ds_flashfiction | Undercover Challenge by sansets (Reply)

Howdy. This is my first dueSouth story, so please feel free to mock as much as you'd like. Any and all criticism would be welcomed. Thanks!

Title: Pain
Rating: G
Pairing: Stella/Vecchio (and mention of Fraser/RayK and Fraser/Ray V)
Word Count: 353
Disclaimer: Just playing in their sandbox

Pain. What they don’t tell you about pain is just how terrifying that moment is when the pain stops, and you know that you are dying. They don’t tell you how the pain keeps you grounded, and allows you to keep your mind off of all of the regrets in your life.

Stupid regrets that really didn’t matter much in the grand scheme of things, because there was always going to be another time to do them, but somehow meant the world once you realized that there was never going to be another time.

Like not eating second helpings of Ma’s meatballs.

Like not buying Dief more doughnuts, despite Fraser’s disapproval.

Like never taking Stella to Disney World like you talked about in your delirious relief after hearing that Fraser and Kowalski survived their crazy stunts in pursuit of Muldoon.

And the more serious regrets that made the pain come back, but a mental ache that made you long for the oblivion of the physical pain.

Regrets like not having the courage to break things off with Benny before you left for your undercover gig, and taking the easy way out of facing the harsh reality that you fell out of love with him.

Like not telling him that you were happy for him that he had finally found happiness with Kowalski, and for never really having the balls to tell him just how sorry you were that he couldn’t have that with you.

Regrets like making those same relationship mistakes that you made with Fraser with Stella.

Like not spending more time just making her happy, and making yourself happy by just being with her.

Like thinking that plunging yourself into someone else’s life, no matter how short a visit it was, would solve anything.

Like allowing yourself to get pulled in for one last undercover job, for deluding yourself that you still had it in you. That you could, after nearly 7 years of retirement and operating a bowling alley, come back for a simple sting operation, and return before Stella ever knew that you were gone.

Like not saying goodbye.