Darkest Before Dawn Challenge
Aug. 14th, 2004 03:49 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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ds_flashfictionTitle: In the Smoke
Sum: Ray and Stan have a moment and get coffee. Gen.
For the darkest before dawn challenge
Stan Kowalski turned away from the body and moved towards the outer circle surrounding the crime scene. He ducked beneath the yellow police tape and stood to watch the park just across the street. Stan could still hear the burning crackling sound of the flash bulbs going off as the officer photographed the scene. And at each flash of the camera, he could remember how the bright white light looked, glancing off the sickly waxy skin of the corpse. Surreptitiously he wiped at the sweat beading on his upper lip before tucking his cold naked hands into the pockets of his jacket. It had been a bad week. A whole lotta weird shit had been going down around the city and the cops from every precinct had their hands full.
Welsh had been handling it better than most; it being the mutilated human carcasses that had been turning up in the oddest places. But, Welsh was an old pro and with a firm voice without hesitation, he doled out assignments and demanded swift results.
“I hate these goddamn poppers.”
Recognizing the voice, Stan didn’t bother to turn.
Ray Vecchio stood just behind him. Stan wiped at his upper lip again and heard a familiar metallic “chink” and then the sound of grooved steel raking against flint. The warm cigarette smoke wafted around Stan as Ray exhaled a long breath.
“It’s been a million degrees all month. Not a good idea to stuff a body in the trunk of a car and leave it out in the sun.”
Stan swallowed the image of the bloated corpse that had stared up at him with dark pus crusted empty eye sockets, crammed as it was in the small space of the sedan’s trunk.
Someone had taken the time to artfully arrange the body so that when the trunk was opened, it would pitch forward and spill the bloody contents of it mouth out onto the unsuspecting person standing there. Stan had seen the officer open the trunk and then jump back and shout out in surprise before he started to wipe away the mess on the front of his uniform pants and shirt. One of the forensic guys was quick enough to grab the officer and stop him from destroying any potential evidence.
“Monroe looked like he was gonna wet his pants when that guy popped out of the trunk at him,” Stan commented with a grin and waved away Ray’s offer of a cigarette. “Don’t smoke.”
Ray shook his head and taking out a fresh cigarette from the soft pack he lit it from the end of the one he had going and insisted that Stan take it.
“I don’t either. The smoke just masks the smell.”
Stan took the burning cigarette and tucked it into the corner of his mouth, letting it dangle from his lip. Ray was right, smelling the spicy tobacco was much better than the stench of putrid guts emanating from his clothes.
“Well, I thought that guy was gonna come crawling out of the trunk and start talking,” Ray laughed.
“Nothing like a little gallows humor, huh, Vecchio?”
Detective Joe Laskno strolled over to them and helped himself to the soft pack.
“The smell from that poor bastard is enough to choke your fuckin’ mother!”
Laskno’s comment elicited a few chuckles from the nearby officers who just seemed to be milling about drinking coffee and smoking.
Stan glanced at his watch. Nearly four thirty in the morning and he’d been at the scene for an hour. Ray noticed the man fidgeting and knowing how much he hated being around dead bodies, he asked,
“Hey, Kowalski, how about we go get some coffee, huh?”
Stan glanced at him and flicking the cigarette away, he nodded in response.
“Later, Joe,” Stan said and followed Ray away from the scene.
“Weird stuff always happens late at night, you know?” Stan said to Ray.
“I know. Creeps me out,” Ray replied.
“It’s a serial killer,” Stan said mostly to himself. “I got a gut feeling about it.”
“Well,” said Ray, “we’d better find him before more bodies turn up.”
Stan gave him a pleased grin and the slid into the car.
Sum: Ray and Stan have a moment and get coffee. Gen.
For the darkest before dawn challenge
Stan Kowalski turned away from the body and moved towards the outer circle surrounding the crime scene. He ducked beneath the yellow police tape and stood to watch the park just across the street. Stan could still hear the burning crackling sound of the flash bulbs going off as the officer photographed the scene. And at each flash of the camera, he could remember how the bright white light looked, glancing off the sickly waxy skin of the corpse. Surreptitiously he wiped at the sweat beading on his upper lip before tucking his cold naked hands into the pockets of his jacket. It had been a bad week. A whole lotta weird shit had been going down around the city and the cops from every precinct had their hands full.
Welsh had been handling it better than most; it being the mutilated human carcasses that had been turning up in the oddest places. But, Welsh was an old pro and with a firm voice without hesitation, he doled out assignments and demanded swift results.
“I hate these goddamn poppers.”
Recognizing the voice, Stan didn’t bother to turn.
Ray Vecchio stood just behind him. Stan wiped at his upper lip again and heard a familiar metallic “chink” and then the sound of grooved steel raking against flint. The warm cigarette smoke wafted around Stan as Ray exhaled a long breath.
“It’s been a million degrees all month. Not a good idea to stuff a body in the trunk of a car and leave it out in the sun.”
Stan swallowed the image of the bloated corpse that had stared up at him with dark pus crusted empty eye sockets, crammed as it was in the small space of the sedan’s trunk.
Someone had taken the time to artfully arrange the body so that when the trunk was opened, it would pitch forward and spill the bloody contents of it mouth out onto the unsuspecting person standing there. Stan had seen the officer open the trunk and then jump back and shout out in surprise before he started to wipe away the mess on the front of his uniform pants and shirt. One of the forensic guys was quick enough to grab the officer and stop him from destroying any potential evidence.
“Monroe looked like he was gonna wet his pants when that guy popped out of the trunk at him,” Stan commented with a grin and waved away Ray’s offer of a cigarette. “Don’t smoke.”
Ray shook his head and taking out a fresh cigarette from the soft pack he lit it from the end of the one he had going and insisted that Stan take it.
“I don’t either. The smoke just masks the smell.”
Stan took the burning cigarette and tucked it into the corner of his mouth, letting it dangle from his lip. Ray was right, smelling the spicy tobacco was much better than the stench of putrid guts emanating from his clothes.
“Well, I thought that guy was gonna come crawling out of the trunk and start talking,” Ray laughed.
“Nothing like a little gallows humor, huh, Vecchio?”
Detective Joe Laskno strolled over to them and helped himself to the soft pack.
“The smell from that poor bastard is enough to choke your fuckin’ mother!”
Laskno’s comment elicited a few chuckles from the nearby officers who just seemed to be milling about drinking coffee and smoking.
Stan glanced at his watch. Nearly four thirty in the morning and he’d been at the scene for an hour. Ray noticed the man fidgeting and knowing how much he hated being around dead bodies, he asked,
“Hey, Kowalski, how about we go get some coffee, huh?”
Stan glanced at him and flicking the cigarette away, he nodded in response.
“Later, Joe,” Stan said and followed Ray away from the scene.
“Weird stuff always happens late at night, you know?” Stan said to Ray.
“I know. Creeps me out,” Ray replied.
“It’s a serial killer,” Stan said mostly to himself. “I got a gut feeling about it.”
“Well,” said Ray, “we’d better find him before more bodies turn up.”
Stan gave him a pleased grin and the slid into the car.
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Two commenters for the price of one traveller
Date: 2004-09-05 03:42 am (UTC)You have an interesting premise here, it feels like part of a larger story. You want to know more. "...these Goddamn poppers." Did the other bodies they found do the same thing? It's interesting seeing Ray and Ray working an actual case together. You had lots of little details that made it seem more real. RayK putting his hands in his pockets. My husband pictures him hunched against the cold. (Though he's also sweating, I don't quite get that.) The flash bulbs, using cigarettes to mask the smell, RayV knowing RayK gets creeped out by dead bodies (how long have they been working together at this point?)
You really should think about expanding on this, we want to know how it turns out.
-Mr. and Mrs. One Traveller
Re: Two commenters for the price of one traveller
Date: 2004-09-05 06:41 am (UTC)You have an interesting premise here, it feels like part of a larger story.
Thank you, that's very kind of you to say. And honestly, no, there isn't anymore to the story. It was just a little slice of what happened one sad night. :)
Did the other bodies they found do the same thing?
Yes. I wanted to make the reader feel like they'd stumbled into something. So to do that, I had to add a little history to the ficlet and then a little future at the end of the story. Besides, I like to gross people out.
My husband pictures him hunched against the cold. (Though he's also sweating, I don't quite get that.)
Think of it this way. K isn't hot, per se, but he's feeling sick and apprehensive and nervous. So he's sweating because of that. And what makes it worse is that it's a cold sweat. His body is cold, but he's still sweating.
(how long have they been working together at this point?)
You really should think about expanding on this, we want to know how it turns out.
How long? I dont know. (bad answer, I know *s*)Probably for a little while at least.
And maybe one day, I'll drag this out and try to finish it :)
I really appreciate you taking the time out to read and comment. Thank you so much! It makes me happy.