Turnbull Likes Cheese Challenge by DancesWithChopstick

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

Title: I Got Nothing Against Cheese
Pairing: F/K implied
Rating: barely PG
Size: About 1500 words
Author's Note: This story is written from Ray K's point of view, with Turnbull making only minor appearances. My exposure to DS canon currently stands at 9 episodes of S3, and this story is unbeta'd, so I'm just hoping that I haven't contradicted anything in the episodes. Feedback welcome.


I got nothing against cheese. On a burger, cheese is good. On a pizza, cheese is necessary. In Ma Vecchio's lasagna--yeah, I am all over that! But it's gotta be the right cheese, at the right time. Turnbull thinks different.

Used to be, I really only knew three kinds of cheese: Mozzarella, Parmesan, American. Oh, and cream cheese. Good enough, I thought. Stella didn't think so. I tell you, if I never see another buffet table starring Brie and Camembert, it will be too soon. Same goes for blue cheese salad dressing--forget it, I'm outta there.

But being around Fraser has changed things. I don't think Fraser cares much about cheese, one way or the other. But Turnbull cares about cheese, right after the Queen, the Uniform, and Curling. And since Fraser is his normal polite self and also will taste anything, well--if Turnbull says, "Do try some of this excellent Double Whatsit, sir!" then Fraser generally tries it. And if there's a chunk of Double Whatsit left after a reception, Fraser and Turnbull don't want it to go to waste, so Fraser comes over to my apartment to watch a game carrying Double Whatsit. And when I give him a look about it, he looks me right back in the eye and says, "You said you'd try anything once, Ray," and then what can I do? Unless it's Camembert or Brie, in which case I can honestly say I've already tried it and no thanks.

That's how I got roped into trying Cheshire cheese and Pecorino Romano and Malagon with Rosemary and Smoked Edam and even something called Yay-Toast, can you believe it? Luckily, Cheshire is plain old normal orange cheese, and it tastes OK on these little crackers Fraser brought with it. Pecorino Romano is kind of like Parmesan, only better--Fraser and me tried dipping up shredded Pecorino Romano with tortilla chips, and that works just fine, only you better vacuum afterwards, or have Dief around to lick up the crumbs. Malagon and Smoked Edam and Yay-Toast aren't really like anything I had before, but so what? I ate'em. I had to. They were OK. Did I mention that you don't eat Yay-Toast on toast, you eat it on slices of apple? Weird. Turnbull says it's a dessert cheese. I say it'll never replace chocolate.

So this kind of thing happened quite a few times before I realized that Frazer was sneakily upping the stakes, and that maybe he had an agenda.

The day I figured out that much, we were driving around (without Dief, for once), interviewing witnesses for a forgery case that had gone wacko, and it got to be lunchtime without us having quite enough time for lunch. So we were debating whether we were hungry enough to pick up some McDonald's, when suddenly Fraser said, "Ah. Turn right at the next corner and pull over, Ray." And I said "What?" but I did it, and he said, "I'll be back shortly with lunch, Ray," and he beat it before I could yell more than "Fraser!"

So I idled in the red zone for a few minutes, and he came back with something that looked like pizza's weird-ass country cousin--two thick slabs of flat bread with stuff on top--onions, tomatoes, and unidentified white globs.

"Fraser," I said, "what is this stuff?"

"Foccaccia, Ray. Mrs. Hearn makes it particularly well."

"I mean, what is this white stuff?"

"Cheese, Ray."

"What kind?"

"I believe the proper designation would be Chevre, Ray."

"Fraser, a shiv is a kind of knife. What kind of cheese is this?"

"Well. Ah. Chevre is the word for a mild and tangy variety of cheese made from goat's milk."

"You want me to eat something that came out of a goat?"

"Well, Ray, as I recall, you had no objection to the Pecorino Romano."

"That was goat cheese?"

"No, Ray, Pecorino Romano is a sheep's milk cheese."

"I can't believe you fed me something that came out of a sheep. No, wait, I can believe it. Sheesh."

"If you object to the Chevre, Ray, I'll be happy to eat both slices of foccaccia." He would, too, and I knew it. So I gave him another look, but we really were in a hurry, so I sighed and held out my hand for a slice, and we kind of inhaled the foccaccia and got on with the job. Nothing else got said.

But two hours later, as we were driving back to the 2-7, Fraser said, "You know, Ray, for a man who says he'll try anything once, I've noticed that you often display extreme reluctance to take opportunities for new experiences."

"Not all new experiences, Fraser," I said. "Things that might kill me. Or hurt me. Or make me sick. Or are totally disgusting. Or would make me look like or feel like a chump."

"Ah. I see." And he shut up, which was a relief, at first, but then I noticed his body language. It was subtle--he had the Mountie mask on, all right, but I knew him pretty well by then, and his body language was saying, very quietly, "Well, shit. Not what I wanted to hear." Which meant that maybe he was having a whole different conversation than I was, and wasn't talking about cheese at all. And whatever it was that he wanted me to try, it was something important, something he really wanted. And he wouldn't want to kill me or make me sick, so it was something that he thought I thought was either totally disgusting or Chumpsville.

"What?" I said.

"I beg your pardon, Ray?"

"What is it you want me to try, that you just crossed off your list as hopeless?"

"I'm afraid I don't follow you, Ray."

Shit--something so important or so freaky that he wouldn't say what it was.

"'Cause maybe it isn't hopeless. I might bite if I knew what it was."

Silence. Suck it up, Ray: time for a concession.

"The foccacia was OK," I said.

"Yes, it was, wasn't it?" said Fraser.

"It's just, you gotta let me get used to the idea. Ease me into it. Not like BLAM! Here is your weird-ass lunch! Chow down!"

"I'll keep that in mind, Ray." And then we were parking at the 2-7, and heading into the building, and I saw him smiling just a bit. So I guessed we were good, and I mostly forgot about it, except whenever Turnbull came up with a new cheese and Fraser got me to try it.

That is, I forgot about it until about five months later, when I caught him watching me eat a popsicle, and I finally figured out what he really wanted to put in my mouth. Hoo, boy.

I had to go off and think about that. It went kind of like this:

First thought: No way! Forget it!

Second thought: This has gotta be bad for Fraser--he's afraid that I'll think he's disgusting. I don't think he's disgusting. Well, except when he licks something off the street. It just that I'm not into that.

Third thought: He was right about the foccacia and the shiv-cheese. It was good.

Fourth thought: Dammit, will I try anything once, or won't I?

Fifth thought: If I decide I want to try it, how is that ever gonna happen, when he won't even talk about it?

Sixth thought: Eat another popsicle, tomorrow.

Which I did, there in the apartment, and he watched me eat it but pretended not to. I gave that popsicle a little more licking and sucking than I normally would, and I let him catch me watching him back, and he turned bright red. So I gave him a little more body language, and leaned into it, and there were a few embarrassing moments, but pretty soon the blushes were history, and I got down to trying what was new.

You know, somewhere out there are some cows and sheep and goats who I really oughta thank, 'cause their cheeses led me right to greatness. I'll probably never hunt for them, though, 'cause how do you thank a cow, anyway?

But I gotta thank somebody. Besides Ben, I mean, who gets thanked regularly. So Turnbull's gonna be it. I just ordered his Cheese of the Month subscription, which will butter his muffin for sure. The only question is whether he'll understand the card, which says:

Thanks for all the new experiences! -- Ray

---

Author's Cheese Notes:

"Double Whatsit" in this story is probably Double Gloucester, but neither Ray nor I know for sure. This is the only cheese mentioned in the story that hasn't crossed my taste-buds.

"Yay-Toast" is properly spelled Gjetost. (Slice it thinly and eat with Granny Smith apples.)

The Chevre in this story is most likely Canadian--we get Canadian Chevre even out in California, a state where several cheese-makers compete for the Chevre trade.

No offense is meant by omitting Tillamook, Munster, Emmenthaler, Manouri, Kashkaval, and other tasty cheeses. No doubt Turnbull would appreciate them all, but Ray is quite happy with what he's currently eating.

Comments

[bluebrocade.livejournal.com]

Fabulous Ray voice!!

in which case I can honestly say I've already tried it and no thanks.

and

So this kind of thing happened quite a few times before I realized that Frazer was sneakily upping the stakes, and that maybe he had an agenda.

and

He would, too, and I knew it.

and

So this kind of thing happened quite a few times before I realized that Frazer was sneakily upping the stakes, and that maybe he had an agenda.

and

"It's just, you gotta let me get used to the idea. Ease me into it. Not like BLAM! Here is your weird-ass lunch! Chow down!"

and the best line evah...

Sixth thought: Eat another popsicle, tomorrow.

ROTFLMAOGFB!

And Ray saying "yay-toast" for "gjetost" was brilliant!

So, um, yeah, I liked it okay.

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked it, and thanks for letting me know!

One question for you: what's the GFB part of ROTFLMAOGFB? I got the rest. :D

Thanks!

[bluebrocade.livejournal.com]

gasping for breath. *g*

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

Ah. Thank you kindly!

*breathes deeply* :D

[j-s-cavalcante.livejournal.com]

Is this ever wonderful! I laughed out loud. LOVE the popsicle image, and I know just how Fraser would look, blushing for all he's worth. Terrific Ray voice. And I just love when fan writers pick up on those gems from the show like that little comment of Ray's in "Strange Bedfellows": 'Who, me? No, me--I'll try anything." Yup. :)

J S

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

Thanks very much for the glowing comments! :D

Actually, I think I picked up "I'll try anything" from other DS fan-writers, rather than from the episode, but it's good to know where it originated.

Thanks again!

[j-s-cavalcante.livejournal.com]

Oh, it's a perfect slashy moment tailor-made for us fan writers. Ray's stalking Stella on her date with Orsini and he tells Fraser that PDA is "disgusting." Fraser, honestly surprised, says in that reasonable voice of his, "I didn't realize you were so prudish." Wow. We could wring reams of fanfic out of that one line. Fraser's not a prude, eh? So that must mean he runs away from beautiful, amorous women because...? :) Ray answers, distractedly, "Me? Hey, that's not--I'll try anything. That's not the point."

There we have it. Tacit permission to call a slash interpretation of the F/K relationship canonical. ;)

J S

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

Right you are--I'll have to go watch that little moment again. :D

Thanks!

[j-s-cavalcante.livejournal.com]

I just love Ray's response there, because it isn't the response you'd expect. I mean, think about it. Fraser's saying it's prudish in 1997 to have a problem with seeing a couple kiss on the street. And if Ray wants to deny that he's prudish that way, he would normally say something like, "No, I'm a live-and-let-live kinda guy, but if I know someone's doing something that's gonna hurt them, it bothers me...." or something like that--about his response to what others are doing.

Point being that Fraser is calling him "prudish" for being upset at what other people are doing, but Ray's response, "I'll try anything," is all about his own sex life--only Fraser never brought up that issue. Hm. Well. I think it's a telling response. :)

J S

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

I agree that it's a telling response. To my mind, it seems like Ray's problem with the public display is about his own love-and-sex life--my interpretation would be that he's upset because Stella is not kissing him. If he were getting what he wanted for himself, I don't think he'd care who was kissing in public. He's transparently lying to himself and Fraser about what the problem is, but when Fraser calls him prudish, he's surprised into being honest. He's not prudish. He just doesn't want to be reminded that someone else is getting what he's lost.

I suppose it's equally possible that Ray could actually be prudish about public displays of affection, and "I'll try anything" could be reflex macho posturing. But I like the interpretation above better. Flexible Ray is a much hotter prospect than Prudish Ray, even if he's pretty pitifully wounded and clueless in that scene. But, then, my attitudes about sex are strongly influenced by late Heinlein, in which jealousy is viewed as a poisonous vice that humanity should get over ASAP, and sex is viewed as a source of joy to be freely (but carefully) shared. I know some people find jealousy hot, but not me. The sooner Ray really expands his horizons beyond Stella, the better! ;)

[j-s-cavalcante.livejournal.com]

I think you're absolutely right that Ray's surprised into being honest, and Callum's delivery there shows clearly that it's an offhand, unrehearsed remark, so IMHO we can forget about Prudish Ray. :) Also, I don't think we actually see a lot of macho posturing from Ray. Macho behavior, sure, but it's real, and he shows us plenty of non-macho behavior as well.

When he flies off the handle, it's an honest reaction for him; his anger is just on a hair-trigger compared to other people's. What we see, I think, is a flexible guy who actually is open to a broader interpretation of his sexuality, and I think this was a brilliant choice for the character--quite apart from the great opportunity it gives slash writers!--because it absolutely saves him from being just a caricature of a Chicago cop.

One of my favorite scenes that shows that he's quite possibly bisexual is the scene at the beginning of "Asylum" where Volpe frisks him. I mean, how else do we explain Ray's reaction to being goosed (unintentionally, it looks like)? He gives a start, but it's an "ooh, that felt good" kind of start, and then he gives Volpe a provocative smile. And then he pats Volpe down--or, rather, up--in a manner that would get most guys' teeth knocked out. Well. Hm. :) Of course, that whole episode is slashy from beginning to end. :)

I loved your comment about Heinlein, because he's the one I "blame" for my own unorthodox attitudes about sex and jealousy, etc. See, I agree with what you said 100%. And I think reading "Stranger in a Strange Land" at a very young age (like pre-teen) had something to do with it. :) Seriously, I just think books like that validated the attitude I already had, but it sounds funnier to blame Heinlein.

As for Ray, I agree; he just wasn't over Stella when he saw her with Orsini, and remember, he told Fraser that his reaction stemmed from the fact that this was the first guy after him that Stella was really serious about, which information he had from his mother, to whom Stella tells everything. So Ray realized he was on the verge of really having to let go of her. From that scene where he almost makes love to her, we understand that she and he haven't really entirely broken it off; they still sometimes sleep together, even though they always regret it in the morning. I suspect that something else that's going on is that Ray's famous "cop instincts" are sounding an alarm about Orsini. Or maybe he just dislikes Orsini's arrogant and smarmy attitude. But mostly what's happening is that Ray's suddenly getting that he and Stella really are history.

Thanks for this discussion; it's interesting. I like your ideas.

J S

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

Thanks--I'm enjoying this discussion, too! You make good points about Ray's spectrum of macho and not-macho behavior, and about his flexibility saving him from seeming like a caricature.

I saw the frisking scene in Asylum a little differently--to me, it looked like the goosing was intentional on Volpe's part--I can't see how an unintentional move could have gotten that big of a reaction from Ray--and it looked to me like Ray found it uncomfortable, rather than pleasurable, for the split-second it lasted. But it was immediately followed by the smirk, which I read as Ray thinking, "I'm gonna get you back for that one!" That whole bit of the scene seems to me to have a kind of mocking but not vicious bit of one-upmanship between RK and AV. But my view is undoubtedly affected by having read some memorable RK/AV stories long before I saw the episode.

I also had a slightly different take about Ray and Stella still occasionally making love--I think it's clear that Stella regrets it on those mornings after, but I don't think the Ray of that episode regrets them in the same way. If he regrets them at all, I think he regrets that they happen so seldom, that he's not coming home to Stella after every shift. And I'm pretty certain that he regrets the fact that Stella regrets them, and he wishes she didn't.

I dunno about Ray's cop instincts as regards Orsini--it seems to me that the combination of Ray's jealousy and Orsini's arrogant smarm could account for how Ray acts toward Orsini during the episode, without adding instinct into the mix. But you could be right--it could be true that Ray's instincts are part of what is fueling his jealousy, rather than his jealously simply masquerading as cop instincts.

I agree with you that the really big deal for Ray is confronting the fact that Stella is no longer "his"--if she ever really was. *sigh*

Re Heinlein, Time Enough for Love was the formative book for me, rather than Stranger in a Strange Land. I read TEfL around age 18, SiaSL around age 16, I think, along with I Will Fear No Evil(?). Before that, Citizen of the Galaxy put me off Heinlein (and most science fiction) for several years. I think the book that convinced me to give SF another try was James Schmitz' The Witches of Karres. Do you know that one?

Have a good weekend!

[j-s-cavalcante.livejournal.com]

Cool, a slightly different interpretation of the same little scene. I like the capacity for multiple interpretations. I don't think ours are that far apart, though. I didn't explain mine all that well. I didn't really mean to suggest that Ray wanted Volpe to touch him or even that he enjoyed any part of it, only that he reacted in a way most straight guys would never, ever do. I agree with you there was an implied threat in the scene, as well as one-up-manship. My point was that Ray's behavior is anything but "straight." It was certainly mostly play-acting on his part. But most straight guys would find it very hard, if not impossible, to do that, especially with a dangerous gangland figure.

Your take on Ray and Stella makes sense. I was going by what Stella said when I concluded they both had morning-after regrets, and also by Ray's indecisiveness in the scene where he deliberately walks away. I can't remember if he does it twice...there was the scene that concludes with his walking away from her door, muttering "I suck," and there's also the one where he walks to Fraser and tells him "she'll be all right on her own," or words to that effect. Of course, both times he could simply be doing what she wants and not what he wants. And when she says they both had regrets, she could simply be wrong.

Last night I read Resonant's "Teeth of the Hydra," available on her website, and it has a wonderful characterization of Stella and interpretation of the Ray/Stella relationship. "If she ever really was his," you said...you're right, that's really very uncertain and could be interpreted multiple ways. Resonant's story is really fine...a great love story (F/K), a quick tour of early punk-rock, and convincing explanations of various parts of Ray's background--how his hair got spiked, how & why he got the tattoo, and evidence that he's bi. All sorts of good stuff, superbly and tightly written and framed in a story about actual police work.

About Heinlein, I know I read Time Enough for Love as well, and I think I read I Will Fear No Evil. I don't think I read the one you didn't like. But I know how infuriating he can be. I remember being really annoyed at the end of (I think) The Cat Who Walks Through Walls because the ending is ambiguous; we don't learn if the protagonist lives or dies. I threw it spine-first at a wall, and I never treat books that way. Except that once. I don't know of Schmitz's book. I take it it's good, huh? Will look for it, and thanks for the rec.

J S

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

I didn't really mean to suggest that Ray wanted Volpe to touch him or even that he enjoyed any part of it, only that he reacted in a way most straight guys would never, ever do.

Oh. I misunderstood what you meant. I concur, most straight guys would never react that way. :D

Re Ray walking away from Stella: I think it's one scene--first he tells Fraser she'll be all right, and a few minutes later, he says, "I suck." I read that scene as Ray reluctantly doing what Stella wanted, rather than him being indecisive. About the morning-after regrets, I think Stella thought Ray should have them, as she herself did, and spoke as if that were the case. But that's definitely interpretation on my part. I wonder if the script-writer deliberately put in as much ambiguity as we're seeing, or if the time-pressure of getting it done just left considerable leeway for our imaginations? ;)

I have read Teeth of the Hydra, and do indeed remember it as a well-written story, but I don't recall many of the details. Maybe I'll revisit it with an eye to what you mention--thanks! (Won't be today, though--Very Full Schedule!)

Re Heinlein, Citizen of the Galaxy is a story in which a street beggar buys and adopts a mistreated slave boy, who grows up during the course of the story and ends up with an inheritance he really dislikes. Perhaps that's why I disliked it so much--I wanted a better outcome for the poor guy.

Interesting that you mention The Cat Who Walks Through Walls; I was just rereading chunks of that book last night. I agree that the ending is a damned cliff-hanger. Heinlein did patch it up slightly in the following book--it's mentioned in passing that Richard/Colin and Hazel/Gwen both survived. Despite the ending, I liked tCwWtW better than the following book (name something like To Sail Into the Sunset?). That one left a really bad taste in my mouth, and I eventually gave it away. I think that one was Heinlein's last book--I've got to wonder whether how he was feeling near the close of his own life contributed to the level of grimness in that book.

Re Witches of Karres, by Schmitz, this is a book I've loved for a long time, but maybe some caveats are in order: It's space-opera, it's Young Adult, there is magic involved, it wouldn't be rated higher than PG-13, and it was written in the 1960s. If you don't mind spoilers, check out the reader reviews on Amazon before deciding. If you prefer not to be spoiled, see if your local library has it--if they do (and they might, because some people regard it as a classic of the genre) it would probably be shelved in their Children's or Teen Collection. I hope you enjoy it, if you decide to give it a try!

[j-s-cavalcante.livejournal.com]

Re Ray walking away from Stella: I think it's one scene--first he tells Fraser she'll be all right, and a few minutes later, he says, "I suck." I read that scene as Ray reluctantly doing what Stella wanted, rather than him being indecisive.

I'm going back through your fic and I realized I'd never answered this. I watched "Strange Bedfellows" again sometime after we had this discussion, and it's definitely two different nights, two different scenes. Ray deliberately walked away the first time, muttering "I suck." Interesting choice.

J S

[spikedluv]

Oh, yeah, that was good!! Great Ray voice. I especially liked this, "It's just, you gotta let me get used to the idea. Ease me into it. Not like BLAM! Here is your weird-ass lunch! Chow down!"

And that's one line of Ray's I want to play with, too, lol!

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Feel free to play with the line all you like!

Um, should I be able to tell what I'm looking at in your icon?
*mystified*

Just long-johns and fingers, or ???

[spikedluv]

No longjohns. *g* Fraser in his red uniform on one side, Ray in a brown coat on the other, holding hands in the middle. From season 4 'Odds'.

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

Aha--I'll look forward to watching that one. Got the DVDs right here, yep. Thanks!

[j-s-cavalcante.livejournal.com]

PMFJI--

I love spikedluv's "hands" icon. That's another one of my favorite slashy moments in dS. Have you seen "Odds" yet? Did you catch the expression on Fraser's face during the hand-holding scene, and did you notice the camera cuts away before they let go? Whaddya think?? Do tell! :)

J S

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

I have not seen Odds, yet. I'm looking forward to it, but it may be some time before I get to that point in the series. Life is busy, and likely to get busier soon!

[chickwriter.livejournal.com]

ah, the power of cheese!

I can totally see Fraser trying to do this subtly and with metaphor - and Ray not clueing in until the popsicle. ::g::

Nice job!

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

In this case, I don't think Fraser's agenda had progressed beyond trying to assess his chances of broadening Ray's horizons. But you're right, using metaphor would be a natural next step for Fraser, if he were a little more hopeful about the odds.

[buzzylittleb.livejournal.com]

*giggles wildly*

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

*pleased to make you giggle* :D

Thanks for commenting!

[grey853.livejournal.com]

LOL, I really like how Fraser eased Ray into the idea of putting *that* in his mouth. Well done and a fun read.

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

Thanks! About the most polite way of saying "Put up or shut up" there is, eh? :D

Glad you enjoyed it!

[lorem_ipsum]

> And when I give him a look about it, he looks me right back in the eye and says, "You said you'd try anything once, Ray,"

hee!

> "Ah. I see." And he shut up, which was a relief, at first, but then I noticed his body language.

Aw, Fraser's hopes are smashed.

> but Ray is quite happy with what he's currently eating.

*snerk*

Thanks, that was fun!

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for commenting!

[china_shop]

"Not all new experiences, Fraser," I said. "Things that might kill me. Or hurt me. Or make me sick. Or are totally disgusting. Or would make me look like or feel like a chump."

Hee! Aw yay, this is great. I love how easily Ray reads Fraser's body language. :)

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked it--thanks for letting me know! :D

[bonspiel.livejournal.com]

This is really well-written and entertaining; I enjoyed it. Hee re 'yay-toast'.

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much--I'm glad you enjoyed it! :D

[exeterlinden.livejournal.com]

"It's just, you gotta let me get used to the idea. Ease me into it. Not like BLAM! Here is your weird-ass lunch! Chow down!"

There's something about this sentence that is *so* Ray. Had me laughing out loud, too. This was fun!

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

This is my mind. This is my mind on RayK. Kinda spooky, actually, but fun for me, too!

I'm glad you liked the story--thanks for letting me know!

[bibliokat.livejournal.com]

Hee! I love Fraser trying to see how open to new "experiences" Ray is by feeding him cheese! And the POPSICLE!!!

Awesome fic!

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

Thank you kindly--I'm glad you enjoyed it!