Identikit: The Musical! (written for the ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
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Apr. 11th, 2006 06:16 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
bethbethbeth.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
ds_flashfictionTitle: Identikit: the Musical! ((Libretto by Beth H - and others)
(Soundtrack credits footnoted below)
***
(The curtain rises and we see Detectives Huey and Dewey booking Canadian punk sensation Ray Kowalski. The two cops taunt him)
Huey and Dewey:
All you'll get is a cell somewhere
Rock-hard mattress with bedbugs there
No belt, no bail, who'll care?
Oh, won't it all be loverly?
Not much food (good or bad) to eat
Big bad cellmates providing "heat"
You'll learn to watch...your seat
Oh, won't it all be loverly? [2]
(RayK responds as anyone who knew him might expect him to do: with a lot of head-banging and singing:)
RayK:
Fuck you!
Fuck you!
Fuck you and your whole crew!
Fuck you!
Fuck you!
Huey and Dewey (smirking):
Not with a tart like you! [2]
(Public Defender Benton Fraser enters the station, looking for the client that he's just been assigned. As soon as he walks through the door, he sees a man with spiky blond hair, wearing leather hot pants so short that they might as well be a thong. He sighs; that's got to be his guy. They always assign him to some guy wearing leather hot pants so short that they might as well be a thong. Darn that dumb old vow not to mix business with pleasure!)
RayK:
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin' to do and no where to go-o-o I wanna be sedated
Just put me in a wheelchair get me to the show
Hurry hurry hurry before I go loco
I can't control my fingers I can't control my toes
Oh no no no no no
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go...
Just put me in a wheelchair...
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated [3]
(Fraser, who is fluent in a number of popular 'lingos,' correctly interprets this rant as RayK's desire to re-join his band, the Goats, at the next stop on their tour. Averting his eyes from RayK's posterior in an attempt to stifle his inappropriate thoughts, he attempts to determine whether RayK is, in fact, the part-time rentboy... (Note to makeup girl: yes, it's says "boy" in the script. Yes, the Canadian actor portraying Mr. Kowalski is no longer a boy. That's what stage makeup is for) ...that the charges indicate.)
Fraser:
(Did you street) walk like a man?
Down where there's a ban.
Streetwalk like a man, tonight?
What's that mouth worth?
(If one has a...large-ish girth?)
Did you streetwalk like a man, tonight? [4]
(RayK tells Fraser he's not a hooker, but if we *were* charging for it, he'd give it away for free if Fraser asked. Fraser, flustered, asks if RayK is flirting with him. RayK nods. Fraser says RayK is very attractive. They sing a duet)
RayK:
Hello, I don't even know your name, but I'm hoping all the same
This is more than just a simple hello.
Fraser:
Hello, do I smile and look away? No, I think I'll smile and stay
To see where this might go.
RayK and Fraser:
'Cause the last time I felt like this, I was falling in love,
Falling and feeling, I'd never fall in love again.
Yes, the last time I felt like this, was long before I knew
What I'm feeling now with you. [5]
(As they kiss for the first time, one of RayK's Canadian punk bandmates, Renfield Turnbull, rushes into the station with bail money. Unfortunately it's Canadian currency. It's starting to look as if RayK will be forced to spend the night in jail and miss the gig! But then! Detective Elaine Besbriss comes in, escorting the man who was *really* turning tricks by the Crystal Ballroom that night. "Ah," says Fraser, as he watches Ray Vecchio being led to the booking desk, "It was clearly a case of mistaken identity." Turnbull is elated that RayK is going to be set free and gives thanks where thanks are due!!)
Turnbull:
God save the queen!
We mean it man!
We love our queen!
God saves! [6]
(RayK shrugs,then turns to Fraser and asks him if he'd be interested in going on a little adventure, i.e., joining his band on tour. Fraser mulls it over...)
Fraser:
Darling you gotta let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
If you say that you are mine
I'll be here 'til the end of time
So you got to let know
Should I stay or should I go?
Always tease tease tease
Siempre - coqueteando y engañando
You're happy when I'm on my knees
Me arrodilla y estás feliz...
(He pauses at the mention of being on his knees, looks once more at RayK, and his decision is made. Fraser drafts a brief letter of resignation, and he, RayK, and Turnbull go outside to get on the tour bus. They are greeted by...)
Dief:
Woof!
All sing together:
Who let the dogs out?
Woof, woof, woof, woof
Who let the dogs out?
Woof, woof, woof, woof? [8]
(RayK and Fraser kiss. Turnbull does needlepoint. The curtain falls.)
***
[1] "Wouldn't It Be Loverly" from My Fair Lady
[2] "Fuck You" by The Headstones (song available for dl'ing: see the lovely![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sherriaisling's comment below)
[3] "I Wanna Be Sedated" by the Ramones (song available for dl'ing: see the lovelysherriaisling's comment below)
[4] "Walk Like a Man" by Frankie Valli
[5] "The Last Time I Felt Like This" by Jane Olivor and Johnny Mathis
[6] "God Save the Queen!" by the Sex Pistols (song available for dl'ing: see the lovelystrangecobwebs' comment below)
[7] "Should I Stay or Should I Go?" by the Clash (song available for dl'ing: see the lovelystrangecobwebs' comment below)
[8] "Who Let the Dogs Out?" by Baha Men
Prompt: Ray Kowalski has punk rock in his SOUL...but hard times mean he has to moonlight as a hooker. When he's caught up in a vice crackdown, he thinks the dream is over. But if Detective Fraser has anything to say about it, things are just beginning... AU, NC-17 for sex and eyeliner and MAJOR angst. (Watch out for Dief in a special cameo!!). Promptblamed onwritten by
(Soundtrack credits footnoted below)
***
(The curtain rises and we see Detectives Huey and Dewey booking Canadian punk sensation Ray Kowalski. The two cops taunt him)
Huey and Dewey:
All you'll get is a cell somewhere
Rock-hard mattress with bedbugs there
No belt, no bail, who'll care?
Oh, won't it all be loverly?
Not much food (good or bad) to eat
Big bad cellmates providing "heat"
You'll learn to watch...your seat
Oh, won't it all be loverly? [2]
(RayK responds as anyone who knew him might expect him to do: with a lot of head-banging and singing:)
RayK:
Fuck you!
Fuck you!
Fuck you and your whole crew!
Fuck you!
Fuck you!
Huey and Dewey (smirking):
Not with a tart like you! [2]
(Public Defender Benton Fraser enters the station, looking for the client that he's just been assigned. As soon as he walks through the door, he sees a man with spiky blond hair, wearing leather hot pants so short that they might as well be a thong. He sighs; that's got to be his guy. They always assign him to some guy wearing leather hot pants so short that they might as well be a thong. Darn that dumb old vow not to mix business with pleasure!)
RayK:
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin' to do and no where to go-o-o I wanna be sedated
Just put me in a wheelchair get me to the show
Hurry hurry hurry before I go loco
I can't control my fingers I can't control my toes
Oh no no no no no
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go...
Just put me in a wheelchair...
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated [3]
(Fraser, who is fluent in a number of popular 'lingos,' correctly interprets this rant as RayK's desire to re-join his band, the Goats, at the next stop on their tour. Averting his eyes from RayK's posterior in an attempt to stifle his inappropriate thoughts, he attempts to determine whether RayK is, in fact, the part-time rentboy... (Note to makeup girl: yes, it's says "boy" in the script. Yes, the Canadian actor portraying Mr. Kowalski is no longer a boy. That's what stage makeup is for) ...that the charges indicate.)
Fraser:
(Did you street) walk like a man?
Down where there's a ban.
Streetwalk like a man, tonight?
What's that mouth worth?
(If one has a...large-ish girth?)
Did you streetwalk like a man, tonight? [4]
(RayK tells Fraser he's not a hooker, but if we *were* charging for it, he'd give it away for free if Fraser asked. Fraser, flustered, asks if RayK is flirting with him. RayK nods. Fraser says RayK is very attractive. They sing a duet)
RayK:
Hello, I don't even know your name, but I'm hoping all the same
This is more than just a simple hello.
Fraser:
Hello, do I smile and look away? No, I think I'll smile and stay
To see where this might go.
RayK and Fraser:
'Cause the last time I felt like this, I was falling in love,
Falling and feeling, I'd never fall in love again.
Yes, the last time I felt like this, was long before I knew
What I'm feeling now with you. [5]
(As they kiss for the first time, one of RayK's Canadian punk bandmates, Renfield Turnbull, rushes into the station with bail money. Unfortunately it's Canadian currency. It's starting to look as if RayK will be forced to spend the night in jail and miss the gig! But then! Detective Elaine Besbriss comes in, escorting the man who was *really* turning tricks by the Crystal Ballroom that night. "Ah," says Fraser, as he watches Ray Vecchio being led to the booking desk, "It was clearly a case of mistaken identity." Turnbull is elated that RayK is going to be set free and gives thanks where thanks are due!!)
Turnbull:
God save the queen!
We mean it man!
We love our queen!
God saves! [6]
(RayK shrugs,then turns to Fraser and asks him if he'd be interested in going on a little adventure, i.e., joining his band on tour. Fraser mulls it over...)
Fraser:
Darling you gotta let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
If you say that you are mine
I'll be here 'til the end of time
So you got to let know
Should I stay or should I go?
Always tease tease tease
Siempre - coqueteando y engañando
You're happy when I'm on my knees
Me arrodilla y estás feliz...
(He pauses at the mention of being on his knees, looks once more at RayK, and his decision is made. Fraser drafts a brief letter of resignation, and he, RayK, and Turnbull go outside to get on the tour bus. They are greeted by...)
Dief:
Woof!
All sing together:
Who let the dogs out?
Woof, woof, woof, woof
Who let the dogs out?
Woof, woof, woof, woof? [8]
(RayK and Fraser kiss. Turnbull does needlepoint. The curtain falls.)
***
[1] "Wouldn't It Be Loverly" from My Fair Lady
[2] "Fuck You" by The Headstones (song available for dl'ing: see the lovely
sherriaisling's comment below)[3] "I Wanna Be Sedated" by the Ramones (song available for dl'ing: see the lovely
sherriaisling's comment below)[4] "Walk Like a Man" by Frankie Valli
[5] "The Last Time I Felt Like This" by Jane Olivor and Johnny Mathis
[6] "God Save the Queen!" by the Sex Pistols (song available for dl'ing: see the lovely
strangecobwebs' comment below)[7] "Should I Stay or Should I Go?" by the Clash (song available for dl'ing: see the lovely
strangecobwebs' comment below)[8] "Who Let the Dogs Out?" by Baha Men
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-04-11 10:31 pm (UTC)And Turnbull with Canadian bail! Heeeee
no subject
Date: 2006-04-11 10:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-11 10:32 pm (UTC)*boggle*
*boggles some more*
B
no subject
Date: 2006-04-11 10:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-11 10:40 pm (UTC)he sees a man with spiky blond hair, wearing leather hot pants so short that they might as well be a thong Thong wearing Ray!
"Ah," says Fraser, as he watches Ray Vecchio being led to the booking desk, "It was clearly a case of mistaken identity." Clearly, anyone would have confused the two. They do have the same name, after all.
RayK and Fraser kiss. Turnbull does needlepoint. The curtain falls. This part? Could have actually happened.
Also, music.
I Wanna Be Sedated (cover by The Offspring) (http://www.megaupload.com/?d=BWJBBQVO)
Fuck You (http://www.megaupload.com/?d=F6V6MAK8)
no subject
Date: 2006-04-11 10:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-11 10:48 pm (UTC)Killed me dead.
I revived briefly, only to get to the explanation of mistaken identity-- which is very, very funny.
Also? That poor makeup girl! CKR is cute, definitely, but so far from boyish.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-11 10:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-11 10:50 pm (UTC)Coffee: **goes all over the place**
You: **win at something** (I'm not entirely sure what. But something.)
no subject
Date: 2006-04-11 10:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-11 11:02 pm (UTC)"I Wanna Be Sedated" - the Ramones (http://s42.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=3QRHXQJLFU6UF0AE3JJUEHPZO1)
"Should I Stay or Should I Go" - the Clash (http://s42.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=0NSTAGMOFKSU21YPC7ASIV55SB)
If these don't work, let me know!
Much love for this! Hilarious with fabulous mental images! hehe
no subject
Date: 2006-04-11 11:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-11 11:25 pm (UTC)(And, um, I've apparently decided to write this prompt for real. And now I'm even more intimidated! :P)
no subject
Date: 2006-04-11 11:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-11 11:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-11 11:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-11 11:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-12 12:11 am (UTC)I couldn't have done it without you!
*weeps with happiness*
*g*
no subject
Date: 2006-04-11 11:59 pm (UTC)You win!
\o/
no subject
Date: 2006-04-12 12:30 am (UTC)*puts on winning outfit*
*smooches you*
no subject
Date: 2006-04-12 12:08 am (UTC)But MY GOD I dropped my cigarette when I clicked on the "stage makeup" picture, and was laughing so hard I almost couldn't be bothered to pick it back up again!
no subject
Date: 2006-04-12 12:32 am (UTC)May I just say in Ray's defense that he was not made up to look like that. *g*
no subject
Date: 2006-04-12 01:25 am (UTC)(If one has a...large-ish girth?)
::chokes::
Ah," says Fraser, as he watches Ray Vecchio being led to the booking desk, "It was clearly a case of mistaken identity."
::hyperventilates::
RayK and Fraser kiss. Turnbull does needlepoint.
::dies. DED::
no subject
Date: 2006-04-12 01:44 am (UTC)*dies with you*
no subject
Date: 2006-04-12 01:48 am (UTC)*dies*
no subject
Date: 2006-04-12 02:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-12 01:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-12 02:27 am (UTC)*pins brilliantly awful badge on chest*
no subject
Date: 2006-04-12 02:36 am (UTC)I love your twisty brain so very much.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-12 02:43 am (UTC)(btw...are you coming to con.txt?)
no subject
Date: 2006-04-13 07:53 pm (UTC)Yes, indeed, I am coming to con.txt and will be there all day Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
WHEE!!!!!!
no subject
Date: 2006-04-13 09:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-12 02:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-12 02:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-12 10:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-12 11:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-12 01:22 pm (UTC)(and now I have "I Wanna Be Sedated" in my head.)
no subject
Date: 2006-04-12 01:40 pm (UTC)But don't blame my brain: Shay's got half of that and the other half? I think I lost it. :)
no subject
Date: 2006-04-12 07:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-12 08:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-13 09:48 pm (UTC)He sighs; that's got to be his guy. They always assign him to some guy wearing leather hot pants so short that they might as well be a thong.
HEE!!!
no subject
Date: 2006-04-13 09:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-18 08:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-18 08:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-29 08:38 am (UTC)