Darkest Before Dawn Challenge

[silverakira.livejournal.com]

This was originally written for 15minuteficlets, so it’s unedited and unbeta’d, but brooklinegirl pointed out to me that it fit the flashfiction challenge, and, well, it did (plus now I'm let off the hook of having to write a whole other story [grin]).

Very, very short (193 words), and gen-ish. (Title courtesy of brooklinegirl as well.)

2AM
08.08.04

Fraser stares out the window at the muddy streets, sees the roads glistening under the streetlights. He thinks of white and cold and snow. He thinks of Dief and Ray Vecchio. He thinks of death and a poem and a dark night, long ago.

He wonders if he’ll ever put it behind him.

Ray paces restlessly around his apartment, picking up objects: a CD, an empty beer bottle, his glasses, carrying them around awhile before setting them down again. He thinks of sleepless nights on the couch and broken plates. He thinks of the crying and the yelling and the angry reconciliations after.

He whirls around and punches the wall, bam!bam!bam!, before leaning against the cool surface and closing his eyes.

Miles away, another Ray lies on his bed staring at the thousand dollar canopy above, under the priceless silk coverings. He thinks of Chicago and his dad. He thinks of the sex and the screams and the walls painted in blood.

He sits up and reaches for a bottle of whiskey, staring at it before setting it down again, and slides out under the covers to go ask Nero for some buttermilk.

Comments

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Mmm - lots of intensity in just a few words - such fascinating snaps of these three complex characters. And I do find the way each of them deals with middle of the night angst is quite telling: Fraser drowning in it, Ray K in restless movement, trying to contain the anger and tension and despair until it reaches the eruption point; Ray Vecchio turning over guilt and fear in his mind and pushing it aside with pragmatic action. Lovely.

[silverakira.livejournal.com]

Oh wow -- that's really the greatest compliment, ever. The word that was given for the challenge was redeem, and I wrote about the first things that came to my head, about what I thought each character might possibly regret, and how they'd deal with it. I never thought of it in quite the terms you stated, though.

Thank you so much for the comment.

[akite.livejournal.com]

Wow! That's a lot of punch for 193 words. Very powerful.

[silverakira.livejournal.com]

Thank you kindly! I'm glad it worked for you; I wasn't quite sure at first if I got my point across clearly enough.

[silverakira.livejournal.com]

Glad it worked for you!

Don't have a lot else to say, but that.

It's enough, though. Thanks.

[silverakira.livejournal.com]

[nods] I was trying to get as much as I could down in fifteen minutes without overwriting. Thanks for commenting!

[lynnmonster.livejournal.com]

Very nice snapshots!

[silverakira.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much!

[ride-4ever.livejournal.com]

This really wowed me -- a one two three punch. You really captured their characteristics fast and solid.