For the Depot Challenge, by DancesWithChopstick

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

Title: Outsider
Pairing: F/K but preslash
Rating: PG-13?
Size: Under 500 words



One night on a stakeout, as we sat in the dim twilight of the car, Ray said to me, "Tell me about the Depot."

I shrugged. "There were lectures, examinations, practical training exercises, and socializing with my peers. I performed well academically and physically, but I was not well-prepared for the social environment. Prior to my enrollment, I had never been in prolonged association with so many people of my age, and I found it unexpectedly lonely."

"You, uh, didn't fit in?"

"Not at all, Ray."

"What was the problem?"

"There were several problems: my old-fashioned manners, my rudimentary social skills, my considerable naïveté... but I think the most basic problem was that my life had been greatly transformed by the proximity of death, and most of their lives had not. At times, that seemed an almost insuperable barrier to understanding."

"So what did you do about it?"

"What could I have done? I endured it. I improved my social skills as best I could. I discovered that one of my classmates had also had a parent die young, and partnered with him whenever possible. We weren't friends, but we both had knowledge that we couldn't speak freely about, and there was a bond, of sorts, in that."

"Sounds pretty grim."

"Oh, not entirely, Ray. I enjoyed the academic and physical challenges."

"Anybody jump your bones?"

"Ah. No. Unless you mean wrestling or other rough-housing for non-sexual purposes."

"You 'rough-housed'?"

"I defended myself on a few occasions."

"You got beat up? Why?"

"I suppose I was too different--a simple dynamic of the pack rejecting an outsider."

"Yeah, that can happen." Ray's voice was quiet. "Do Canadians call their outsiders nasty names?"

"It's been known to happen."

"Happen to you?"

A bark of bitter laughter escaped me. "Oh, yes."

Ray shifted uneasily. "I was a skinny kid. I figure I started out friendly, but there's only so many times you can be called 'wimp' and 'pussy' and 'fag' before you gotta do something to get yourself an edge."

I sighed. "Yes."

"They call you those things?"

"The local equivalents. There were accusations of currying favor with the teachers, as well."

"What--a 'bring the teacher an apple' kind of thing?"

"No. A 'suck off the teacher in private' kind of thing."

"Jeez."

"Yes. And the strange thing was, I firmly believe every single teacher at the Depot would have rejected such an offer--from any student."

"Fraser. That's not a normal thing to say. A normal guy woulda said, 'Catch me sucking anyone's dick, ever!'"

I sighed. "I've never been 'normal,' Ray."

Ray sat quietly for some time. "So did you ever?"

"Did I ever what, Ray?"

"Suck a guy off. Not a teacher."

"So far, no."

"But you might."

"In the right circumstances, I might."

Ray let out a breath. "Yeah." After a moment, very quietly, he said, "Same here."

I nodded. Then a light appeared in the building that we were watching, and the moment passed. But I would have much to think about in the morning.

Comments

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Wow. That's like an R-rated scene from an actual episode. You know. the two of them sitting in the car during a stakeout. Poor Fraser. But he has much to think about, indeed.

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

Glad it worked for you. Thanks for commenting!

[vienna-waits.livejournal.com]

The dialog is spare and yet says so much. Your quiet scene has a lot of power to it. Lovely.

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I'm very pleased it came across that way!

[akite.livejournal.com]

That darn light! *g* Good voices, I could hear them talking.

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I like doing voices. :D

Re the light, I think they both needed an interruption--not the easiest conversation to have, y'know? So, by authorial fiat: LIGHT.

[torakowalski.livejournal.com]

Ray let out a breath. "Yeah." After a moment, very quietly, he said, "Same here." -- Love that. So quiet and simple and says so much.

Also, really good voices... especially Fraser :)

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I wasn't sure how well Fraser's voice worked, in this one, so I appreciate the reassurance.

I had to write Ray K as being quieter than usual in order to get Fraser to say even this much about the Depot. If Ray had had even one more cup of coffee, we probably would have gotten an Inuit story, instead. ;)

[beledibabe.livejournal.com]

Meep! Very nicely done!

And, oh, lordy, what I wouldn't give to see the... repercussions of this convo!

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

Thanks! :D

what I wouldn't give to see the... repercussions of this convo!

Sadly, I don't currently have well-developed skills for writing pr0n--I tend to treat it like an exercise in choreography, so that I find myself writing a lot of boringly unsatisfying description, and eventually give up in disgust. (Anyone care to share better strategies for writing explicit sex scenes?)

Meanwhile, I think that this story could serve as a kind of generic prequel to various other people's stories -- anything with established F/K and no explanation of how they got there. ;)

[china_shop]

Ray let out a breath. "Yeah." After a moment, very quietly, he said, "Same here."

Eeeeeeee! Yay! :)

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked--thanks! :)

[mergatrude.livejournal.com]

I liked this very much. Restrained, spare, but still so much substance.

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

Thank you kindly! I could say exactly the same of your comment, in all particulars. :D

*glows happily*

[j-s-cavalcante.livejournal.com]

Love this! I could see it happening (in some alternate version of reality where they show stuff like this on American television. Well, maybe on cable.) Anyway, it seems perfectly in character, with the possible exception of Fraser's using the expression "suck off the teacher" without qualification. I suspect PG could make it believable, though, with enough stammering and eyebrow-rubbing. The light coming on and the situation having to be resolved later...that's very like a real ep, too. (Like that great scene in CoTW with Ray and Thatcher where Ray mentions his sudden identity crisis. That's also one example of several where Ray is quiet and thoughtful on stakeout, BTW.)

But...you tease! I hope you will write the scene where they discuss this further! I see above that you don't feel you have a flair for writing sex scenes. I wish I could rattle off a list of strategies, but I can't think how to analyze how one writes those scenes. Same as any scene, I guess...the viewpoint character has got to *want* something, and something's got to thwart him from getting it, and he's got to go after it anyway... I guess if they don't turn you on, they won't turn on the reader, so write what fascinates you. I saw a great quote once, I think from writer Tom Robbins, the author of Jitterbug Perfume. He said, "Always write with a hard-on. Even if you're a woman." Love that. And I think he's right. The writer has got to be as vitally interested in the scene as the character is...and that goes for any scene, not only for sex scenes. Tension and action taken to relieve it and resolution...is pretty much all sex is, and it's pretty much all any scene is, after all.

And you've got the makings of the sequel already in this scene. They both admitted they might do it, given the right circumstances. And then they dropped the subject. So you left them in an uncomfortable place. Dramatic tension is already present. What's the next thing they're going to say to each other about it? Who'll bring it up, and where will they be, etc.?

Still, I don't think it's the lack of sex that I find frustrating here, but the fact that there's an open question before them. Will they get together or not? Why would two guys who suffered as kids because the other kids called them "fag," etc.--why would they each decide they might after all someday be willing to suck a guy off, especially seeing as they got to this age without ever being with a guy? Or did they only just decide that now because they're helplessly attracted to each other? If you ask yourself these questions and then just turn the guys loose to answer them, I think you will have a good resolution. Who knows, they might surprise you.

And I don't think you have to write the explicit scene to make a satisfying conclusion to this story. You just have to show us how they come to the resolution you're hinting at. Then you can cut to the waves crashing on the rocks. Hope that is of some use. Meanwhile, I love this piece even if you don't write a sequel. It gets plot bunnies going....

J S

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

JS--thanks for the lovely comments and suggestions!

*mulls over your ideas*

*is bitten by bunnies and writes another segment, but it still isn't clear how the situation will resolve...*

I'll let you know if I finish enough to get them somewhere better. Right now, they're just sulking and grumbling and wishing. ;)

[j-s-cavalcante.livejournal.com]

I look forward to any sequels with bated breath.

And I'm looking over my shoulder in fear of those bunnies. Must be wild, Arctic bunnies that aren't strictly vegetarian! :)

If they sulk too much and there's anything I can do to help, let me know. I can beta.

Good luck!

J S

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

Thanks for your offer of story assistance &/or beta-ing--I really appreciate it. However, before you take that plunge, I should tell you that [semi-spoilers follow in white-text; highlight to read]:

I didn't set out to write that kind of story, but that's what happened when I turned them loose. Are you still interested?

Perfectly OK to decline, BTW--I'm not sure I want to write the darn thing, myself! ;) But if I do, that the direction I think it'll be going.

Thanks again!
Dances

[j-s-cavalcante.livejournal.com]

Sure. Happy to! I don't have hard and fast rules about what I'll write or beta. I read all kinds of stories. Love angst as well as lighter fare. The only place I draw the line is at something that really badly grosses me out. But there's very little of that, if any, happening in dS fandom.

I think whatever the guys are doing with this storyline, it's bound to be interesting. I can definitely see it going in different directions. I guess that arctic bunny does have fangs. :)

Email me: cavalcantejs at cs.com

J S

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

OK, I will take a crack at extending this story, and will let you know how it goes!

It probably won't be done right away, though--I have lots of other stuff going on. Maybe by the end of the month...I'll see if the extended version fits into any of the Challenges offered by the current Amnesty.

Thanks again for your interest and beta-willingness!
:D :D :D
Dances