ds_flashfiction | For Lack of Decent Attire by Rae (Reply)

I think naming these things is just about the hardest. The only thing which comes to mind is "Hat-stand" which is really not the connotation I'm aiming for.

F/K, PG-13. Pretty well thought-free. 1004 words.

"I am sorry, Ray," Fraser said for the umpteenth time. At one point, Ray might have been happy with Fraser admitting he was wrong, but since he'd just given away his last scrap of clothing, he wasn't up to being happy about much of anything.

"Shut up, Fraser."

There was silence from the other side of the room. For a moment, Ray thought he might actually get the silence he wanted, but then Fraser made this little coughing sound and Ray knew Fraser wasn't going to let it go that easy. Because Fraser wouldn't make easy what he could do hard.

Ray was naked and thinking about Fraser doing things the hard way. If the room hadn't been quite so chilly, he might have worried about giving the game away. Just in case, he turned casually toward the wall and hoped Fraser stayed on his side of the room.

"They did ask, Ray," Fraser said, whining, like it made a difference.

"Fraser," he said warningly.

"And really, Ray, I simply told them to remove our shoes and socks, not all of our clothes." There was a slight pause, like maybe Fraser was giving it a rest, but then he went on, "In the North, Ray, the former would have been daunting enough under most conditions."

Ray held a hand up and was pleased to note that whatever Fraser was going to say didn't get said. The Mountie was finally getting the idea. Or he was biding his time. Either way, Ray was going to have his say. "Fraser, I am naked in a room with my unofficial partner. I have no gun, no cell phone, and no underwear. This is your fault. If you want to make the situation better, stop talking and find me something to wear."

Wait for it, wait for it... "They did leave my hat, Ray, though I don't think it alone would constitute appropriate attire under any social situation. Except, of course, if we happened to be on the grounds of a nudist colony. Then, of course, our attire - or lack of - would be relatively unnoticed."

Didn't the guy ever just stop? "Fraser, let me ask you this. If you'd been wearing the uniform, would you have let them take it?"

"Of course not." Now the Mountie sounded put-out.

"Then why did you let them take our clothes!" Ray spun around and spread his arms wide. It's not like Fraser needed the reminder they were naked, but come on. "We are naked and unarmed and probably outnumbered and if you don't find us a way out of this room really soon, Fraser, I am going to hang your hat on something that is definitely not a hat-stand. You got me?"

From the slow creep of red up Fraser's cheeks, he got it. However, he was also getting that look that said Ray was about to piss him off. Which Ray really didn't mind doing under most situations, because Fraser pissed was a Fraser sarcastic, who was damn funny and fun and hot. Which, maybe under the circumstances, wasn't the best thing, because Ray could feel himself reacting to the anticipation and with the way things were, he didn't really have a place to hide his... attention.

"Ray, I- oh." Fraser's eyes were on Ray's face, but by the sudden way he stopped and froze, Ray had a feeling Fraser was seeing a lot more than Ray's less-than sunny expression. Yeah. Ray had a feeling, as the red darkened and threatened to take over Fraser's face, that Fraser was taking in quite a lot at the moment, though Ray wasn't normally one to brag.

Deciding he had nothing to lose, Ray stared back at Fraser with as much bluster as he could, figuring: where was Fraser going to go? Out the door with his naked ass and his hat in his hands? Out the window with his bits dangling to the wind? Yeah, right. Because they were naked, and stuck with each other, and it was time for Fraser to face the music and Ray's erection. And Ray's erection was saying 'hi' to Fraser, trying to be friendly in it's own bigger-than-little way.

"I told you getting naked was a bad idea, Fraser, but you didn't listen. I refused to take my clothes off, but you were being so reasonable. 'It will be okay, Ray. One time in the North, during the blizzard of '57, I tracked-'"

"Ray, I was not alive in 1957, as you well know, and I did not bring up-"

"Fraser, you told me to strip for the men with guns! You promised me it'd be okay, but it's not okay! We are naked, Fraser, and we are locked in a damn tiny little room and your hat could hang on my-"

"Ray!" Fraser sounded a little desperate. The hand not holding the hat reached up to tug at Fraser's collar only to find no collar to tug. It then moved farther upward and smoothed across his eyebrow. "Ray, while I do admit that our close proximity and lack of attire would have been more- better- more suitable under other circumstances, fighting about the situation in which we now find ourselves will not aid us in escaping."

"Are you flirting with me?" Ray asked suspiciously. Curious, he risked a quick glance down Fraser's body, but the hat was in the way of the interesting parts. He looked up in time to see Fraser returning the look.

When their eyes met again, Fraser swallowed so loud Ray could hear it. "Not at all, Ray. That, too, would be better served under other circumstances." Which really, when put together with what else Fraser had just said, sounded a hell of a lot like flirting, even if Fraser looked more nervous than flirty.

"Fraser, find us a way out of here." And when Fraser just looked at him, maybe uncertain or maybe just waiting, Ray grinned. "Now."