![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
lucifercircle.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
ds_flashfictionTitle: Harry Potter and the Incredibly Contrived Crossover
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lucifercircle A.K.A Luciferofthecircle
Pairing: Fraser/Ray K
Rating: PG-13 for Language and Partial Nudity.
Author’s Notes: Unbetaed by anyone but myself, although I did check it quite thoroughly. Any typos, misspellings, just point them out and I’ll fix them. Please review; I want to know what needs improving, as I’m not a very experienced writer. Is it too long? Too short? How’s my characterisation? Let me know.
Unfamiliar Words: I have read Harry Potter (Avidly) and I am aware that the Exams in the books are OWLs and NEWTs and the wizard prison is Azkaban. However as this story begins in America there is a different school system and more prisons. (Just as there is in RL.)
Prompt: One day, an owl dropped a letter on the head of one Benton Fraser. Now, he's jetting across the Atlantic to teach Muggle Studies in a magic school, along with a man named Stanley Kowalski. But what's this? Why does Snape have that look on his face? Who's Voldemort, and why is he after Fraser? And where the hell is Harry Potter? (X-over with HP; pre-HBP.)
Warnings: Slash, slash, slash, slash, het, slash. And slash. Because everyone except Stella is gay. Basically. Forquiet_aversion
Word count: 1,775
Harry Potter and the Incredibly Contrived Crossover
Ray: Hey Fraser?
Fraser: Yes Ray?
Ray: You said this was a Due South movie.
Fraser: It is Ray.
Ray: Then why is the title Harry Potter and the Incredibly Contrived Crossover?
Fraser: Well you see Ray, due to budget cuts and lack of sponsors Alliance wasn’t able to fund a Due South movie. However the studios producing Harry Potter are Due South fans and so agreed….
Ray: We’re in Chicago! Harry Potter’s set at some boarding school in England! And it’s all about kids! Tell me I’m not going to get turned into a kid Fraser.
Fraser: Actually Ray the accepted method of transferring adults into the Harry Potter universe is to recruit them as teachers for the school.
Ray: I’m a cop!
Fraser: That really doesn’t matter Ray.
Ray: It doesn’t?
Fraser: No, you see by using their special powers the writers can allow us to inhabit an alternate universe and then create a plot device to summon us, as it were, to England and Hogwarts.
Ray: Oh.
(Pause)
Ray: Fraser how do you know all this stuff?
Fraser: I happen to be a seer Ray. I used my crystal ball to search for the answers to your questions.
Ray: Really.
Fraser: No, I’m just getting into the spirit of things.
Ray: …
Ray: Freak.
Fraser: Understood.
Author waves her magic wand (Softwood, 6 inches long, graphite cored) and transforms Constable Benton Fraser RCMP and Detective First Grade Ray Kowalski into Field Auror 2nd Class Benton Fraser of the Canadian Ministry of Magic, Department of Security and Protection (Otherwise known as Fraser) and Field Auror 2nd Class Stanley Raymond Kowalski of the American Ministry of Magic, Department of Security and Protection (Currently known as Ray Vecchio, generally spoken of as Ray).
Scene 1 – The very contrived and utterly implausible prologue.
Setting – The Canadian Field Base in Chicago. Benton Fraser is standing in his office/bedroom in his long johns. He has a letter in his hand and is looking very puzzled. A disgruntled owl circles the room and then flies out into the hallway. Ten seconds later Ray enters excitedly. He is also carrying a letter.
Ray: So you got one too? I saw the owl as I was coming in.
Fraser: Too? You mean you got one as well?
Ray: Yeah. Near as I can figure from what Welsh is saying and from what he says he’s not allowed to say Vecchio’s coming back and they want me out of the way for a while and where better than a whole other country. Plus everyone knows the morality rate at Hogwarts is like way over the top for a school and they’re having trouble recruiting staff and keeping the students safe. This way two birds get killed with one big rock, three if you count the whole international cooperation and diplomacy thing everyone’s so big on these days.
Fraser: Mortality rate.
Ray: What?
Fraser: Mortality rate not morality rate. A morality rate would imply that the teachers were committing crimes, which is actually also true but not, I think, what you were originally attempting to imply.
Ray: Right.
Fraser: Actually this reminds me of the situation Roger McAlister found himself in, back in ’88. You see he was the Head Teacher or rather the only teacher of the Rumamukluk School for impoverished….
Ray: Fraser. Focus. They want me to be a teacher. I could barely hack my FROGs. Didn’t even bother with the TOADs, just went straight into the Practical Skills Auror Training Program.
Fraser: And from your acceptance into that program at such a young age one could infer that you are in fact intelligent and capable, your abilities are simply those which are more suited to an applied environment. You’re not stupid by any means Ray.
Ray: Thanks Frase. I still can’t teach though.
Fraser: Well what do they have you teaching?
Ray: Muggle Studies.
Fraser: You are Muggle born Ray. Perhaps your superiors assume that you already have the necessary knowledge and that no further training is necessary to allow you to maintain a convincing façade.
Ray: See that’s what I hate Frase. That’s what I can’t stand. All these assumptions about me being Muggle born, like I’m some kind of expert. And what does it say about how much they value the subject that they’ll send in someone completely unqualified to teach it, like it doesn’t matter. It stinks Fraser. It really stinks.
Fraser: I concur Ray. Such stereotypes are what allow people like Voldemort to gain a foothold. However you will have help.
Ray: Don’t use his name! And what do you mean help? That what your letter says? They’re setting me up with a teaching assistant or something?
Fraser: In a manner of speaking.
Ray: In what manner of speaking?
Fraser: It appears that I am going to be your assistant Ray.
Ray: You? What about Vecchio? Aren’t you going back to partnering him?
Fraser: Apparently not. I would conclude that while he was undercover with the Iguana clan Ray managed to capture and thus earn the enmity of several powerful dark wizards and therefore while he is coming back to reclaim his own life it will be necessary for him to maintain a low profile.
Ray: And he can’t do that while chasing after a guy in red who attracts death, destruction and mayhem in wildly bizarre ways, gotcha.
Fraser: I wouldn’t put it quite like that Ray.
Ray: Oh yeah? Then how would you put it?
Fraser: …
Fraser: Alright that is how I would put.
Ray: So we’re off to England then?
Fraser: It would seem so yes.
Ray: Greatness. Hey do you think I should pack a rainmac, ‘cause I hear it’s really rainy in England?
Fraser: That may be advisable, yes.
Ray: How about a boat.
Fraser: Well that’s just plain silly Ray.
Fade to Black
Scene 2 – The section where the main characters are introduced and the actual plot begins.
Setting – Outside Hogwarts castle, Harry, Ron and Hermione are standing in a huddle. Other students pass them by, many of them looking at the group with suspicious…
(Author presses the fast forward button.)
Weedle … Weedle… Weedle … Skrp
Scene 18 – The emotional bit which, while moving, does absolutely nothing to advance the plot.
Setting – The Potions classroom. Fraser and Snape are standing in the centre of the classroom glaring at one another. A cauldron has been overturned and a potion is leaking onto the floor.
Snape: You have the nerve to ask me about my past. You come over here interfering, poking your nose in where it is neither wanted nor needed. You weren’t here the first time when Voldemort gained power. When we were in real trouble, with people dieing, whole families being slaughtered Muggle and Wizard alike, our North American allies didn’t want to get involved. And now you have the audacity to question my decisions, to pry into my past as if you have some sort of right to judge me…
Fraser: I merely thought it prudent to…
Snape: The Dark Lord was a threat to the whole world. You believe he would have settled for being the absolute ruler of Britain or Europe when there were others who would support him elsewhere.
Fraser: I understand.
Snape: You understand nothing! You weren’t here. You never faced the terror that we faced. That I faced…
Fraser: I’m here now. I want to help. And I’m not afraid.
Snape: You should be! Anyone sensible or sane should be.
Fraser: As long good people work together against evil then justice will be done and I will never be afraid.
Snape: You think you’re so pure, so righteous. What about Victoria Metcalf?
Fraser: You … you know about that?
Snape: Since her escape she’s been in contact with the Dark Lord. She couldn’t wait to tell everyone about the foolish Auror who’d risk everything to aid a dark witch.
Fraser: I did what I thought was right.
Snape: You slept with her.
Fraser: I loved her!
Snape: Fool! By that time she loved no one but herself. She’d escaped from Jarkbal.
Fraser: She said she’d served her time. I believed her.
Snape: She killed a man!
Fraser: I regret that…. I regret everything.
Snape: And you think that makes it better? You turned her in when she was young and scared and probably deserved to go free, would have gone free if anyone would give someone convicted of practising the Dark Arts a fair trial. Then you let her go when she was older, wiser and had sworn allegiance to the Dark Lord.
Fraser: I didn’t let her go. She ran. And I didn’t know…
Snape: She had the mark! She hadn’t got that in prison.
Fraser: I didn’t see…
Snape: She was in your bed!
Fraser: She wouldn’t have… the lights weren’t… her arms…
Snape: He Who Must Not Be Named has said there is a place for you among his followers. That the Death Eaters must offer you a chance to surrender and join their ranks before they kill you. You should feel honoured. Few other Aurors are given such an option.
Fraser: And how would you know what He says?
Snape: It is my job to know what the Dark Lord knows! To pass on what information I can. I too must atone for my mistakes.
Fade to Black
Weedle … Weedle… Weedle … Skrp
Scene 48 – The completely unnecessary and totally sappy epilogue.
Setting – An elaborate and well-decorated bedroom. Fraser and Ray are lying together on a massive four-poster bed, surrounded by pillows. They are both covered only by a thin sheet that is drawn up to their waists. They are both grinning identical smug grins.
Fraser: That was … most enjoyable Ray.
Ray: Only most enjoyable huh Fraser? I thought it was pretty fabulous myself. Maybe we should try it again just to be sure.
Fraser: I think that is an exceedingly good idea Ray. However I believe we need a little time to recuperate first.
Ray: Recuperate huh?
Fraser: Yes Ray.
Ray: You know you’re cute when you use big words.
Fraser: Really?
Ray: Actually you’re cute pretty much all the time.
Fraser: I find you exceptionally pleasing as well Ray.
(Pause, while Fraser and Ray continue to smile goofily)
Ray: It was pretty great how everything worked itself out there in the end.
Fraser: I must admit to feeling some satisfaction at such a neat conclusion.
Ray: There is one thing I still don’t get though.
Fraser: What’s that Ray?
Ray: Where was Harry Potter?
Fade to Black
Roll Credits
Author:
lucifercircle A.K.A LuciferofthecirclePairing: Fraser/Ray K
Rating: PG-13 for Language and Partial Nudity.
Author’s Notes: Unbetaed by anyone but myself, although I did check it quite thoroughly. Any typos, misspellings, just point them out and I’ll fix them. Please review; I want to know what needs improving, as I’m not a very experienced writer. Is it too long? Too short? How’s my characterisation? Let me know.
Unfamiliar Words: I have read Harry Potter (Avidly) and I am aware that the Exams in the books are OWLs and NEWTs and the wizard prison is Azkaban. However as this story begins in America there is a different school system and more prisons. (Just as there is in RL.)
Prompt: One day, an owl dropped a letter on the head of one Benton Fraser. Now, he's jetting across the Atlantic to teach Muggle Studies in a magic school, along with a man named Stanley Kowalski. But what's this? Why does Snape have that look on his face? Who's Voldemort, and why is he after Fraser? And where the hell is Harry Potter? (X-over with HP; pre-HBP.)
Warnings: Slash, slash, slash, slash, het, slash. And slash. Because everyone except Stella is gay. Basically. For
quiet_aversionWord count: 1,775
Harry Potter and the Incredibly Contrived Crossover
Ray: Hey Fraser?
Fraser: Yes Ray?
Ray: You said this was a Due South movie.
Fraser: It is Ray.
Ray: Then why is the title Harry Potter and the Incredibly Contrived Crossover?
Fraser: Well you see Ray, due to budget cuts and lack of sponsors Alliance wasn’t able to fund a Due South movie. However the studios producing Harry Potter are Due South fans and so agreed….
Ray: We’re in Chicago! Harry Potter’s set at some boarding school in England! And it’s all about kids! Tell me I’m not going to get turned into a kid Fraser.
Fraser: Actually Ray the accepted method of transferring adults into the Harry Potter universe is to recruit them as teachers for the school.
Ray: I’m a cop!
Fraser: That really doesn’t matter Ray.
Ray: It doesn’t?
Fraser: No, you see by using their special powers the writers can allow us to inhabit an alternate universe and then create a plot device to summon us, as it were, to England and Hogwarts.
Ray: Oh.
(Pause)
Ray: Fraser how do you know all this stuff?
Fraser: I happen to be a seer Ray. I used my crystal ball to search for the answers to your questions.
Ray: Really.
Fraser: No, I’m just getting into the spirit of things.
Ray: …
Ray: Freak.
Fraser: Understood.
Author waves her magic wand (Softwood, 6 inches long, graphite cored) and transforms Constable Benton Fraser RCMP and Detective First Grade Ray Kowalski into Field Auror 2nd Class Benton Fraser of the Canadian Ministry of Magic, Department of Security and Protection (Otherwise known as Fraser) and Field Auror 2nd Class Stanley Raymond Kowalski of the American Ministry of Magic, Department of Security and Protection (Currently known as Ray Vecchio, generally spoken of as Ray).
Scene 1 – The very contrived and utterly implausible prologue.
Setting – The Canadian Field Base in Chicago. Benton Fraser is standing in his office/bedroom in his long johns. He has a letter in his hand and is looking very puzzled. A disgruntled owl circles the room and then flies out into the hallway. Ten seconds later Ray enters excitedly. He is also carrying a letter.
Ray: So you got one too? I saw the owl as I was coming in.
Fraser: Too? You mean you got one as well?
Ray: Yeah. Near as I can figure from what Welsh is saying and from what he says he’s not allowed to say Vecchio’s coming back and they want me out of the way for a while and where better than a whole other country. Plus everyone knows the morality rate at Hogwarts is like way over the top for a school and they’re having trouble recruiting staff and keeping the students safe. This way two birds get killed with one big rock, three if you count the whole international cooperation and diplomacy thing everyone’s so big on these days.
Fraser: Mortality rate.
Ray: What?
Fraser: Mortality rate not morality rate. A morality rate would imply that the teachers were committing crimes, which is actually also true but not, I think, what you were originally attempting to imply.
Ray: Right.
Fraser: Actually this reminds me of the situation Roger McAlister found himself in, back in ’88. You see he was the Head Teacher or rather the only teacher of the Rumamukluk School for impoverished….
Ray: Fraser. Focus. They want me to be a teacher. I could barely hack my FROGs. Didn’t even bother with the TOADs, just went straight into the Practical Skills Auror Training Program.
Fraser: And from your acceptance into that program at such a young age one could infer that you are in fact intelligent and capable, your abilities are simply those which are more suited to an applied environment. You’re not stupid by any means Ray.
Ray: Thanks Frase. I still can’t teach though.
Fraser: Well what do they have you teaching?
Ray: Muggle Studies.
Fraser: You are Muggle born Ray. Perhaps your superiors assume that you already have the necessary knowledge and that no further training is necessary to allow you to maintain a convincing façade.
Ray: See that’s what I hate Frase. That’s what I can’t stand. All these assumptions about me being Muggle born, like I’m some kind of expert. And what does it say about how much they value the subject that they’ll send in someone completely unqualified to teach it, like it doesn’t matter. It stinks Fraser. It really stinks.
Fraser: I concur Ray. Such stereotypes are what allow people like Voldemort to gain a foothold. However you will have help.
Ray: Don’t use his name! And what do you mean help? That what your letter says? They’re setting me up with a teaching assistant or something?
Fraser: In a manner of speaking.
Ray: In what manner of speaking?
Fraser: It appears that I am going to be your assistant Ray.
Ray: You? What about Vecchio? Aren’t you going back to partnering him?
Fraser: Apparently not. I would conclude that while he was undercover with the Iguana clan Ray managed to capture and thus earn the enmity of several powerful dark wizards and therefore while he is coming back to reclaim his own life it will be necessary for him to maintain a low profile.
Ray: And he can’t do that while chasing after a guy in red who attracts death, destruction and mayhem in wildly bizarre ways, gotcha.
Fraser: I wouldn’t put it quite like that Ray.
Ray: Oh yeah? Then how would you put it?
Fraser: …
Fraser: Alright that is how I would put.
Ray: So we’re off to England then?
Fraser: It would seem so yes.
Ray: Greatness. Hey do you think I should pack a rainmac, ‘cause I hear it’s really rainy in England?
Fraser: That may be advisable, yes.
Ray: How about a boat.
Fraser: Well that’s just plain silly Ray.
Fade to Black
Scene 2 – The section where the main characters are introduced and the actual plot begins.
Setting – Outside Hogwarts castle, Harry, Ron and Hermione are standing in a huddle. Other students pass them by, many of them looking at the group with suspicious…
(Author presses the fast forward button.)
Weedle … Weedle… Weedle … Skrp
Scene 18 – The emotional bit which, while moving, does absolutely nothing to advance the plot.
Setting – The Potions classroom. Fraser and Snape are standing in the centre of the classroom glaring at one another. A cauldron has been overturned and a potion is leaking onto the floor.
Snape: You have the nerve to ask me about my past. You come over here interfering, poking your nose in where it is neither wanted nor needed. You weren’t here the first time when Voldemort gained power. When we were in real trouble, with people dieing, whole families being slaughtered Muggle and Wizard alike, our North American allies didn’t want to get involved. And now you have the audacity to question my decisions, to pry into my past as if you have some sort of right to judge me…
Fraser: I merely thought it prudent to…
Snape: The Dark Lord was a threat to the whole world. You believe he would have settled for being the absolute ruler of Britain or Europe when there were others who would support him elsewhere.
Fraser: I understand.
Snape: You understand nothing! You weren’t here. You never faced the terror that we faced. That I faced…
Fraser: I’m here now. I want to help. And I’m not afraid.
Snape: You should be! Anyone sensible or sane should be.
Fraser: As long good people work together against evil then justice will be done and I will never be afraid.
Snape: You think you’re so pure, so righteous. What about Victoria Metcalf?
Fraser: You … you know about that?
Snape: Since her escape she’s been in contact with the Dark Lord. She couldn’t wait to tell everyone about the foolish Auror who’d risk everything to aid a dark witch.
Fraser: I did what I thought was right.
Snape: You slept with her.
Fraser: I loved her!
Snape: Fool! By that time she loved no one but herself. She’d escaped from Jarkbal.
Fraser: She said she’d served her time. I believed her.
Snape: She killed a man!
Fraser: I regret that…. I regret everything.
Snape: And you think that makes it better? You turned her in when she was young and scared and probably deserved to go free, would have gone free if anyone would give someone convicted of practising the Dark Arts a fair trial. Then you let her go when she was older, wiser and had sworn allegiance to the Dark Lord.
Fraser: I didn’t let her go. She ran. And I didn’t know…
Snape: She had the mark! She hadn’t got that in prison.
Fraser: I didn’t see…
Snape: She was in your bed!
Fraser: She wouldn’t have… the lights weren’t… her arms…
Snape: He Who Must Not Be Named has said there is a place for you among his followers. That the Death Eaters must offer you a chance to surrender and join their ranks before they kill you. You should feel honoured. Few other Aurors are given such an option.
Fraser: And how would you know what He says?
Snape: It is my job to know what the Dark Lord knows! To pass on what information I can. I too must atone for my mistakes.
Fade to Black
Weedle … Weedle… Weedle … Skrp
Scene 48 – The completely unnecessary and totally sappy epilogue.
Setting – An elaborate and well-decorated bedroom. Fraser and Ray are lying together on a massive four-poster bed, surrounded by pillows. They are both covered only by a thin sheet that is drawn up to their waists. They are both grinning identical smug grins.
Fraser: That was … most enjoyable Ray.
Ray: Only most enjoyable huh Fraser? I thought it was pretty fabulous myself. Maybe we should try it again just to be sure.
Fraser: I think that is an exceedingly good idea Ray. However I believe we need a little time to recuperate first.
Ray: Recuperate huh?
Fraser: Yes Ray.
Ray: You know you’re cute when you use big words.
Fraser: Really?
Ray: Actually you’re cute pretty much all the time.
Fraser: I find you exceptionally pleasing as well Ray.
(Pause, while Fraser and Ray continue to smile goofily)
Ray: It was pretty great how everything worked itself out there in the end.
Fraser: I must admit to feeling some satisfaction at such a neat conclusion.
Ray: There is one thing I still don’t get though.
Fraser: What’s that Ray?
Ray: Where was Harry Potter?
Fade to Black
Roll Credits
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-04-14 11:41 am (UTC)Brilliant!
no subject
Date: 2006-04-16 11:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-14 12:23 pm (UTC)Actually makes far more logical sense than you would think!
no subject
Date: 2006-04-16 11:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-14 02:45 pm (UTC)...
Now I want Ray to teach me Muggle Studies.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-16 11:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-14 03:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-16 11:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-15 07:16 pm (UTC)Fraser: I happen to be a seer Ray. I used my crystal ball to search for the answers to your questions.
Ray: Really.
Fraser: No, I’m just getting into the spirit of things.
Ray: …
Ray: Freak.
Fraser: Understood.
Love the Ray/Fraser banter! Very much in character. This whole piece was lots of fun.
(FYI--An American would call a "rainmac" a raincoat. Also, "dying" is spelled wrong somewhere in the text.)
no subject
Date: 2006-04-16 11:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 01:25 am (UTC)You're very smart. I, on the other hand, would have surfed, got distracted, and wasted hours that I should have spent writing.
It's great to know I'm other people can see the same stuff that I'm seeing.
I know! That's the best, isn't it?
no subject
Date: 2006-04-16 06:03 pm (UTC)Hehe ... I really enjoyed this. Very much in charakter!
And he can’t do that while chasing after a guy in red who attracts death, destruction and mayhem in wildly bizarre ways, gotcha.
Fraser: I wouldn’t put it quite like that Ray.
Ray: Oh yeah? Then how would you put it?
Fraser: …
Fraser: Alright that is how I would put.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-16 11:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-16 08:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-16 11:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 03:59 am (UTC)It's...horrifying. In the best way possible.
Scene 18 – The emotional bit which, while moving, does absolutely nothing to advance the plot.
I love the internal commentary!
no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 02:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 03:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 02:24 pm (UTC)Weedle … Weedle… Weedle … Skrp
I love that there's social commentary snuck in there randomly. Really, I'm just loving the whole thing.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 02:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 05:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-18 11:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-18 05:11 am (UTC)Actually, I'm okay with that.
The emotional chapter is beautifully melodramatic. Then again, I've sometimes thought Snape beautifully melodramatic, so... nice characterization?
I love how you've condensed this 48 chapter epic down to its bare essentials. Abridgement is a fine, underappreciated art. (I'm wishing real badfic came with a fast-forward option. But I suppose I'll just have to make do with the back button.)
no subject
Date: 2006-04-18 11:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-19 05:30 am (UTC)