Anywhere but here challenge
Oct. 7th, 2004 04:09 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
sihayab.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
ds_flashfictionA little bit of immense (but canon!) silliness. As usual, I'm deeply indebted to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kassrachel and chickwriter for their assistance and encouragement. A mere G-rated morsel at 802 words.
Welcome Back
“Welcome back, Stanley Raymond Kowalski!”
The red and yellow banner hung slightly crooked over the corridor. The ‘S’ of ‘Stanley’ looked more like a snake with sciatica, and the clash of colors made the letters throb, but it was the thought that counted. That’s what Ray told himself, surrounded by the sea of smiling faces.
Smiling, with one notable exception.
Fraser stood stiffly at attention, almost as if he were standing outside the Consulate, but without the sun and the smog and the pigeons pecking stones at his feet and small kids pretending he was a lamppost and a dog mistaking him for a fire hydrant.
“Welcome *back*, Ray?” The tone of his voice would’ve done the Ice Queen proud.
Ray straightened his shoulders. Damned if he was going to look pussy-whipped, especially since he was pretty sure Fraser didn’t have a pussy. Not that he was absolutely positive, but he’d make a substantial bet that Fraser’s equipment was as traditional as Fraser’s uniform.
“Yeah. I was here a long time ago.”
“Stanley Raymond Kowalski!” One smiling face detached itself from the others. Hands clasped Ray’s forearms. “You’ve grown!”
Nodding, Ray looked down and matched the smile. “Good to see you,” and he made a noise that started as a sneeze and ended as a cough.
“I knew you wouldn’t forget your old friend!” All six fingers and two thumbs of the faintly lavender hands squeezed Ray’s arms, then released him. The metallic eyes with the disturbing disappearing pupil moved to Fraser. “Would you introduce me to your…” The sound resembled a bear burping, with undertones of an anemic whinny.
“Uh, we’re not exactly… Yeah, sure.” Ray took a deep breath. “This is my partner, Benton Fraser. Fraser, this is…” Again the sneeze-cough.
A small hand extended, and Fraser being Fraser, he took it with only a rapid blink. “Pleased to meet you…” He did a passable imitation of Ray’s pronunciation, but the little creature yipped and Ray winced.
“Not quite, Frase. You just called him a… Well, it doesn’t exactly translate, but it isn’t good. Make the cough more startled, like when you’re getting a prostate exam.”
Fraser’s eyes widened, but this time his accent was perfect.
“May I ask,” he addressed the small alien, “how you come to know Ray?”
There was an excited chatter, as if an entire preschool were banging pots and pans with abandon. Eyebrow raised, Fraser turned to Ray.
“’Sokay, Fraser. They’re just enthusiastic.” Ray had to raise his voice over the clamor. “They picked me up with I was ten, and I spent a couple weeks hanging out with them, cruising the solar system. Had a blast.”
“The solar system?” Fraser looked at the banner, the gaggle of small lavender aliens, and then Ray. “Why did they pick you up?”
“They were lost, wanted someone to give them directions.” Ray patted one of the aliens on the head. “I couldn’t help with directions, but I showed them how to skateboard, change a sparkplug, and taught them all the verses to “On Top of Spaghetti.” They took me back home before they left.” Ray sighed. “No one believed me when I told ‘em I’d spent the past two weeks cruising around in a space ship, so I finally gave up and said I’d been playing GI Joe and staying in the apartment above my friend Mikey Yankovic’s garage. Mum grounded me for a month.”
Fraser opened his mouth, closed it, and then opened it again. “And why are we here now?”
Sneeze-cough waved his hand. “We were in the neighborhood and wanted to say hi to Ray and his…” This time, he winked after the burp-whinny.
Ray blushed.
“In the neighborhood.” Fraser rubbed his eyebrow. “Ray, may I ask what a…” He paused. “What sort of relationship we are assumed to be engaged in?”
“Never mind.” Ray took the little alien’s hand. “Listen, we’re not…” Burp-whinny. “Fraser and me, we’re just friends.”
Two fuchsia pupils dilated in the silver eyes. “Friends?” He laughed. “I think not, Stanley Raymond Kowalski. Believe me, within one rotation of your planet you will be…” Burp-whinny. “Was I not right about The Stella?”
“You were absolutely right about The Stella.” Ray glanced at Fraser who was giving a credible impersonation of a Very Surprised Man. “One rotation?”
“One rotation.”
Fraser’s tongue stole out and touched his bottom lip.
The little alien tilted his lavender head and blinked twice. “Or less.”
Ray grinned. “Time to go home, Fraser.”
“Good bye, Stanley Raymond Kowalski!” Two lavender arms waved. “Looking forward to seeing the baby!”
The lights shimmered as Fraser turned. “Baby?” A milky coalescence centered on the area below his belt.
Ray wrapped his arms around Fraser. Looked like Fraser’s equipment wasn’t traditional any longer. “Don’t worry, Frase. You’ll be a great mother…”
kassrachel and chickwriter for their assistance and encouragement. A mere G-rated morsel at 802 words.Welcome Back
“Welcome back, Stanley Raymond Kowalski!”
The red and yellow banner hung slightly crooked over the corridor. The ‘S’ of ‘Stanley’ looked more like a snake with sciatica, and the clash of colors made the letters throb, but it was the thought that counted. That’s what Ray told himself, surrounded by the sea of smiling faces.
Smiling, with one notable exception.
Fraser stood stiffly at attention, almost as if he were standing outside the Consulate, but without the sun and the smog and the pigeons pecking stones at his feet and small kids pretending he was a lamppost and a dog mistaking him for a fire hydrant.
“Welcome *back*, Ray?” The tone of his voice would’ve done the Ice Queen proud.
Ray straightened his shoulders. Damned if he was going to look pussy-whipped, especially since he was pretty sure Fraser didn’t have a pussy. Not that he was absolutely positive, but he’d make a substantial bet that Fraser’s equipment was as traditional as Fraser’s uniform.
“Yeah. I was here a long time ago.”
“Stanley Raymond Kowalski!” One smiling face detached itself from the others. Hands clasped Ray’s forearms. “You’ve grown!”
Nodding, Ray looked down and matched the smile. “Good to see you,” and he made a noise that started as a sneeze and ended as a cough.
“I knew you wouldn’t forget your old friend!” All six fingers and two thumbs of the faintly lavender hands squeezed Ray’s arms, then released him. The metallic eyes with the disturbing disappearing pupil moved to Fraser. “Would you introduce me to your…” The sound resembled a bear burping, with undertones of an anemic whinny.
“Uh, we’re not exactly… Yeah, sure.” Ray took a deep breath. “This is my partner, Benton Fraser. Fraser, this is…” Again the sneeze-cough.
A small hand extended, and Fraser being Fraser, he took it with only a rapid blink. “Pleased to meet you…” He did a passable imitation of Ray’s pronunciation, but the little creature yipped and Ray winced.
“Not quite, Frase. You just called him a… Well, it doesn’t exactly translate, but it isn’t good. Make the cough more startled, like when you’re getting a prostate exam.”
Fraser’s eyes widened, but this time his accent was perfect.
“May I ask,” he addressed the small alien, “how you come to know Ray?”
There was an excited chatter, as if an entire preschool were banging pots and pans with abandon. Eyebrow raised, Fraser turned to Ray.
“’Sokay, Fraser. They’re just enthusiastic.” Ray had to raise his voice over the clamor. “They picked me up with I was ten, and I spent a couple weeks hanging out with them, cruising the solar system. Had a blast.”
“The solar system?” Fraser looked at the banner, the gaggle of small lavender aliens, and then Ray. “Why did they pick you up?”
“They were lost, wanted someone to give them directions.” Ray patted one of the aliens on the head. “I couldn’t help with directions, but I showed them how to skateboard, change a sparkplug, and taught them all the verses to “On Top of Spaghetti.” They took me back home before they left.” Ray sighed. “No one believed me when I told ‘em I’d spent the past two weeks cruising around in a space ship, so I finally gave up and said I’d been playing GI Joe and staying in the apartment above my friend Mikey Yankovic’s garage. Mum grounded me for a month.”
Fraser opened his mouth, closed it, and then opened it again. “And why are we here now?”
Sneeze-cough waved his hand. “We were in the neighborhood and wanted to say hi to Ray and his…” This time, he winked after the burp-whinny.
Ray blushed.
“In the neighborhood.” Fraser rubbed his eyebrow. “Ray, may I ask what a…” He paused. “What sort of relationship we are assumed to be engaged in?”
“Never mind.” Ray took the little alien’s hand. “Listen, we’re not…” Burp-whinny. “Fraser and me, we’re just friends.”
Two fuchsia pupils dilated in the silver eyes. “Friends?” He laughed. “I think not, Stanley Raymond Kowalski. Believe me, within one rotation of your planet you will be…” Burp-whinny. “Was I not right about The Stella?”
“You were absolutely right about The Stella.” Ray glanced at Fraser who was giving a credible impersonation of a Very Surprised Man. “One rotation?”
“One rotation.”
Fraser’s tongue stole out and touched his bottom lip.
The little alien tilted his lavender head and blinked twice. “Or less.”
Ray grinned. “Time to go home, Fraser.”
“Good bye, Stanley Raymond Kowalski!” Two lavender arms waved. “Looking forward to seeing the baby!”
The lights shimmered as Fraser turned. “Baby?” A milky coalescence centered on the area below his belt.
Ray wrapped his arms around Fraser. Looked like Fraser’s equipment wasn’t traditional any longer. “Don’t worry, Frase. You’ll be a great mother…”
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no subject
Date: 2004-10-07 04:17 pm (UTC)baby! heeheeheehee
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Date: 2004-10-08 02:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-07 04:24 pm (UTC)It's funnier and funnier every time I read it.
::smooches S::
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Date: 2004-10-08 02:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-07 04:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-08 02:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-07 04:59 pm (UTC)I don't know whether I think you're brilliant, or very deeply disturbed after reading this.
Either way I love you to itty, bitty, lavender pieces.
“One rotation?”
“One rotation.”
Fraser’s tongue stole out and touched his bottom lip.
The little alien tilted his lavender head and blinked twice. “Or less.”
eeeeeeeeee! Even aliens are smarter than Ray and Fraser!
no subject
Date: 2004-10-07 05:24 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2004-10-07 05:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-08 02:30 pm (UTC)::winces::
Ouch!
no subject
Date: 2004-10-07 05:06 pm (UTC)>>*snork*<<
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Date: 2004-10-08 02:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-07 05:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-08 02:32 pm (UTC)::twirls pearl::
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Date: 2004-10-08 02:59 pm (UTC)Nope. The darlin' never suspected what was in store...
;>
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2004-10-07 05:43 pm (UTC)BWAH! This put a massive smile on my face. Thanks!
no subject
Date: 2004-10-08 03:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-07 05:52 pm (UTC)::tries to regain control::
Poor Fraser. Lucky Fraser. Surprised Fraser. Hee!
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Date: 2004-10-08 03:01 pm (UTC)*Definitely* surprised Fraser.
Heh.
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Date: 2004-10-07 06:19 pm (UTC)Or at least, he didn't when the story started... ;-D
*snerk*
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Date: 2004-10-08 03:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-07 07:33 pm (UTC)And I mean that. Really.
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Date: 2004-10-08 03:02 pm (UTC)::hugs::
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Date: 2004-10-07 08:05 pm (UTC)::choke::
you're writing mpreg?????
::faints::
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Date: 2004-10-08 03:03 pm (UTC)Only when it's silly.
At least it's not wingfic. ;>
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2004-10-07 08:26 pm (UTC)And I'll bet he was doing an even better impersonation after removing his trousers later that night. Heh.
::chortling uncontrollably::
no subject
Date: 2004-10-08 03:04 pm (UTC)::joins in the chortling::
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Date: 2004-10-07 09:09 pm (UTC)This? Pure crack.
“No one believed me when I told ‘em I’d spent the past two weeks cruising around in a space ship, so I finally gave up and said I’d been playing GI Joe and staying in the apartment above my friend Mikey Yankovic’s garage. Mum grounded me for a month.”
Somehow, I have no trouble believing that at all...
no subject
Date: 2004-10-08 03:04 pm (UTC)It's probably the only believable thing in the entire story... ::g::
Whee!
Date: 2004-10-08 08:13 am (UTC)"Or less"
You obviously smoke only the *good* crack :)
Re: Whee!
Date: 2004-10-08 03:05 pm (UTC)::hiding pipe behind back::
Uh, what makes you say that? ::g::
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Date: 2004-10-08 10:32 am (UTC)This left me gasping for breath.
Very, VERY funny.
Thank you for making my Friday just that much stranger!
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Date: 2004-10-08 03:06 pm (UTC)::ponders new motto: Strangeness on demand::
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Date: 2004-10-08 02:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-08 03:06 pm (UTC)Huh?
Date: 2004-10-08 03:34 pm (UTC)Because...Because...it is pretty damn amusing. It took me a bit to get the whole name thing, then get over the ridiculousness, but then it was like...fun and actually it follows a certain logic not unline the show itself. I really, really like this. I wonder what I will think in one rotation. *G*
Re: Huh?
Date: 2004-10-11 06:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-09 05:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-11 06:22 pm (UTC)Just goes to show that even mpreg can be a good thing, done right.
Well, implying it is as close as I can get to actually writing mpreg. And only because I was trying to be funny...
oh, that's not RIGHT!
Date: 2004-10-09 01:41 pm (UTC)Hiliarous. Fuckin' hilarious. Plus which, how twisted am I that I totally believe in ten-year-old Ray (1) already knowing how to change a spark plug and (2) teaching a bunch of lavender aliens the trick?
Really needed this today. Thank you.
Re: oh, that's not RIGHT!
Date: 2004-10-11 06:27 pm (UTC)Of *course* ten-year-old Ray knew how to change a spark plug! He helped his dad work on engines from the time he would stand on a wooden box to see over the lip of the engine compartment. ::g:: And, being a ten year old boy, he naturally wanted to show off his knowledge. Bless him. ::patting Ray's tousled head::
I'm so pleased that the story amused you.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-21 02:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-24 04:04 pm (UTC)So glad you enjoyed your stay in Sihaya's Bizarro World. Can't you just see Paul doing this episode? Heh. Knowing him, he'd probably show us the day after the night before, and wouldn't *that* be a frelling scary thing?
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Date: 2005-08-09 06:21 pm (UTC)But I have got a Question: From which opportunity does "Sneeze / Cough" knew the Stella??
And the Aliens are cute. ^^
And they changed Frasers private parts?? Weeeell.... I hope he can explain this to his superiors. ^^
Anyway, if they dos the bunny move tonight and Fraser is then with child....
CONGRATULATIONS! :D
no subject
Date: 2005-08-12 12:14 pm (UTC)