The Due South Reunion Movie, Draft 1
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ds_flashfiction638 words
From the Due South Reunion Movie
(Tentative title: "Here Today, Yukon Tomorrow")
Draft 1
by P. Haggis/P. Gross
From Scene 4:
A snowdrift
FRASER (lying on top of his sleeping bag in long johns. He looks to the side)
Ray. (There is no answer) Ray? (as before) Ray. Ray. Ray!
RAY KOWALSKI (A voice from under a huge mound of fur blankets)
Mmmph.
FRASER (addressing one end of the mound):
Ray – are you all right?
(A hand appears from under the opposite end, followed by RAY's head. There is frost in his hair.)
RAY
Fraser. Are you a freaking psychopath?
Note to Paul Haggis and Paul Gross from Standards & Practices Department:
Please excise the word "freaking" from the script.
RAY
Fraser. Are you afreaking complete psychopath?
FRASER (Thinks for a moment)
Not that I'm aware of, no, Ray. Although (he chuckles) – there was that one nurse in Tuktoyaktuk who thought I –
RAY
Fraser! Do not start with me. "Am I all right?" No, I'm not all right, I'm freezing my nuts off here, and I –
Note to Paul Haggis and Paul Gross from Standards and Practices Department:
You cannot say "nuts" in the context of male testicles.
Note from Paul G to S&P:
What about female testicles?
Note from Paul H to S&P:
The "nuts" referred to here are a tin of salted peanuts carried by RK throughout the opening sequence. Please review scenes 1-3, 5-7.
Note from Paul H to Paul G: Quit antagonizing Standards & Practices, Paul, for Christ's sake, will you?
From Scene 17:
Ray's apartment in Chicago
(Interior. Door opens into apartment – DIEFENBAKER trots in, followed by RAY, who falls to his knees and kisses the floor. )
RAY
Yes. Yes. Yes, yes, yes! Terra Firma, Land o'Lincoln, Home Sweet Home, mi casa, be it ever so humble, home again, home again, jiggety-
FRASER (Stepping over his friend)
I get the idea, Ray.
RAY
Good. Great. Greatness.
Note from Callum Keith Rennie to Paul Haggis:
Could I not say "Greatness" here?
Note from Paul Haggis to CKR:
Why not?
CKR to PH:
Cliché. RK said it twice in Season 3, once in Season 4.
PH to CKR:
Three times is a cliché?
CKR to PH:
I don't repeat myself. Ray wouldn't either.
Note from Paul Haggis to Paul Gross:
Paul, could you have a word with Mr. Method about this?
PG to CKR:
Cal, say "greatness" in the scene or I'll do that thing to you again. You know what. When you least expect it.
CKR to PG:
I hate you.
From Scene 22
Interior. Ray's Apartment
FRASER
You know, Ray, all that time we spent together in the Territories, all those months on our quest looking for the Hand of Franklin –
RAY
--which we never found—
FRASER
Granted. All that time, wrapped in our fur-lined parkas—
RAY
--smelling like wet dogs—
FRASER
--the open vista of the North surrounding us—
RAY
--the snow-blindness giving me Excedrin Headache No. 2-freakin'thousand and twelve—
FRASER
--despite all our adventures—
RAY
--like the thing with the blubber—(shudders)
FRASER
Yes, Ray, with all those wonderful things, there's one thing I regret we never did.
RAY
What's that, Fraser? Eat nothing but ice for a week? Because I think we did that.
FRASER
No, Ray, this—
(He pushes Ray up against the wall, reaches into Ray's pants and
Note from Standards & Practices to Paul Haggis and Paul Gross:
What the FUCK?
Note from Paul Haggis to Paul Gross:
I did not write that! You know I didn't write that!
Note from CKR to PG:
I hate you. I really, really, fucking HATE you, Gross!
Paul Haggis to Standards & Practices:
Due to some late revisions, Draft 2 of "Here today, Yukon Tomorrow" may be somewhat delayed. Please accept our apologies.
From the Due South Reunion Movie
(Tentative title: "Here Today, Yukon Tomorrow")
Draft 1
by P. Haggis/P. Gross
From Scene 4:
A snowdrift
FRASER (lying on top of his sleeping bag in long johns. He looks to the side)
Ray. (There is no answer) Ray? (as before) Ray. Ray. Ray!
RAY KOWALSKI (A voice from under a huge mound of fur blankets)
Mmmph.
FRASER (addressing one end of the mound):
Ray – are you all right?
(A hand appears from under the opposite end, followed by RAY's head. There is frost in his hair.)
RAY
Fraser. Are you a freaking psychopath?
Note to Paul Haggis and Paul Gross from Standards & Practices Department:
Please excise the word "freaking" from the script.
RAY
Fraser. Are you a
FRASER (Thinks for a moment)
Not that I'm aware of, no, Ray. Although (he chuckles) – there was that one nurse in Tuktoyaktuk who thought I –
RAY
Fraser! Do not start with me. "Am I all right?" No, I'm not all right, I'm freezing my nuts off here, and I –
Note to Paul Haggis and Paul Gross from Standards and Practices Department:
You cannot say "nuts" in the context of male testicles.
Note from Paul G to S&P:
What about female testicles?
Note from Paul H to S&P:
The "nuts" referred to here are a tin of salted peanuts carried by RK throughout the opening sequence. Please review scenes 1-3, 5-7.
Note from Paul H to Paul G: Quit antagonizing Standards & Practices, Paul, for Christ's sake, will you?
From Scene 17:
Ray's apartment in Chicago
(Interior. Door opens into apartment – DIEFENBAKER trots in, followed by RAY, who falls to his knees and kisses the floor. )
RAY
Yes. Yes. Yes, yes, yes! Terra Firma, Land o'Lincoln, Home Sweet Home, mi casa, be it ever so humble, home again, home again, jiggety-
FRASER (Stepping over his friend)
I get the idea, Ray.
RAY
Good. Great. Greatness.
Note from Callum Keith Rennie to Paul Haggis:
Could I not say "Greatness" here?
Note from Paul Haggis to CKR:
Why not?
CKR to PH:
Cliché. RK said it twice in Season 3, once in Season 4.
PH to CKR:
Three times is a cliché?
CKR to PH:
I don't repeat myself. Ray wouldn't either.
Note from Paul Haggis to Paul Gross:
Paul, could you have a word with Mr. Method about this?
PG to CKR:
Cal, say "greatness" in the scene or I'll do that thing to you again. You know what. When you least expect it.
CKR to PG:
I hate you.
From Scene 22
Interior. Ray's Apartment
FRASER
You know, Ray, all that time we spent together in the Territories, all those months on our quest looking for the Hand of Franklin –
RAY
--which we never found—
FRASER
Granted. All that time, wrapped in our fur-lined parkas—
RAY
--smelling like wet dogs—
FRASER
--the open vista of the North surrounding us—
RAY
--the snow-blindness giving me Excedrin Headache No. 2-
FRASER
--despite all our adventures—
RAY
--like the thing with the blubber—(shudders)
FRASER
Yes, Ray, with all those wonderful things, there's one thing I regret we never did.
RAY
What's that, Fraser? Eat nothing but ice for a week? Because I think we did that.
FRASER
No, Ray, this—
(He pushes Ray up against the wall, reaches into Ray's pants and
Note from Standards & Practices to Paul Haggis and Paul Gross:
What the FUCK?
Note from Paul Haggis to Paul Gross:
I did not write that! You know I didn't write that!
Note from CKR to PG:
I hate you. I really, really, fucking HATE you, Gross!
Paul Haggis to Standards & Practices:
Due to some late revisions, Draft 2 of "Here today, Yukon Tomorrow" may be somewhat delayed. Please accept our apologies.
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no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 02:36 am (UTC)Mr. Method...BWAHAHAHA!!! What about female testicles...BWAHAHAHA!!! S&P: What the FUCK?...BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
*giggle* *snerk* BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
I'm sorry I'm not more articulate about this...it was just too fucking perfect and too fucking funny for words.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 03:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 03:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 04:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 04:30 am (UTC)freakin'darn funny for words! I was laughing myasshead off!no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 04:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 05:32 am (UTC)No. I snorted cola all over the damn desk. Delays are not acceptable. This has to be filmed now.
Note from CKR to PG:
I hate you. I really, really, fucking HATE you, Gross!
Still laughing.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 03:57 pm (UTC)Heehee. Thanks!
Lurking reader does midnight hit and run
Date: 2003-09-28 06:15 am (UTC)What about female testicles?
I started giggling here.
PG to CKR:
Cal, say "greatness" in the scene or I'll do that thing to you again. You know what. When you least expect it.
CKR to PG:
I hate you.
I started laughing here.
Note from CKR to PG:
I hate you. I really, really, fucking HATE you, Gross!
I scared the dog here.
MoonPuppy
RSM: What about female testicles?
Re: Lurking reader does midnight hit and run
Date: 2003-09-28 03:58 pm (UTC)Glad you got a laugh from this.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 09:49 am (UTC)::goes back to bed with cold compress::
no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 03:59 pm (UTC)Thanks a bunch for commenting.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 10:07 am (UTC)I'm too incapacitated to properly express my love for this story right now, obviously, but it was perfect.
::goes off and dies::
-mercy
no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 04:01 pm (UTC)Thanks!
no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 12:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 04:02 pm (UTC)That's okay!
no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 01:46 pm (UTC)You sat with me at dinner and had the nerve to say you wrote a little something????
Aieee!
This is wonderful, Shay. And yes, I'm joining the queue for the DVD purchasers.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 04:03 pm (UTC)Thanks, shweetie. Really enjoyed dinner and so happy you like this.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 04:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 04:25 pm (UTC)Thanks so much for your nice words.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 04:58 pm (UTC)*falls over laughing*
*dies*
Note to Standards & Practices:
Needs safety/health warning.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 05:08 pm (UTC)Needs safety/health warning.
Thank God my insurance is paid up!!
Thanks!
no subject
Date: 2003-09-29 02:14 am (UTC)It's a good thing I was sitting on the floor when I read this!
no subject
Date: 2003-09-29 02:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-29 02:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-29 07:18 pm (UTC)Thanks, Ro!
Madcap hysteria
Date: 2003-09-29 09:43 pm (UTC)Paul Haggis to Standards & Practices:
Due to some late revisions, Draft 2 of "Here today, Yukon Tomorrow" may be somewhat delayed. Please accept our apologies.
Isn't that always the way? Damn.
Re: Madcap hysteria
Date: 2003-09-30 12:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-08 11:31 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-02-09 01:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-11 09:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-11 10:38 am (UTC)Thanks for the FB! Glad you liked it.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-11 10:41 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2005-07-25 03:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-25 05:59 pm (UTC)HAHA!
Date: 2005-07-29 12:40 am (UTC)Re: HAHA!
Date: 2005-07-29 02:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-29 12:56 pm (UTC)Please excise the word "freaking" from the script. What the FUCK?
I love this!Great!Greatness!;))
Heheh,I'm a little late here,too,but I've just jumped on the RPS wagon and followed the link *g*
no subject
Date: 2005-07-29 01:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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