Um. I think I’ve unleashed a monster.
Mar. 30th, 2004 08:21 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
lamardeuse.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
ds_flashfictionAfter years of frozen, deer-in-the-headlights smiles and “eww” noises, my partner, inspired by Kass, has come up with the premise for a slash story.
He has come up with the premise for a slash story involving a sex scene.
He has come up with…a line involving Ray’s scrotum.
You see why I had to beg Kass to let me rip her off?
Conversations II: Taste Test
by lamardeuse and luvhandlz
~inspired by Kass~
“Don’t take it personally, Bob. You know the way young folks are nowadays.” Maurice shrugged as he turned back to his contemplation of the sunset. The Group of Six had picked a perfect spot for their latest project, the dying rays of the sun caressing the Bering Strait’s choppy waters. Lucky none of them had to fret about retinal burn any longer.
“Yes, my daughter never listens to me either,” George chimed in. “I told her that real estate agent looked shifty to me, but did she take my advice?” He applied crimson daubs of oil paint to his canvas with vicious strokes.
“I don’t think real estate agents can be blamed for freak tornadoes,” Maurice offered.
George sniffed. “Well, he could have warned her about the pig farm down the road. When they started hitting the roof…” He shuddered expressively.
Maurice brushed a wispy line of cloud onto his own canvas, then turned to Bob. “I think you’ll just have to be more careful about when you drop in, now that Benton is…” He trailed off with a wave of his paintbrush.
Bob cleared his throat. “Perhaps you’re right,” he allowed, “but I was only trying to be helpful.”
“I know,” Maurice said. “But even you have to admit, a discussion of the relative merits of various kinds of maple syrup, when they were—”
“It was relevant to the situation,” Bob protested. “And all I said was that a Québec syrup might have been a better choice for that particular—ah, activity.”
George’s face acquired a dreamy expression. “Yes, the maples of the Beauce produce an exquisite clair. Nectar of the gods.”
Maurice and Bob stared at him. George blinked, then flushed. “On pancakes. And waffles. I’ve never—that is—”
“Calm down, calm down,” Maurice sighed. “No one’s accusing you of being interesting.”
“Well, I’d never have considered my son particularly interesting either,” Bob huffed, “until I saw—Lord.” He squinted at the ocean, then picked up a mixture of olive and phthalo blue on his brush. “But I’ve always prided myself on my tolerance, and so I thought, well, what better way to show him my support than to offer a little advice? I didn’t expect it to devolve so quickly into a shouting match.”
“Bob, you interrupted your son in flagrante delicto,” Maurice explained calmly, “and you insulted his partner.”
“I did not!” Bob exploded. “I merely suggested that the Yank’s scrotum wouldn’t stick to the sheets like that if they used a lighter grade of syrup!”
Several gulls launched themselves into noisy, squawking flight at the outburst, and when their cries died away, silence reigned.
“Beautiful sunset,” Maurice observed, some minutes later.
Bob grunted and dabbed another wave onto his canvas.
End
What do you think? Should we welcome our newest slasher into the fold?
He has come up with the premise for a slash story involving a sex scene.
He has come up with…a line involving Ray’s scrotum.
You see why I had to beg Kass to let me rip her off?
Conversations II: Taste Test
by lamardeuse and luvhandlz
~inspired by Kass~
“Don’t take it personally, Bob. You know the way young folks are nowadays.” Maurice shrugged as he turned back to his contemplation of the sunset. The Group of Six had picked a perfect spot for their latest project, the dying rays of the sun caressing the Bering Strait’s choppy waters. Lucky none of them had to fret about retinal burn any longer.
“Yes, my daughter never listens to me either,” George chimed in. “I told her that real estate agent looked shifty to me, but did she take my advice?” He applied crimson daubs of oil paint to his canvas with vicious strokes.
“I don’t think real estate agents can be blamed for freak tornadoes,” Maurice offered.
George sniffed. “Well, he could have warned her about the pig farm down the road. When they started hitting the roof…” He shuddered expressively.
Maurice brushed a wispy line of cloud onto his own canvas, then turned to Bob. “I think you’ll just have to be more careful about when you drop in, now that Benton is…” He trailed off with a wave of his paintbrush.
Bob cleared his throat. “Perhaps you’re right,” he allowed, “but I was only trying to be helpful.”
“I know,” Maurice said. “But even you have to admit, a discussion of the relative merits of various kinds of maple syrup, when they were—”
“It was relevant to the situation,” Bob protested. “And all I said was that a Québec syrup might have been a better choice for that particular—ah, activity.”
George’s face acquired a dreamy expression. “Yes, the maples of the Beauce produce an exquisite clair. Nectar of the gods.”
Maurice and Bob stared at him. George blinked, then flushed. “On pancakes. And waffles. I’ve never—that is—”
“Calm down, calm down,” Maurice sighed. “No one’s accusing you of being interesting.”
“Well, I’d never have considered my son particularly interesting either,” Bob huffed, “until I saw—Lord.” He squinted at the ocean, then picked up a mixture of olive and phthalo blue on his brush. “But I’ve always prided myself on my tolerance, and so I thought, well, what better way to show him my support than to offer a little advice? I didn’t expect it to devolve so quickly into a shouting match.”
“Bob, you interrupted your son in flagrante delicto,” Maurice explained calmly, “and you insulted his partner.”
“I did not!” Bob exploded. “I merely suggested that the Yank’s scrotum wouldn’t stick to the sheets like that if they used a lighter grade of syrup!”
Several gulls launched themselves into noisy, squawking flight at the outburst, and when their cries died away, silence reigned.
“Beautiful sunset,” Maurice observed, some minutes later.
Bob grunted and dabbed another wave onto his canvas.
End
What do you think? Should we welcome our newest slasher into the fold?
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no subject
Date: 2004-03-30 04:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-31 06:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-30 04:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-31 06:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-30 04:32 pm (UTC)That rocked.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-31 06:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-30 04:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-31 06:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-30 04:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-31 06:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-30 05:25 pm (UTC)“I did not!” Bob exploded. “I merely suggested that the Yank’s scrotum wouldn’t stick to the sheets like that if they used a lighter grade of syrup!”
That just about did it for me. [grin] Made my day, it did. And, yes! Your partner! Buddy! Nice person! should definitely join the many folds of slashers. Because if he keeps on coming up with stuff like this... [dreamy look]
no subject
Date: 2004-03-31 06:19 pm (UTC)He says, "Oh no! What have I done?"
Hmmm...he appreciates the kind comment, but I don't think he's convinced... :)
no subject
Date: 2004-03-30 05:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-31 06:21 pm (UTC)To quote luvhandlz: "Yipe!"
He's glad he made you chortle. Maybe I can convince him to write another one sometime...when hell freezes over. :)
no subject
Date: 2004-03-30 05:36 pm (UTC)Is it wrong to like off beat dead guys with really weird sense of timing/humour/life/everything?
Loved the story! And say hey and thanks to your partner. ^^
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Date: 2004-03-31 06:22 pm (UTC)Thanks for the kind comment!
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Date: 2004-03-30 06:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-31 06:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-30 06:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-31 06:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-30 06:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-31 06:28 pm (UTC)luvhandlz: We have not yet begun to explore all the uses for maple syrup.
lamardeuse: For fuck's sake, don't get them riled. You don't know what they can do to you.
:)
no subject
Date: 2004-03-30 06:36 pm (UTC)But your partner intrigues me...does he make house calls to New York City?
no subject
Date: 2004-03-31 06:29 pm (UTC)luvhandlz: I'm planning to institute door to door maple syrup delivery...
lamardeuse: HEY! Move away from Shay! I saw her first!
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Date: 2004-03-30 07:11 pm (UTC)Ahahahaha! This is hilarious!
no subject
Date: 2004-03-31 06:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-31 03:11 am (UTC)Nope.
Not going go ask.
This was fabulous. Loved Maurice's "Beautiful sunset" line. Oh and please welcome him aboard - the more slash the better...
no subject
Date: 2004-03-31 06:34 pm (UTC)It was actually pretty innocent--he started riffing on the drive home from work, and the next thing I knew he'd mentioned Ray's scrotum being covered in maple syrup, and I said, "I am SO writing that." But when I actually showed him the line, he couldn't quite believe he'd really said it. :) Glad you enjoyed it!
no subject
Date: 2004-03-31 06:55 am (UTC)Group of Six! Raptures about maple syrup! Scrotum jokes!
You guys are hilarious -- very well done!
no subject
Date: 2004-03-31 06:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-31 06:38 pm (UTC)He's just run screaming down the hall...
:D
But he's happy so many people got a laugh out of it. *g* Thanks!
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Date: 2004-03-31 09:08 am (UTC)It was relevant to the situation,” Bob protested. “And all I said was that a Québec syrup might have been a better choice for that particular—ah, activity.
i can hear him saying something like THAT!
I merely suggested that the Yank’s scrotum wouldn’t stick to the sheets like that if they used a lighter grade of syrup!
going for the obvious, right?
no subject
Date: 2004-03-31 06:43 pm (UTC)Babe...woah.
Date: 2004-03-31 11:15 am (UTC)Re: Babe...woah.
Date: 2004-03-31 06:46 pm (UTC)luvhandlz: NOOOOOOOOOOOO....
lamardeuse: Shhh, it's all right. Say it with me now: "Subtext is my friend..."
no subject
Date: 2004-04-01 11:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-01 01:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-09 07:51 am (UTC)“I did not!” Bob exploded. “I merely suggested that the Yank’s scrotum wouldn’t stick to the sheets like that if they used a lighter grade of syrup!”
Good God, this has got to be the funniest freaking thing I've ever read. You both rock!
no subject
Date: 2004-04-09 03:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-15 11:43 pm (UTC)This is so funny--I doubt I'll be able to eat maple syrup again with out grinning and my husband asking me why (and I won't tell *g*).
Loved these lines especially:
"Calm down, calm down, Maurice sighed. "No one’s accusing you of being interesting."
"Well, I’d never have considered my son particularly interesting either," Bob huffed, "until I saw--Lord."
*dies*
no subject
Date: 2004-04-16 02:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-06-03 09:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-06-06 06:48 pm (UTC)