for the Scars Challenge
Jul. 7th, 2004 09:13 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
jenboo.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
ds_flashfictionNot at all what I expected to come up with, which is usually the case when I end up writing Stella. 738 words.
The Ones You Can't See
Stella walked out of the doctor’s office hoping she’d been able to repair her makeup well enough that people wouldn’t see that she’d been crying.
Mrs. Vecchio, have you ever had an abortion?
It had been so many years ago that she’d almost forgotten. Ray had never known about it. He’d thought she was pulling an all-weekend study session with her best girlfriend for finals.
Yes. About fifteen years ago.
Thirteen years, two months and eight days, to be exact. Her last year in law school. So close to the end she could smell the ink on the parchment of her diploma. They’d been wild in those days. Ray working all day while Stella went to class. Eating cheap Chinese food from the place across the street from their apartment. Staying up all night drinking and studying and making love.
Stella remembered the time they’d been able to afford a bottle of good white wine for her and a six pack of Miller for Ray and they ran out of condoms in the middle of the night. Even though she’d counted the days and thought it was safe, the gods had been against her that night.
I’m sorry, Mrs. Vecchio. Your health is excellent, but there seems to be some scarring from the procedure. That combined with your age makes it very unlikely that you could conceive, let alone carry a fetus to term.
They’d talked about kids before. Ray was willing to wait until Stella had made it through school. Stella was willing to put it off indefinitely. What he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him, so Stella had called her girlfriend and study partner to go with her. She was young. There would be other chances, she told herself.
Would you like me to call your husband in?
When she’d married Ray Vecchio, for some reason she’d found a willingness to try again. His family was different from hers and from the Kowalskis. Ray Vecchio was of two minds about children. He didn’t feel the pressure of having to have kids because his sisters already had several. He had concerns about his ability to be a good father given the treatment he’d received at the hands of his own father. Without the oppressive need to procreate hanging over her head, she felt something in her open up to the possibility of raising a child.
Stella rounded the corner and immediately felt the eyes of her husband on her. The hope she feared she’d find in his face didn’t materialize. There was only worry and concern. The slump in his shoulders, though, told her she hadn’t been successful in hiding her disappointment.
Without a word, he stood and strode over to her, wrapping her in a comforting embrace.
“I love you, Stell.”
She clung to him for a moment, heedless of the people in the office. She squeezed him tightly and felt him return the ferocity of her hold on him. Tears leaked out of her eyes in spite of her effort to hold them back. Ray just held her until she was ready to let go.
Ray handed her his handkerchief, let her dab at her eyes and then smiled brilliantly.
“What?”
“You’re beautiful.”
“Ray, I’m a mess.”
“You’re a beautiful mess.” He bent down and kissed her tenderly on the mouth. “You want to get a drink with me?”
They stopped at the little bistro up the street from the bowling alley and split a couple of appetizers and a bottle of Pinot Gris. Then Ray took her home, undressed her slowly and made love to her, making her writhe with his mouth and his strong, capable hands, pleasuring her, celebrating her. That evening they started a fire in the barbecue grill and melted her last pack of birth control pills. Finally, when they made love again that night, she reveled in the feeling of him inside her and the sound of him murmuring her name over and over until he came.
Stella lay awake after Ray fell asleep, his arm around her waist, hand cradling one breast. She trailed a hand over her belly and smiled a little sadly as she closed her eyes and snuggled back against Ray’s chest. If she remembered right, her best friend from law school had a practice that dealt in adoption law. She’d have to give Nancy a call in the morning. Maybe it was time to ask for her help again.
The Ones You Can't See
Stella walked out of the doctor’s office hoping she’d been able to repair her makeup well enough that people wouldn’t see that she’d been crying.
Mrs. Vecchio, have you ever had an abortion?
It had been so many years ago that she’d almost forgotten. Ray had never known about it. He’d thought she was pulling an all-weekend study session with her best girlfriend for finals.
Yes. About fifteen years ago.
Thirteen years, two months and eight days, to be exact. Her last year in law school. So close to the end she could smell the ink on the parchment of her diploma. They’d been wild in those days. Ray working all day while Stella went to class. Eating cheap Chinese food from the place across the street from their apartment. Staying up all night drinking and studying and making love.
Stella remembered the time they’d been able to afford a bottle of good white wine for her and a six pack of Miller for Ray and they ran out of condoms in the middle of the night. Even though she’d counted the days and thought it was safe, the gods had been against her that night.
I’m sorry, Mrs. Vecchio. Your health is excellent, but there seems to be some scarring from the procedure. That combined with your age makes it very unlikely that you could conceive, let alone carry a fetus to term.
They’d talked about kids before. Ray was willing to wait until Stella had made it through school. Stella was willing to put it off indefinitely. What he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him, so Stella had called her girlfriend and study partner to go with her. She was young. There would be other chances, she told herself.
Would you like me to call your husband in?
When she’d married Ray Vecchio, for some reason she’d found a willingness to try again. His family was different from hers and from the Kowalskis. Ray Vecchio was of two minds about children. He didn’t feel the pressure of having to have kids because his sisters already had several. He had concerns about his ability to be a good father given the treatment he’d received at the hands of his own father. Without the oppressive need to procreate hanging over her head, she felt something in her open up to the possibility of raising a child.
Stella rounded the corner and immediately felt the eyes of her husband on her. The hope she feared she’d find in his face didn’t materialize. There was only worry and concern. The slump in his shoulders, though, told her she hadn’t been successful in hiding her disappointment.
Without a word, he stood and strode over to her, wrapping her in a comforting embrace.
“I love you, Stell.”
She clung to him for a moment, heedless of the people in the office. She squeezed him tightly and felt him return the ferocity of her hold on him. Tears leaked out of her eyes in spite of her effort to hold them back. Ray just held her until she was ready to let go.
Ray handed her his handkerchief, let her dab at her eyes and then smiled brilliantly.
“What?”
“You’re beautiful.”
“Ray, I’m a mess.”
“You’re a beautiful mess.” He bent down and kissed her tenderly on the mouth. “You want to get a drink with me?”
They stopped at the little bistro up the street from the bowling alley and split a couple of appetizers and a bottle of Pinot Gris. Then Ray took her home, undressed her slowly and made love to her, making her writhe with his mouth and his strong, capable hands, pleasuring her, celebrating her. That evening they started a fire in the barbecue grill and melted her last pack of birth control pills. Finally, when they made love again that night, she reveled in the feeling of him inside her and the sound of him murmuring her name over and over until he came.
Stella lay awake after Ray fell asleep, his arm around her waist, hand cradling one breast. She trailed a hand over her belly and smiled a little sadly as she closed her eyes and snuggled back against Ray’s chest. If she remembered right, her best friend from law school had a practice that dealt in adoption law. She’d have to give Nancy a call in the morning. Maybe it was time to ask for her help again.
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no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 09:31 am (UTC)That was lovely. I like the way you put this one together.
And I love
“You’re beautiful.”
“Ray, I’m a mess.”
“You’re a beautiful mess.”
-- that just felt right to me, and very tender, and very them.
Nice work!
no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 10:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 09:39 am (UTC)Wow. The emotion in this is wonderful, and I'm so in love with the idea. Your Vecchio voice is spot on, and I really love this take on the whole kid issue for Stella.
Damn. Jesus. Really, really impressive.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 10:56 pm (UTC)::gropes estrella in the dark closet and licks her neck::
no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 09:51 am (UTC)Love the burning the birth control pills, love the celebrating, love the circling back to asking her friend for help again... but somehow, this was my favorite line:
“You’re a beautiful mess.” He bent down and kissed her tenderly on the mouth. “You want to get a drink with me?”
no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 10:59 pm (UTC)You know, when I was thinking about the birth control burning, I had to really think hard about where they were going to do it because it didn't make sense for a place in Florida to have a fireplace. *g* Then I thought, barbecue grill!
I was surprised that I came up with a situation that made me really like them, too. Normally I don't. But there's something that does work between them if you think about it.
I'm so glad you liked this and that it worked for you. The highest compliment I could get is for someone to say I made them think differently about something. So thanks!!
no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 09:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 11:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 10:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 11:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 10:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 11:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 11:06 pm (UTC)When I wrote that, it just made so much sense to me. Yeah, he'd want a family, but it wouldn't be an imperative like it was for RayK when he was younger. I think he's rearranged his priorities, but I also don't think he would have done that if he'd still have been with Stella.
RayV has possible abuse issues to deal with and his siblings already have kids. Pressure's off for him and he can concentrate on being happy.
Thank you so much for commenting! I'm glad you liked the story!
no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 02:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 11:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 05:04 pm (UTC)Ditto-ing everyone in saying that I love this:
“You’re beautiful.”
“Ray, I’m a mess.”
“You’re a beautiful mess.”
because I can just hear them; the voices are spot on. Again, wonderful story.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 11:09 pm (UTC)I have to say that recent events in my life have made me look at Stella differently. I was sort of in the same boat as she was in my divorce. I didn't want kids and was married to a man who did. We couldn't compromise on the issue and it eventually broke us apart. So I kind of see where Stella could maybe come from on the issue.
So many people in the fandom blame her for the end of the Kowalski marriage, but it takes two to tango.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 05:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 11:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 07:18 pm (UTC)This was truly lovely.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 11:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 09:05 pm (UTC)for example: "Without the oppressive need to procreate hanging over her head, she felt something in her open up to the possibility of raising a child" that really gives a sense of the pressure and disappointment RayK may have heaped upon her...
no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 11:14 pm (UTC)RayK and Stella will always have some sort of connection, but they've both gone on to things that are a better fit for them.
Thanks for commenting! I really appreciate it!
no subject
Date: 2004-07-08 02:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-17 04:54 am (UTC)I like this Stella and Ray - it has a redemptive quality to it for both of them.
Ah teeny....
Date: 2004-07-19 01:51 pm (UTC)*smack* me for not reading more of your writing. I am ashamed.
*hangs head*
C