleased.”

“Damn right I’ll do, and more than once if the night goes like I figured. Now, go away. Ben will see you Monday.”

I waved him out of my living room and watched as he faded his way out the front door, then headed upstairs where my lover waited for me. Ben and me weren’t letting ghosts haunt us no more.