ds_flashfiction | Badfic Challenge, by ifreet for bethbethbeth

Title: I Don't Think We're In Canada Anymore

Prompt: Fraser is Dorothy. Dief is Toto. Kowalski is ~~a friend of Dorothy~~ the Scarecrow. Vecchio is the Lion. Thatcher is the Tin Man. Wacky Hi-jinks ensue when the gang at the 2-7 are transported beyond the rainbow!

Prompt written by:

bethbethbeth

rating/warnings/etc: Gen crackfic, written really late at night

"Oh, dear." Benton Fraser stood at what was most definitely a fork in the road. The directions had seemed clear enough at the time, but now he wondered if they weren't perhaps a little, well, vague.

His wolf companion set down the wicker basket that he'd been carrying to bark.

"The problem, as you can see, is that both paths are brick. And I assure you, they appear equally yellow to me."

Diefenbaker whined.

Benton replied testily, "Well, I would ask for directions, if there were anyone around to ask. Now unless you have anything helpful to contribute --"

"Hey! What, am I invisible here?"

Benton's head snapped up. The road ahead still lay empty in either direction, and the fields to either side appeared empty as well. Directly ahead, in the V of the fork, a swath of corn grew, also evidently empty of persons other than a scruffy scarecrow. A scarecrow that looked rather animate, come to think of it.

"I'm sorry, did you just say something?" Diefenbaker snickered doggishly, but Benton ignored him.

"Yeah, I did," the Scarecrow replied, with a scowl. "Look, you gonna help me down here, or what?"

"Certainly," Benton replied, wondering if he had committed some sort of Ozian faux pas by not offering to assist the scarecrow down. He climbed over the short fence between field and road, grabbed the scarecrow around the legs and lifted until the scarecrow's jacket came unhooked from the wooden pole. Benton set the scarecrow on the ground with only the barest of staggering. The scarecrow was unexpectedly heavy for a construct of straw.

The scarecrow then began to stomp around gathering up loose straw and stuffing it through a hole in his shirt. Benton joined in picking up scattered straw and passing handfuls to the scarecrow. Once they had gathered up as much as they could find, the scarecrow pulled the cap off his head and stuffed it into the hole as a stop gap. He arranged the straw atop his head just so, resulting in it stucking up more or less uniformly, then held out a hand to Benton. "Nice boots. Name's Ray."

"Corporal Benton Fraser, RCMP. I first came to Oz in a cabin carried by a tornado, and for reasons that don't need exploring at this juncture, I'm off to see the Wizard."

"The Wonderful Wizard of Oz?"

"Yes!" Benton brightened. "Do you happen to know how to get there?"

The scarecrow put his hands in his pockets, rocked back on his heels. "Well, some people go that way," he nodded left, "and some go that way," and he nodded toward the right, "and then there're the guys like you who can't decide."

Benton waited. Ray stared hard at the split for a moment, then jerked his head to the right and said, "Go that way."

"That's the road that leads to the Wizard?"

Ray shrugged. "Like I'd know. No one comes back to tell me anything. But I've got a hunch. And I've always wanted to go on an adventure. Come on."

Diefenbaker scooped up his basket and trotted a few meters up the road, turning his head and woofing something garbled, but probably uncomplimentary, over his shoulder.

"Why not?" Benton said and started down the road after his companions, his somewhat impractical ruby boots clicking against the brick.