Cheating Challenge by aerye: Five Stages of Grief (Ray/Ray)

[aerye.livejournal.com]

Rays. Cheating. Mounties were injured in the production of this story.

brooklinegirl betaed an early version of this story and provided helpful feedback. china_shop betaed the final version.

I've got the bruises to prove it.



Five Stages of Grief

1. January

Ray didn't call it cheating the first time it happened. Cheating implied that there was some kind of reason behind what they'd done, some kind of intent. Like he'd gone out to screw around on Fraser.

And it wasn't like that. There'd been another fight with Fraser, yeah, and then too many drinks. And Vecchio looking relaxed in the dim light of the bar, tie loose and eyes shining, telling undercover stories and stupid jokes, and always laughing too soon, before he'd even gotten to his own punchline.

But when he followed Vecchio out to his car that night, it was just to make sure he wasn't too drunk to drive. How he got from asking Vecchio to walk a straight line, to Vecchio grabbing him and shoving him up against Vecchio's car, to shoving his tongue down Vecchio's throat – well, he still wasn't clear about that particular sequence of events. Or how he found himself two seconds later in the back of Vecchio's car, Vecchio's mouth on his cock, or later, with his hand down Vecchio's pants and Vecchio's mouth pressed hard against his shoulder as he came.

It just happened, he told himself.

It just happened.

2. Late February

"This isn't gonna to happen again," Ray said. This was crazy. Things were getting way out of hand.

Vecchio reached for him but Ray shrugged him off and rolled out of the hard hotel bed, reaching for his clothes.

"We'll just say we got a flat tire," Ray said, pulling on his pants.

"Kowalski…"

Ray sorted through the clothes tossed over the end of the bed and found his shirt. "We got a flat tire and – and the spare was flat, too."

Vecchio was shaking his head as he got out of bed.

"And we forgot our cell phones when we walked down to the gas station." He sat down on a chair to put on his socks.

"That's dumb, Kowalski – that's the dumbest alibi I ever heard." Vecchio intercepted his hand when he reached for his sweater, grabbed it and held on tightly. "Look, if you want to stop—"

"Shut up. Just shut up, shut up, shut up," and Ray was on him, shoving him up against the wall and kissing him.

3. Early April

"We should stop." Ray tried to sound firm but his voice wavered at the last moment. He cleared his throat. "We should stop," he repeated.

Vecchio didn't say anything but he didn't look surprised. He took a sip of his coffee and fiddled with his napkin. "Is that what you want?" he asked.

It was what he needed to do, Ray thought. He would stop – whatever the fuck this was with Vecchio – and things would fall into their rightful places again. His life would make sense again. He would give this up and then he could look Fraser in the eye without flinching anymore.

"Look, it's just – I mean, this is crazy, right? You and me – it doesn't add up. You're – come on, Vecchio, you're not queer, and I'm, I'm in love with Fraser, and – well, it's nuts. I mean, it's crazy; it's fucking crazy, Vecchio. It's not like we're in love with each other or anything like that, right?"

And Vecchio turned his head, and looked straight into his eyes, and Ray felt his mouth go dry.

4. May

It was three a.m. and there was no way Fraser was gonna buy he was working late (again) or helping out with Frannie's kids (again) or playing cards with the guys (again).

Vecchio was awake, lying next to him. Their hotel, their room, their bed. Vecchio held him tight. "What do you tell him?"

Ray closed his eyes. He shivered when he felt Vecchio's kiss on the back of his neck, and sighed. "Nothing. I don't tell him anything," Ray finally said in a low voice. He pushed Vecchio's arms away and rolled away from him. "He doesn't need me to tell him anything. He already knows."

5. Early June

He showed up at Vecchio's door with a six-pack of beer and his duffle. Vecchio didn't ask any questions. He just let him in, emptied a drawer in the dresser in the bedroom, and took the beer to the refrigerator while Ray unpacked. When Ray finished putting his stuff away he followed Vecchio into the kitchen and stood leaning in the doorway, watching Vecchio slide two steaks into the pan.

He shoved his hands into his pockets. "I'm probably gonna hate you for a while, you know."

"Yeah, I know." Vecchio said, leaving the steaks and coming close. He put a hand on Ray’s arm. "I can live with that."

Comments

[eledhwenlin]

Oww. This kills me, but I like it nonetheless.

[tigs.livejournal.com]

Oh, ouch.

I really liked, though, how you showed the slowly degrading relationship between Ray and Fraser--the line about Ray not telling Fraser anything anymore worked especially well in showing that, I thought--and how that contrasted wtih the slow build up of the relationship between Ray and Vecchio. Very nice.

[marcellapolman.livejournal.com]

This is brilliant. I love it. I hate it more. How could you and Ray and Ray do this to Fraser! I'm glad the Mountie stood up for himself. Tell him he can always come to me for consolation.

Oh, and I'm glad you got bruises.

[lorem_ipsum]

Ow ow ow. Fraser is not happy. Well-told, nonetheless. Brava.

[c-regalis.livejournal.com]

Wow. This is... brilliant. And it breaks my heart. But still... *admires you* *glares* But yeah, wonderful story. *sigh*

[akite.livejournal.com]

Oh man, you broke me. The May section killed me ded, and that last exchange? Yes.

[lucifercircle.livejournal.com]

Why does everyone want to break them?! Why?!
It was good.
But oww.
Be nice nice them dammit.

[nos4a2no9.livejournal.com]

Ugh, it hurts! Poor Fraser! I couldn't decide if the unfolding plot reflected Ray dealing with the five stages of grief, or if it was supposed to reflect Fraser's gradual realization and acceptance. That was a neat little knot of mystery in the midst of the fic, and I really enjoyed reading it. Except for the pain. Ow ow ow!

[thermidor.livejournal.com]

That packed a wallop, in the very good way!

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Dear me. This is splendid, in a painful, "how dare you do that to Fraser" kind of way. But what I love so much is how you show and don't tell.

Gorgeous.

[missapocalyptic.livejournal.com]

Ouch, ouch, ouch.

Well. This was Brilliant. Nothing more left to say but... ouch.

I think I'm gonna a get_fraser_laid story now. I think the Mountie needs this as much as I do now.

But, as I said, incredibly well done.

And: Ouch.

[mergatrude.livejournal.com]

Oh I love this! (Funny - would never have considered myself a masochist!) But it's beautiful and spare, and cuts like a very sharp blade - you don't even realise you're bleeding until you fall over.

[justacat.livejournal.com]

I haven't read DS in a long time - but for you, I will :-), and this was really well done; amazing how much you convey in so few words. The "what do you tell him" exchange is particularly telling - but I think the most poignant is "I'm probably going to hate you for a while" - the sense of Ray K acting almost despite himself, being driven to Ray V, is so strong. Really wonderful.

(Sorry for the inappropriate icon - but I can only stray so far! *g*)

[sage]

Oh, this is wonderful. It makes me want to go back to the FKV epic I'm supposed to be writing, because YES! They each love each other SO MUCH, but the balance is all screwed up...especially when RayK won't tell Fraser, even though Fraser can't not know.

Also, yay china_shop bruises! I have them, too--and together we've all three been having an angst-fest this week, haven't we? It's definitely time to write something happy. :)

[mickeymvt.livejournal.com]

Poor Fraser :(

He needs to get his ass over there and join them. Make it a happy threesome.

[ultra-chrome.livejournal.com]

Right. Well. I hated it. But I didn't. I mean the whole thing sucks. Both the Rays are bad and I don't love them anymore right now.

But you rock! Because it's just, disturbing how well you did this horrible thing to my heart. Too well. I suspect you are a sadist. :)

Do you think it'd be ok if I go and comfort the Mountie now?

[buzzylittleb.livejournal.com]

*ouch*

[kalijean]

Owie.

I love the assumption that Fraser wouldn't hate him forever.

[justbreathe80.livejournal.com]

God. OW.

I want to not love this, to not see it happening, but I CAN, and you made me hurt for Fraser and somehow sympathize with everyone. GOD.

I love this. Excellent job.

[sansets]

This just killed me, but in a good way. It was beautiful and heartbreaking, and about the only senario that I could ever envision either of the Rays cheating on Fraser. (But then, I am just such an OT3 girl myself that the whole time I was reading this, I was thinking "Can't Fraser just come and join in the fun!?!") Thanks for writting this, because this was just something that really needed to be written, regardless of how painful it was.

[rhythmsextion]

Fucking hell, that hurt. So much that isn't said. Completely gutting. Ow.

(That is to say: so well done. And I hate you a little bit for making me hurt, but only in the good way. Wow.)

[taroly1888.livejournal.com]

Oh. My. God. I'm nearly crying!

This is one of the first Ray/Ray fics that I've read and actually made it through to the end. Most of the time I start reading and go 'Mnnuughh' after two mins 'cos I just can't see it happening. But this one.. this one was so... different - IT HURTS!!

RayK leaving Benny for RayV... oh, my world has just turned upside down.

LOVED IT!

[omphale]

Oh, oh, I *hate* Ray/Ray stories. But I love this.

And it's like poking at a bruise or something, because the first time I read it, I swore I wouldn't read it again. And for a week I didn't, and then I did, and yes, it still hurt a lot, but there were all the pretty colors, and the things they didn't say, and why? Why does this sound like something that would actually happen?

In conclusion, ouch. But in a good way.

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Eee, how did I miss this when you first posted? I love the slow progression of both what's seen and what's not seen.

[starrigan.livejournal.com]

Ow. Terribly angsty and heart-hurty and just what I needed. You ARE a genius, aren't you? Dear me. Thank you.