Cliche #12

Jul. 29th, 2003 09:27 am
[identity profile] mergatrude.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] ds_flashfiction


These past two weeks I’ve had too much time to spend inside my own head, too little distraction. Even now I’m sitting on the sofa in the near silent apartment, with Dief’s irritated huffing because I refuse to turn on the television. The taps no longer drip, and I’ve taken the battery out of the clock. I want to be able to listen for Ray.

I miss him. It seems absurd really, but I miss his eyes. The way they sparkle mischievously, or blaze in anger or indignation, when they’re darkened and heavy-lidded combined with that sensual pout. I miss his smile, the small, quick grins he flashes at me, and when his whole face is alive with laughter, much too infrequently.

I miss watching him move, the way he uses his slender hands to articulate his thoughts. I’ve sometimes wondered whether, if I held his hands still he would be reduced to incoherence. Him dancing, and the way he almost floats, like the “headkicking” boots are the only things keeping him earthbound.

At last I hear those boots echoing in the hall outside, accompanied by the familiar smell of pizza. I can detect the sweet/sour tang of pineapple. Dief’s nails clatter on the wooden floor, no doubt planning an ambush. The key turns in the lock and the door opens a crack.

“Down, wolf. Back up or you won’t get anything. Hey,” he says in my direction.

“Hi Ray. Please don’t give Dief any pizza. He’s already had dinner.” I know my request is hopeless.

There is a thump on the table, too heavy to be pizza alone, and then the familiar sounds of Ray’s homecoming, jacket tossed on the chair, boots kicked underneath, gun, holster and cuffs in the desk.

“Hear that, Dief? No snacking. He been out?”

“Yes, Emilio took him for a walk after school.”

“Great. Emilio’s still reading you Harry Potter? I’m gonna read to you tonight, but it wont be as much fun.”

Ah, that thump must have been case files. I feel an embarrassing rush of pleasure that he’s brought work home to discuss with me. He wanders over to the sofa and rests a hand on my shoulder. I turn my head towards it, sniffing his fingers, trying to catalogue his day. Sugar, the powdered kind found on donuts, which means his mouth will taste of coffee and chocolate. An acrid smell underneath the harsh detergent used in the washroom at the station. It takes me a moment to place it, while he strokes my cheek. Toner. No blowback.

Petting my hair now, “Sorry about the pizza, but today’s been a bitch. Tell me how come I’m more tired after a day doing paperwork than running over the rooftops of Chicago?” He traces a finger round the bandage over my eyes and sighs. “This comes off the day after tomorrow, right? Miss your eyes. Miss you looking at me.”

His sentiment, so in concert with my own, makes my throat close over and I slide my arms around his waist, pressing my face into his belly and muttering, “Miss you.”

“Freak.” His voice is as gentle as the fingers in my hair.

Date: 2003-07-28 11:38 pm (UTC)
ext_3545: Jon Walker, being adorable! (Default)
From: [identity profile] dsudis.livejournal.com
(incoherent high pitched noises)

This was lovely!

Date: 2003-07-28 11:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cesperanza.livejournal.com
Ces weeps like a child, blows nose. I'm verklempt! Thank you! (And thank you for making the blindness not be permanent even in a quick cliche-snippet! Because WAH!)

Date: 2003-07-28 11:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sihayab.livejournal.com
Oh, yeah! Seconding Ces's relief! ::handing Ces a hankie:: ::grabs spare hankie and dabs at eyes::

And he's just so damn... Fraser. Bless him.

Date: 2003-07-29 02:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kassrachel.livejournal.com
What they said!!!

What a wonderful snippet.

Date: 2003-07-28 11:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aerye.livejournal.com
I didn't think this was sappy at all--I found it very poignant and quiet and affecting.

Thanks!

Date: 2003-07-28 11:55 pm (UTC)
ext_12460: acquired from fanpop.com (Default)
From: [identity profile] akite.livejournal.com
I'm with Ces. Wah! So glad it's not permanent.

Date: 2003-07-28 11:56 pm (UTC)
ext_2233: Writing MamaDeb (dragonhug)
From: [identity profile] mamadeb.livejournal.com
Just lovely.

Thank you.

Date: 2003-07-29 12:03 am (UTC)
ext_1175: (sylvia)
From: [identity profile] lamardeuse.livejournal.com
“Great. Emilio’s still reading you Harry Potter? I’m gonna read to you tonight, but it wont be as much fun.”

This was when it hit me. Oh lordy. Thank goodness you didn't make it permanent, or I would've been a sobbing puddle of goo. Great stuff, great details; not at all sappy or overly sentimental, IMO.

Date: 2003-07-29 12:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bethbethbeth.livejournal.com
Also, with the goo and the puddle and the sobbing.

::whimper::

Lovely job.

Date: 2003-07-29 12:19 am (UTC)
ext_3548: (not shy)
From: [identity profile] shayheyred.livejournal.com
See, now, I had a Clueless!Shay moment, because I didn't pause to look up what cliche #12 actually was. I had concocted a scenario whereby Ray had had a sex alteration and that's why Fraser missed the "Ray-ness" of his partner. And then everything clicked into place, the coin dropped, my brain unlocked, etc. etc. and I felt an actual jolt as I realized what you'd done. I am stupid, stupid, and you are marvelous.

Date: 2003-07-29 12:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ajinamoto.livejournal.com
I'm joining in the chorus of sobbing. I love how Ray takes care of Fraser.

His sentiment, so in concert with my own, makes my throat close over and I slide my arms around his waist, pressing my face into his belly and muttering, “Miss you.”

“Freak.” His voice is as gentle as the fingers in my hair.


'scuse me while I sniffle some more.
(deleted comment)

Date: 2003-07-29 12:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] imkalena.livejournal.com
I'm with them! It was so well done, I didn't feel a bit sticky.:) And that's hard to do.

Date: 2003-07-29 02:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rowanfairchild.livejournal.com
*Snif!* Aw, this was lovely. And I'm with the others who think it didn't turn out nearly as sappy as you may have feared -- you revealed the situation with a wonderfully subtle touch, no melodrama in sight. Nice!

Date: 2003-07-29 02:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ozsaur.livejournal.com
This made my heart ache. So poignant without being at all sappy. I love how Ray takes care of Fraser without fussing. Beautiful!

Date: 2003-07-29 02:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ozsaur.livejournal.com
The icon was made by the lovely Ardent. She knows how much I adore Dief. Thanks!

Date: 2003-07-29 03:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluster.livejournal.com
I'm with everyone else. I was getting ready for a full-fledged boo-hoo before I realized it wasn't permanent. I love Fraser smelling Ray's hands to find out about his day. It's the type of thing a sighted Fraser might do as well.

Date: 2003-07-29 05:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maubast.livejournal.com
Just beautiful. Thank you.

Risk being reptetitive. . .

Date: 2003-07-29 12:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] themoo37.livejournal.com
. . . in saying that was handled lovely and most lovingly. And you never can go wrong Benny-bashing although permanent blindness would have been fun and angsty too. Brava.

Date: 2003-07-30 02:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chesamus.livejournal.com
The joy of this challenge has been seeing the original ways everyone managed to overcome the cliches and write some truly wonderful stories. Laughing hysterically at one story, then ::sigh:: with yours.

Absolutley lovely.

Date: 2004-11-30 01:55 pm (UTC)
china_shop: Close-up of Zhao Yunlan grinning (Default)
From: [personal profile] china_shop
Was just browsing through the flashfiction archives and found this.

Eeee! It's lovely! So very sweet, especially Fraser being glad that Ray's brought work home with him. Awwww!

Date: 2004-11-30 03:02 pm (UTC)
china_shop: Close-up of Zhao Yunlan grinning (Default)
From: [personal profile] china_shop
Oh yes! It's like Aladdin's cave in here.

Date: 2006-12-17 11:10 am (UTC)
ext_31419: (DS - Ben/Ray office)
From: [identity profile] ximeria.livejournal.com
Mmm thanks for leading me here from ds_ficfinders. I somehow managed to miss this one when it was posted. It's short but good. Very in character too. I especially like the little detail of Fraser having removed all the sounds that would interfer with him listening for Ray. Heck, those are noises that would drive even a seeing person nuts *g*

Fab story ^_^

Date: 2006-12-30 06:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] snarkyducky.livejournal.com
i got here via ficfinders too..

thank you for sharing this beautiful piece! (and making the condition not permanent ;D)

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