Anything you can do, I can do better

[helvirago]

Just a little scribbling before I go do productive things. About 400 words.

• Remember to purchase prophylactics and lubricant.
  
• Consider alternate brands of lubricant based on Internet research.
  
• Begin Diefenbaker's diet. Again.
  
• Speak with Ray about not feeding snacks to Diefenbaker.
  
• Check Turnbull's 814-stroke-11. He always mangles his social insurance number and Inspector Thatcher will be upset should we again receive inquiries into why we have either an imprisoned prostitute or the Prime Minister's 3-year-old grandson on our staff.
  
• Speak with Ray about proper use of lubricant; current method seems somewhat wasteful, though thoughtful.
  
• Purchase birthday present for Ray; perhaps something auto-related.
  
• Find some way to distract Turnbull from Ray's birthday; last year's debacle not to be repeated.
  
• Remember to replace Turnbull's cake mold; current shape not only distracting but upsetting, given accompaniment of burning candles.
  
• Consider surreptitious measurement; Ray seems to be relatively well-endowed.
  
• Reschedule fitness routine so as not to wake Ray.
  
• Add new exercises to routine, focusing on flexibility.
  
• As above, focusing on upper arms.
  
• And legs.
  
• And pectoral muscles.
  
• Pick up Inspector at dry cleaner's.
  
• Make above "Inspector's dry cleaning" rather than "Inspector".
  
• Consider possibility of either soundproofing bedroom or gagging Ray.
  
• Note idea of gag for further consideration.
  
• Fill out 207-slash-814b. c. 815c. 205-slash...
  
• Remind Diefenbaker to walk Francesca.
  
• Suggest family-of-alcoholics support group to Leftenant Elaine. Leftenant Huey. Left...
  
• Inventory infrequently used equipment: bolo, fabric softener, handcuffs.
  
• Consider concept of recreational bondage with self as bondee. Gags, blindfolds, possibly restraints so unable to exert control over any aspect of sexual encounter.
  
• Wash... wolf. The impolite one. With pizza.
  
• Reprimand... tall blond person regarding... thing. Bad thing. Strong reprimand. Not to do that. Bad...
  
• Consider concept of bondage with self as bonder. As above, with Ray restrained and....
  

"Ah!"

"Pretty good, Fraser, you made it a whole 20 seconds longer than last time."

"I think the verbal inducement was an unfair tactic, Ray. We never discussed your talking."

"Hey, I use what I got. And I got the mouth. And looks like I got you."

"Mmm. Arrogant..."

"Arrogant, yes, but I can make you come in five minutes."

"Apparently so."

"Hey, don't feel bad, you beat my time!"

"Would you like a rematch?"

"I thought you didn't like blowing me."

"Oh I do like it, Ray, very much, only given your physical response to orgasm, it's somewhat dangerous."

"Yeah, sorry about clocking you last time."

"We shall simply have to find some way to occupy your hands."

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Brain?"

"Almost certainly not."

"Well, I'm thinking handcuffs."

"Ah. Then perhaps I am after all."

Comments

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

I read this in my Friends list, and truly for a minute did not realize this was a challenge response. And then I did. And you are brilliant.

[helvirago]

Ha! Perfect! Thank you. Hardly brilliant. But man, do I rock the procrastination boat or what?

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Let me also say, now that I am coherent, that the icing on the cake is how true the voices are.

[halimede.livejournal.com]

This is so, so cute. :) My faves:

-- Remind Diefenbaker to walk Francesca.

-- Reprimand... tall blond person regarding... thing. Bad thing. Strong reprimand. Not to do that. Bad...

[helvirago]

Oh, I am glad. Normally I try to avoid cute, but... well, what the hell. Thank you.

[halimede.livejournal.com]

Not cute fuzzy-pink-bunny cute. Just 'Aw. That's my guys!' cute. :)

[byob-kenobi.livejournal.com]

Ha! This was funny and really creative. I love seeing people's different takes on the challenge.

[helvirago]

Since I normally twist every challenge around to smut, it was hard to figure out how to twist this one at all. Glad you liked it.

[theodosia.livejournal.com]

::snirking surreptiously in case anyone at work comes by to ask me why I'm laughing::

[helvirago]

::beaming quietly in case anyone comes by to ask why I'm looking flattered::

[lamardeuse.livejournal.com]

I figured out what was going on about halfway through the list, when he made his first mistake. Really creative bit, and I loved the dialogue:

"Hey, I use what I got. And I got the mouth. And looks like I got you."

"Mmm. Arrogant..."

"Arrogant, yes, but I can make you come in five minutes."

"Apparently so."

*sigh* They're so cute together.

[helvirago]

Theirloveisso... competitive.

[sakana-iro.livejournal.com]

Oh this was clever!
I didn't remember the challenge until "Wash wolf with pizza."

I also liked the casual playfulness. So cute:)

[helvirago]

Even Fraser's gotta be a little mellow after orgasm! I'm having the lovely mental image of Diefenbaker washed with pizza, which I think is probably one of his longtime fantasies.

[lynnmonster.livejournal.com]

Wash... wolf. The impolite one. With pizza.

Bwahahaha! This was priceless.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Brain?"

"Almost certainly not."

"Well, I'm thinking handcuffs."

"Ah. Then perhaps I am after all."

Golly, I love that image.

[helvirago]

Technically, it's "Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Pinky?" but, let's face it, if anyone's the Pinky in that relationship it's Ray.

Now, if somebody wanted to write the sequel...

[helvirago]

I didn't know what Canada's SSN equivalent was, so I went and downloaded a pension request form. Hell, even for my throwaways I do research! I think I just like having a reason.

Hmm... maybe.. this? Not work safe.

[helvirago]

Hey, anything I can do...

[chesamus.livejournal.com]

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Brain?"
"Almost certainly not."

love that "almost" in there - loved all of it, actually. if something can be subtlely surprising, this was.

[helvirago]

It's always important to allow for the possibility... Thank you!

[akite.livejournal.com]

Yeah, what they all said. I liked it too. Made me snicker lewdly.

[helvirago]

Heheheh. Lewd snickers. Oh god, now I have the image of a Turnbull-made candy bar.

[sihayab.livejournal.com]

Hey, this is productive! Massively productive!

And funny. Can't forget the funny.

And snigger-worthy. Oh, yeah.

[helvirago]

Yeah, that's right! Go productivity! It doesn't pay the bills, but it turns out the bills wouldn't have gotten paid today anyway, so all's well.

Nice to see you around these parts... are you still (dare I ask) writing Sentinel?

[sihayab.livejournal.com]

Nice to see you around these parts... are you still (dare I ask) writing Sentinel?

Thanks! As for Sentinel? ::sigh:: Nah. I'm not even reading it anymore, unless someone shoves a story in my face and commands me to do so. And even then... ::shrug::

Oh, well. That was then, this is now.

[helvirago]

That's so sad. For me, I mean, not for you, because obviously you control your own destiny and... anyway, I'm just saying. I only discovered Sentinel recently, and really enjoyed your stuff.

[sihayab.livejournal.com]

Oh, don't mistake me, I'm sad about it, too. I still love the guyz, but they stopped talking to me a while back. I had a great time in that fandom, and remember most of it fondly.

And thanks for the kind words! I'm so glad you liked my TS stories. They're still near and dear to my heart.

[jenboo.livejournal.com]

Okay, it was all funny and a lot of it was hot, but this just cracked me up...

"I thought you didn't like blowing me."

"Oh I do like it, Ray, very much, only given your physical response to orgasm, it's somewhat dangerous."

Really great stuff!

[helvirago]

Hey, Ray's a twitchy guy!

Argh! Brain cramp! I'm suddenly remembering some story in which the person receiving the blow job kicked the giver in the back. What was it?

I'm sure it'll turn out to be something I'm horribly embarrassed to admit I've read or something, but what the heck.

[mergatrude.livejournal.com]

Argh! Brain cramp! I'm suddenly remembering some story in which the person receiving the blow job kicked the giver in the back. What was it?

Possibly it was Ray again, in 'Three Lone Lorne Creatures' by Matthew Haldman-Time (http://www.matthewtime.com/duesouthpage.html)

Wonderfully funny!

[mergatrude.livejournal.com]

Of Course I was talking about Your story! And you're most welcome. I had to re-read it too, and agree with you, although time spent reading fic is never wasted and life will usually hang around and wait for you to get back to it. My in-tray is testament to that!! m.

[helvirago]

I have three things to say to you:

1. Thank you, I'm almost certain that's it (well, not that one, but one of the series)
2. I'm not ashamed to admit I read it; though it was a little heavy on the melodrama, I enjoyed it
3. Thank you very much for making me get to my day late, I didn't really need that half hour I spent reading it this morning!

Also, thank you! (Four! Amongst our weaponry...) Assuming you were talking about my story; if you weren't, uh... these are not the droids you're looking for.

(Sad, isn't it? I am actually severely handicapped in a conversation when deprived of a common pop culture.)

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

All that's left to say is "Wheeeee!!!"

Loved it. Thanks.

[helvirago]

I think I'll just round it off with a nice "Wahoo!" I'm glad folk enjoyed it. Pizza-washed wolf and all.

[ozsaur.livejournal.com]

Competitive much? LOL! I can see them doing this.

[helvirago]

No! Heavens no! What would make you say that? Just because they were preening and strutting like peacocks for Maggie...

Thank you!

[bluster.livejournal.com]

Now I have this mental image of Dief walking Frannie. She'd have a cute little collar and leash. :-) This was a lot of fun, and as has already been pointed out, very much them.

[helvirago]

Okay, that was kind of disturbing. Mostly because of the Dom!Frannie snippets. Which made me think not "cute" so much...

Wow, you know, the "very much them" -- I'm not sure I believe it, but it really is the nicest compliment. Fraser's head is hard!

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Oh, man. I quite literally laughed till I cried.

[helvirago]

Whee! I made Resonant laugh! See, that's worth putting off getting out of bed for an extra hour (yes, I wrote that in my pajamas so I could stay in bed longer).

Thank you!

[viciouscats.livejournal.com]

I found this story 2 days ago, couldn't leave feedback right away. This is SO funny! I'm still giggling. :D Thank you, thank you for writing it!

[spuffyduds.livejournal.com]

Oh, god, this is SO FUNNY and perfect. Found via viciouscats's rec. Particularly loved the Pinky line. And I was actually MAD at Fraser for making a list during, until I found out it was a challenge from Ray. SQUEE!

[j-s-cavalcante.livejournal.com]

Ahahahahaha!

Here via same rec from viciouscats.

Laughing my ass off. Can't tell kids why I am laughing. :)

"I thought you didn't like blowing me."

"Oh I do like it, Ray, very much, only given your physical response to orgasm, it's somewhat dangerous."

"Yeah, sorry about clocking you last time."

That exchange had me on the floor (as did many lines), but my fave line has to be this one:

Reprimand... tall blond person regarding... thing. Bad thing. Strong reprimand. Not to do that. Bad...

Hee!

[ride-4ever.livejournal.com]

Here via the viciouscats thematic list. This is brilliant and adorable!