ds_flashfiction | Dirty Challenge by estrella

estrella30.livejournal.com posting in

So, there's some dirt! In the beginning. And then there are 5000 words of just angst and porn.

*g*

Thanks to the wonderful

brooklinegirl for kicking my ass like no other. If you like this at all, the thanks should go to her, because I am her minion and when she says, "It's not done!" I write 2000 more words. And when she says, "Give me a happy ending, dammit!" Well - I do.

Title - When At Last Our Nights Are Lonely
Pairing - F/K
Rating - Sex in Flashbacks

When At Last Our Nights Are Lonely

In hindsight, Fraser realized he probably could have avoided it if necessary. But it was one of those things that Fraser saw coming only a split second before it happened.

He and Ray were in pursuit of a purse snatcher they spotted over on Main Street, but after the first few blocks Ray fell behind as he fumbled in his jacket for his glasses.

"Fraser, hold up!" he shouted, but Fraser just raised a hand and kept running, Diefenbaker close behind.

Their suspect continued down a few blocks before turning a corner and leading them both into an alley. There was the crash of a garbage can being overturned, and then boxes came flying at Fraser's head from all directions. Dief barked and took a step backward, but the boy was getting away - shoving his foot into the metal fencing and trying to vault his body over the fence and into the adjoining lot.

Fraser broke into a run, kicking boxes and trash out of his way. By the time he made it to the fence he just missed grabbing the bottom of the boy's pants and had to climb after him.

"Jesus, what's wrong with you?" the boy panted. Fraser just shook his head. "I'd suggest you surrender now, son," he said, but the boy laughed and climbed higher.

Fraser could hear Ray yelling from behind him at the back of the alley now, but he just ground his teeth together and climbed higher, grabbing a fistful of the boy's jacket, just as they neared the top of the fence.

The boy looked down over the fence and into the dumpster, filled with trash and waiting for him on the other side. He looked back at Fraser and said, "Oh gross," and Fraser had a brief moment when he thought that maybe he'd be best off getting both himself and the boy back in the alley where they started.

But the dumpster would keep them contained, and the boy would be less likely to run and cause anyone any more harm down there, so Fraser cocked his head, grinned, and gave the boy a hard shove down towards the trash, before throwing his body in after him.

*

"Fraser, seriously, are you out of your mind?" Ray was pacing back and forth, his arms swinging in wide circles. Fraser sat on the curb and picked bits of garbage and food off his serge. He was going to have to purchase a new one after this. Unfortunately, Fraser knew for a fact that the odor from a dumpster didn't come out of wool.

"I mean, not only do I say to hold up once, I say it twice," Ray was saying. Fraser kept his head down and watched Ray's boots as they paced back and forth in his field of vision. "But do you listen? No. I mean, do they not teach listening up in Mountie school? Is that, like, an extra credit class that you decided not to take?"

"Ray, enough," Fraser said quietly. He was tired and stunk like trash, and while most days he was used to, and could handle, Ray's attitude, today was clearly not one of them.

"Not enough," Ray said, and now the boots stopped. Black and scuffed, and standing right in front of him. "I say stop, Fraser, you have to stop. Goddamn Canadian freak show we got going over here-"

"I said enough, Ray." Fraser pushed up from the curb and moved so they were standing toe to toe. "I was in pursuit of a suspect."

"I was coming with you--"

"I couldn't just stand around and wait for you, now could I? I mean, it would help if you actually, oh, I don't know, wore the glasses that you apparently can't see without-"

"And when I tell you to wait, it's just so you don't go charging down some alley and get your stupid fucking Mountie head blown off-"

"Rather than me having to wait for you every time you decided you need to see where you're running-"

"Though, I mean, I don't know. Maybe that's how they do things where you're from-"

"For the love of god, Ray, shut up already!"

Fraser's fingers were clenched into fists, and he was breathing hard - panting almost - by the time he was done. No one in his entire life had made him as angry as Ray was able to, and if he said even one more thing, Fraser was going to lose control and put his hands around Ray's throat.

"You don't ever seem to have a problem with me…" Fraser paused, because what was it they were actually doing anyway? "Outside of work," he finally managed to say. Ray was watching him, his eyes gone cold and hard, and he twisted his head and looked away as Fraser was speaking. "I just - I can't do this, Ray. I can't live like we do after work one way, and then come to work and fight and argue and deal with…"

"With what?" asked Ray, his voice rough. "With me?"

Fraser reached out to touch Ray's sleeve. He needed something, a connection, a feeling - something to prove to him that this was worth it. That whatever they had was worth fighting over.

But Ray flinched when Fraser's fingers caught on his sleeve, and he jerked his arm back, twisting his body half away from Fraser.

Fraser pulled his hand away slowly and took a deep breath. "No, Ray," he said quietly, straightening his posture. "I can deal with you. It's what you just did that I can't deal with."

Ray tilted his head and looked at Fraser for a long moment, but just when Fraser was hoping Ray would say something - anything - all he did was turn and walk away.

*

The first time Ray kissed him, Fraser thought he was dreaming.

He actually had been, if truth be told, because it was after a long night of a stakeout, and Ray insisted that Fraser come back to his apartment to get some rest before heading back to the consulate for the day.

Fraser had fallen asleep on Ray's couch, trying to ignore the way his body had reacted to being surrounded by a blanket, heavy with Ray's scent. It was almost like Ray was all around him. On top of him, under him, seeping into all of his senses.

He could hear noise in the background, and in his dream Ray had walked across the room, and knelt down beside him as he slept. Ray watched him silently, then put his fingers gently against Fraser's throat, his breath warm against Fraser's skin as he leaned closer, his lips chapped and rough against Fraser's cheek.

God, Fraser wanted this - wanted Ray - so much that it woke him up, desperate and yearning.

Except when Fraser woke up, he realized he wasn't dreaming. Ray was there - right there - and he pulled back for a split second, before Fraser was able to reach out and draw him closer.

"Fraser, I-" Ray said, but anything that was to come after that was silenced as Fraser pressed his mouth against Ray's lips. As he pulled Ray against him on the couch, Ray's body stretched out on top of him, his hands in Fraser's hair.

Ray's mouth was warm against his. Fraser slid his tongue into Ray's mouth, and then he was kissing Ray, kissing Ray, god, all he wanted to do was kiss Ray…

*

The consulate was quiet, save for Dief's snuffles and yips as he slept curled up in the corner of Fraser's office.

The serge was ruined, just like Fraser had thought, so he placed an order for a replacement, and made sure to bag the soiled one carefully before putting it out with the trash.

By the time Fraser had made his way back over to where Detective Huey was reading their suspect his rights that afternoon, Ray was already gone, and Fraser hadn't heard from him since. Which was actually fine. It gave Fraser some time to think, so that the next time he saw Ray he'd be able to-

When someone knocked on the door of the consulate, Fraser immediately knew who it was.

He got up from his desk, walking stoically down the hall, and as he got closer and closer to the door, he could hear Ray talking outside. "I know you're in there, Frase. Just open up and we can-"

Fraser unlocked the door and pulled it open in time to find Ray with his fist poised in the air, ready to knock again.

"Ray," Fraser said calmly, leaning in the doorway. "Nice to see you."

Ray pushed past him and started walking down the hall. "Yeah. Save it, Fraser. We need to talk."

Fraser nodded. "Yes. I agree."

"Oh you do, huh?" Ray whirled around and watched as Fraser closed and locked the door, then made his way into Fraser's office, propping one hip on the corner of Fraser's desk. "Well that's good then. We're agreeing."

"So it would seem."

"That's what I'm saying."

"And I'm agreeing with you, yes."

"I know you are, Fraser. Now can you shut up?"

"Ah, yes. Certainly."

Ray glared at him, and Fraser lifted his hands and held them palms up. "You were saying?"

"Yeah, right," Ray said, running a hand through his hair. "So look, here's the thing. You and me, we got this," Ray waved his hand between the two of them, the silver beads of his bracelet slipping out from under the cuff of his jacket. "And then we got that," he said, waving his hand toward the doorway. Fraser nodded and crossed his hands behind his back. "But the thing is, Fraser, you need to be paying more attention when we're out there, doing that. Because the way we're going now, with the fighting and the not listening, well, it's just-"

"It's not working," Fraser said quietly. "I know. But the thing is…" Fraser trailed off. He looked away for a minute, and when he looked back Ray was already sitting straighter, and his fingers were holding on tight to the edge of Fraser's desk.

"The thing is that this is the only way I know how to do that," Fraser finished. "And I can't change."

"Can't?" Ray said, angrily. "Or won't."

Fraser sucked in a breath and held it until his chest burned and ached. This was like dying; like feeling every nerve in your body as someone twisted and pulled it apart.

He exhaled and looked at Ray steadily. "Both."

Ray's mouth tightened, and a muscle ticked in his jaw. He turned his head away, but not before Fraser had seen the expression on his face, and then Fraser turned his own head in the other direction, hoping to never see that expression again.

"That's good," Ray said, his voice sounding strangled. "Great. Perfect."

"Ray, really, I-"

"No, hey, you know what, Fraser?" Ray pushed off the desk and started walking to the door. "I get it. Really. I'm a pretty smart guy. Sometimes I can even figure these things out." He paused when he got to the door, and Fraser could see him taking a deep breath, clenching and unclenching his hands into fists.

But when he turned around he'd managed to paste a smile on his face, and he lifted his hand in a wave. "I'll, uh. See you at work tomorrow."

By the time Fraser was able to answer, Ray was already on the consulate stoop, the door snicking softly shut behind him.

*

Kissing was good. Kissing was wonderful. Fraser loved kissing Ray more than he ever loved anything before in his life. But after a few weeks of just kissing (on the couch, in Ray's car, on Ray's bed) Fraser wanted more.

"Ray," he panted against Ray's lips as he reached down and gently tugged Ray's shirt out of his jeans. "Ray, I need-"

"I know, I know, Fraser," Ray breathed back against his mouth, his lips kissing down across Fraser's jaw, to the skin just under his ear. "I just - this is so good, you know?" Ray's teeth set in Fraser's earlobe and he bit down gently. "I don't want to lose this."

"We won't," Fraser said, sliding his hands under Ray's shirt, filling his hands with the warm, smooth skin of Ray's back. "God, I just-" he shifted under Ray on the couch and pressed his erection against Ray's hip. He could feel how hard Ray was through the two layers of denim, and all Fraser wanted was to feel Ray, hot and hard against him.

Ray kissed him again, moaning against Fraser's lips as Fraser fumbled with the buttons on Ray's jeans, undoing them and pushing the jeans down his hips. He wrapped his hand around Ray's erection, moving his fist slowly, and Ray gasped and bit his lip before reaching down to undo Fraser's jeans.

Fraser closed his eyes and buried his face against the curve of Ray's neck. Because this was so much more - this was everything - and he twisted his head back to kiss Ray's mouth. "Ray. Ray, I-"

"Yeah, yeah," Ray was chanting softly. Fraser felt Ray's fingers pop the buttons on his jeans, and then they were open, and Ray was shoving them down his legs. Fraser fanned his fingers against Ray's skin and pushed down hard on the small of his back.

Fraser slid his cock next to Ray's, his skin slick with sweat, and Ray pushed harder, thrust faster, and Fraser bit his lip as he came, his arms wrapped tight around Ray's body, holding him close.

*

The next morning, Fraser did all the paperwork he had put off from the day before at the consulate, and by lunchtime Diefenbaker was antsy and Turnbull was close to driving them both insane.

"We'll go see Ray," Fraser told Dief, who barked and bounded for the door before Fraser had even finished his sentence.

The precinct was loud and chaotic when they got there, and Fraser made his way through the halls with a smile on his face and a friendly greeting for whoever he passed.

It was odd, because he felt so much different - almost hollow - and the fact that no one noticed, that no one could tell, was distressing. To Fraser it seemed that he had a sign on his back: "Ray and I are no longer together," but apparently not, since no one treated him any different. How could no one realize that he was only part of what he had been the day before? That half of him was missing?

When they reached the door for the squadroom, Dief bounded in front of him, already running over to where Ray was seated at his desk. His blond head was bent over a stack of paperwork, and seeing him now, Fraser felt his breath catch in his chest.

"Hey, wolf," Ray said quietly, scratching behind Dief's ears. He lifted his head slowly as Fraser approached the desk, and when he looked at Fraser his eyes were carefully blank. "Afternoon, Fraser."

Fraser nodded tightly. "Good afternoon, Ray."

Everything was so familiar: the way Ray slouched in his chair, the light scent of coffee and hair gel and Ray's brand of laundry detergent. Fraser wanted to bury his face against Ray's chest and breathe in, he wanted to kiss Ray's neck and touch Ray's lips with his fingers and press his tongue inside Ray's mouth. He wanted to tell Ray he was sorry, that he didn't mean any of it, and nothing was worth this - them not being together.

But Ray looked away, and took a deep breath, and Fraser knew this was for the best. He sat down as Ray pushed a file across the desk. Fraser flipped open the cover, trying to make the words come into focus in front of his eyes.

"Hey, Frase," Ray said quietly, leaning forward after a few minutes. "You, uh - you okay with this?"

Fraser pursed his lips together and nodded. "Yes. Of course."

"Good, that's good," Ray said. He ran a hand through his hair and cracked his neck. "We can do this, you know?"

Ray was apparently waiting for an answer, so Fraser forced a smile to his lips and nodded again. "I know. We most certainly can."

*

The sheets were damp with sweat, and Fraser twisted his fingers in the rumpled cotton and tried to hold on. His head was resting against Ray's headboard, and Ray's fingers were…his mouth was…Fraser dropped his head down and let out a long, ragged breath.

"Ray, god--"

"I know, Fraser," Ray's voice was soft. He pressed his lips against the small of Fraser's back, and pushed his fingers in a little further. "Are you okay?"

Fraser moved back and - god, yes, right there-"Fine, perfect," he gasped as Ray's fingers slipped from his body. "Ray, please-"

"Yeah, I got it, hang on." Ray moved behind him, and then his chest was against Fraser's back, his lips kissing the back of Fraser's neck. "You sure you're ready?" Ray asked.

Fraser laughed weakly. "I've been ready for months," he said, laughing again when Ray playfully smacked the side of his head.

"Oh shut it," Ray said. Fraser felt the head of Ray's erection press against him, and he bit his lip and tried to force himself to relax. "Hey," Ray said quietly, his mouth resting just against Fraser's ear. "I love you."

Fraser tried to say something - he needed to make sure that he answered Ray - but just then Ray was pushing inside, stretching him, filling him, and Fraser just held on and hoped that Ray somehow already knew.

*

Lieutenant Welsh was the one who noticed things were different before anyone else did. Or, perhaps other people had noticed, but Lieutenant Welsh was the first one to actually say anything about it.

"Hey, Batman and Robin," he called, leaning out of his office door one day. Ray had been staring resolutely at his computer screen, and Fraser had been trying to look involved, even though they had barely spoken from the minute Fraser had gotten to the station earlier that day.

"I said," the Lieutenant said again, raising his voice and causing Fraser to lift his head, along with Ray and half the bullpen. When Welsh saw Ray and Fraser both looking at him, he smiled ominously, and crooked a finger in their direction. "You two. Come here."

Fraser stood up quickly, and waited for Ray to join him, before making his way to the Lieutenants office. "Whatever he says, you deny it," Ray said under his breath. Fraser nodded.

Ray closed the door behind them and slouched against the file cabinet, his arms crossed over his chest. "You rang?"

"Yeah, Vecchio. I rang." Welsh gestured toward the chair in front of his desk, but Ray remained in front of the file cabinet, and Fraser stood at full attention, his hands clasped behind his back. Welsh looked from Fraser, over to Ray, and then back again, before sighing heavily.

"See, my problem here, Detective," Welsh said, leaning across the top of his desk. "Is that, as frightening as this is, you two are my best detectives. Lately though, neither of you have been actually leaving the station much. Are you beginning to see my dilemma? Constable?"

Fraser shook his head. "Uhm…Lieutenant?"

"There's no crime in my station, Constable. For you two to detect things, I need you to leave. Be gone. Vaminous."

Ray made a quiet snort from where he was standing. Fraser turned to look at him, but Ray just raised his eyebrows and shrugged.

"Tomorrow," Lieutenant Welsh said, and Fraser turned back to find him pointing a thick finger in their direction. "Tomorrow you get in here first thing, and I will point you to the 'crime' we've got out there. And then you can go 'detect' some of it. Are we clear?"

"Absolutely, sir," Fraser said, nodding his head succinctly.

"Crystal," Ray answered.

"Good. Now get out." The Lieutenant grabbed a file from the stack in front of him, slapping it onto the top of his desk and flipping open the cover. Fraser looked over at Ray who jerked his head toward the door, and they made their exit as quickly as possible.

"So, uh," Ray said as they were heading back over to his desk. "I guess we didn't do such a good job for a while there, huh?"

A small smile curved Fraser's mouth. "No, I'm guessing we did not."

Ray pursed his lips and nodded. When they got over to his desk he turned around to he was facing Fraser and stuck out his hand. "Okay. Truce."

Fraser frowned. "Truce…?"

"We need to get back where we started from, see if we can maybe get this going the right way this time." Ray took a breath and stuck his hand out further. "I can do it if you can. Deal?"

Something that felt a little like hope flared in Fraser's chest. It wasn't much, but it was a start. At the very least, they could be friends.

Fraser slipped his hand into Ray's, and tightened his fingers. "Deal."

*

It had been a long day at work, and then a long night, in a small car, with not nearly enough ventilation, until far too early in the morning. Fraser was as close to giddy as he was ever going to get as Ray unlocked the door to his apartment, pushing it open and letting Fraser stumble in ahead of him.

"Jeez, it's like you're drunk," Ray said, smiling, as Fraser hung his jacket on the back of Ray's kitchen chair.

Fraser turned around and rubbed his hands over his face, seeing the quick flash of Ray smiling at him every time he peeked out from between his fingers. "I'm just... I'm tired, Ray."

"Yeah, well, even good little Mounties need some sleep after what, fourteen hours on duty? Sixteen? Eighteen?" Ray chuckled softly, flicking off the lights and making his way into the bedroom. "You going for some sort of idiot record there, Fraser?"

"I honestly have no idea," Fraser mumbled, before he headed into the bathroom to wash up for the night.

By the time he was done, Ray was waiting to get into the bathroom, and when Fraser got to the bedroom, he saw that Ray had turned down the covers already. Fraser slipped in between the cool cotton sheets and laid his head on his pillow.

Fraser wasn't sure how much time had passed before he felt the mattress dip as Ray climbed into bed beside him, but it was long enough that his eyes had already closed, and he was halfway to sleep.

Ray's lips pressed against Fraser's forehead, and he reached out, touching Ray's chest with his fingertips.

"Sleep, Frase," Ray murmured against his head. Fraser shivered as Ray gently kissed his eye next, then the skin just next to his ear.

"Ray, I-"

"Hey, relax," Ray said, moving closer and sliding his leg between both of Fraser's. "You can make it up to me, okay?"

Fraser felt himself smile, and then Ray was kissing his lips. "Okay," Fraser said against Ray's mouth, just before he fell asleep.

*

The strangest part about it (though Fraser wasn't really sure why he was surprised at all. After all, he and Ray had been partners long before there was ever anything else between them.) was that after the lieutenant's talk, he and Ray slipped right back into their old patterns.

Of course, maybe things were a little different. They didn't walk as close as they used to, nor did they touch as much. They didn't eat together, or go out after work. They worked together, which was fine, and then Fraser went home and Ray went home, and if the weeks seemed to pass far more slowly than they ever had - well - Fraser assumed that he'd just have to get used to it.

They were still solving cases and chasing suspects, like the lieutenant had wanted. Ray had taken to wearing his glasses more often, and in deference to that, Fraser would wait when Ray told him to wait, even if he was impatiently watching their suspect get even further and further away at times.

Until the day they had to question Mikey Soto.

Mr. Soto was the owner of a deli located in a strip of stores down by the pier. Fraser and Ray got there early one morning, just to ask him a few questions about a string of robberies at various other stores in the strip, when Diefenbaker came trotting out of the back room holding a black ski mask between his teeth. Dief looked up at Ray, and then at Fraser, then dropped the mask on the ground, pushing it toward Mr. Soto's feet with his nose. By the time Fraser turned to look at Ray who was silently raising an eyebrow, Mr. Soto had run past them and out the front door of the store.

Fraser broke into a run, Dief bounding ahead of him, but then he heard Ray shout, "Fraser, wait!" and he skidded to a stop.

He turned back to look at Ray, who was watching him, a curious expression on his face. Then he smiled - a full, beautiful smile - and touched Fraser's arm, squeezing hard.

"Go," Ray said, jerking his head down the block. "Go after him."

"Ray, are you sure…"

Ray just smiled again and nodded. "Yeah," he said, his eyes crinkled at the corners. "I think we got it, Frase."

Fraser felt something burst inside his chest. He felt like laughing and crying all at once, but all he did was smile at Ray as widely as he could, and said, "I think you're right," before he took off running down the street.

*

Today hadn't been one of Fraser's better days.

He and Ray had woken up late at Ray's apartment ("Did I, or did I not, ask if you'd set the alarm, Fraser." "Apparently, you did not.") and had to rush around to each get to work on time. Inspector Thatcher was in a more demanding mood that usual, requiring Fraser to do any number of menial tasks, and by the time twelve o'clock came around, Fraser was more than happy to find Diefenbaker and escape to the precinct to find Ray.

When he got there, he realized maybe he shouldn't have been in so much of a hurry.

Ray was crankier and more irritable than usual, and Lieutenant Welsh seemed to be shouting randomly at anyone who crossed his path. Fraser had barely made it over to Ray's desk when he jumped out of his seat and grabbed his jacket. "Come on. Lunch."

They were on their way to the deli over on Main Street when Fraser heard a woman scream from down the block, and as he turned his head to look over, he saw a young boy running away from her, a bright red purse dangling from his hand.

"Ray," Fraser said, but Ray was already breaking into a run right next to him.

"I see it, Frase," Ray said, and Fraser took off, Diefenbaker at his heels. "Fraser, hold up!" Ray shouted, but Fraser ignored him, and continued to run.

In hindsight, Fraser realized he probably could have avoided it if necessary. But it was one of those things that Fraser saw coming, only a split second before it happened.

*

Mikey Soto was arrested on the count of six different robberies, and by the time all of his paperwork was filled out and handed in, most everyone else in the precinct had gone home for the night.

Fraser sat back in his chair and watched as Ray filled out the last set of documents, signing the bottom of each page with a flourish. When he got to the very last page he made a huge scribble under his name, tossed the pen across his desk, and slapped his hand on top of the stack of papers.

"There. Done. Thank Christ," Ray muttered.

Fraser laughed quietly, and looked down as he fiddled with the hat in his lap. "You did a good job today, Ray," he said finally.

Ray was quiet for so long that Fraser thought maybe he had said the wrong thing. He pursed his lips together then went to stand up. "Well, I should be-"

"You too," Ray said quietly. Fraser looked up quickly, and found Ray watching him, his eyes dark and serious. "You did a real good job out there."

"Thank you," Fraser said, nodding as he got to his feet.

"So, uhm, hey. Look." Ray ran a hand through his hair, and then he stood up from his desk. "Tonight, you maybe, I don't know. Want to go get something to eat or something? Watch the game?"

Fraser's throat felt tight, and he had to force himself to swallow. "As friends? Ray?"

There was a pause. And then Ray said, "No, Fraser. As you. And as me."

The brim of Fraser's hat crinkled in his fingers. It was all he could do to keep himself from grinning like a lovesick school-girl. "I'd like that very much," he finally said, and when Ray smiled at him, it made everything worth it.

"Good. Great." Ray grabbed his jacket and keys and kicked his chair under the desk. He started to walk away, then stopped and turned back to look at Fraser. "Hey," he said, with a smile Fraser recognized all too well. "You coming or what?"

Fraser shook his head and grinned, then met Ray where he was standing. "I am."

Ray cocked his head to the side. "All right then. Let's go," he said, and if they walked just a little too close to each other on the way out - well, then - so be it.

##

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

bohemian--storm.livejournal.com

God. This fandom is so perfect all the time. You've got their voices utterly perfect. And it was completely adorable and sweet and I admit to saying 'awwwwww' out loud a few times. Especially the last line. Really great work. :)

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Dirty Challenge by estrella

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