…is the date Benton turned to his right and stopped in the middle of a sentence.
…is the date he saw the sun rise behind Ray Kowalski.
…is the date Benton declared independence from his past.
Oh, beautiful! The sun rising behind Ray!! I'm surprised Benton didn't see it before, but better late than never, and what a lovely and memorable image.
I don't think anything's missing, but the big paragraph under Sept. 10 could be clarified. I wasn't sure which Ray you meant, because it all seemed to be about Vecchio, and "nothing's real here" seems like you mean Vegas. If you are, I don't get why. If you're not, why is it "here" (since Ray K was never there in canon), and the only antecedent for here (grammatically, that is) is Vegas. So that could use clarity, but all the rest is just perfect, and the language, oh...the language is just gorgeous.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2006-09-26 11:19 pm (UTC)…is the date he saw the sun rise behind Ray Kowalski.
…is the date Benton declared independence from his past.
Oh, beautiful! The sun rising behind Ray!! I'm surprised Benton didn't see it before, but better late than never, and what a lovely and memorable image.
I don't think anything's missing, but the big paragraph under Sept. 10 could be clarified. I wasn't sure which Ray you meant, because it all seemed to be about Vecchio, and "nothing's real here" seems like you mean Vegas. If you are, I don't get why. If you're not, why is it "here" (since Ray K was never there in canon), and the only antecedent for here (grammatically, that is) is Vegas. So that could use clarity, but all the rest is just perfect, and the language, oh...the language is just gorgeous.