scars challenge

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Approximately 600 words; thank you to nifra_idril for quick beta.

*****

The thing about Dad's visits was how *disorienting* they were. That disorientation was all out of proportion to their lengths, in fact -- Dad never stayed long, after all, and rarely as long as he promised to.

But, still, the house was so different when he was there. Grandmother doted on him, smiling and humming to herself and making his favorite dishes; Granddad didn't say much, but he seemed pleased, too, and he and Dad smoked their pipes in front of the fireplace and played chess before bed.

It was more than just that sort of thing, though, that Ben found so odd. It was as if the whole cabin was suddenly loud, and full, and expansive, where normally it was just neat and orderly and calm.

That sort of difference was hard to get used to. And by the time you did, Dad would be back on the trail, and everything would be back to normal, anyway.

Ben frowned down at his plate and chewed slowly on his biscuit as the grown-ups talked.

"Thank you, Mother," Dad said as Grandmother refilled his waterglass.

"That awful scratch on your arm, Bob," Grandmother said, sitting back down across the table. "I hope you've been taking care of yourself." She reached across for the potatoes, and Ben pushed them closer.

"Ah," Dad said, sounding pleased. He tapped his index finger against his chin. "There's a story behind that one, you know. Old Hank MacPherson. Blind as a bat, and he must be sixty or seventy now if he's a day. Finished up his twenty year sentence in Yellowknife a couple of months ago, stabbed a man and disappeared from civilization. Buck and I tracked him down. Finally found him 1500 miles away, living on the side of a mountain, trying to write his memoirs. Hadn't realized his pen had run out of ink." Dad shook his head. "I got this when we arrested him. Surprisingly agile for a blind man. Quick, too."

Ben stared at him, his mouth slightly agape, and Dad gave him a sharp look.

"Don't sit there looking slackjawed, Benton."

Ben could feel himself begin to flush. He looked back down at his plate.

"I see you've got a war injury of your own here, eh?" Dad said, a little lighter. Ben forced himself to keep still -- no flinching, no reacting -- as Dad reached out for his shoulder.

"Ben came home with that a few days ago," Grandmother said. There was a faint note of disapproval in her voice, but Ben had already heard all about it.

"Ah, well. We make sacrifices and all that. The line of duty, I expect, right, son?" Dad smiled towards him in vaguely fond manner, before his concentration drifted back to his food.

"It was an otter," Ben said softly to his plate.

"Hmm?"

"An otter," Ben said more loudly, raising his head to look at Dad straight on. "One of the boys had a dead otter. He swung and hit me with it. I expect there'll be a scar and everything."

Dad looked at him for a moment with a quizzical expression, and then said "Hmm" again to himself and took another forkful of his dinner.

Ben set his silverware down, picked his napkin and wiped his face. "Granddad, Grandmother, may I be excused from the table? I'm a little tired."

They both looked a little disappointed, but they let him go, and Ben fled to his bedroom to hide among all his books. Maybe he could stay there till it was safe to come out again.

Comments

[ekaterinn.livejournal.com]

*grins* You've got a wonderful way of creating tension as the characters interact - I really felt for young Ben.

(And you scooped me, too - I was going to write about the otter scar this weekend! ^_~)

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

I would think the otter scar has a lot of ways it could go, though, yeah?

I'm glad you liked!

[sam80853.livejournal.com]

I always thought about what Ben's home was like and I think you draw a good picture of it!
Bob is so full of stories but he never really listened to his son:( - Dad looked at him for a moment with a quizzical expression, and then said "Hmm" again to himself and took another forkful of his dinner.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[estrella30.livejournal.com]

ooo. I really loved this!

Perfect Bob voice (the tale about the scratch on his arm was especially good) and really - perfect young!Ben voice! I can hear the Fraser we know saying this, and acting like this.

I like this very, very much!

*smooches pearl all over*

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Whee!

*smooches estrella back*

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

You break my heart, babe. Poor Ben.

::sniff::

(Very nicely done.)

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much!

[akite.livejournal.com]

Grrr...can I kick Bob in the head? Yeah, I know he's dead now, but still. You really got a reaction from me on this one, Pearl. Good writing, that. :g:

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Thanks - I'm glad you liked it.

[beledibabe.livejournal.com]

::nodding::

Word.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Heh. Thanks.

[chickwriter.livejournal.com]

Once again, I bow to your incredible voice. You captured both Bob and young Ben for me. Lovely work, chica. :)

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

Lovely, lovely, lovely. As others have said, you nailed the voices, and I feel for poor wee!Ben...

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much!

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Very sad and very telling. The scars make the man, and not the physical ones.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Thank you - I'm glad you liked it.

[jenboo.livejournal.com]

::pets Young!Ben::

The poor boy...Bob just really wasn't a good dad, was he?

great little snip of life from his youth!

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[lynnmonster.livejournal.com]

It was more than just that sort of thing, though, that Ben found so odd. It was as if the whole cabin was suddenly loud, and full, and expansive, where normally it was just neat and orderly and calm.

I love this description, and I love how you show the circumstances that would make young Ben actively *flee* such a warm-sounding environment.

::loves on Pearl::

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

*loves on lynn even more*

[wildmachinery.livejournal.com]

That sort of difference was hard to get used to. And by the time you did, Dad would be back on the trail, and everything would be back to normal, anyway.

Baby Ben just breaks my heart. Wonderful story, Pearl.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much!

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Oh! Thank you very much for your comments; I'm glad the story worked for you.

[tobyfan.livejournal.com]

Wonderful Bob voice and my heart broke for Benton. Good stuff. *g*

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[silverakira.livejournal.com]

Oh. Oh wow. This is so sad and accurate. Perfect Ben and Bob characterization and voice.

And there's something about this challenge that makes people think kid!scars, isn't there? Not that I'm complaining or anything.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm glad you liked.

[laylee.livejournal.com]

Poor Ben, he never really got a chance to know his dad at all before he died, did he? Bob probably thought he was doing the right thing by popping in every now and then, but really all it did was serve to confuse the poor boy.

Nice!

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you liked it!

[thehoyden.livejournal.com]

I think one of the things I actually liked best about this was the portrayal of Bob as a son, and Fraser's observation of that. We hear so much about Bob being gone that we forget that there were times when he would visit, and hear about things like the otter incident.^^

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much!

[lyra-sena.livejournal.com]

God Erica, this is fantastic. You capture Bob's reaction perfectly, and what strikes me is that it's not one of dismissal, or even really of disappointment at the way Ben got the injury. In fact, I can even imagine that Bob is vaguely amused by the story. And yet, Fraser is so concerned about proving himself to his father, even at that young age, that he takes Bob's 'hmmm' so much to heart and it feels like disproval to him. He *wants* it to be an injury from 'sacrifice' and 'the line of duty', as his father implies, but the thing is, my take on that line from Bob borders on teasing, a way of making his son feel grown-up, just something Bob would say with that quirky sense of humor of his. Bob *knows* how much Benton admires him...that's clear in the way Benton reacts to the story, and how Bob tells him to close his mouth, and then sets up Ben to tell him a story of his own 'war injury'. The fic illustrates perfectly this sense of detachment and miscommunication that Benton and Bob must have had throughout their entire relationship. Fraser always expecting so much from Bob's visits, and not being able to decipher exactly how Bob is communicating with him. It's comforting to know that after Bob dies, at least adult!Fraser is able to understand a little more where Bob is coming from.

...whoa, there's a chance I deconstructed a bit too much. And I could go on, but perhaps I'll just email you instead.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

dude, have I mentioned lately how much I adore you? Because I totally do.

I'm really flattered you got so much out of this, actually. Thank you for your comment!

[chesamus.livejournal.com]

How can Bob have no sense of curiosity about why some idiot was swinging a dead otter at his son? I like Dead!Bob much better than Live!Bob..

[lifeinwords.livejournal.com]

I love this. The awkward, stilted environment, Ben feeling like it's not -his- home anymore, the insecurity of comparing scars...excellent story, Erica!