For The Ice Challenge
Nov. 13th, 2004 06:29 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
wynterhawk.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
ds_flashfictionTitle: Fire
He floated there, holding his breath, feeling weightless in the cool buoyant embracing water. Slowly undulating his trim frame, he slithered effortlessly through the chlorinated liquid. It was quiet there, peaceful, away from the screams of agony, from the pain. Blowing the remainder of his breath through his nostrils, he winced at the bubbles racing up to caress his face. The heat of the fire froze his flesh almost like the touch of ice; the twisted contorted faces assaulted him, and clung to his memories as he struggled to surface. Breaking the face of the pool, he sucked in deep lungful of breath, coughing when he took in more than air.
He swam towards the edge of the pool and grabbing onto the slippery tiles; he dragged himself up and braced himself on the top of the sucking drain. He rested his chin atop his folded arms.
“Mr. Vecchio?”
The voice clawed him out of his thoughts and he looked up. One of the physical therapists gave him a warm smile and then crouched down beside him.
“How are you feeling this morning, Ray?”
Ray wiped his wet face with a cold hand and turned his head so that he could rest his cheek against his forearm. His head hurt.
Another headache.
Another fight with the nurses to get some relief from it.
The man looked him over for a moment and put a gentle hand on Ray’s bare shoulder.
“Ray? I see that you’re able to exercise a lot longer lately. How was your swim? How are you doing?”
Ray rocked his head briefly and then mustering his strength he lifted his head so that he could look into the therapist’s face. He remembered the “Scale of Pain” the man had introduced him to, when they’d first met. As a patient, Ray needed to become familiar with identifying his pain by using numbers; one being the lowest and ten being the highest.
Seemingly insignificant numbers used to describe whether he was either capable of coherent thought and conversation (that would rank around a “two”) or if the pain eating away at his insides was so great, he would attempt to snuff out his own life to escape it. That would definitely be a “ten”.
Another moment passed and the warm hand on his shoulder squeezed him casually.
“I’m fine. Great, Gary,” Ray answered.
“Scale?” Gary pressed.
Ray didn’t need to think about it. It was a high number that morning, and he was not in a good mood. But, if he lied, then Gary would leave him alone.
“Scale,” Ray muttered. “Scale… scale… “four” ok?”
Gary’s hand slid away from his shoulder. He knew Ray well enough to know when the cop didn’t want to be coddled. So instead of calling him on it, he stood up.
“Why don’t you make your way over to the ladder and we can get you out, ok? You have a visitor.”
**
Back in his hospital room, Ray had just finished pulling on soft sweat pants and a tee shirt and was settling into the comfortable chair by the window when he heard a knock on the room’s open door.
“Hey, Benny!” he smiled.
It was good to see a familiar face.
“Hi, Ray. How are you?” asked Ben as he came to stand in front of Ray.
Seven, thought Ray. Maybe an eight.
“Fine, Benny. Doin’ good. What about you?”
“I’m good. I brought these for you.”
Before sitting in the companion chair next to Ray, Ben opened the paper bag he carried and dumped a near treasure trove of gifts, cards, magazines and an assortment of junk food onto the bed behind them.
Delighted beyond reason, Ray swiveled to survey the mound of stuff. It was like Christmas had come early.
Ben smiled at the look of pleasure on Ray’s worn face. He hadn’t seen him look happy in a long time.
“Elaine helped to organize this,” he explained as Ray began to sort through the items.
“She’d given all of your friends and the officers at the station enough time to get these things so that I could bring them to you when I came back for a visit.”
Ray drew back and sank into the chair again. He looked tired and sounded distracted when he spoke.
“Be sure to thank everybody for me, ok, Benny?”
Ben paused, catching the despondent note in his voice.
“I’ll let you do that, Ray. When you see them again.”
Ray’s smile faded and he turned his eyes away. Gingerly touching his freshly bandaged face, Ray sighed audibly. The bulky white bandage nearly covered the whole left side of his face and the majority of his neck, neatly hiding his fire charred flesh. He could still smell the scent of burned meat beneath the aseptic stink.
Ben noticed the motion and felt his heart clench. Ray had been emphatic about not wanting visitors outside of his immediate family. He didn’t want anyone to see the unfortunate results of his heroics. The children and the teachers were safe, and that’s all that mattered to him. His own injuries were insignificant in the face of it.
To distract him, Ben reached for the toy stuffed wolf and thrust it into Ray’s free hand.
“This one’s from Dief. He was very determined to get the perfect one. In fact we’d gone to three toy stores before he finally decided on that one.”
Ray gently cradled the cheekily grinning wolf in his hands and stroked a finger across the red felt heart stitched on its chest.
The words, “I Love You”, had been spelled out in white letters on the heart.
“Where is he?” Ray asked.
“Oh, he’s at home… your home, with your mother. She’s delighted and he’s getting fat.”
Ray’s half grin returned and he petted the wolf’s fuzzy head. Ben noticed that he didn’t put the toy back on the bed, but held it on his lap as he turned his attention to the bright window again.
Ben cleared his throat.
“What do the plastic surgeons say?”
Ray bit his bottom lip.
“They uh… they said that it’s fixable…”
He touched the bandage again.
“I’ll have a scar, but I’ll still look like a freak.”
Ben immediately leaned forward and put his hand on Ray’s arm.
“You won’t be a freak, Ray. You’ll be your old self. That’s all you can be.”
Ray shook him off and folded his arms about the wolf.
“I don’t need you to try to make me feel better, Benny. You don’t know anything about it. You still have your face.”
Silence fell between them.
“I don’t know what to do, Ray. I try. I try to be your friend, but you keep pushing me away. Why won’t you let me in? Isn’t this the same thing you tried to do for me when I was in the hospital after the… incident?”
Ray looked at him and narrowed his eyes.
“It’s not the same.”
“Like, hell it isn’t, Ray. I know what you’re feeling. I know how it feels to want to hoard your medication in the hopes that if you take it all at once right before you go to sleep, you won’t wake up in the morning. That it’ll all be over. But you’re forgetting one thing.”
“Please enlighten me, Fraser,” Ray growled hugging the wolf tighter.
Ben plowed on, highly aware of the name change.
“You’re forgetting that you have people that love you. And when you’re gone, you will be mourned and sorely missed. You’re selfish if you think you’re only affecting yourself.”
Ben sat back, pressing himself hard into the chair. Ray looked at him, noticing the blue eyes glaring back at him were unnaturally bright and angry.
“I love you, Ray. You’re my best friend and my family. My brother.”
Ray looked down at the toy in his arms and drew in a long breath.
“Besides,” Ben continued, sounding amused. “What is Dief going to do if he can’t convince anyone to feed him junk food?”
“I don’t feed--,” Ray began indignantly, shooting a look in his direction.
He stopped short, seeing the smile on Ben’s face.
“Jesus, Benny,” he chuckled rubbing the back of his neck. “You sure know how to guilt ‘em. You been talking to my mother again?”
The Mountie shrugged his brows and without answering, he grabbed a piece of wrapped chocolate. He pulled off the foil wrapper and popped the candy into his mouth.
Ray gave him a sidelong look and then smiled gingerly to himself.
He snagged the paper cup from the bedside table and fished out a rapidly melting ice cube from the tepid water it was floating in. Clutching the slippery sliver between his fingers, he absently ran it back and forth over his dry lips. Licking away the cool water, he sucked the ice into his mouth. Reclaiming what he'd lost to the fire with jagged hunks of ice had become a habit of his lately.
It felt good, melting over his tongue and felt even better as he swallowed it. It soothed the fire damage inside him, made him feel a little more human again. He took the last ice cube and did the same, melting it against his lips and lapping at the cold water. When that cube too was gone, he swirled his finger into the remaining water. Ben stood a little and reached out a hand.
“Let me get you some more ice, Ray.”
Ray turned his head towards his friend, and looked up at him. He hadn’t expected him to be so close and he was surprised that he was startled.
Way to go, Vecchio, he thought sadly. Losing your nerve isn’t going to go over well with the cop head shrink when you get back.
If you get back.
But he gave up the cup without a word and pointed towards the pale pink plastic pitcher.
“There’s some more in there.”
Ben shook out several fresh cubes and topped the cup with some of the water. Giving it back to Ray, he checked his watch. He put his hand on Ray’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Ray, but my lunch hour is over. I have to get back.”
Looking at the monochrome colored world outside his hospital window, Ray nodded slightly. He really wasn’t in the mood for company much anymore.
“Sure, Benny,” he murmured smiling slightly at the increased pressure of his friend’s hand on his shoulder.
“I’ll be back later, if you want. After work.”
Ray nodded again, keeping his eyes on the swaying naked trees just beyond his window. Then after a moment, he put his hand over Ben’s and patted his fingers.
“Thanks, Benny,” he said, still not looking at him.
Ben frowned, concerned with Ray’s uncharacteristically quiet mood. With one last squeeze he left him sitting there watching the cold world outside and wondered, not for the first time, if things were really going to be all right.
Lately, he hadn’t been sure.
He floated there, holding his breath, feeling weightless in the cool buoyant embracing water. Slowly undulating his trim frame, he slithered effortlessly through the chlorinated liquid. It was quiet there, peaceful, away from the screams of agony, from the pain. Blowing the remainder of his breath through his nostrils, he winced at the bubbles racing up to caress his face. The heat of the fire froze his flesh almost like the touch of ice; the twisted contorted faces assaulted him, and clung to his memories as he struggled to surface. Breaking the face of the pool, he sucked in deep lungful of breath, coughing when he took in more than air.
He swam towards the edge of the pool and grabbing onto the slippery tiles; he dragged himself up and braced himself on the top of the sucking drain. He rested his chin atop his folded arms.
“Mr. Vecchio?”
The voice clawed him out of his thoughts and he looked up. One of the physical therapists gave him a warm smile and then crouched down beside him.
“How are you feeling this morning, Ray?”
Ray wiped his wet face with a cold hand and turned his head so that he could rest his cheek against his forearm. His head hurt.
Another headache.
Another fight with the nurses to get some relief from it.
The man looked him over for a moment and put a gentle hand on Ray’s bare shoulder.
“Ray? I see that you’re able to exercise a lot longer lately. How was your swim? How are you doing?”
Ray rocked his head briefly and then mustering his strength he lifted his head so that he could look into the therapist’s face. He remembered the “Scale of Pain” the man had introduced him to, when they’d first met. As a patient, Ray needed to become familiar with identifying his pain by using numbers; one being the lowest and ten being the highest.
Seemingly insignificant numbers used to describe whether he was either capable of coherent thought and conversation (that would rank around a “two”) or if the pain eating away at his insides was so great, he would attempt to snuff out his own life to escape it. That would definitely be a “ten”.
Another moment passed and the warm hand on his shoulder squeezed him casually.
“I’m fine. Great, Gary,” Ray answered.
“Scale?” Gary pressed.
Ray didn’t need to think about it. It was a high number that morning, and he was not in a good mood. But, if he lied, then Gary would leave him alone.
“Scale,” Ray muttered. “Scale… scale… “four” ok?”
Gary’s hand slid away from his shoulder. He knew Ray well enough to know when the cop didn’t want to be coddled. So instead of calling him on it, he stood up.
“Why don’t you make your way over to the ladder and we can get you out, ok? You have a visitor.”
**
Back in his hospital room, Ray had just finished pulling on soft sweat pants and a tee shirt and was settling into the comfortable chair by the window when he heard a knock on the room’s open door.
“Hey, Benny!” he smiled.
It was good to see a familiar face.
“Hi, Ray. How are you?” asked Ben as he came to stand in front of Ray.
Seven, thought Ray. Maybe an eight.
“Fine, Benny. Doin’ good. What about you?”
“I’m good. I brought these for you.”
Before sitting in the companion chair next to Ray, Ben opened the paper bag he carried and dumped a near treasure trove of gifts, cards, magazines and an assortment of junk food onto the bed behind them.
Delighted beyond reason, Ray swiveled to survey the mound of stuff. It was like Christmas had come early.
Ben smiled at the look of pleasure on Ray’s worn face. He hadn’t seen him look happy in a long time.
“Elaine helped to organize this,” he explained as Ray began to sort through the items.
“She’d given all of your friends and the officers at the station enough time to get these things so that I could bring them to you when I came back for a visit.”
Ray drew back and sank into the chair again. He looked tired and sounded distracted when he spoke.
“Be sure to thank everybody for me, ok, Benny?”
Ben paused, catching the despondent note in his voice.
“I’ll let you do that, Ray. When you see them again.”
Ray’s smile faded and he turned his eyes away. Gingerly touching his freshly bandaged face, Ray sighed audibly. The bulky white bandage nearly covered the whole left side of his face and the majority of his neck, neatly hiding his fire charred flesh. He could still smell the scent of burned meat beneath the aseptic stink.
Ben noticed the motion and felt his heart clench. Ray had been emphatic about not wanting visitors outside of his immediate family. He didn’t want anyone to see the unfortunate results of his heroics. The children and the teachers were safe, and that’s all that mattered to him. His own injuries were insignificant in the face of it.
To distract him, Ben reached for the toy stuffed wolf and thrust it into Ray’s free hand.
“This one’s from Dief. He was very determined to get the perfect one. In fact we’d gone to three toy stores before he finally decided on that one.”
Ray gently cradled the cheekily grinning wolf in his hands and stroked a finger across the red felt heart stitched on its chest.
The words, “I Love You”, had been spelled out in white letters on the heart.
“Where is he?” Ray asked.
“Oh, he’s at home… your home, with your mother. She’s delighted and he’s getting fat.”
Ray’s half grin returned and he petted the wolf’s fuzzy head. Ben noticed that he didn’t put the toy back on the bed, but held it on his lap as he turned his attention to the bright window again.
Ben cleared his throat.
“What do the plastic surgeons say?”
Ray bit his bottom lip.
“They uh… they said that it’s fixable…”
He touched the bandage again.
“I’ll have a scar, but I’ll still look like a freak.”
Ben immediately leaned forward and put his hand on Ray’s arm.
“You won’t be a freak, Ray. You’ll be your old self. That’s all you can be.”
Ray shook him off and folded his arms about the wolf.
“I don’t need you to try to make me feel better, Benny. You don’t know anything about it. You still have your face.”
Silence fell between them.
“I don’t know what to do, Ray. I try. I try to be your friend, but you keep pushing me away. Why won’t you let me in? Isn’t this the same thing you tried to do for me when I was in the hospital after the… incident?”
Ray looked at him and narrowed his eyes.
“It’s not the same.”
“Like, hell it isn’t, Ray. I know what you’re feeling. I know how it feels to want to hoard your medication in the hopes that if you take it all at once right before you go to sleep, you won’t wake up in the morning. That it’ll all be over. But you’re forgetting one thing.”
“Please enlighten me, Fraser,” Ray growled hugging the wolf tighter.
Ben plowed on, highly aware of the name change.
“You’re forgetting that you have people that love you. And when you’re gone, you will be mourned and sorely missed. You’re selfish if you think you’re only affecting yourself.”
Ben sat back, pressing himself hard into the chair. Ray looked at him, noticing the blue eyes glaring back at him were unnaturally bright and angry.
“I love you, Ray. You’re my best friend and my family. My brother.”
Ray looked down at the toy in his arms and drew in a long breath.
“Besides,” Ben continued, sounding amused. “What is Dief going to do if he can’t convince anyone to feed him junk food?”
“I don’t feed--,” Ray began indignantly, shooting a look in his direction.
He stopped short, seeing the smile on Ben’s face.
“Jesus, Benny,” he chuckled rubbing the back of his neck. “You sure know how to guilt ‘em. You been talking to my mother again?”
The Mountie shrugged his brows and without answering, he grabbed a piece of wrapped chocolate. He pulled off the foil wrapper and popped the candy into his mouth.
Ray gave him a sidelong look and then smiled gingerly to himself.
He snagged the paper cup from the bedside table and fished out a rapidly melting ice cube from the tepid water it was floating in. Clutching the slippery sliver between his fingers, he absently ran it back and forth over his dry lips. Licking away the cool water, he sucked the ice into his mouth. Reclaiming what he'd lost to the fire with jagged hunks of ice had become a habit of his lately.
It felt good, melting over his tongue and felt even better as he swallowed it. It soothed the fire damage inside him, made him feel a little more human again. He took the last ice cube and did the same, melting it against his lips and lapping at the cold water. When that cube too was gone, he swirled his finger into the remaining water. Ben stood a little and reached out a hand.
“Let me get you some more ice, Ray.”
Ray turned his head towards his friend, and looked up at him. He hadn’t expected him to be so close and he was surprised that he was startled.
Way to go, Vecchio, he thought sadly. Losing your nerve isn’t going to go over well with the cop head shrink when you get back.
If you get back.
But he gave up the cup without a word and pointed towards the pale pink plastic pitcher.
“There’s some more in there.”
Ben shook out several fresh cubes and topped the cup with some of the water. Giving it back to Ray, he checked his watch. He put his hand on Ray’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Ray, but my lunch hour is over. I have to get back.”
Looking at the monochrome colored world outside his hospital window, Ray nodded slightly. He really wasn’t in the mood for company much anymore.
“Sure, Benny,” he murmured smiling slightly at the increased pressure of his friend’s hand on his shoulder.
“I’ll be back later, if you want. After work.”
Ray nodded again, keeping his eyes on the swaying naked trees just beyond his window. Then after a moment, he put his hand over Ben’s and patted his fingers.
“Thanks, Benny,” he said, still not looking at him.
Ben frowned, concerned with Ray’s uncharacteristically quiet mood. With one last squeeze he left him sitting there watching the cold world outside and wondered, not for the first time, if things were really going to be all right.
Lately, he hadn’t been sure.
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Date: 2004-11-13 10:42 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2004-11-14 10:56 am (UTC)and, short on the ground?
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Date: 2004-11-14 11:13 am (UTC)::scratches head::
bugger . . .
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Date: 2004-11-15 12:13 am (UTC)Lovely!
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