Badfic Challenge by Girl Clone
Apr. 18th, 2006 04:48 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
claire.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
ds_flashfictionTitle: Badfic
Prompt: Ben wants to have children, but the love of his life, Ray Vecchio, refuses to even consider the possibility. Left a broken man when Vecchio leaves him for the bright lights of Vegas, can Benton find balm for his wounded heart in Ray Kowalski? Will Frannie be prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice? And does Welsh really expect to be the godfather? Does Stella mean it about the court order? What was that about the hair gel? ONLY TIME WILL TELL.
Prompt written by:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
buddleia
rating/warnings/etc: Rated R (for rubbish) 553 words.
"Look, no", Vecchio says, "I refuse to be part of such a dumb story. I'm going to Vegas."
"But Ray, darling, love of my life, heart of my heart, my sunshine", begs Fraser, "please don't leave me. I'll be a broken man! I'll be withdrawn and afraid to let people in!"
"I'm only going for a few days, Frase, for cousin Jimmy's wedding," says Vecchio, "and besides, how would anyone be able to tell the difference, anyway? You're like that now."
"True", nods Fraser.
*****
"I have to what?" asks Ray, "You're telling me I have to go undercover as a character in a stupid story because some guy is spending a few days in Vegas to be a groomsman in his cousin's wedding? Fuck that for a joke."
"You can't swear on TV, Ray!" admonishes Leftenant Welsh. "Hey, hang on a minute, since when did I become 'Leftenant'? That's not even a bloody word."
"Seriously, I'm going outside for a cigarette".
"I..."
"Look, I know what you were going to say, I don't smoke. Well, fuck that. The actor that plays me does and I'm going outside for a cigarette now."
"Actually I was going to say I think I might join you."
*****
"Oh, Ray, darling, love of my life, heart of my heart, my sunshine", says Fraser. "Let's get married and have babies!"
"Fraser, for someone who who is smart, you're not very smart. First of all, this is set a decade ago when gay marriage wasn't legal here or Canada. Secondly, we're both guys, and, apart from that really disturbing case where that detective in Cascade got his elven partner knocked up, guys don't have babies with other guys."
"I am smart, Ray." Fraser retorts "It took me less than an episode to realise that you weren't the real Vecchio! Also I asked Stella to get a court order to make Frannie have our babies for us. Six of them! Plus, I'm really, really pretty."
Ray rubs his face tiredly. "Seriously, 'Purple Toast' made more sense than this does. A court order?"
"Did I mention that I'm pretty? Look here I'll take off my jacket and roll my sleeves up."
*****
"So isn't it great how we're both so good at the gay sex thing, even though neither of us has ever slept with a man before? I'm totally ignoring the whole part of where you were in love with Vecchio for ages because that was almost a page ago."
"Yes Ray, darling, love of my life, heart of my heart, my sunshine, this would have been the perfect first time if it wasn't for the hair gel and the lube being in similar tubes." Fraser rolls over and frowns. "This is getting ridiculous."
"Don't blame me, it's your show."
"It's not my show, it's the actor who plays me's show! Besides, there's nothing wrong with the show. It's this stupid story. As if I'd ever call anyone 'love of my life'! I'm leaving!"
"You can't leave now. This story is terrible – it's got no beginning, no real plot, awful characterisation, and the grammar is a bit iffy. At least the spelling is not so bad, but I bet the author had spellcheck. How's it ever going to get better if you leave Fraser? FRASER? Fraser! Aw, dammit, where are my cigarettes?"
Prompt: Ben wants to have children, but the love of his life, Ray Vecchio, refuses to even consider the possibility. Left a broken man when Vecchio leaves him for the bright lights of Vegas, can Benton find balm for his wounded heart in Ray Kowalski? Will Frannie be prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice? And does Welsh really expect to be the godfather? Does Stella mean it about the court order? What was that about the hair gel? ONLY TIME WILL TELL.
Prompt written by:
buddleiarating/warnings/etc: Rated R (for rubbish) 553 words.
"Look, no", Vecchio says, "I refuse to be part of such a dumb story. I'm going to Vegas."
"But Ray, darling, love of my life, heart of my heart, my sunshine", begs Fraser, "please don't leave me. I'll be a broken man! I'll be withdrawn and afraid to let people in!"
"I'm only going for a few days, Frase, for cousin Jimmy's wedding," says Vecchio, "and besides, how would anyone be able to tell the difference, anyway? You're like that now."
"True", nods Fraser.
"I have to what?" asks Ray, "You're telling me I have to go undercover as a character in a stupid story because some guy is spending a few days in Vegas to be a groomsman in his cousin's wedding? Fuck that for a joke."
"You can't swear on TV, Ray!" admonishes Leftenant Welsh. "Hey, hang on a minute, since when did I become 'Leftenant'? That's not even a bloody word."
"Seriously, I'm going outside for a cigarette".
"I..."
"Look, I know what you were going to say, I don't smoke. Well, fuck that. The actor that plays me does and I'm going outside for a cigarette now."
"Actually I was going to say I think I might join you."
"Oh, Ray, darling, love of my life, heart of my heart, my sunshine", says Fraser. "Let's get married and have babies!"
"Fraser, for someone who who is smart, you're not very smart. First of all, this is set a decade ago when gay marriage wasn't legal here or Canada. Secondly, we're both guys, and, apart from that really disturbing case where that detective in Cascade got his elven partner knocked up, guys don't have babies with other guys."
"I am smart, Ray." Fraser retorts "It took me less than an episode to realise that you weren't the real Vecchio! Also I asked Stella to get a court order to make Frannie have our babies for us. Six of them! Plus, I'm really, really pretty."
Ray rubs his face tiredly. "Seriously, 'Purple Toast' made more sense than this does. A court order?"
"Did I mention that I'm pretty? Look here I'll take off my jacket and roll my sleeves up."
"So isn't it great how we're both so good at the gay sex thing, even though neither of us has ever slept with a man before? I'm totally ignoring the whole part of where you were in love with Vecchio for ages because that was almost a page ago."
"Yes Ray, darling, love of my life, heart of my heart, my sunshine, this would have been the perfect first time if it wasn't for the hair gel and the lube being in similar tubes." Fraser rolls over and frowns. "This is getting ridiculous."
"Don't blame me, it's your show."
"It's not my show, it's the actor who plays me's show! Besides, there's nothing wrong with the show. It's this stupid story. As if I'd ever call anyone 'love of my life'! I'm leaving!"
"You can't leave now. This story is terrible – it's got no beginning, no real plot, awful characterisation, and the grammar is a bit iffy. At least the spelling is not so bad, but I bet the author had spellcheck. How's it ever going to get better if you leave Fraser? FRASER? Fraser! Aw, dammit, where are my cigarettes?"
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no subject
Date: 2006-04-18 07:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-18 07:12 am (UTC)Quite deliciously bad. ;)
no subject
Date: 2006-04-18 09:46 am (UTC)I lufffffffffff you! *reassures neighbours that shrieks of laughter do not, in fact, mean that someone is being murdered*
no subject
Date: 2006-04-18 10:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-18 01:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-18 02:46 pm (UTC)"Did I mention that I'm pretty? Look here I'll take off my jacket and roll my sleeves up."
Hehe ... great!
no subject
Date: 2006-04-18 04:38 pm (UTC)Well, maybe not quite that much, but it *is* terrribly funny.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-19 01:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-19 07:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-19 11:16 pm (UTC)That was almost a page ago! *dies*
no subject
Date: 2006-04-27 09:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-27 02:08 pm (UTC)Not worksafe. Or anything safe, for that matter - if you have to scrub your eyes with Brillo pads, don't come crying to me.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-27 05:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-20 03:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-20 07:02 am (UTC)HEE! At least it wasn't Ben-Gay!
(So did the hair gel keep anything sticking up straight ALL DAY besides Ray's hair? Inquiring minds want to know!)
This is maniacally wonderful! Fan-fucking-tastic! You bulldozed the fourth wall! Hooray you!
no subject
Date: 2006-04-27 09:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-28 07:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-03 07:22 pm (UTC)short, perfectly formed meta-perfection. class!