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Oct. 5th, 2003 03:51 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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ds_flashfictionPosting this for shokabuku. Feedback can be given below or sent to her at shokabuku@aol.com.
This story takes place after the episode 'The Bounty Hunter'.
Peeping Tom
by shokabuku
I kept my hand on his neck, just for warmth and comfort, until I got us to the Goat. He still looked wrecked, but was trying to stuff everything into that damn polite Mountie face. I get so tired of seeing that face.
“Thank you kindly, Ray. I appreciate your kindness. If it’s not too much trouble, could you please drop myself and Diefenbaker off at the Consulate?”
I shrugged as I made my way back around to the driver’s side. “Thought we were gonna go get some chow?”
He looked down and away, and bit his lower lip a bit…he’s thinking up a good excuse to ditch on dinner.
Fraser swallowed hard, then nodded. “Of course, Ray. I forgot. I’m sorry.” He turned towards me across the car, but wouldn’t meet my eyes. “Where would you like to go?”
I shrugged again as I lowered myself into the seat and turned the key over. “You choose, buddy. My treat, so your choice.”
He let Dief into the car, put the seat back, and just sort of fell into it. Still not meeting my eyes…afraid to show me anything of himself…especially his pain.
Fraser rubbed his thumb over his eyebrow, cleared his throat. “I have no particular taste in mind, Ray. Really, whatever you choose is fine.”
I glanced sideways at him through the darkness, pulling the car out of the lot and into the evil that is late evening Chicago traffic. He was looking out the window…actually, he was looking sad. He doesn’t get that I get it.
I pull out the cell, punch in Tony’s, and order us some grub. Fraser doesn’t blink, doesn’t comment, doesn’t turn away from the window.
“We can go back to my place…kick back, find some hockey…maybe relax. How’s that sound to you, Frase?”
He nods, still looking out into the night. Dief woofs appreciatively from the backseat. Well, at least one of them is happy about it. Sheesh.
___________________________
No hockey on tonight, so half of my idea has been shot to hell. Usually, when we watch it, he lets go a bit, argues with me over which team is better…but, tonight, all we get is your choice of re-run movies or re-run sitcoms or, oh yeah, let’s not forget the re-run reality shows. Give me a freakin’ break. Reality shows, my ass. I got reality sitting here on my couch, man.
I almost shoot beer out of my nose as that thought trips through my brain. I do have reality sitting here on my couch, but he doesn’t get that I get it.
“Fraser?”
“Yes, Ray?”
“Wanna talk about it?”
He makes like he’s going to say what, Ray but then he sort of slumps back against the cushions and quietly says, “There’s not much to talk about, Ray.”
I take the paper plate of untouched pizza from his knee and chuck it onto the coffee table. “I think there is.” I hand him the remote control and scooch my butt closer to him, put my arm around his shoulder on the back of the couch. “I think you should.” I stare at the tv so he doesn’t get all edgy on me.
He starts to relax back a bit, blinking at the screen. We sit like that for several minutes, and if I hadn’t been focusing hard on him while not looking like I was, I would have missed the barely whispered, “I feel so lost.”
I put my hand back on his neck, rubbing lightly like before, just for warmth and comfort. He closes his eyes and just lets me. Yeah, Ben…just let me.
“Ben?”
He doesn’t even flinch at me using his first name, so it must be okay. He just sits and lets me rub his neck, head hanging with his eyes closed. “Hhmm?”
“You know how they say that the windows to the soul are the eyes?”
“Yes, Ray.”
I take a deep breath, still gently rubbing his neck. This could be the breaker, man. I smile anyway. Bite the bullet, Ray, you coward. You know he can’t.
I clear my throat and say quietly, “I’m tired of being a peeping tom, Ben.”
He blinks open his eyes, and turns to me frowning. “I’m afraid I…”
I interrupt him, “I know you are, I know…but so am I. And at my age, I get tired of climbing through windows, Fraser.”
He sits up more, and looks at me, totally confused. That’s a switch.
I smile a bit at him, trying to let him know it’s okay…Christ, I hope it’s gonna be okay…please, God…let this be okay…
Another deep breath, and I just let it go. “I see a lot through your windows, buddy, but what I want is for you to show me the door.”
Still confused, brow all furrowed, he says, “What door?”
“The door to your heart.”
Fraser’s eyes go wide, and he sucks in a huge breath, and I’m like oh God, oh God, oh shit, please don’t let this go bad…please, please, please…
I put my hands on either side of his face, stare him in the eye, and say what I been dying to say for weeks…”Let me in, Ben.”
And I lean forward and do what I been dying to do for longer…I kiss him.
His breath catches, but he doesn’t pull back…doesn’t pull away. And then, miracle of miracles…thank you God, I totally owe you big time…he relaxes and returns the favor.
This story takes place after the episode 'The Bounty Hunter'.
Peeping Tom
by shokabuku
I kept my hand on his neck, just for warmth and comfort, until I got us to the Goat. He still looked wrecked, but was trying to stuff everything into that damn polite Mountie face. I get so tired of seeing that face.
“Thank you kindly, Ray. I appreciate your kindness. If it’s not too much trouble, could you please drop myself and Diefenbaker off at the Consulate?”
I shrugged as I made my way back around to the driver’s side. “Thought we were gonna go get some chow?”
He looked down and away, and bit his lower lip a bit…he’s thinking up a good excuse to ditch on dinner.
Fraser swallowed hard, then nodded. “Of course, Ray. I forgot. I’m sorry.” He turned towards me across the car, but wouldn’t meet my eyes. “Where would you like to go?”
I shrugged again as I lowered myself into the seat and turned the key over. “You choose, buddy. My treat, so your choice.”
He let Dief into the car, put the seat back, and just sort of fell into it. Still not meeting my eyes…afraid to show me anything of himself…especially his pain.
Fraser rubbed his thumb over his eyebrow, cleared his throat. “I have no particular taste in mind, Ray. Really, whatever you choose is fine.”
I glanced sideways at him through the darkness, pulling the car out of the lot and into the evil that is late evening Chicago traffic. He was looking out the window…actually, he was looking sad. He doesn’t get that I get it.
I pull out the cell, punch in Tony’s, and order us some grub. Fraser doesn’t blink, doesn’t comment, doesn’t turn away from the window.
“We can go back to my place…kick back, find some hockey…maybe relax. How’s that sound to you, Frase?”
He nods, still looking out into the night. Dief woofs appreciatively from the backseat. Well, at least one of them is happy about it. Sheesh.
No hockey on tonight, so half of my idea has been shot to hell. Usually, when we watch it, he lets go a bit, argues with me over which team is better…but, tonight, all we get is your choice of re-run movies or re-run sitcoms or, oh yeah, let’s not forget the re-run reality shows. Give me a freakin’ break. Reality shows, my ass. I got reality sitting here on my couch, man.
I almost shoot beer out of my nose as that thought trips through my brain. I do have reality sitting here on my couch, but he doesn’t get that I get it.
“Fraser?”
“Yes, Ray?”
“Wanna talk about it?”
He makes like he’s going to say what, Ray but then he sort of slumps back against the cushions and quietly says, “There’s not much to talk about, Ray.”
I take the paper plate of untouched pizza from his knee and chuck it onto the coffee table. “I think there is.” I hand him the remote control and scooch my butt closer to him, put my arm around his shoulder on the back of the couch. “I think you should.” I stare at the tv so he doesn’t get all edgy on me.
He starts to relax back a bit, blinking at the screen. We sit like that for several minutes, and if I hadn’t been focusing hard on him while not looking like I was, I would have missed the barely whispered, “I feel so lost.”
I put my hand back on his neck, rubbing lightly like before, just for warmth and comfort. He closes his eyes and just lets me. Yeah, Ben…just let me.
“Ben?”
He doesn’t even flinch at me using his first name, so it must be okay. He just sits and lets me rub his neck, head hanging with his eyes closed. “Hhmm?”
“You know how they say that the windows to the soul are the eyes?”
“Yes, Ray.”
I take a deep breath, still gently rubbing his neck. This could be the breaker, man. I smile anyway. Bite the bullet, Ray, you coward. You know he can’t.
I clear my throat and say quietly, “I’m tired of being a peeping tom, Ben.”
He blinks open his eyes, and turns to me frowning. “I’m afraid I…”
I interrupt him, “I know you are, I know…but so am I. And at my age, I get tired of climbing through windows, Fraser.”
He sits up more, and looks at me, totally confused. That’s a switch.
I smile a bit at him, trying to let him know it’s okay…Christ, I hope it’s gonna be okay…please, God…let this be okay…
Another deep breath, and I just let it go. “I see a lot through your windows, buddy, but what I want is for you to show me the door.”
Still confused, brow all furrowed, he says, “What door?”
“The door to your heart.”
Fraser’s eyes go wide, and he sucks in a huge breath, and I’m like oh God, oh God, oh shit, please don’t let this go bad…please, please, please…
I put my hands on either side of his face, stare him in the eye, and say what I been dying to say for weeks…”Let me in, Ben.”
And I lean forward and do what I been dying to do for longer…I kiss him.
His breath catches, but he doesn’t pull back…doesn’t pull away. And then, miracle of miracles…thank you God, I totally owe you big time…he relaxes and returns the favor.
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Date: 2003-10-05 09:00 pm (UTC)This was truly beautiful - it had a melody to it, and I just love a story that sings. Thanks for letting us peek in!
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Date: 2003-10-06 01:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-05 11:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-06 01:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-06 02:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-06 07:23 am (UTC)::melts:: So sweet. Wonderful job.
-mercy
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Date: 2003-10-07 06:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-07 11:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-08 03:49 am (UTC)