![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
hackthis.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
ds_flashfictionIt started with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lalejandra here. And then kassrachel practically ordered me to write it and shayheyred said I was crazy.
I couldn’t let the team down.
Title: Songs for Polar Bears
Rating: PG-13
Words: 1,447
Ray was confused -- and it probably had to do with the fact that he was in his underwear, holding a spatula and dancing around the kitchen in his briefs.
Maybe it was because Fraser was naked.
Clearly it wasn't Ray briefs that were causing him confusion; he'd made sure to put on the good ones without any holes in’em, because a) it got really fucking cold in the cabin sometimes and 2) even though it was only two rooms it didn’t heat up that fast 3) it got hot working over the stove and d) which probably should have been #1, was because he was cooking and Fraser was going to see him in these briefs and he wanted to look good for him.
Ray wasn’t picky about what he wore for Fraser, because this was Fraser and Fraser didn’t care if Ray even shaved or bathed or changed his socks. Ray was no girl, but since he was making breakfast and stuff, he’d figured it was a good thing to at least brush his teeth and put some clothing on.
Minimum clothing.
He was deferring –- disgracing.
He was getting off topic.
So, he’d been making them eggs, which were not easy to get way out in east Bumblefuck, and he’d been happy because he had eggs and Fraser, and he was a simple guy. It didn’t take a lot to make him happy -- no Omelets Benedict for him. He was good and life was good, and so -– well he’d started singing, because he could and that was how he’d wound up confused like this.
One minute he was making eggs and doing his Springsteen impression, because he was 'Born to Run', and the next he’d whirled around and found Fraser leaning against the doorway naked, rubbing his eyebrow and watching him.
Judging by the hard-on Fraser was sporting, he’d been watching a while, but he hadn’t said anything -– which was so not like Fraser –- except now he was staring at Ray like he was something from another planet. Something from another planet that Fraser wanted to lick –- which totally worked for Ray -– but then the eggs had started to burn and then there was smoke.
One minute Fraser was rubbing his eyebrow, again naked, and the next he was grabbing the pot and running out the cabin and flinging the pan in the snow. And that pissed Ray off because those were his eggs and even a naked Fraser in the snow couldn’t -– um, yeah.
So, now Ray had no eggs and no pan, but there was a naked Fraser, letting the heat out while calming brushing the snow from his bare feet as though it weren’t a zillion degrees below zero outside.
Ray turned off the stove as Fraser came in and closed the door behind him.
“Fraser, you just ran outside in your altogether and threw away the eggs,” Ray said in his best I-am-trying-to-be-calm-but-what-the-fuck voice.
Fraser didn’t even bat an eyelash as he shut the door, grabbed the blanket from the sofa and wrapped it around himself. No matter how cool Fraser was playing it, clearly his dick had thought it was cold as it had gone soft. “The eggs were on fire,” he said.
“No, they weren’t! They were only smoking!”
Fraser raised an eyebrow and Ray frowned. “I like my eggs hard -– soft eggs are all mushy,” he pointed out.
Fraser didn’t even have the decency to look cold and Ray scowled. “That’s the thanks I get for making you breakfast? Remind me not to cook again. And what gives with you running out there are all naked -– you could injure some important stuff!”
Fraser colored slightly as Ray stared at him hard. “I assure you that I was in no danger of harming any, ah, ‘important stuff’ as you said.”
Ray crossed his arms, still holding the spatula. “If you freeze it off, that’s harming it -– and that’s harming me too, cos you know, I use it too -- and it’s not right to go out there all exposed.”
Fraser licked his lower lip and Ray’s scowl deepened. Fraser was doing this just to aggravate him. Running around naked and throwing away his eggs and doing the lip licking thing when Ray was trying to be angry.
“You know, Ray, running around naked in extreme temperatures is supposed to be a sign of virility.”
“No, it’s a sign of being crazy.”
Fraser took a deep breath, and Ray shifted his weight. Fraser was about to tell him a story about running around naked in the snow –- he could feel it -- but at least it beat a story about caribou and the Inuit.
“Actually, Ray, Bernarr Macfadden, who is considered the "Father of Physical Culture," started the Coney Island Polar Bear Club because he believed that extreme temperatures, such as cold water or snow, could cure every illness. The opening ceremonies of the Yellowknife branch of the Polar Bears are actually occurring next month, and I thought -- “
Fraser was talking, but Ray clearly wasn’t hearing whatever was coming out his mouth because what did polar bears have to do with running around naked?
It was the kinda thing crazy people did, and Ray knew this because he wasn't crazy. Yeah, he was a little light in the loafers, and okay, so there'd been that thing with the handcuffs and the boat, but he'd been unconscious. That wasn’t him. No, that wasn't crazy -- that was kinky.
Fraser was confusing him -- Ray wasn't crazy.
Fraser though -- Fraser was crazy. Fraser was a crazy freak, and Ray was involved with him. This did not look good.
"Ray... Ray... Ray!"
Ray uncrossed his arms and pointed the spatula at Fraser. "Tell me one more time, cos I know I didn't hear you right the first time, you want me to what?”
Fraser got that stubborn look that made Ray’s stomach hurt. "You know very well you heard me the first time."
"I know that and you know that -- but just, you know, humor me."
"Very well, Ray. It's the Annual Meeting of the Yellowknife Polar Bears next month -– they’re holding the opening ceremonies on the shores of Great Slave Lake and I thought we could participate in the festivities by going swimming --"
Fraser was still talking, but Ray wasn’t following. "Now just how do you know the polar bears are meeting; did they send you a memo or something? Did a St Bernard with a message come to the outpost yesterday or something?"
“You’re being deliberately obtuse.”
Fraser crossed to where Ray stood, tapping his foot. Ray didn’t blink as Fraser flashed a lot of skin so he could scratch the back of his neck.
“You know very well that I meant Polar Bears in the symbolic sense as a sort of mascot or totem. The idea of human beings and polar bears swimming together is ludicrous -– polar bears are much better swimmers than humans. It wouldn’t be a fair contest of skills,” said Fraser.
Ray shook his head. He wasn’t hearing this. “No more than human beings running around naked in the middle of winter in Canada.”
“People tend to wear swimming costumes, Ray.”
Ray shook his head. “It don’t matter if they dress up in polar bear costumes. This is crazy,” he said poking Fraser in the chest with the spatula. “You’re crazy. Everybody’s crazy around here. You know what Canadian means? It means crazy people. I’m not jumping in some freezing lake naked, and neither are you. If you think I’m letting you do that you got another thing coming, Mr I’m-a-Mountie-and-Nothing-Hurts-Me. Just cause --”
Ray was still ranting when Fraser pushed the spatula away and pulled open his blanket to envelope Ray in his flannel cocoon.
Fraser didn’t even have the decency to feel cold as Ray continued ranting. He only ceased when Fraser kissed him on the side of his neck. “Does this mean you’ll come with me?”
Ray frowned. “You said this was for virility. I got plenty of virility. I’m virile!”
“Yes, but it’s also a bonding experience. It’s a partner thing.” Ray shuddered when Fraser’s lips brushed his ears and he felt Fraser’s cock getting back into the groove, except the spatula was trapped between them and Ray could feel bits of egg on his skin. It was really not helping him get into the moment.
“What are you going to give me if I do this?” he asked.
Fraser pulled back slightly, and Ray’s cock twitched when he felt the length of Fraser’s dick rub his hip. “I could procure more eggs,” he said thoughtfully.
Ray sighed. “Then I guess I have to. I can’t let you go out there by yourself. You might injure the goods.”
-end-
*Title from the Snow Patrol LP.
Beta by the much belovedserialkarma.
For those not in the know the Polar Bears are a bunch ofcrazy freaks people who, well, go swimming in really fucking cold water, because, like Fraser said it's supposed to help with virility. Also, there is a Yellowknife Polar Bears Swimming Club but they don't partake of this particular activity.
lalejandra here. And then kassrachel practically ordered me to write it and shayheyred said I was crazy. I couldn’t let the team down.
Title: Songs for Polar Bears
Rating: PG-13
Words: 1,447
Ray was confused -- and it probably had to do with the fact that he was in his underwear, holding a spatula and dancing around the kitchen in his briefs.
Maybe it was because Fraser was naked.
Clearly it wasn't Ray briefs that were causing him confusion; he'd made sure to put on the good ones without any holes in’em, because a) it got really fucking cold in the cabin sometimes and 2) even though it was only two rooms it didn’t heat up that fast 3) it got hot working over the stove and d) which probably should have been #1, was because he was cooking and Fraser was going to see him in these briefs and he wanted to look good for him.
Ray wasn’t picky about what he wore for Fraser, because this was Fraser and Fraser didn’t care if Ray even shaved or bathed or changed his socks. Ray was no girl, but since he was making breakfast and stuff, he’d figured it was a good thing to at least brush his teeth and put some clothing on.
Minimum clothing.
He was deferring –- disgracing.
He was getting off topic.
So, he’d been making them eggs, which were not easy to get way out in east Bumblefuck, and he’d been happy because he had eggs and Fraser, and he was a simple guy. It didn’t take a lot to make him happy -- no Omelets Benedict for him. He was good and life was good, and so -– well he’d started singing, because he could and that was how he’d wound up confused like this.
One minute he was making eggs and doing his Springsteen impression, because he was 'Born to Run', and the next he’d whirled around and found Fraser leaning against the doorway naked, rubbing his eyebrow and watching him.
Judging by the hard-on Fraser was sporting, he’d been watching a while, but he hadn’t said anything -– which was so not like Fraser –- except now he was staring at Ray like he was something from another planet. Something from another planet that Fraser wanted to lick –- which totally worked for Ray -– but then the eggs had started to burn and then there was smoke.
One minute Fraser was rubbing his eyebrow, again naked, and the next he was grabbing the pot and running out the cabin and flinging the pan in the snow. And that pissed Ray off because those were his eggs and even a naked Fraser in the snow couldn’t -– um, yeah.
So, now Ray had no eggs and no pan, but there was a naked Fraser, letting the heat out while calming brushing the snow from his bare feet as though it weren’t a zillion degrees below zero outside.
Ray turned off the stove as Fraser came in and closed the door behind him.
“Fraser, you just ran outside in your altogether and threw away the eggs,” Ray said in his best I-am-trying-to-be-calm-but-what-the-fuck voice.
Fraser didn’t even bat an eyelash as he shut the door, grabbed the blanket from the sofa and wrapped it around himself. No matter how cool Fraser was playing it, clearly his dick had thought it was cold as it had gone soft. “The eggs were on fire,” he said.
“No, they weren’t! They were only smoking!”
Fraser raised an eyebrow and Ray frowned. “I like my eggs hard -– soft eggs are all mushy,” he pointed out.
Fraser didn’t even have the decency to look cold and Ray scowled. “That’s the thanks I get for making you breakfast? Remind me not to cook again. And what gives with you running out there are all naked -– you could injure some important stuff!”
Fraser colored slightly as Ray stared at him hard. “I assure you that I was in no danger of harming any, ah, ‘important stuff’ as you said.”
Ray crossed his arms, still holding the spatula. “If you freeze it off, that’s harming it -– and that’s harming me too, cos you know, I use it too -- and it’s not right to go out there all exposed.”
Fraser licked his lower lip and Ray’s scowl deepened. Fraser was doing this just to aggravate him. Running around naked and throwing away his eggs and doing the lip licking thing when Ray was trying to be angry.
“You know, Ray, running around naked in extreme temperatures is supposed to be a sign of virility.”
“No, it’s a sign of being crazy.”
Fraser took a deep breath, and Ray shifted his weight. Fraser was about to tell him a story about running around naked in the snow –- he could feel it -- but at least it beat a story about caribou and the Inuit.
“Actually, Ray, Bernarr Macfadden, who is considered the "Father of Physical Culture," started the Coney Island Polar Bear Club because he believed that extreme temperatures, such as cold water or snow, could cure every illness. The opening ceremonies of the Yellowknife branch of the Polar Bears are actually occurring next month, and I thought -- “
Fraser was talking, but Ray clearly wasn’t hearing whatever was coming out his mouth because what did polar bears have to do with running around naked?
It was the kinda thing crazy people did, and Ray knew this because he wasn't crazy. Yeah, he was a little light in the loafers, and okay, so there'd been that thing with the handcuffs and the boat, but he'd been unconscious. That wasn’t him. No, that wasn't crazy -- that was kinky.
Fraser was confusing him -- Ray wasn't crazy.
Fraser though -- Fraser was crazy. Fraser was a crazy freak, and Ray was involved with him. This did not look good.
"Ray... Ray... Ray!"
Ray uncrossed his arms and pointed the spatula at Fraser. "Tell me one more time, cos I know I didn't hear you right the first time, you want me to what?”
Fraser got that stubborn look that made Ray’s stomach hurt. "You know very well you heard me the first time."
"I know that and you know that -- but just, you know, humor me."
"Very well, Ray. It's the Annual Meeting of the Yellowknife Polar Bears next month -– they’re holding the opening ceremonies on the shores of Great Slave Lake and I thought we could participate in the festivities by going swimming --"
Fraser was still talking, but Ray wasn’t following. "Now just how do you know the polar bears are meeting; did they send you a memo or something? Did a St Bernard with a message come to the outpost yesterday or something?"
“You’re being deliberately obtuse.”
Fraser crossed to where Ray stood, tapping his foot. Ray didn’t blink as Fraser flashed a lot of skin so he could scratch the back of his neck.
“You know very well that I meant Polar Bears in the symbolic sense as a sort of mascot or totem. The idea of human beings and polar bears swimming together is ludicrous -– polar bears are much better swimmers than humans. It wouldn’t be a fair contest of skills,” said Fraser.
Ray shook his head. He wasn’t hearing this. “No more than human beings running around naked in the middle of winter in Canada.”
“People tend to wear swimming costumes, Ray.”
Ray shook his head. “It don’t matter if they dress up in polar bear costumes. This is crazy,” he said poking Fraser in the chest with the spatula. “You’re crazy. Everybody’s crazy around here. You know what Canadian means? It means crazy people. I’m not jumping in some freezing lake naked, and neither are you. If you think I’m letting you do that you got another thing coming, Mr I’m-a-Mountie-and-Nothing-Hurts-Me. Just cause --”
Ray was still ranting when Fraser pushed the spatula away and pulled open his blanket to envelope Ray in his flannel cocoon.
Fraser didn’t even have the decency to feel cold as Ray continued ranting. He only ceased when Fraser kissed him on the side of his neck. “Does this mean you’ll come with me?”
Ray frowned. “You said this was for virility. I got plenty of virility. I’m virile!”
“Yes, but it’s also a bonding experience. It’s a partner thing.” Ray shuddered when Fraser’s lips brushed his ears and he felt Fraser’s cock getting back into the groove, except the spatula was trapped between them and Ray could feel bits of egg on his skin. It was really not helping him get into the moment.
“What are you going to give me if I do this?” he asked.
Fraser pulled back slightly, and Ray’s cock twitched when he felt the length of Fraser’s dick rub his hip. “I could procure more eggs,” he said thoughtfully.
Ray sighed. “Then I guess I have to. I can’t let you go out there by yourself. You might injure the goods.”
-end-
*Title from the Snow Patrol LP.
Beta by the much beloved
serialkarma.For those not in the know the Polar Bears are a bunch of
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-12-02 02:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-03 11:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-02 02:52 pm (UTC)Wonderful.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-03 11:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-02 02:53 pm (UTC)“Fraser, you just ran outside in your altogether and threw away the eggs,” Ray said in his best I-am-trying-to-be-calm-but-what-the-fuck voice.
polar bears are much better swimmers than humans. It wouldn’t be a fair contest of skills,”
So very Ray and so very Fraser! Fabulous!
you write in 2 of my fandoms- this makes me v. happy!
no subject
Date: 2004-12-03 11:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-02 03:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-03 11:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-03 11:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-03 11:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-02 03:03 pm (UTC)And this:
Ray sighed. “Then I guess I have to. I can’t let you go out there by yourself. You might injure the goods.”
Again with the "yay"!! Ray is so hooked. (as am I, come to think of it).
Loved this!
no subject
Date: 2004-12-03 11:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-02 03:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-03 11:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-02 03:33 pm (UTC)"Fraser though -- Fraser was crazy. Fraser was a crazy freak, and Ray was involved with him. This did not look good."
i like this idea of it slowly dawning on Ray just what he has gotten into...
no subject
Date: 2004-12-03 11:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-02 06:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-03 11:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-02 06:42 pm (UTC)I love this --
"Now just how do you know the polar bears are meeting; did they send you a memo or something? Did a St Bernard with a message come to the outpost yesterday or something?"
And this --
Fraser’s cock getting back into the groove, except the spatula was trapped between them and Ray could feel bits of egg on his skin. It was really not helping him get into the moment.
Bwahaha! You really have a good voice for Ray's humor.
And the image of a naked Fraser with a hard on? *phew* Is it hot in here? Yes, indeedy.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-03 11:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-03 11:18 am (UTC)*dies laughing* Exactly.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-02 07:21 pm (UTC)And this image—Ray was still ranting when Fraser pushed the spatula away and pulled open his blanket to envelope Ray in his flannel cocoon.—made me go aww and hee! simultaneously.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-03 11:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-02 07:27 pm (UTC)Have you seen this? http://www.ravenswing.com/~mirrorgirl/denser.html I think you'd like if you haven't seen. Due South also.
Thanks for sharing the fic, yo.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-03 11:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-02 09:00 pm (UTC)This is hilarious!
I'm so glad you wrote this -- this is cracking me up. :-)
no subject
Date: 2004-12-03 11:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-02 09:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-03 11:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-02 10:46 pm (UTC)Hee! So sweet! I loved this :)
And I *heart* it even more, because it exposes the evilness of runny eggs. Evil!
no subject
Date: 2004-12-03 11:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-03 11:56 am (UTC)“Fraser, you just ran outside in your altogether and threw away the eggs,” Ray said in his best I-am-trying-to-be-calm-but-what-the-fuck voice.
Seriously, I think that's one of the most hilarious things I've read in my entire life.
Ray shook his head. “It don’t matter if they dress up in polar bear costumes. This is crazy,” he said poking Fraser in the chest with the spatula. “You’re crazy. Everybody’s crazy around here. You know what Canadian means? It means crazy people.
Your Ray voice never fails to make me sigh with happiness. Maybe it's the syntax or maybe (probably) it's because you're brilliant, but I am really so very in love with it.
Ray was still ranting when Fraser pushed the spatula away and pulled open his blanket to envelope Ray in his flannel cocoon.
I heart this so much because being envolped by a blanket is one of the best feelings in the world, and thus this makes me smile.
As calm as Hindu cows.
Date: 2004-12-03 03:58 pm (UTC)I have to watch Fight Club this weekend because of you, okay, really I have to put Fight Club on while I do other things and randomly repeat whole pages of dialogue. Why? Because this is my life and it's ending one second at a time. I am a dork. Yes. I am also crazy, but everyone should be something, no?
:D
I'm glad you enjoyed this, sweetie :)
no subject
Date: 2004-12-03 01:09 pm (UTC)Fraser got that stubborn look that made Ray’s stomach hurt.
Because yeah, if I was Ray and I knew all the insane shit that look could preceed, my stomach would hurt too. :)
no subject
Date: 2004-12-03 04:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-04 07:53 am (UTC)*laughs* Ray, wathching out for Fraser's health and his own best interests. Very cute. I like the feel of this, Ray's acceptance that he's now stuck being a part of Fraser's weirdness.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-06 09:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-05 03:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-06 09:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-06 04:52 pm (UTC)