Also, I'd venture that the voice is not a problem here. (Yes, I saw the note in Sage's journal, I think it was, which was how I found my way here.) No, it's not Ray's voice, but that's okay; it's a different narrative voice--yours, let's say--and it works fine. The effect is that the story is told at arm's length rather than right up close to the character, and I actually think that effect works well here, for this theme of spaces that Ray never seems quite able to fill. So he can't quite fill the narrative space, either. It works.
Not everyone can quite manage the tight character POV that some of us favor, and not everyone wants to. There are many ways of telling a story. When English is a foreign language, I'm sure it's much, much more difficult, because of the accents and the nuanced pronunciation and the vocal inflection.... Anyway, I think you did a wonderful job, and I don't think there's any reason for the voice to be different. Just my 2 cents FWIW. :)
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2007-03-06 08:02 am (UTC)Not everyone can quite manage the tight character POV that some of us favor, and not everyone wants to. There are many ways of telling a story. When English is a foreign language, I'm sure it's much, much more difficult, because of the accents and the nuanced pronunciation and the vocal inflection.... Anyway, I think you did a wonderful job, and I don't think there's any reason for the voice to be different. Just my 2 cents FWIW. :)