ds_flashfiction | Oh My Gouda! by estrella

estrella30.livejournal.com posting in

So HERE are some words I never thought I'd say!

Hey everyone! Here's my fic for the Turnbull Loves Cheese challenge! *giggles*

Title - Oh My Gouda!
Pairing - F/K, Turnbull/cheese
Size - 9K
Rating - NC17. No really. I'm not kidding. (Though, thankfully its the F/K that's NC17 and NOT the Turnbull/cheese pairing. They are just an otp! With no sex! Turnbull/cheese is just smarm!)
Summary - Ray and Fraser try to have sex but Turnbull and his cheese thwarts them.

Thanks to

brooklinegirl for the beta - you totally owed me this one, darlin *g*

Oh My Gouda!

Ray's eyes were closed and his body arched up off the bed as Fraser pressed his fingers even deeper inside, twisting his hand slightly to the right.

"God, Fraser," Ray swore softly and bit his lip. He pushed down on Fraser's hand and Fraser took a deep breath and licked his lips.

He would never get tired of seeing Ray like this, of having him laid out on Fraser's bed, all his for the taking. Just the idea of it - the notion that he could have this, could have Ray whenever he wanted - sometimes Fraser still couldn't wrap his mind around it, even after all this time. When he thinks back to his life before coming to Chicago - before meeting Ray Kowalski - all the days and nights seem to blend together in a tedious, endless, loop of-

"Hey," Ray snapped his fingers and Fraser jerked his head up. "Earth to Fraser. You with me here?"

Fraser felt his face heat. "Yes, yes. I'm sorry, Ray. I was-"

"Not paying attention to me and my getting fucked," Ray finished crankily. Fraser carefully slid his fingers out and Ray grunted as Fraser patted his hip before crawling up Ray's body and kissing the corner of his mouth. "I kinda got that when you, you know, stopped doing stuff."

Ray's hands were warm on Fraser's back as he pulled him closer. Fraser was worried that Ray was actually angry with him but then he looked and recognized the teasing glint in Ray's blue eyes. The way the edges of his mouth seemed almost ready to break into a smile. "Yes, well, I felt it prudent to stop at the time," Fraser said, trying to keep his tone serious. He knew he failed when Ray sighed dramatically and rolled his eyes.

"Oh, you did, did you?" Ray's body was warm and slick with sweat but Fraser didn't mind. Sometimes he wished that the two of them could just stay like they were forever: naked in Fraser's bed with the sheets twisted under them. He looked in Ray's eyes again then leaned down to kiss him as deep and long as he could. The taste of Ray was familiar now; the sounds he made, the way he moved. There was nothing Fraser loved more than the knowledge that Ray was his.

Fraser reached out his right hand and groped the bed awkwardly, looking for the bottle of-

"Here," Ray said, pulling his mouth away and panting. He pressed the bottle into Fraser's palm and grinned at him. "Proper preparation and all that."

Fraser laughed quietly as he popped the cap of the lubricant. He squeezed out a drop and smoothed over his erection before recapping the bottle and placing it on the edge of the bed. The sheets were a mess though, and when he leaned up to put his hands by Ray's shoulders the bottle fell over. "Sorry, Ray. Just a second." He reached out to fix the bottle and-

Ray's arm was a blur over his head. The next thing Fraser knew the bottle smacked against the floor and rolled across the room.

"Honestly, Ray!"

"Enough with the bottle, Fraser."

"All right! I'm sorry! I said-"

Ray's fingers dug into his hips and he pulled Fraser down hard on top of him. He lifted his head and bit down gently on Fraser's shoulder, mumbling, "Please, God. Stop talking, Frase."

Stop talking. Right. Ray lifted his head and Fraser kissed him, thrusting his tongue deep in Ray's mouth as he shifted between Ray's legs. He positioned himself carefully and started to press slowly inside-

"Yes! Yes! Hello! Come in!"

Fraser jumped back as he heard a voice from outside the door. "What on earth-"

"What the fuck is that?" Ray shoved back into the pillows at the head of Fraser's bed. "Fraser, do not tell me that that is Turnbull-"

"Would you rather I lie?" Fraser snapped. He climbed off the bed and hastily yanked on a pair of sweat pants that were lying on the floor. "Good Lord, that man could drive a priest to drink."

Fraser grabbed his flannel shirt that was hanging on the closet doorknob and stuck his arms in the sleeves. A quick glance at Ray found him scowling in Fraser's bed: the sheets pulled up over his waist in a messy pile. "Just give me a moment, please," Fraser said.

"Oh yeah, sure," Ray rolled his hand in the air. "I got nothing going on here anyway."

"My goodness, Gladys! Look at the wheel you've got there!"

Fraser took one last deep breath at the door and braced himself. "Please, give me strength," he muttered, before pulling open his office door and finding…

Cheese. Tables upon tables of cheese. Cheese platters. Cheese trays. Wheels of cheese. A cheese fondue station. And in the middle of it all, grinning like the certifiable lunatic he surely was, was-

"Turnbull!" Fraser stepped out and closed the door firmly behind him. Turnbull whipped his head around after he heard Fraser bellow his name, before smiling and waving like a maniac.

"Why hello, Constable Fraser!" Turnbull flounced over, pausing once to gaze fondly at a hunk of swiss. "I must say I didn't know you were going to be available for my little soirée tonight, but I'm so glad you could join us!"

"Us?" Fraser asked, rubbing a hand over his face. "Constable, just what on earth is-"

"Well, it's my turn to host the monthly meeting of the CFCC tonight." Turnbull beamed at him. Over Turnbull's shoulder, Fraser could see a gentleman wheeling in a crate of…water crackers?

"And the CFCC would be?" Fraser asked tiredly.

"The Canadians in Favor of Cheese Committee! You must have heard about it Constable Fraser," Turnbull said fondly. "I put the memo in your mailbox every month."

"Ahh, yes." That made sense. Fraser just barely scanned every item with Turnbull's initials before depositing it in the trash and dismissing the information from his mind."And this month the meeting is…"

"Now! Here!" Turnbull said, his eyes lighting up with glee. "Tonight!"

The smell of the cheese was making Fraser queasy and hungry in turn. He had to get back in his office before Ray came out and started shooting people.

"Very well, Constable," Fraser said with as much dignity he could muster wearing an unbuttoned flannel shirt and a pair of sweatpants he realized far too late were actually Ray's. "I'll just be…in my office."

"Oh, well. All right," Turnbull said. He looked at Fraser seriously. "But if you get the urge-"

"For a hunk of brie? I'll know where to find you, yes." Fraser nodded a farewell at Turnbull and slipped back into his office. He stood quietly at the door for a moment trying to compose himself before Ray spoke.

"So hey." Ray was leaning back against the headboard with his arms cross over his chest. Fraser tried to think of what he was even going to say when Ray asked, "What's going on out there?"

Fraser shook his head. There was no need to subject the both of them to this. "Nothing, Ray. Just - your apartment. We really can't go there?"

Ray frowned. "Nah. The paint, it's pretty bad. They did the whole building and when I was in there earlier…" Ray crossed his eyes. "Phew. I nearly fell down the stairs before I even got into my apartment."

"Right, right. That's what I thought." So that was that. Fraser was just going to have to suck it up and deal with it. It would be fine. Most of the people were in Inspector Thatcher's office (a fact which was going to please the Inspector no end when she arrived at work early tomorrow morning, Fraser was sure) and if he could just…

"Seriously, Frase." Ray's eyes were shining and the corner of his mouth quirked in a grin. "What the hell is-"

Fraser whipped the shirt off and let it fall to the floor as he crossed the room in a few long steps. "Oh, yeah. Now this is what I like to see," Ray said softly, already reaching up and running his hands over Fraser's chest.

He could do this - he honestly could. Ray pulled Fraser back down onto the bed and spread his legs, letting Fraser settle comfortably between them. Ray was still hard - thank God - and he kissed the side of Fraser's throat; pushed up and rocked against Fraser's hip. Fraser sank his fingers in Ray's hair and kissed him-

"Oh! Parmesean! Well I never!"

"Fraser, seriously," Ray panted against his throat. "What-"

"Lindberger! Why, Macy - you shouldn't have!"

"Ray just - just ignore him, can you?" Fraser was trying, he was really, really trying here. Ray moaned as Fraser took one hand and slid it back under the sheets, wrapping his fingers around-

"Look! Goat!"

"All right - that's it!" Ray shoved Fraser off him and glared. "What in the hell is-"

"It's a meeting," Fraser said wearily, pulling back and dropping his head. "Turnbull is having a cheese meeting tonight."

Ray looked at him and blinked. "A meeting."

"Yes."

"A cheese meeting."

Fraser sighed. "That's correct."

A moment passed in silence before Fraser risked looking at Ray again. Ray dropped his head back against the pillow. "You do realize, of course, that it's because I love you, and because I'm such a nice guy, that I'm not punching you in the head right now."

"I realize that, yes," Fraser said, nodding slowly.

"Right. Okay. As long as we got that straight." Ray pulled Fraser back down and kissed him softly, yanking the sheet out from between them to cover both their bodies.

Fraser smiled against Ray's mouth and ran his fingers through Ray's hair. He was by far the luckiest man-

"Oh my Gouda!"

"I'm serious," Ray said, falling back against the pillows and closing his eyes. "I really love you. A lot."

"I know, Ray," Fraser answered, ignoring the scent of cheese wafting through the air. "I know."

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