Mendacity Challenge: The Space Between

[brooklinegirl.livejournal.com]

(witchbaby, screeching in at the last minute, per usual)

So I don't usually do this. Write like this, I mean. But my tiny little writer's group was working on an exercise in writing in all dialogue and I was late with my assignment for the group, as well as for the Mendacity challenge, so I figured two birds, one stone, and this is what came of it. And I'm under the word limit! For the very first time! (587 words, to be exact).

Huge thanks to my faithful beta reader SnowFlake, for her 2AM insta-beta of this particular little story. Don't know what I'd do without her!



The Space Between
By witchbaby

*~*~*~*~*~*


"You didn't."

"I did."

"You didn't."

"But in truth of fact, I did, Ray."

"Jesus Christ, Fraser, tell me you did not do this."

"Take a deep breath and..."

"If you tell me to calm down, I swear to god I'll..."

"What, Ray?"

"Forget it. It doesn't matter."

"Ah."

"What?"

"It’s not important."

"What, Fraser."

"Well, I couldn't help but observe from your...volatile reaction that it very obviously does matter to you, quite a bit."

"Yeah, well, whatever. I'll deal."

"I'd prefer that you not simply 'deal,' but perhaps be inclined to discuss the matter with me."

"For the love of god, don't go all wounded-Mountie on me. I said it doesn't matter, so it doesn't matter. Drop it, okay?"

"I think you're lying, Ray."

"Oh jesus fucking Christ."

"Language..."

"Goddammit, Fraser. I do not want to do this right now."

"Ah."

"Don't walk away from me, Frase. Do not walk away."

"Well. If you don’t want to discuss matters, I thought it might be best..."

"Yeah, well, you also thought it 'might be best' to tell the whole freaking precinct about us!"

"Francesca hardly constitutes the entire precinct, Ray."

"Mouth like she's got, you may as well have sent out a memo."

"Francesca assures me that she will keep this information to herself."

"Yeah, well, like I said, cat's out of the bag now, so what-fucking-ever."

"I didn't realize that it was so important to you that our relationship remain so...furtive."

"Furtive?"

"Clandestine."

"Clandestine?"

"Secret, Ray."

"I got it, Fraser."

"If it's that important to you that no one at all know about us..."

"Fuck, fuck, fuck. Can this conversation get any worse? Is that even possible?"

"I assure you, Ray, I had no desire to create difficulties in your life."

"You aren't creating difficulties. My life is one big freaking difficulty."

"Perhaps it would be best if I..."

"Uh-uh-uh, Fraser, you gotta stop with the cutting and running here. Look, just 'cause I got a little upset here doesn't mean I don't want to..."

"What?"

"Don't want to, uh, you know..."

"I'm afraid I don't, Ray."

"Aw, Christ, you know, fucking be with you, okay? I want to be with you all the damn time."

"Ah. You just don't want anyone else to be aware that you want to be with me."

"Yeah. I mean, no! I mean, Jesus, Fraser, way to put words in my mouth. That's not it at all. It's just... This thing between us, it's real different, yeah? And I kind of..."

"Yes?"

"Kind of like it that way, okay? I kind of like you and me being something different. Something different from all the rest of the bullshit we gotta deal with all the damn time. You know? So when it was just you and me... I don't know. I kinda liked the feeling of not letting anyone else in on the deal. Keeping it just for us for a little while. Get it?"

"I...get it, Ray."

"So we okay here?"

"Yes, we're okay."

"Good. Can we stop talking about freaking feelings now or do you want to keep on acting like a girl? We can do each other's hair, paint our nails, talk about boys...umph."

"...shut up, Ray."

"You keep kissing me like that, I will gladly shut the fuck up right now."

"That sounds like a fine plan."

"You just gonna keep standing there, or you maybe gonna kiss me again sometime this centur...umph."

"Ray."

"Yeah?"

"Shut. The fuck. Up."

"Okay, then."

~end~

Comments

[chesamus.livejournal.com]

what is it about fraser cursing that trips my trigger? really liked this - good job!

[brooklinegirl.livejournal.com]

Mmm, me too. If it's done right (not overkill!), at just the right moment, it's such a freaking turn-on, ain't it? Glad you thought it fit here...I kind of though him echoing Ray would be all right. :)

[akite.livejournal.com]

I like this one too. I didn't get lost on who was saying what, and it made me smile.

[brooklinegirl.livejournal.com]

Yay! Thank you! I know, that can be a huge trip-up with untagged, pure dialogue pieces. I'd never tried this before, but it was actually pretty fun (like I said to my writing group: finding Ray's voice is never a problem. Getting his voice out of my head sometimes is)

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

"Good. Can we stop talking about freaking feelings now or do you want to keep on acting like a girl? We can do each other's hair, paint our nails, talk about boys...umph."

Yes! You've nailed my #1 slash peeve - when guys get all "girly." Sure they're involved, sure they're queer for each other, but they don't have to change their basic guyness. You handled it cleverly, with humor, and snarkiness.
Wonderful dialogue, particularly the spot-on exchange:
"Aw, Christ, you know, fucking be with you, okay? I want to be with you all the damn time."

"Ah. You just don't want anyone else to be aware that you want to be with me."

"Yeah. I mean, no! I..."

[brooklinegirl.livejournal.com]

Yes! Exactly! True Love is all well and good (and I really do love the very apt phrasing of "queer for each other" ), but for Christ's sake, they're guys! Gotta keep that in mind. Glad you liked what I did with it. It was fun writing it.

[lynnmonster.livejournal.com]

I thought this was fun! Dialogue-only really works for this particular conversation; it seems like any extraneous descriptions would have diluted the immediacy of it.

[brooklinegirl.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Yes, for some reason the arguments these guys have seem to lend themselves well to the dialogue-only situation. And it's just way too easy for me to get caught up in Ray's way of thinking...

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

Marvelous!! Both voices came right through -- none of the occasional awkwardness an all-dialogue piece can sometimes entail.

Going back to read it again now!

[brooklinegirl.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I think that immediate-scroll-back is the greatest compliment. And I'm glad it didn't get awkward...it can be really freaking annoying to make sure the pacing works with no scene-setting, etc.

[imkalena.livejournal.com]

LOL!! I liked this a lot!

"You keep kissing me like that, I will gladly shut the fuck up right now."

My sentiments exactly.:)

Excellent voices.

[brooklinegirl.livejournal.com]

Thank you, thank you! and yeah, Ray needs to put his mouth to better use than back-talk, doesn't he? Though his back-talk can be such a turn on...

[lamardeuse.livejournal.com]

::contentedsighofexhaustedsickpersonwhowassoafraidwitchbabywouldnotfeedherhabitthisweek::

I picture them having this conversation in the broom closet at the station. I don't know why.

You do them so well. Just--bang on. Ray's confession about why he wanted to keep their relationship secret got me all melty and squidgy.

[brooklinegirl.livejournal.com]

Always glad to be of service (so long as time allows). 'Tis the least I can do for you, for leading me to this wonderful fandom.

And I hadn't quite figured on the broom closet...but it fits so well! I love that!

Yeah, I think Ray's confession got him a little melty and such himself...so he had to get all belligerent there. Lucky thing his belligerence is so sexy...

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

Very nice moment-in-time here. I, too, liked Ray's explanation of why he wanted to keep it a secret. Yes, I am a mushball. Sue me.

[brooklinegirl.livejournal.com]

Don't worry about being a mushball! I am a bigger mushball, having written this. Still a sucker for the whole true-love thing...

[justacat.livejournal.com]

I'm often not a big fan of dialogue-only, but you really made this work. The voices are terrific! I loved it!

[brooklinegirl.livejournal.com]

Me either! I was just going to give it a shot...and I just couldn't stop. I'm glad it worked for you...thanks!

[doll-revolution.livejournal.com]

yow! it was lovely!! i thought the voices were spot-on, and i loved hoe you de-girlified everything. (because, like shay, i, too, hate that.)

BTW: is there, like, some secret place somewhere, where everyone knows ALL the other fandom names of everyone else? (except for ME, or course, no one ever tells me anything) because i had NO IDEA you were witchbaby. i LOVE your a-team stuff! ::all giggly fangirl now::

wowness

[qe2.livejournal.com]

I love all-dialogue stories. I love Fraser and RayK. The combo, well done, is extraordinarily tough to beat - and this is really well done. Thanks for enlivening an exhausted law student's brief break.

Re: wowness

[brooklinegirl.livejournal.com]

Glad to have been of service! Glad to have provided the Fraser/RayK/AllDialogue combination. Glad you enjoyed it.

[imkalena.livejournal.com]

If there is a seekrit place, nobody told ME!! Cause it drives me nuts!

[brooklinegirl.livejournal.com]

yow, indeed! I'm recognized! From my very first fandom, even. Very cool! Thank you! Yeah, I suffer from a bit of personality disorder...brooklinegirl, witchbaby, didn't I even have a legal name lying around here somewhere?

Thanks for the compliments...de-girlification is key for the guys, even the guys in love.