ds_flashfiction | I'm baaaack!

lamardeuse.livejournal.com posting in

*sound of crickets chirping*

Well. I couldn't resist this challenge. Couldn't resist my own little nyah-nyah-nyah-boo-boo at all the arsetards who like to call themselves Christians.

David Mainse, you hatemongering old fart, this one's for you. 859 words.

Ceremony
by lamardeuse

Fraser watched as Ray adjusted his tie in the mirror for approximately the eighty-third time. One corner of his mouth tugged upwards in a smile; looking up, Ray saw its reflection before it could be erased.

"Quit laughing at me."

Fraser pursed his lips. "I'm not laughing at you. I'm merely--" He cut himself off as he realized there was no merely about it.

So many memories, good and bad. So many trials and privations and joys and heartbeats to bring them finally to this place.

"Hey, hey, what gives?" Ray's gentle voice brought him back to the present. His long-fingered hands brushed against Fraser's cheeks; with a shock, Fraser realized his eyes were brimming with tears.

"It's just--" Fraser said hoarsely, clearing his throat. "Overwhelming, I suppose."

Leaning forward, Ray pressed his lips to Fraser's forehead. "Newsflash, Frase. It's okay to be overwhelmed. Especially on a day like today." He pulled back and grinned. "I'm plannin' on breaking down somewhere around the ‘I do's'. No way am I gonna make it to the cake."

"This is it, isn't it?" Fraser whispered. His hands came up instinctively to bracket Ray's shoulders.

"Yeah," Ray agreed. "But it's not an ending--that's what I keep tellin' myself, anyway. It's a beginning. And nobody deserves it more."

"True," Fraser breathed, nodding. Ray dropped his hands, but not before bestowing a soft kiss on his lips this time. When they parted, Ray didn't draw away. He cocked his head like Dief listening for an inaudible sound.

"That's not all it is," he said flatly.

Fraser had long since given up being surprised at Ray's startling insights into his psyche. "No," he admitted.

"Then spill. I gotta fiddle with this tie at least another twenty minutes, you know."

Fraser closed his eyes briefly, then took a deep breath and expelled the words in a rush. "Why didn't we ever get married?"

Ray's mouth thinned. "I dunno. Because we could never figure out which one of us was supposed to propose?"

Fraser frowned. "Ray."

The other man sighed, made to run a hand through his hair, then thought better of it. "Look, look, I'm not trying to--I thought about it, okay? When Maggie died, and you got custody of Annie, I thought, well, if anyone fights it, that's what we'll have to do."

Fraser's heart twisted in his chest. "So you're saying that the only reason you would have married me is if--"

"That's not what I mean at all! Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Ray punctuated his profanity with three sharp whacks of the heel of his hand against his forehead. "I'm not sayin' this right, I know that, I know. Give me a sec, all right?"

Fraser tried to calm his breathing, and succeeded after a fashion. "All right, Ray." He adopted his at-ease pose and waited while Ray began to pace like a tiger in a too-small cage. After what seemed like an aeon, his lover came to a halt in front of him.

"You need to understand something about me, Frase, about me and Stella. From the second I met her, I knew we were right. We--we fit together, like two puzzle pieces. And I was sure I was going to spend the rest of my life with her, the way you were supposed to: marriage, kids, the house, the white picket fence, the whole damned package. That was what I thought love was.

"Well, you know the ending to that story. And when I met you--man, you drove me nuts from day one. Running into burning buildings. Lickin' electrical sockets. I figured we were as far apart as two people could be--oil and water, pizza and pemmican, logic and instinct. What the hell did we have in common? Where did we fit together? Sure, I wanted to get in your pumpkin pants something fierce--" he grinned wolfishly "--but that wasn't love. Love was--stuff. It was the package. I didn't know anything else.

"And then we came up here on our adventure, and there was nothing. I mean, nothing--no stuff, not even a fuckin' pizza, let alone a white picket fence. I wondered, okay, Kowalski, what are you doin' here? There's nothing--nothing you were taught to need, or want, or expect."

One of Ray's hands rose to Fraser's chest, and Fraser could feel it tremble as it settled over his heart. Ray's voice when he spoke again was shaking as well. "Nothing--but this. Nothing but you. And when I figured that out, I figured something else out, too."

Fraser cleared his throat when Ray didn't immediately continue. "What was that?" he prompted.

Ray took a step forward until his hand was pressed between their bodies, until his mouth was a hairsbreadth from Fraser's. "That this was everything," he said fiercely.

There was nothing else to do then but kiss him. So Fraser did just that.

When they parted, Ray's hand stroked the wetness off his lover's wrinkled cheek. "Help me with this tie, will you?" he said softly. "Annie'll have our heads if we're late for her wedding."

Fraser smiled and bent to his task. "Right you are, Ray."

End