ext_3579: I'm still not watching supernatural. (sepia)
[identity profile] the-star-fish.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] ds_flashfiction
I think this is done.

Home

Damn. He'd been so close, too.

"Constable Fraser? Did you hear me? I asked you what was in the bag."

He turned slowly, to give himself time to think. "This bag, sir?" he asked somewhat disingenuously.

"Yes, Fraser," the Inspector replied, not at all patiently. "That bag. The large brown paper grocery bag which you are holding in your left hand."

"Ah," Ben said. "Of course. It's –" He unfolded the top and peered in, hoping for inspiration. "Old clothing, sir," he said finally.

"Really?" she asked, striding over to take a look for herself. Ben prayed she wouldn't delve beyond the top layer of flannel shirts to find the neatly folded boxers and socks beneath.

"Hmmm." Her suspicious eyes slid from the soft blue-gray plaid to him. "May one ask why you saw fit to carry old clothing around with you today?"

"I find that I don't wear these items very often," that's a lie! his conscience screamed, "so I'm taking them to a place where I hope they might get some use."

"Oh," she said, the wind clearly out of her sails. "Well. Good for you. Carry on, then."

"Thank you, sir," he said, and escaped out the front door into freedom. Ray's car was just pulling up to the curb, and Ben had to force himself to walk at a normal pace until he reached it, opened the door, and got in.

"Hey, Fraser," Ray said, "what's in the bag?"

"Clothes," he said, before his throat closed entirely. He offered the bag for inspection. Ray peeked in and then looked up at him.

"This is that shirt I borrowed that time," he said, somewhat gruffly.

"Is it?" Ben asked, knowing damned well it was; knowing it was a miracle the fabric hadn't worn out by now, as many times as he'd slipped it on, late at night.

"So you really want to –"

"If your offer's still open."

He could feel Ray's gaze on him. "There's more than just the one shirt here," Ray said, folding the top over and tossing the bag into the back seat.

Oh, dear lord. "I'm terribly sorry if I was being presumptuous," he began.

Ray cut him off with a sharp flick of his hand. "Fuck that. This is fine. Great, even. I just –" He cleared his throat. "I'll, uh, clear out a whole drawer for you, how's that?"

Ben closed his eyes for a moment. "That would be ... fine," he said, frustrated by the inadequacy of his current vocabulary. "Thank you."

"Okay then," Ray said, and put the car into gear. "You want dinner?"

Ben surprised both of them by laughing. "I don't think I could eat right now," he said.

"Okay," Ray said again, "so ... home?"

"Yes, please," Ben said, and it felt like the first honest thing he'd said all night. He closed his eyes again and felt the movement of the car away from the curb. Seconds later, he felt the warmth of Ray's hand on his, and he twisted his fingers to twine with Ray's, until the first stoplight.



Comments of the critical variety are encouraged.

Date: 2003-08-23 02:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] byob-kenobi.livejournal.com
Awww, how lovely and happy and sad and sweet. I can just feel Fraser's uncertainty.

Date: 2003-08-23 02:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chesamus.livejournal.com
"I find that I don't wear these items very often," that's a lie! his conscience screamed, "so I'm taking them to a place where I hope they might get some use."

he just hates it, doesn't he? the things we do for love... nicely done!

Date: 2003-08-23 02:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sihayab.livejournal.com
::prolonged chin quiver::

Oh, the woobies!

::sniffle::

::wandering off in search of tissues::

Date: 2003-08-23 02:52 pm (UTC)
reginagiraffe: Stick figure of me with long wavy hair and giraffe on shirt. (Default)
From: [personal profile] reginagiraffe
I love this.

*thinks*

I know the whole point of the challenge was 'lying' but it occurs to me that Fraser would do his best *not* to outright lie. If he said something like, "I find these clothes are taking up room in my closet, so I'm taking them to where they may get some use", *that's* not a lie.

But I love his uncertainly and vulnerability at the end. The fact that he *doesn't* lie to Ray... *woobie*

Date: 2003-08-23 03:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] justacat.livejournal.com
Oh, I love this! Love gruff Ray, love vulnerable Fraser who can't eat, love all however many words.

Not very critical, but there you have it :)

Date: 2003-08-23 03:12 pm (UTC)
ext_3548: (Default)
From: [identity profile] shayheyred.livejournal.com
See, I think Fraser lies all the time, through omission, mostly, but it tears at him, and if asked point blank if he's lying, he caves. So this scenario seems right on target -- Fraser talking around the truth, but very uncomfortable doing it. How lovely that he takes comfort in Ray's presence.
(deleted comment)

Date: 2003-08-23 04:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] umbo.livejournal.com
Oh, that was lovely and wonderful. I wasn't sure from the first line if it was Fraser, because the "Damn" threw me a bit, but I guess Thatcher can bring that out of anyone, eh? Seriously, this was great, very real in terms of Fraser's angst.

Date: 2003-08-23 05:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sanj.livejournal.com
*happy sigh* lovely. The sense of relief when Fraser gets in the car is delightful.

Date: 2003-08-23 06:14 pm (UTC)
ext_12460: acquired from fanpop.com (Default)
From: [identity profile] akite.livejournal.com
How come I'm seeing the same opening scene only it's Ray with the bag, and he answers, "Noneya."

"Noneya?"

"Yeah, noneya damn businsess."

::g::

Great story, Starfish. Oh, the Fraser angst. Got to love that.

Lovely

Date: 2003-08-23 07:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] atiejen.livejournal.com
Aloha,

This was really interesting and I loved reading it.

Thank you for sharing,
Strength and honour,
Atie

Date: 2003-08-23 07:58 pm (UTC)
northern: "northern" written in gray text across a raven (northernRaven)
From: [personal profile] northern
That made me so incredibly happy. I actually have tears in my eyes. Thank you.

Date: 2003-08-23 08:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ardent-muses.livejournal.com
Aww, you just keep getting better! That last paragraph damn near *killed* me!

Thanks for this! You filled my yummy DS story quota for the day. :::hug:::
(deleted comment)

Re: Short and Sweet

Date: 2003-08-24 12:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yeungmaisu.livejournal.com
Oh, D. I can't be critical about this. I can only love it and share Fraser's feelings of confusion, uncertainty and quiet longing, followed by his final, honest relief.

This is both wonderfully sad and yet so sweet. Thank you so much for writing this.

Date: 2003-08-24 01:59 am (UTC)
ext_1175: (illbe)
From: [identity profile] lamardeuse.livejournal.com
"I'll, uh, clear out a whole drawer for you, how's that?"

Ben closed his eyes for a moment. "That would be ... fine," he said, frustrated by the inadequacy of his current vocabulary. "Thank you."


God, I wish everyone had this knowledge, the awareness that this bit of business right here is more romantic than a thousand "I love you"s.

Beautiful.

Date: 2003-08-24 04:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xsmoonshine.livejournal.com
*uncritical warm and fuzzy feelings*

Date: 2003-08-25 05:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] imkalena.livejournal.com
Oh, yeah? Well, I want to know what ELSE was in the bottom of the bag!!

He could feel Ray's gaze on him. "There's more than just the one shirt here," Ray said, folding the top over and tossing the bag into the back seat.

Oh, dear lord. "I'm terribly sorry if I was being presumptuous," he began.


*whimper* I'm so glad Ray is smart enough to take what's freely given.

Date: 2003-08-25 07:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluster.livejournal.com
Ah, the terror that is the first time you take clothes over to your partner's place. Will they freak? Will they think you're presumptuous? Or will they go to the other extreme and and decide that your leaving several clean pair of underwear is a marriage proposal? And for Fraser, who's probably doing it for the first time it really would be stressful. Add Thatcher sticking her nose is where it doesn't belong and it's no wonder the poor guy was flustered. Thank heavens for Ray being the calm one this time.

Date: 2003-08-26 01:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluster.livejournal.com
And that came across really well. Ray wasn't surprised by the bag of clothes. He only comments on the fact that it's more than one change of clothing. Plus he just so easily says he'll clean out a drawer for Ben's stuff. I can almost imagine Ray being thrilled that Fraser's finally doing this, doubly thrilled that he brought even more clothing, but trying really hard to act normal so as not to spook Fraser.

Date: 2003-08-25 10:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kassrachel.livejournal.com
Absolutely delightful, start to finish!

Date: 2003-08-27 07:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brooklinegirl.livejournal.com
This is freaking perfect. What a great scene to tell. I like this, that you capture that...what? That awkwardness, that need to do things right, that unsureness in what is the right step to take, what might be too far to go, that slight off-step that is purely Fraser, trying really hard.

Ben closed his eyes for a moment. "That would be ... fine," he said, frustrated by the inadequacy of his current vocabulary. "Thank you."

Great...wonderful!...writing.

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