ds_flashfiction | The Due South Reunion Movie, Draft 1

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638 words

From the Due South Reunion Movie
(Tentative title: "Here Today, Yukon Tomorrow")
Draft 1
by P. Haggis/P. Gross

From Scene 4:
A snowdrift

FRASER (lying on top of his sleeping bag in long johns. He looks to the side)
Ray. (There is no answer) Ray? (as before) Ray. Ray. Ray!

RAY KOWALSKI (A voice from under a huge mound of fur blankets)
Mmmph.

FRASER (addressing one end of the mound):
Ray – are you all right?

(A hand appears from under the opposite end, followed by RAY's head. There is frost in his hair.)

RAY
Fraser. Are you a freaking psychopath?

Note to Paul Haggis and Paul Gross from Standards & Practices Department:
Please excise the word "freaking" from the script.

RAY
Fraser. Are you a ~~freaking~~ complete psychopath?

FRASER (Thinks for a moment)
Not that I'm aware of, no, Ray. Although (he chuckles) – there was that one nurse in Tuktoyaktuk who thought I –

RAY
Fraser! Do not start with me. "Am I all right?" No, I'm not all right, I'm freezing my nuts off here, and I –

Note to Paul Haggis and Paul Gross from Standards and Practices Department:
You cannot say "nuts" in the context of male testicles.

Note from Paul G to S&P:
What about female testicles?

Note from Paul H to S&P:
The "nuts" referred to here are a tin of salted peanuts carried by RK throughout the opening sequence. Please review scenes 1-3, 5-7.

Note from Paul H to Paul G: Quit antagonizing Standards & Practices, Paul, for Christ's sake, will you?

From Scene 17:
Ray's apartment in Chicago

(Interior. Door opens into apartment – DIEFENBAKER trots in, followed by RAY, who falls to his knees and kisses the floor. )

RAY
Yes. Yes. Yes, yes, yes! Terra Firma, Land o'Lincoln, Home Sweet Home, mi casa, be it ever so humble, home again, home again, jiggety-

FRASER (Stepping over his friend)
I get the idea, Ray.

RAY
Good. Great. Greatness.

Note from Callum Keith Rennie to Paul Haggis:
Could I not say "Greatness" here?

Note from Paul Haggis to CKR:
Why not?

CKR to PH:
Cliché. RK said it twice in Season 3, once in Season 4.

PH to CKR:
Three times is a cliché?

CKR to PH:
I don't repeat myself. Ray wouldn't either.

Note from Paul Haggis to Paul Gross:
Paul, could you have a word with Mr. Method about this?

PG to CKR:
Cal, say "greatness" in the scene or I'll do that thing to you again. You know what. When you least expect it.

CKR to PG:
I hate you.

From Scene 22
Interior. Ray's Apartment

FRASER
You know, Ray, all that time we spent together in the Territories, all those months on our quest looking for the Hand of Franklin –

RAY
--which we never found—

FRASER
Granted. All that time, wrapped in our fur-lined parkas—

RAY
--smelling like wet dogs—

FRASER
--the open vista of the North surrounding us—

RAY
--the snow-blindness giving me Excedrin Headache No. 2-~~freakin'~~thousand and twelve—

FRASER
--despite all our adventures—

RAY
--like the thing with the blubber—(shudders)

FRASER
Yes, Ray, with all those wonderful things, there's one thing I regret we never did.

RAY
What's that, Fraser? Eat nothing but ice for a week? Because I think we did that.

FRASER
No, Ray, this—
(He pushes Ray up against the wall, reaches into Ray's pants and

Note from Standards & Practices to Paul Haggis and Paul Gross:
What the FUCK?

Note from Paul Haggis to Paul Gross:
I did not write that! You know I didn't write that!

Note from CKR to PG:
I hate you. I really, really, fucking HATE you, Gross!

Paul Haggis to Standards & Practices:
Due to some late revisions, Draft 2 of "Here today, Yukon Tomorrow" may be somewhat delayed. Please accept our apologies.