dude, dude, this was WONDERFUL. God, I love this, and this whole thing? THIS is what they mean when they say show-don't-tell and you *nailed* that. God, this is THEM, it is SO THEM.
I adored Ray's inner chant: Missed the heart, missed the lungs, missed the spine.
that's just so very - yeah, *real*.
and this:
He’ll be a while in recovery, and you can see him tomorrow - tomorrow, Detective,” he added and Ray hadn’t realized he’d moved until he was told to stand still again.
I ADORE that, that's perfect writing.
and you know what? look:
The paint on the wall began flowing, he wasn’t sure why, but it was like drying in reverse. Then he realized why, and legged it out of the waiting room, not looking back.
Crying makes me cringe and you did it JUST RIGHT, because it obviously makes Ray cringe, too, and - yeah. Dude. I LOVE this. Write more about our boys, please, and SOON.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2006-02-10 12:47 am (UTC)I adored Ray's inner chant: Missed the heart, missed the lungs, missed the spine.
that's just so very - yeah, *real*.
and this:
He’ll be a while in recovery, and you can see him tomorrow - tomorrow, Detective,” he added and Ray hadn’t realized he’d moved until he was told to stand still again.
I ADORE that, that's perfect writing.
and you know what? look:
The paint on the wall began flowing, he wasn’t sure why, but it was like drying in reverse. Then he realized why, and legged it out of the waiting room, not looking back.
Crying makes me cringe and you did it JUST RIGHT, because it obviously makes Ray cringe, too, and - yeah. Dude. I LOVE this. Write more about our boys, please, and SOON.