Secrets Challenge by Aingeal

[aingeal8c.livejournal.com]

Title: Secrets of Absence
Pairing: Fraser/Vecchio
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 2643
Summary: Ray hasn’t seen Fraser for eleven months, seven days and twenty hours. Then he gets a letter allowing him to track the Mountie down and ask him why he left.
Notes Many thanks to my beta lozenger8 and my beta and mpreg consultant leda_speaks for their advice and opinions.
Warnings: A vague warning for an allusion to mpreg (no guys were harmed in the making of this fic). This is also baby!fic, crack!baby!fic, crack!baby!curtain!fic in fact. Not to be taken too seriously. Or internally.

Secrets of Absence

Ray hadn’t seen Fraser for eleven months, seven days and twenty hours. At least, he thought it was twenty hours; for all he knew it could have been nineteen and fifty minutes, but after eleven months he had lost track a bit. All he knew was that one morning he’d arrived at Fraser’s apartment to take him to work (and maybe spend some quality time together) only to find Fraser, Dief and the entire contents of the apartment (not that there was much) had disappeared.

Ray discovered from Dennis that Fraser had simply paid his remaining rent for the month and left without an explanation. Ray then called at the consulate to see if they could tell him where Fraser was, or, if it was some sort of secret assignment, maybe even give him a hint. All Inspector Thatcher would tell him was Fraser had taken an extended leave and wouldn’t told her why, despite her threats followed by begging.

So Ray was left in the dark. No-one seemed to know where Fraser had gone, or why. He made calls, talked to people but no-one had even seen him, let alone knew where he’d gone. There had been one lead at the airport where a stewardess saw Fraser getting on a plane, but Ray had already suspected Fraser was in Canada. He even went there himself, but was again met with people who had no clue where Fraser was.

He’d given up all hope of seeing the person he loved more than anything ever again. It hurt for a long time and it still hurt when he opened the closet door or found mud on his shoe. There were a lot of little things that reminded him of Fraser: Klondike bars and ice, people saying thank you, the smell of leather; it was a long list. He’d not looked at another man or even a woman. Not after Fraser, no-one measured up.

So he sat at his desk, always hoping to see the flash of red serge, when one day he noticed a letter with a Canadian postmark. Eagerly opening it his joy turned to disappointment - the letter was from Buck Frobisher, but that disappointment turned into hope when he read further.

Dear Detective Vecchio,
I’m sure you miss Benton. He called me and told me he’d left Chicago. He also told me he hadn’t told you. More importantly, he explained to me the reason why. Benton has been keeping a secret, a big secret, from you, the last eleven months. I’d promised him I wouldn’t say anything to you but I’m afraid I couldn’t keep my silence any longer. I can’t tell you the secret; that’s Benton’s choice, but I can tell you his current whereabouts. I’d heard you went up to where his father’s cabin used to be. He’s not far from there. I’ve included instructions and I wish the best of luck in finding him.

Yours truly,

Buck Frobisher.

That was all it took for Ray. This time he was going to find Fraser down this time and he was going to find out why he’d left. He wondered what the big secret Buck referred to could be. Maybe Fraser was secretly married; maybe he had a wife and family back in Canada. Ray couldn’t help but go through all the worst case scenarios; Benny was married, Benny was dying, Benny was not Benny at all.

He ran through the possibilities as he asked Welsh for a week’s vacation and he was still thinking about them when Welsh told him it had to be unpaid and that it better help his solve rate go up or Ray was on the fast track to traffic cophood. But Ray barely heard Welsh’s words; all he was thinking about was Fraser.

Fraser remained his object of distraction on the first and second planes. On the third plane he was slightly distracted by the lack of a john. But Fraser was foremost in his thoughts as he rented a jeep and headed out to the new cabin, following Buck’s instructions. His only comfort was the place wasn’t six foot deep in snow.

His palms were sweaty as he neared the cabin. He was trying to rehearse what he’d say when he saw Fraser again. What could he say? Are you all right? Are you dying? Why didn’t you call? Then Ray realised the last question was stupid; Fraser didn’t have a phone, he used smoke signals.

Ray was still wondering why Fraser lacked a phone when he knocked on the front door of the new cabin. As the door opened and he saw Fraser standing there, ironically in his red shirt, Ray knew exactly what to say.

“You still don’t have a phone, Fraser.”

“Sorry, Ray.” Fraser stepped aside to let Ray in.

Once inside, Ray continued. “You didn’t even leave a forwarding address.”

“I’m sorry, Ray, I couldn’t…”

Ray’s careful planning was in vain as the words and questions tumbled out. “What, you couldn’t even leave a note? Let me know you’re okay? ‘Hi, I’m sorry things aren’t working out between us, I’m going back to the Yukon?’” He paused. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Ray. “

“So you’re not dying? You’re not ill?”

“No, Ray.”

“Why did you break up with me? Was it me?”

“I didn’t want to break up with you, Ray.”

“Then why did you? Why did you leave? And what’s this big secret Buck talked about in his letter?”

“Buck wrote to you?”

“Someone had to, you didn’t. I spent three months trying to track you down. I visited your Dad’s old cabin twice, I left messages with three Inuit villages and I didn’t hear anything. You’d vanished, Fraser, I thought you’d been abducted by aliens.”

“That explanation might have made more sense.”

“More sense than what?”

Fraser was about to reply when a cry came from the room next door. “I’m sorry, Ray, I have to check on the baby.”

“You have a baby?” Ray now noticed the baby toys scattered about the cabin’s living room. That was the secret; Fraser was married all along and now he had a kid.

“Yes.”

“So you’re married?”

“No, Ray.”

“You had a baby and you didn’t marry the woman?”

“I’m not in a relationship with a woman.”

“She died? I’m sorry, Benny.”

“No, I was never in a relationship with a woman.”

“You adopted? You left me to adopt?”

“No.” Fraser glanced towards the room where the cries were getting louder.

“So come on, Benny, give me a clue here; did the stork bring it?”

“Her, Ray, and no. I’ll just be a minute.” Fraser disappeared into the next room.

Ray took the opportunity to sit down. The cabin was as minimalist as Fraser’s father’s cabin had been, several shelves of books and odd bits and pieces. The only difference was the blankets and baby toys scattered about, most of which appeared to have been handmade. This didn’t surprise Ray; Fraser was quite the craft artist.

Fraser re-entered the room carrying a baby wearing a pale yellow baby-gro. Ray hadn’t noticed when the baby had stopped crying but she was quiet now. He wasn’t very good at guessing the ages of babies; they all looked the same to him, but based on his sister’s kids development, he guessed she about five or six months old. Fraser sat down next to Ray gently rocking the baby.

“Okay, Benny, whose is she? She looks like you,” Ray noted, taking a better look at her.

“I think she looks more like you.”

“Well, you’re her father.”

“So are you.”

“Benny, I don’t know what they taught you in high school biology, but men don’t get pregnant and have babies.”

“That's not technically true, Ray, in some species it's the male who bears children. Male seahorses, for example.”

“Last time I checked you weren’t a seahorse. So come on, who’s her mother?”

“I am. Well, I suppose I’m not technically…”

“Fraser, I did not get you pregnant.”

“Yes you did, Ray.”

“We used protection!”

“No form of contraception is 100% effective.”

“It is when you’re having sex with a man.” Ray paused in semi-horror at the thought of what the big secret could be. “I was having sex with a man, right?”

“Oh yes, Ray.”

“You’re not some kind of freak?”

“Hermaphrodite? No, Ray.”

“Is that Greek?”

“Yes, Ray.”

“Talk about irony.”

“What does irony have to do this, Ray?”

“Men don’t get pregnant,” Ray stated again.

“I’m not sure how it happened, Ray. My great Uncle Ernest reputedly had two healthy children.” Fraser bent down to check if the baby was all right. She was quiet and seemed to be following the conversation.

“Was that your mother’s or father’s side?”

“Mother’s side. We did wonder about my Uncle Tiberius, but it turned out he just had a fondness for pillows.”

“Just when I thought your family couldn’t get any weirder. Are you going to blame this on the water too?”

“It’s possible, Ray.”

“Yeah, or it could be a Gypsy curse or aliens… I just…” Ray threw his hands up. “Was this the big secret?”

“Yes, Ray. Would you like to see the scar?”

“What scar?”

“Well, I couldn’t exactly give birth in the traditional way, Ray.”

“Are there many doctors in the Yukon who do caesareans on guys?”

“It appears it’s not as common as it used to be, but there is one practitioner left.”

“There used to be more?”

“There aren’t many medical facilities here, Ray, so most doctors are familiar with more than one discipline.”

“How do doctors learn about what to do with a pregnant guy?”

“That knowledge seems to be passed from doctor to doctor.”

Ray was about to ask another question when Fraser changed the subject.

“Would you like to hold her?”

Ray just nodded and the precious burden was placed gently in his arms. He took the opportunity to take a good look at her.

“She’s mine?”

“Yes, Ray.”

“So, what’s her name?”

“Elena, the Italian version of Helen, meaning ‘to elope.’”

“Which is what you did.”

“Yes. It was either Elena or Concetta, meaning conception.”

“That’s really bad, Fraser.”

“I thought you might think that. Do you like Elena as a name?”

Ray was distracted by the smile he seemed to be receiving. “Yeah. You’re just lucky I don’t have a cousin called that already. I wouldn’t want to get confused.”

“I did check, Ray.”

“So why didn’t you tell me? Why did you just leave without even telling me where you were going?”

“I wasn’t sure myself, Ray. I didn’t want to get you hopes up.”

“My hopes? I wouldn’t have believed you if you’d told me.”

“You wouldn’t?”

“I’m still wondering if we should have a paternity test.”

“If you’d like one, Ray, we could arrange it.”

“Yeah, I can see the look on the doctor’s face when we tell him; ‘Hi, could we have a paternity test? I want to know if my boyfriend got pregnant and had our baby.’”

“You don’t think they’d agree?”

“They’d think we were nuts, Benny.”

“Ah, sorry, Ray.”

“Don’t apologise. You couldn’t lie about this anyway.”

“I could, Ray,” Fraser replied in a slightly hurt tone.

“Are you?”

“No, Ray.”

“Exactly. You wouldn't go to this much trouble to hide from me for eleven months and then lie to me.”

“That’s true, Ray. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I was worried about your reaction.”

“You could have told me something, Benny. Like you had to go back to Canada to go undercover as a moose.”

“As you pointed out, Ray, I’m not very good at lying.”

“I don’t know how you kept this a secret.”

“It wasn’t easy, Ray. A few people know - Buck Frobisher, Doctor McKinley, three villagers and a friend of my maternal grandmother.”

“That many people and you didn’t tell me?”

“I was going to, Ray.”

“When? When Elena needed to go to college and you decide to ask me for eighteen years back-payment of child support?”

“In a few months, Ray.”

“Why?”

“I was going to tell you on our next anniversary. I thought that might be the best time.”

“Trust me, Benny, there is no best time to tell me this. I’m just glad Buck wrote to me and told me where you were.” Ray smiled at Fraser. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, Ray.”

“There hasn’t been anyone else, no-one even close to you since you left.”

“There hasn’t been anyone in my life either, except Elena. I’ve not really talked to anyone since I’ve been back here.”

Ray sighed. “Fraser, we’re at least thirty miles from the nearest village. There isn’t anyone here to talk to, apart from Dief.” Ray looked around. “Where is he?”

“He’s gone to get some food, Ray.”

“What, the wolf goes shopping?”

“Hunting actually, I asked him to get a rabbit for dinner. He should be back soon.”

“Great, rabbit stew.”

“Elena seems to enjoy it, although she does have hers puréed.”

“Yeah, all natural Canadian baby food.”

“Will you stay, Ray?”

“Of course I will. It's not like there's a motel near here.”

“I have a double bed. I’d like to share it with you.”

“You don’t have to talk me into sharing a bed. It’s too cold to sleep on my own.”

“Thank you, Ray.”

“You know you can kiss me, Benny. You’ve haven’t kissed me since I got here.”

“Sorry, Ray.”

Ray kept tight hold of their daughter as Fraser leaned over and kissed Ray gently on the mouth. Ray had missed this sweet and simple feeling on their lips touching. That was he realised how much he had missed kissing Fraser the last eleven months and promptly deepened the kiss. They continued kissing for five minutes and seventeen seconds after which Ray realised he’d missed more than simply kissing Fraser, but that what else he had missed would have to wait until later.

“Is that better?”

“Yeah. So what do we do now?”

“Eat lunch, Ray.”

“I didn’t mean now now, I meant later now.”

“Later now?”

“Yeah, are you going to stay up here or come back to Chicago?”

“That would depend on where you want to be.”

“Well, I want to be with you.”

“What about Elena?

“I want to be with her too. I mean, I’ve missed important stuff with her already.”

“You have?”

“The first smile, the first time she rolled over, the first laugh.”

“The first cry?”

“Yeah, I don’t mind missing the first diaper change.” Ray sniffed, just to check, but it seemed Elena’s diaper was fine for the moment.

“It might be difficult to get a transfer back to Chicago. I’m not a Mountie at the present time.”

“You resigned?”

“No, Ray. I’ve taken an indefinite leave of absence.”

“At least I won’t have to struggle with all those buckles before I get you into bed.”

“Being a civilian does have some advantages, Ray.”

“I guess I could apply for a visa.”

“You’d do that? You wouldn’t miss your family?”

“Of course I’d miss them, but no more yelling over dinner? No waiting in the line for the bathroom? There are advantages, Benny.”

“I see.”

“Of course we’d need to make alterations to this place - like an indoor bathroom.”

“We can do that, Ray.”

“Good, because I hate going to the john in the snow.”

“We do have an outhouse, Ray.”

“Fraser.”

“Sorry, Ray. Is there anything else?”

“Yeah… curtains.”

“Curtains?”

“Curtains. Green ones for our room and…I don’t know…teddy bear ones for Elena’s room.”

“It’s good to have you here, Ray.”

“It’s good to be home, Benny.”

Ray smiled and turned his attention back to his daughter. With Elena on his lap and Fraser at his side, he was indeed home at last.