Back with a sheep!
Apr. 19th, 2004 11:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
helvirago posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
ds_flashfictionI'm kind of rusty at this, so I apologize in advance if I screwed anything up. But I've been chewing for the last week on the idea of what counts as a miracle in the due South universe. Probably still not what the challenge originator was thinking, but what the heck.
"You know what this reminds me of, son?"
Benton Fraser replied over his shoulder without thinking of his surroundings -- a habit he repeatedly told himself to break -- "The Miracle of '73. I thought of it too."
"Thought of what, Fraser?" Ray, it appeared, was sufficiently used to his spontaneous non sequiturs simply to pretend they were natural -- one of many traits that puzzled Benton.
"That the missing woman may be perfectly safe. There's no way to know that any ill has come to her."
"No way? Well, gosh, Fraser, let's review the evidence, shall we?" Ray held up his hand between them, counting points on his fingers without ever taking his eyes off the road. "One, she was dating a known mafioso. Two, this mafioso's brother turned up in the lake a week ago with a threat pinned to his body. Three, she was last seen in a restaurant belonging to said mafioso's rival. What are you thinking, Frase, she ascended bodily into heaven?"
Benton had a brief image of the woman in question, a petite woman with short red hair, floating up out of her wheelchair and being tugged upwards. "That seems unlikely. However, de Rossi's rivals have in the past confined their threats to people directly involved in his operation, and in fact pride themselves on leaving innocent bystanders out of their disputes."
"Yeah, so? They're the bad guys, they--"
Bob Fraser took this opportunity to start up again. "Buck Frobisher had a family matter to attend to, so we both took leave. I was at your grandparents'--"
"For the first time in over a year, as I recall--" Benton muttered quietly enough not to interrupt Ray's speech.
"Quiet, son. It was a warm spring. There were highs in the twenties--"
Benton sighed "Fahrenheit or Celsius?"
"I'll tell you something, Benton. Once you're dead, you don't have to go metric anymore. It's one of the blessings. Now where was I?"
Ray's voice continued unheeded in the background: "--chucking pancakes onto a Tilt-a-Whirl--"
"Ah yes. A woman's wallet turned up in a snowdrift, with money but no identification. No one in town knew whose it was."
"I do know the story, Dad." But Benton found himself ignored, as usual.
"--all in all, you know, a good thing I already knew I wasn't straight, cause the whole circus clown thing was weird enough--"
"We quickly mobilized the town. Search parties went out every night. Bulletins were sent over the wire. I myself accosted several local ne'er-do-wells and intimidated them, trying to get information."
"--and anyway, penguin fishbone jammarammadingdong; come right down to it, Fraser, I like boys pretty well, wonder if you like boys, probably not, bow tie half-nelson Pontiac--"
"'It'll go poorly for you,' I said, 'if you don't tell us what you know.' But nothing. For days this went on."
Benton realized the car had come to a halt in front of Erin James's house and Ray was looking at him expectantly.
"I'm sorry, Ray, my mind wandered." He got out of the car, quite pointedly closing the door on his father.
They were barely halfway up the walk when Mrs. James burst out the front door, waving excitedly. "Oh, Mister Detective! It's all okay! She's back!"
And indeed, Erin St. James was sitting quite comfortably in her living room, the victim only of her mother's bad memory.
"So you weren't kidnapped?" Ray asked with a furrowed brow.
She rolled her eyes. "No. I went away with my boyfriend for the weekend. I told Ma I was going."
"Wait-wait-wait. You went away with de Rossi? But he was here all weekend. His bodyguard got in a fight and he came to bail him out."
"Uh... no, he was in Wisconsin with me. What bodyguard? What are you talking about?"
Fraser spoke before Ray could. "Ms. James, do you have a picture of Mr. de Rossi?"
"Yeah, sure," she said, "right on the mantle, there."
On the mantle stood a photo of Erin James, with a young man sitting on the floor next to her chair. The young man, while clearly of Italian ancestry, lacked the distinctive nose and the fashion sense of the de Rossi crime family.
Ray seemed at a loss. "Oh. Huh. That guy's your boyfriend?" She nodded. "And you weren't kidnapped?" A head shake. "So, uh... there really wasn't any crime?"
"Exactly."
After that it was merely a manner of extricating themselves from Mrs. James's apologies and congratulating Ms. James on her engagement, and they were headed back to the station for the paperwork necessary to declare this case not a case at all. Ray was mumbling about the need for a crazy duck chase stamp as Bob took up his story.
"A week later, Jenny de Rossi from the hotel came into the station to speak with me. Apparently, a young woman had called saying she had bought a new wallet while in Inuvik and so only noticed upon returning home that her old wallet was missing." Bob shook his head in remembrance. "Had not a thing to do with anything. Total coincidence. I kept that case in the back of my mind all my life, but nothing ever came of it. Never thought I'd see the day."
But Benton was no longer paying attention to his father. "Ray? Did you say something about a Tilt-a-Whirl earlier?"
Ray looked at him, startled. "Jeez, miracles do happen, huh?"
Benton paused, considering. From the backseat came his father's voice. "Now what was the woman's name? Something English-sounding. Charles, maybe."
Benton shook his head. "I prefer not to call them miracles, Ray. Most things can be explained by the laws of probability. Now tell me about the circus clown."
"You know what this reminds me of, son?"
Benton Fraser replied over his shoulder without thinking of his surroundings -- a habit he repeatedly told himself to break -- "The Miracle of '73. I thought of it too."
"Thought of what, Fraser?" Ray, it appeared, was sufficiently used to his spontaneous non sequiturs simply to pretend they were natural -- one of many traits that puzzled Benton.
"That the missing woman may be perfectly safe. There's no way to know that any ill has come to her."
"No way? Well, gosh, Fraser, let's review the evidence, shall we?" Ray held up his hand between them, counting points on his fingers without ever taking his eyes off the road. "One, she was dating a known mafioso. Two, this mafioso's brother turned up in the lake a week ago with a threat pinned to his body. Three, she was last seen in a restaurant belonging to said mafioso's rival. What are you thinking, Frase, she ascended bodily into heaven?"
Benton had a brief image of the woman in question, a petite woman with short red hair, floating up out of her wheelchair and being tugged upwards. "That seems unlikely. However, de Rossi's rivals have in the past confined their threats to people directly involved in his operation, and in fact pride themselves on leaving innocent bystanders out of their disputes."
"Yeah, so? They're the bad guys, they--"
Bob Fraser took this opportunity to start up again. "Buck Frobisher had a family matter to attend to, so we both took leave. I was at your grandparents'--"
"For the first time in over a year, as I recall--" Benton muttered quietly enough not to interrupt Ray's speech.
"Quiet, son. It was a warm spring. There were highs in the twenties--"
Benton sighed "Fahrenheit or Celsius?"
"I'll tell you something, Benton. Once you're dead, you don't have to go metric anymore. It's one of the blessings. Now where was I?"
Ray's voice continued unheeded in the background: "--chucking pancakes onto a Tilt-a-Whirl--"
"Ah yes. A woman's wallet turned up in a snowdrift, with money but no identification. No one in town knew whose it was."
"I do know the story, Dad." But Benton found himself ignored, as usual.
"--all in all, you know, a good thing I already knew I wasn't straight, cause the whole circus clown thing was weird enough--"
"We quickly mobilized the town. Search parties went out every night. Bulletins were sent over the wire. I myself accosted several local ne'er-do-wells and intimidated them, trying to get information."
"--and anyway, penguin fishbone jammarammadingdong; come right down to it, Fraser, I like boys pretty well, wonder if you like boys, probably not, bow tie half-nelson Pontiac--"
"'It'll go poorly for you,' I said, 'if you don't tell us what you know.' But nothing. For days this went on."
Benton realized the car had come to a halt in front of Erin James's house and Ray was looking at him expectantly.
"I'm sorry, Ray, my mind wandered." He got out of the car, quite pointedly closing the door on his father.
They were barely halfway up the walk when Mrs. James burst out the front door, waving excitedly. "Oh, Mister Detective! It's all okay! She's back!"
And indeed, Erin St. James was sitting quite comfortably in her living room, the victim only of her mother's bad memory.
"So you weren't kidnapped?" Ray asked with a furrowed brow.
She rolled her eyes. "No. I went away with my boyfriend for the weekend. I told Ma I was going."
"Wait-wait-wait. You went away with de Rossi? But he was here all weekend. His bodyguard got in a fight and he came to bail him out."
"Uh... no, he was in Wisconsin with me. What bodyguard? What are you talking about?"
Fraser spoke before Ray could. "Ms. James, do you have a picture of Mr. de Rossi?"
"Yeah, sure," she said, "right on the mantle, there."
On the mantle stood a photo of Erin James, with a young man sitting on the floor next to her chair. The young man, while clearly of Italian ancestry, lacked the distinctive nose and the fashion sense of the de Rossi crime family.
Ray seemed at a loss. "Oh. Huh. That guy's your boyfriend?" She nodded. "And you weren't kidnapped?" A head shake. "So, uh... there really wasn't any crime?"
"Exactly."
After that it was merely a manner of extricating themselves from Mrs. James's apologies and congratulating Ms. James on her engagement, and they were headed back to the station for the paperwork necessary to declare this case not a case at all. Ray was mumbling about the need for a crazy duck chase stamp as Bob took up his story.
"A week later, Jenny de Rossi from the hotel came into the station to speak with me. Apparently, a young woman had called saying she had bought a new wallet while in Inuvik and so only noticed upon returning home that her old wallet was missing." Bob shook his head in remembrance. "Had not a thing to do with anything. Total coincidence. I kept that case in the back of my mind all my life, but nothing ever came of it. Never thought I'd see the day."
But Benton was no longer paying attention to his father. "Ray? Did you say something about a Tilt-a-Whirl earlier?"
Ray looked at him, startled. "Jeez, miracles do happen, huh?"
Benton paused, considering. From the backseat came his father's voice. "Now what was the woman's name? Something English-sounding. Charles, maybe."
Benton shook his head. "I prefer not to call them miracles, Ray. Most things can be explained by the laws of probability. Now tell me about the circus clown."
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no subject
Date: 2004-04-19 09:29 pm (UTC)Tears. Tears in my eyes from the laughter!
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Date: 2004-04-20 06:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-20 09:59 am (UTC)It was hysterical!! I laughed so loud in the reference workroom that Mary and Rachel both turned around to stare at me, but I just pretended I hadn't. It's too hard to explain, especially THAT line.*g*
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Date: 2004-04-19 10:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-20 07:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-20 06:03 am (UTC)I think I have my quote of the week, helvirago. Since I can't fit the entire thing into 255 words, anyway.... :-)
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Date: 2004-04-20 06:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-20 06:19 am (UTC)Now tell me about the circus clown. Heh.
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Date: 2004-04-20 09:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-20 06:29 am (UTC)I loved the rhythm you established. This was a sweet kick.
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Date: 2004-04-20 09:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-20 07:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-20 09:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-20 07:52 am (UTC):falls on the floor and dies laughing:
Oh lord. This is one of the funniest Bob lines ever. Great job!
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Date: 2004-04-20 09:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-20 08:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-20 09:42 am (UTC)Yessss! (punches air) Thank you!
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Date: 2004-04-20 09:33 am (UTC)::baaa::
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Date: 2004-04-20 09:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-22 10:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-20 02:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-20 06:37 pm (UTC)And why Ray thought it was germaine to the case. Or not. Because really, Ray+clowns is always a good thing.
A very Due South story, with a happy ending for Erin and her fiance.
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Date: 2004-04-22 10:19 am (UTC)God. Clowns. This is gonna bug me...
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Date: 2004-04-22 10:18 am (UTC)Gosh, a Norse underworld figure just sticks a toe back in the water again, and you're all with the freaky sex demands! Damn, it's good to be back.
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Date: 2004-04-21 09:41 pm (UTC)And by here [points upward] I'm giggling uncontrollably and trying not to snort my Sprite. Funny, quirky story; the essence of dS. [grin]
(And yes, you can't just leave us hanging, so to speak. I petition for the circus clown backstory!)
no subject
Date: 2004-04-22 10:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-25 09:24 pm (UTC)