For the scars challenge

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

I wanted to try writing within a constrained form this time, and I've been wanting to do some kind of variation on the "Five Things that Never Happened To..." theme. I put the two ideas together, and I like how it turned out!

Thanks to sihayab for the beta!


Five Scars Ray Kowalski Might Have


I.

The first time Stella broke up with him, Ray thought about cutting himself. He was twelve.

It wasn't that he wanted to die; he didn't even like pain. He was just broken.

He didn't want to talk. (Who would he have talked to? His parents were old and he had no girlfriend.) But he wanted the world to know -- wanted God to know, maybe.

He sat on the fire escape and turned his pocketknife over in his hand. The blade clicked open.

He stared at it.

He scraped a flake of paint off the railing and watched it fall.


II.

Jack was flirting with him. Jack's leather jacket was only soft under his arms and by his neck. Jack wanted to suck his dick.

After the third night of jerking off desperately to keep from saying yes, Ray got a tattoo. He spent a while standing outside, looking at the designs in the window, fingering the bills in his pocket.

He wound up with a flame, like on a bike. On his ass, where his jeans would hide it. Mom gave him a dirty look every time they walked past somebody with a tat, like she knew what Ray wanted.


III.

Good thing about Kevlar was, it saved your skin. You could still bruise something awful, though: the morning after his first day with the Mountie Ray rolled over groaning.

He cursed when he looked in the mirror. Even though it hurt like a motherfucker, he wasn't ready for the red and yellow and purple spreading from where the bullet hadn't pierced his chest.

Once, Stella would've cried, he thought, turning on the shower and waiting for the steam. Now she wouldn't even know.

That hurt.

Somehow, remembering Fraser's voice helped. His face. How he'd shouted, "Ray!" when the bullet hit.


IV.

Their fourth day out was unseasonably cold, Fraser said. Ray couldn't tell the difference, but that night when he peeled away his socks his toes were grey and numb.

Fraser unfastened his flannel and rucked up his riverdriver shirt and made Ray prop his feet against Fraser's chest, closing all the layers back over them like blankets.

It was weird, but kind of sweet. Fraser went on about frostbite, and how valuable toes were. His eyes were warm and he made Ray laugh. He kept talking.

After a while, Ray found himself crying.

When something's been frozen, sometimes thawing hurts.


V.

The axe glanced off the green wood and scraped his boot. Thank God for steeltoes: only the leather got scarred.

After that, Ray spent an afternoon with the grindstone. His hands and arms had too many nicks from shitty tools already. You could do serious damage with a bad axe. In summer you could radio the medi-vac, but in winter...

Besides, Fraser would kick his ass. "This body is irreplaceable," he murmured, almost every night.

Ray liked hearing that.

By dinnertime it was getting dark, but he couldn't resist setting up one round on the block. It split clean through.

(500 words)

Comments

[silverakira.livejournal.com]

Oh, this is lovely. [squees] It's so amazing how you can paint this whole history of Ray and describe so much freaking character in just 500 words.

Wonderful concept, and I especially loved II (After the third night of jerking off desperately to keep from saying yes, Ray got a tattoo.) and IV (When something's been frozen, sometimes thawing hurts.).

[mei-x.livejournal.com]

This is really great! I especially love this part:

When something's been frozen, sometimes thawing hurts.

It's so true, both literally and metaphorically.

[estrella30.livejournal.com]

*throws hands up in the air*

That's it. I give up.

This is absolutely perfect.

My heart hurts and breaks and bursts for him here. In all of these. Absolutely beautiful, perfect, amazing writing.

*squees and hugs kass*

[aerye.livejournal.com]

::Susan jumps about madly and raises her fists in the air::

Oh, I like this. I like this muchly.

[ezust.livejournal.com]

Each one of these is so powerful, and beautifully executed. Wonderfully restrained look into the depths of Ray.

[raveninthewind.livejournal.com]

I just really like the way the (potential or actual) scars on Ray's body are the record of the path his heart has taken: his inner life becoming visible.

[(Anonymous)]

Fabulous. Add me to the list of people in awe of the line about the thawing. An instant classic. --Cesperanza, (from the field)

[helvirago]

Oh, man, you're so good. Sooo good. Thank you.

[lyra-sena.livejournal.com]

This is absolutely fantastic. I love the depth of emotion you've created within the sparse frame. Amazing.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Gorgeousness. In quintuplet.

[wynterhawk.livejournal.com]

Oh wow, that was lovely. to convey such emotion in such a small space is a talent to be cherished. good going.

[tyk.livejournal.com]

obviously you do contraint well! a wonderfully emotional punch in a very concise package.

[jenboo.livejournal.com]

I love the threat in #1, the knife that doesn't get used on his skin. And the beginnings of the relationship in #4.
Just beautiful, Kass!

[chickwriter.livejournal.com]

Perfection.

I bow before you.

[norah.livejournal.com]

I adore you. That was wonderful.

[tobyfan.livejournal.com]

Very very nice. You say a lot in a few words. I love each of them and couldn't possibly pick out a favorite. *g*

[akite.livejournal.com]

Damn, Kass, you're good. :g: As perfect a 500 words as I've ever read.

[the-shoshanna.livejournal.com]

This is just lovely, Kass. Delicate and (pun not intended) poignant.

I really like how the almost-scars move from Ray almost scarring himself, to him almost getting scarred in Fraser's presence, to Fraser preventing his scar, to Ray himself preventing the scar, preventing his being injured. Like he's moved from wanting to cut himself to wanting to care for himself, through Fraser's care for him. Which is a lovely little undertext.

Purr. Thanks.

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Perhaps not surprisingly, you've articulated a movement within the story that I wasn't entirely conscious of while I was writing it. I love what you see in this. :-)

[twistedchick]

::bowing to the master::

[lynnmonster.livejournal.com]

This is incredibly dense and rich; it's a stunningly beautiful portrait.

(Plus -- and I cannot believe nobody's mentioned this yet -- Ray has a flaming ass!!! Bwahahaha!)

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

You know, I wondered while I was writing this whether anyone else would be amused by that. *g* It seemed like the right tattoo -- flames like you'd see on a customized motorbike -- but there is that whole "flaming" thing going on, too. I figured it was Ray's subconscious choosing the tattoo for him. ;-)

[engenda.livejournal.com]

This was just lovely. The pictures you've drawn so delicately (kind of like Ray himself) are beautiful. Thank you. So much with so little.

Once, Stella would've cried, he thought, turning on the shower and waiting for the steam. Now she wouldn't even know.

That hurt.

This just broke my heart.

[lamardeuse.livejournal.com]

I love you. So much.

That is all.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Sweet and clever and lovely!

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!

Still with the rocking.

[spainja.livejournal.com]

Beautiful.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Oh, god, I loved this.

[nowlive.livejournal.com]

K. That's what writing should be. Tight. Just the right words saying just the right thing, making the emotions bubble to the surface and right into the psyche.

Thanks for posting.

[katya-34.livejournal.com]

The brilliance of this piece is that its style (spare, tight, staccato) evokes so well Ray's own speech and thought patterns.

Wonderful skill, kassrachel.

[smaragdgrun.livejournal.com]

This just makes me love Ray even more -- his scars don't show, but they're there. And Fraser can do a lot for him, but scars are permanent. And the idea that Ray learns to sharpen his axe and make a clean cut is ... breathtaking. This was so beautiful!

[ekaterinn.livejournal.com]

This is wonderful - the understated pattern almost reminds me of the skin around a healing scar (and, no, I can't articulate it any better than that!)

When something's been frozen, sometimes thawing hurts.

And, ouch, that's exactly right.

[chesamus.livejournal.com]

This story defines "poignant." It is such a graceful thing.

[gritkitty.livejournal.com]

Excellent. Like charms on a bracelet. My fave: Number two, with Ray's mother.

[kittygoslingp.livejournal.com]

I really loved the whole thing but these lines particularly resonated with me:

"Once, Stella would've cried ... Now she wouldn't even know.

That hurt."

The weirdness when you've been with somebody and they're not there when you turn to tell them something or when something happens and nobody's there, that's a cold and lonely place and I thought these lines really encapsulated that strangeness really well.

[j-s-cavalcante.livejournal.com]

Here via a recent rec (on ds_recs).

I love this piece. It's outstanding. Gorgeous writing. So sweet and to the point.

This broke me:

Once, Stella would've cried, he thought, turning on the shower and waiting for the steam. Now she wouldn't even know.

And the image of Fraser holding Ray's feet to his chest, and Ray crying, and thawing hurts. And sharpening his axe because "This body is irreplaceable." All spot-on illustrations of who Ray is inside.

The piece is spare and beautiful and utterly perfect.

[timian.livejournal.com]

Guh. This is glorious.

[laurie-ky.livejournal.com]

Here from Crack Van.

Poignant and at times sad, and twelve year old Ray thinking of cutting himself is so like a lovesick teenager, but I'm glad that his common sense asserted it self. His common sense showed again when he put the tat on his ass. Flames -- hah! The loneliness of the third one, with the hint of how important Fraser is going to become to him was kind of heart-wrenching and your words in number four were simply poetic.

Number five makes me smile. Ray's got a good life with Fraser, and since I just recently finished watching the series, that makes me happy.

Laurie

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you so much for this comment; I'm so glad these vignettes speak to you!