Neck(ing) challenge fic by china_shop and lyra_sena

[lyra-sena.livejournal.com]

Title: Sister Maria Explains due South to the von Trapp Children
Authors: china_shop and lyra_sena
Pairing: Fraser/RayK
Disclaimer: It's best to just claim temporary insanity. With apologies to Rodgers and Hammerstein.



Sister Maria Explains due South to the von Trapp Children
to the tune of My Favourite Things


Stiff tunic collars and boots that are shiny
Vaults full of water and crypts, oh so tiny
Whitt-eling elk from the bark of a log
Dinners with Ray and a wolf that’s half dog.

Licking dead bodies and smelling their fingers
Jumping from buildings, and bombs with weird triggers
Stetsons and Henleys and caribou tales
Ointments concocted from blubber of whales!

Neck cracks and lip licks and tugging at collars
Sleeping in bedrolls, Canadian dollars
No, thank you kindly and yes, if you please
For every fresh case, a new weird expertise.

When the Mountie
on the Bounty
makes his partner pissed
You know that it’s only a matter of time
before they begin to kiss.


Still they pretend and repress all their feelings
Fight, moan and bitch, and just stare at their ceilings
Till Ray smiles real broadly and bam! it’s revealed
Ms. Fraser has fallen head over high-heels.

Leaping and flying while ducking for cover
Necking in alleys as hands roam all over
Crazy car chases and takeout Chinese
Fraser is happiest down on his knees.


Lots of sniffing
Lots of grinning
They’re a pair of freaks.
It takes them a while to figure it out
But then they have sex for weeks.


Stakeouts and shootouts and even the men’s room
The back of the car and the CPD storeroom
Doorways and sofas and Consulate desks
No place is safe from the rampant hot sex.

The best thing ’bout Fraser’s his oral fixation
Oh, that, and he’s gorgeous - a double temptation
He’ll lick down Ray’s neck at the drop of a hat
And once he’s got started, he won’t stop at that.

There is moaning
There is groaning
Jaws so tightly clenched
And oh god, when Fraser gets going he has
A penchant for speaking French.


30 is steamy and 20 is pleasing,
10 put a sweater on, 0 is freezing
Lanyards and leather, brass buttons and serge
Looks like the kinks are about to emerge.

Clinging to airplanes and crevasse caresses,
Beer and bark tea: a duet not to mess with.
Shake, bad guys, shake! It’s a kick in the head
Almost as wild as the Mountie in bed.

Buddy breathing
Fear of leaving
It’s an OTP!
And then right at the end they ride off in a sled.
Together, they're meant to be.


Welsh and Francesca and Turnbull and Thatcher
Duck boys and Stella, Muldoon and his capture
Bob in the closet, yeah don’t forget Dief
To sum up due South we’ll be short and quite brief:

The first Ray is Vecchio, but he’s undercover;
Kowalski’s now Vecchio (and he’s Fraser’s lover).
There’s baseball and boxing and hockey and chess
and (mostly off-screen) boys in states of undress.

When they finally
take their clothes off
Such ecstatic bliss!
In the script for this eppy, if you will recall:
a Fraser/Kowalski kiss!


***
Ray: Fraser – are you wearing shorts?
Fraser: *small cough* Well, yes. You did say you were getting rid of those old curtains…
Ray: I knew I shouldn’t have let you watch that movie.
Dief: *snorts*

Comments

[aerye.livejournal.com]

The first Ray is Vecchio, but he's undercover;
Kowalski's now Vecchio (and he's Fraser's lover).
There's baseball and boxing and hockey and chess
and (mostly off-screen) boys in states of undress.

Words fail me.

[lyra-sena.livejournal.com]

hee! None needed, then. *G* thank you!

[lalejandra.livejournal.com]

Shake, bad guys, shake! It’s a kick in the head
Almost as wild as the Mountie in bed.


HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

SO AWESOME!

[lyra-sena.livejournal.com]

*laughs* thank you babe

[wintercreek]

This? Best thing ever. I'm grinning stupidly at my computer.

[lyra-sena.livejournal.com]

Yay for grinning stupidly! We were laughing pretty hard while writing it.

Awesome song lyrics

[kiranovember.livejournal.com]

Still they pretend and repress all their feelings
Fight, moan and bitch, and just stare at their ceilings
Till Ray smiles real broadly and bam! it’s revealed
Ms. Fraser has fallen head over high-heels.

I LOVED this. Fabulous!

Re: Awesome song lyrics

[lyra-sena.livejournal.com]

Thank you! it was soooo much fun to write.

[farwing.livejournal.com]

You rock like a rocking thing.

[lyra-sena.livejournal.com]

*ROCKS THE FUCK OUT*

thank you darlin

[ivy03.livejournal.com]

Oh

My

God.

The first Ray is Vecchio, but he’s undercover;
Kowalski’s now Vecchio (and he’s Fraser’s lover).

That's it, I'm using that line to introduce new people to the fandom.

[lyra-sena.livejournal.com]

HAHA. China came up with that one -- I think it's fabulous. Thank you!

[merelyn.livejournal.com]

I love it, I love it, I love it! I actually laughed out loud at this bit:

Lots of sniffing
Lots of grinning
They’re a pair of freaks.
It takes them a while to figure it out
But then they have sex for weeks.

Because really, it's like Fraser/Kowalski in a (musical) nutshell. Great job, guys.

[lyra-sena.livejournal.com]

All we need now is the dancing! Hee. thank you!

[threequarters.livejournal.com]

You're all brilliant. I don't think I've laughed this hard in a looong time. Thank you.

[lyra-sena.livejournal.com]

Gahd, it was fun to write -- I don't think I've laughed so hard writing something before. Thank you!

[nigeltde]

*applauds* Encore!

[lyra-sena.livejournal.com]

*bows* Encore to follow... maybe. *laughs* Thank you!

[sage]

This is cracktastic and delightful and I can't stop grinning! And now this tune is going to be stuck in my head for the foreseeable future, I just know it!

But yes, every single line (and omg LINKS!!) is definitely high up there among my favorite things. Y'all rock! :D

[lyra-sena.livejournal.com]

*snugs* Thanks, sweetie! The links, I feel, make it. *W*

[akite.livejournal.com]

Hee! I'm going to be humming all day now. Thank you kindly.

[lyra-sena.livejournal.com]

You're so very kindly welcome!

[serialkarma.livejournal.com]

*wild applause*

That was just spectacular, you two. I am so impressed. And unbelievably amused. Brava!

[lyra-sena.livejournal.com]

hee, thanks babe! Hope your trip this weekend was fun.

[estrella30.livejournal.com]

I am in love with this - and with both of you!

You crack-headed FREAKS!!

Crazy car chases and takeout Chinese
Fraser is happiest down on his knees.

Heeeee!! And so are we, yo *g*

Awesome job!

[lyra-sena.livejournal.com]

*laughs* YOU'RE A FREAK TOO!

[dessert-first.livejournal.com]

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

So fabulous.

[china_shop]

*g* Thanks!!!

[lovis.livejournal.com]

Bwahaha!!

You girls are fantastic! *G*

[china_shop]

Thank you most kindly. *beam*

[daughtershade.livejournal.com]

Ya'll are with the BIG crazy! And I love it! Hee. So funny.

[china_shop]

So glad you liked! Thanks! *g*

[sprat.livejournal.com]

HEEE! Genius! Or crack-induced madness...or something. But whatever--this is fabulous. I must particularly thank you for the image of Fraser in the shorts made of curtains. My day is already complete. :)

[china_shop]

Hee, the curtain shorts were Lyra's idea. So glad you liked. *beam*

[brooklinegirl.livejournal.com]

oh my god. you guys are WONDERFUL. I want to have your porny, musical babies! A wolf that's half-dog! Fraser IS so fucking happy on his knees (you linked me - eeeeeeeee!). and this:

Stakeouts and shootouts and even the men’s room
The back of the car and the CPD storeroom
Doorways and sofas and Consulate desks
No place is safe from the rampant hot sex.

grins like CRAZY because dude, do we not have the best fandom ever? All this stuff is canonical. Practically. If you squint just a little. And! and!

30 is steamy and 20 is pleasing,
10 put a sweater on, 0 is freezing
Lanyards and leather, brass buttons and serge
Looks like the kinks are about to emerge.

*cracking up* Dira! YEs! and kinks! and so fucking happy.

Oh lord. this is gonna be stuck in my head ALL DAY. You guys rock my world.

[china_shop]

You're wonderful, too! So glad you liked! *beams madly*

[tyk.livejournal.com]

wonderfully clever, hysterically funny, and absolutely on-target... but i'm just not sure the von Trapp children are quite ready for this version of DS !

[china_shop]

But! But! But the von Trapp children are Really Old now (assuming they're still alive). ;) So glad you liked. Thanks! *beam*

[dubhartach.livejournal.com]

Brilliant. I suspect this may be brightening up many a dull day in the next few months.

[china_shop]

Very happy you liked it. Thanks. :) :)

[samantharichter.livejournal.com]

this is brilliant!! I only wish I new the tune... *feels stupid*

[china_shop]

*checks* Sadly the amazon.com snippet only has the chorus.

Glad you liked anyway. Thanks. :)

[china_shop]

Do you have any idea how painful it is to snort Pepsi up your nose?

Nope. Oh, uh, that was rhetorical, right? D'oh! ;)

Thank you very kindly! *beam*

[laughingacademy.livejournal.com]

*sporfle*

Great filksong, great links!

[china_shop]

Thanks! :)

[lynnmonster.livejournal.com]

*boggles*

Oh my god, this is amazing and hysterically funny -- and I adored the added bonus of story links. You guys ROCK MY SOCKS OFF.

::sings till the hills come alive neighbors complain::

[china_shop]

*sneaks up and steals your socks and hides them* ;)

So glad you liked. *beams madly*

[porntestpilot.livejournal.com]

Why the apologies, that was much funner than the original?

And that is the cleverest way to do reccs I've yet seen. Brillant.

[lyra-sena.livejournal.com]

Hee, thank you! Also, your comment totally inspired me to change the format of my recs to songs, so, double thank you!