Porn challenge response...

[slow-mo-panda.livejournal.com]

This one is dedicated to drkcherry, for being so patient with my lengthy work on her auction fic...
Untitled
NC-17
Fraser/Turnbull
535 words
Warnings: BDSM themes.



"Oh gods alimighty," Turnbull groaned, arching his back away from the tickling touch brushing over the hollow above his ass. He hadn't meant to arch away, it just happened, and the touch abruptly left. "No... Don't stop," he begged, throwing his head back, trying to search blindly for his lover.
"You've been a naughty boy today," Fraser's voice cut through the air. "You didn't answer the phones in sufficient time. You didn't dust the banister. You didn't bring Thatcher her coffee right away... If I didn't know any better, Turnbull, I'd say you were losing your touch." The younger mountie almost sobbed.
"I'm s-sorry, sir... It won't happen again!" Turnbull strained in his bounds, his naked body sweating from all the teasing. Fraser grinned, his sturdy hand holding the feather duster just inches from Turnbull's chest.
"Don't you think you need a little more... punishment?" Fraser asked in a low, deep voice that made his captive shiver. Turnbull nodded almost reluctantly. When there were no words forthcoming, Fraser lowered the duster down to Turnbull's ass, twirled it around, and pulled the end of the thin handle back, quickly snapping it over the pale, unsuspecting ass cheek. Turnbull shouted in surprise, jumping a little. His breath immediately grew faster.
"P-please, sir..." Turnbull stopped, afraid to go on. Fraser wated, running the tip of the handle lightly down the dark crack of his ass. A moment later, he snapped the other cheek with the handle, his own arousal growing at his captive's shout of pain. Silently, carefully, Fraser lay the duster down on his desk and slowly removed his own belt, then unbuttoned his pants, pulling them down past his knees. He noticed Turnbull's legs trembling with anxious anticipation as he stood again. Fraser released his own straining cock from his boxers, then picked up his belt again.
"Start counting," he ordered firmly, pausing only a moment before his arm swung down, his belt landing with a loud crack. Turnbull cried out before speaking a shaky "one". Fraser continued the blows to the younger man's ass, and when the pale flesh had become deep red, and there were tears running down Turnbull's cheeks, and his voice was growing more unsteady, Fraser grasped his own cock and started pumping. He was sweating mightily now, and his cock ached for release.
"f-f-fourty!" Turnbull choked out, sagging in the cuffs around his wrists. Fraser came with a grunt, his hot cum landing on Turnbull's tender red ass. After only a moment's rest, Fraser moved around to the front of his captive and dropped to his knees, taking Turnbull's cock deep into his mouth. In only moments, the younger man's seed shot down Fraser's throat, and Turnbull sobbed with relief, even though his cock had barely lost it's stiffness. "Th-thank you, Master," he breathed. Fraser got up slowly and began to unlock the cuffs and remove the blindfold.
Once Turnbull was free, they stared at each other a long moment before coming together and kissing passionately. Parting for air, Fraser panted, "Back to work." And they went their seperate ways, cleaning up and dressing, and straightening their laynards. Until the next time.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Wow... beta. Get one.

It's almighty, not alimighty. When you use ... to indicate a pause and then continue the sentence, you don't capitalize the word following the pause. However, you should capitalize the first "F" in "f-f-fourty!" And it's spelled forty. And a cock can't barely lose it's stiffness - the possessive pronoun is its. You should only use it's when you can replace it with it is. "...his cock had barely lost it is stiffness...?" I don't think so.

And does that dedication mean that someone actually paid money for a fic from you? I hope it wasn't this one...

[slow-mo-panda.livejournal.com]

Well, what do you expect considering I haven't written anything besides little snippets in at least a year, and *this* was written in five minutes! I *warned* that there was no beta, so why should you be complaining if you went ahead and read it anyways??
Just for the record, I made the f lowercased on purpose.
It's nice to know that I get such good feedback here.
And you can't even post using your name, what does that say about you?

[athenadiva.livejournal.com]

god, get a life. anyone who would actually take the time to magnify a fucking slash story on LJ is a sad waste of sperm and egg.
don't you have star trek to watch and sticks of butter to eat in your parents' basement while contemplating permanent virginty because there is absolutely NO WAY anyone.... nevermind, you're not worth it. Bite me anonymous.

u suc! c! no beta!!!!! *spits*

[ajinamoto.livejournal.com]

A response worthy of respect. ::rolls eyes::

Re: i like kinky Fraser

[slow-mo-panda.livejournal.com]

Thanks, this made me feel a little better after the first comment. I'll take it under advisement to join that other group.
Sadly, it's comments like that first one that make me wonder why I bothered writing it at all. Yeah, so I get emotional easily, is it abnormal to over something like that?
Sorry, didn't mean to mini-rant. Thanks for the comment anyways.

[ajinamoto.livejournal.com]

For the record, many people will not read a story if the author claims they don't use betas or don't believe in them or don't have time for them. It's rather egotistical and rude, in a way, saying "I don't want to be bothered to make sure my story is readable. If you don't like it, don't read it."

It really does a writer a disservice not to use a beta, someone who will help with the formatting and grammar, and someone who can say "yeah, that sounds like them" or "Um no, I seriously cannot see Fraser doing something like that. What is your reasoning behind that?" Someone who can say "It's separate." It also helps a writer get positive feedback from someone who is there to encourage a writer, and someone who will tell the writer gently all the mistakes that they made, because those mistakes are grating and no one in the public has the duty to be polite in telling you so, especially (as I said above) if you say you can't be bothered with betas.

The best writers use betas, sometimes more than one.

I agree with Jodie, you should go to ds_writers and ask for advice and betas. It's really a very good thing and no one will fault you for asking.

[slow-mo-panda.livejournal.com]

You know, I wasn't going to comment on this comment, because I am still cynical from the other comments I've recieved, but I just have to say thanks... I think.

[lamardeuse.livejournal.com]

As you say, the whole beta issue is complex. I myself have never used one, though I have *very* occasionally solicited brief opinions from people before posting. I don't advertise that I don't, however, since I understand people's reactions to that statement when delivered up front.

On the other hand, some people will proudly rhyme off a list of betas as long as my arm, then proceed to present the most hideous trash, and you think, "This was beta'd???". Betas are only useful insofar as they are not your "best buddies", and have more than a passing acquaintance with the English language. I agree that it's hard to find a good beta, but the author must also be willing to take criticism from someone about a very personal act of creation, and that's not easy for everyone.

In a word, as I said, it's complicated, and I'm not presuming to tell you what to do. I hope you won't be discouraged by this, and will continue to create and grow as a writer. I've found this community to be very supportive--those that have the courage to identify themselves, that is! *g* Take care and keep smiling.

[slow-mo-panda.livejournal.com]

Thank you, for being the first one to be *supportive*. ;)

About Anonymous

[peach1250.livejournal.com]

If a person doesn't have a LJ ID of their own that is the only way they *can* post here. So they just be a reader and not a member.

Re: About Anonymous

[halimede.livejournal.com]

Before I had an LJ, I always signed my name (or net-nick, which was fairly recognizable) when I posted anonymously. Anonymous meaning 'not having an account', and anonymous not identifying yourself don't have to be the same thing.

Re: About Anonymous

[peach1250.livejournal.com]

See why I use a beta? ;-)

[duesouthficrecs.livejournal.com]

Betas are over-rated in my book. Yes, there is at time and a place for them, but let's not get carried away. Anything I write for flashfic is unbetaed. I double check my grammar and spelling (doubly so because English isn't my first language and I can come up with some strange combinations sometimes that make *me* blink), but I won't ask for a beta unless I'm writing something that involves a lot of twists and turns and I need someone to help me make sure I'm still on track by the time the ending comes.

That said, I do agree that it'd be nice for people to check their spelling before they post. I probably won't read a story full of spelling mistakes. But I'm no more obligated to read fic than they are to write it, so I pick and choose what I want.

[laurakaye.livejournal.com]

I won't post anything that hasn't been betaed, preferably by at least two people. A good, rigorous beta is the best thing in the world to help a writer develop.

After all, better to bear the momentary humiliation of your beta saying, "Dude, seriously, you have to re-write this- Ray is a woman!" or "Um, when did Fraser grow the third arm? Because there's one on Ray's ass and one holding the sheets and one on Ray's chest here" than to bear the LASTING humiliation of writing and posting the story for the world to see your blunders.

[duesouthficrecs.livejournal.com]

As I said, there are times for betas and times not for betas.

For me flash fic, is just that, FLASH fic. I write soon as inspiration strikes, then I post. Going through a beta would, imho, negate the value of writing flash fic.

Betas aren't the only way to improve your writing. For example, in the first stages of writing flash fic, I made it a point to write only drabbles. I see flash fic as being something of a workshop.

Relying too heavily on betas can also stunt a writer's own individual growth.

Yeah, get someone to check over your work if you're presenting it to the world. But don't be afraid to show your writing as it is when you're writing for a small group experimenting with styles.

I also think it is absolutely disgusting of 'seasoned' writers to attack newer writers who haven't figured out yet exactly what (and when) they need betas for. It's okay to say to a person who asks for a critique "Excellent plot, but your spelling's weak." But it's *wrong* to call the writer names because they won't use a beta.

Not every writer writes to 'improve'. Some just write because it feels good and those writers aren't forcing anyone to read their work. By badgering them, you might turn what was a fun hobby into something that's no longer pleasant.

In short, if the person asks for your opinion, give it in a sensitive manner. If they don't, don't say anything and press your delete button.

[ajinamoto.livejournal.com]

I also think it is absolutely disgusting of 'seasoned' writers to attack newer writers who haven't figured out yet exactly what (and when) they need betas for. It's okay to say to a person who asks for a critique "Excellent plot, but your spelling's weak." But it's *wrong* to call the writer names because they won't use a beta.

I believe that if it's posted to a public forum it's open season for criticism of all types. If you want to write for yourself, then you don't post. If you post it, one assumes you want the community to see your work, so don't complain if you get negative feedback.

I'm sensitive about my writing, so if I post something, I make sure it's been checked by someone who's better at grammar than I am and knows when to use a semi-colon and when to use a comma. If I'm not certain about the tone, or if I think it makes sense but want to make sure it's not just making sense to me, I'll ask for another opinion. When you read something over and over, and this is true in the business world as well, you see what you want to see. It's always good for a second pair of fresh eyes to look things over.

If I don't like the tone of a story, or the feel of a story, I wouldn't say anything because that's subjective. I also wouldn't usually say anything about grammar, because that's not my strong point.

I don't think giving a new writer advice about using a beta is attacking the writer, just because you don't believe in them either.

[imkalena.livejournal.com]

Relying too heavily on betas can also stunt a writer's own individual growth.

Or, as in my case, they can encourage you, fix your sentences, help you discover the miracle of plot, spark your ideas, help your writing flow, cheer you up on a bad day, trade tales of writers's block, and generally be your best friend. :) My first beta nagged me INTO writing in the first place, and I still adore her.

IMO

[peach1250.livejournal.com]

If you feel that a beta is stunting your growth, then I'd say that wasn't the right beta for you. A beta isn't a till death arrangement. I have several and on longer works I sometimes use more than one so I get different POV. And I even correct things months after the fact on my site, because we don't all catch errors right away.

Hell, I had someone write to me and tell me that storing vegetables in the panty was a strange place for them. I laughed so hard I almost fell out of my chair and so did my beta when I told her. And she once posted a story with her characters eating desert. (Personally, I don't like sand)

Normally, when I see errors I write to the author off-list with them. I once had an author put my private email to her up on her website along with her reply. I got several emails telling me that they agreed with what I said about the story and couldn't believe she put my email up along with my email address when I had obviously tried to respect her feelings and not air my opinions in public.

Is your email address available here so someone could reach you privately?

Re: IMO

[slow-mo-panda.livejournal.com]

If you want *my* email address, I don't think it's posted in my userinfo, but I suppose I could go change that...

[slow-mo-panda.livejournal.com]

re: Not every writer writes to 'improve'. Some just write because it feels good and those writers aren't forcing anyone to read their work. By badgering them, you might turn what was a fun hobby into something that's no longer pleasant.

Thank you for this. I used to write to improve, and I used to write to make *others* happy. Sometimes I still hope it makes others happy, but it is instances like this that make me cringe away and sometimes lose all interest for quite some time.
In response to another part of your comment, I am not exactly a *new* writer, but I have only written *one* full-length fic, and several drabbles, and none of them were very good. I have just gone through a year-long dry spell, then broke through with two snippets posted here. So right about now, I do feel liek a new writer. And very much intimidated by all this.
But thank you for your supportive responses. They're supportive to *me*, anyways. :)

[duesouthficrecs.livejournal.com]

For some people who write fan fic, it's their first time ever producing any sort of creative fiction. I firmly believe they should be allowed to find their 'voice' before resorting to betas. Because, until they find their voice and have confidence in their writing, new writers won't know what of their betas suggestions to keep and what to discard.

Also, writing can be very intimidating to people who've never done it. There's a lot involved, from developping characters to plot to grammar and syntax. Newer writers can be frightened away from writing for ever when people are quick to tell them their first efforts have such and such technical problems. Let the writer play around with the craft of writing until it becomes a joy. Then that person will be open and receptive to the more technical aspects of writing such as the grammar and syntax and will better benefit from 'constructive criticism'.

[imkalena.livejournal.com]

For some people who write fan fic, it's their first time ever producing any sort of creative fiction. I firmly believe they should be allowed to find their 'voice' before resorting to betas.

That would be me.:)

I was extremely intimidated by the whole writing thing and counted on my friend practically as a crutch. I didn't give a rip about finding my voice, I was just hoping to write something that made sense, with words in reasonable order. I still don't precisely know what 'voice' is (the same as style, I assume); I can see that my style is very different from some peoples'. All the folks who have helped me sure didn't stop me from getting it, if so. Goodness knows their styles are different enough from each other.

For me, betas are not a 'resort'. I couldn't possibly have written the few stories I have without constant encouragement from my friends.

I've had a couple of bad beta experiences, but y'know, that's the way it goes.

[(Anonymous)]

all the people who snidely suggest betaed stories aren't worth their time should consider proofreading their own damned comment posts.

yeah, tell me about my use of 'their'. get a life.