Weaponry Challenge by Aingeal
Apr. 22nd, 2006 01:30 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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ds_flashfictionTitle: It’s Not The Gun That Destroys You
Author: Aingeal
Pairing: None. It's Gen
Word Count: 1133 (ish)
Rating: PG
Summary: Set after 'The Deal' Ray vecchio reflects on fear and his gun.
Author's Notes: Many thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lozenger8 for a really quick beta. I hope this fits into the Weaponry Challenge.
Ray Vecchio felt weary as he made his way up the stairs to his room. The house was in quiet darkness. After he had dropped Fraser off he had driven around in circles before going home. He knew his mother would have been worried but he had to have time to think. He’d wound up staring at the water of Lake Michigan as it rippled and shimmered under the moonlight. There was nothing perceptible on the surface to cause such an effect. There was only the light breeze.
He’d got out of the Riv and stood leaning against the hood, just staring out to a horizon. He wasn’t even sure how long he was there. He’d stood there for he didn’t know how long, until the cold had penetrated his bones and dried the blood on his hands into a tough covering. He’d barely looked at his knuckles. He could feel the tightness the dried blood of Zuko had caused. He felt dirty inside just having Zuko’s blood on him.
Eventually he had got back in the Riv and driven home. He felt numb and it wasn’t just because of the cold. He was just…numb. He still could not believe what had gone on that night. He replayed the scenes in his mind but it was as if he was watching someone else inhabiting his body, someone else kicking the crap out of Zuko. It wasn’t the same man he had thought he was, a coward. But then he wasn’t fifteen anymore.
Other images fought their way in. Fraser lying bleeding and unconscious in the dirty corridor of the bus depot. Ray remembered turning him over to be met with a scarred face. It was as if an angel had been abused. It had been then Ray had felt a change inside. It was a change that had let him relate the events of twenty years ago and to put the demons of his youth to rest on that basketball court.
Now he was in his room. He had taken off his clothes and had a shower. He didn’t want to disturb anyone but he had to get the blood off. He’d already put his shirt in the machine. It was becoming clean, white, again. His mother would have too many questions about the bloodstains. Now all he had to do was get the blood off his skin.
The water was tepid but Ray didn’t care. He was too cold and numb to care. He scrubbed the blood off. He scrubbed his knuckles until they were red raw and even if there had been any blood left he would not have been able to distinguish it from his skin. He wondered if he would ever really feel clean again.
After putting his pyjamas on, he spent some time staring out the window. He glanced at the gun on the bedside table. That gun was his protection, it was Fraser’s protection too in a lot of ways, but now it lay there on the polished surface, looking as innocent as a child’s BB gun.
He sat on the bed and handled his weapon. He remembered all the words he had been told at the academy about proper use of firearm, that it wasn’t something to be used lightly. Ray knew that. He also knew that people turned to guns in times of fear and that was what he felt – fear.
The weight was heavy in his hands as if the responsibility of borrowed time was wound up in this metal protector. He hadn’t asked Frankie for safety he had only asked it for Joey Paducci. Some might have seen it as a miscalculation but Ray didn’t. He saw atonement for the humiliation of Marco Metroni all those years before. Back then Ray had valued his own safety over that of his friend; he wasn’t going to make that mistake again.
He turned the gun over. It would be so easy to sleep with it in his hand or under his pillow. It would be so easy to give into the fear that Zuko instilled in every man, woman and child in the neighbourhood. Deep down Ray knew if his enemy really wanted him dead one gun would not stop him. More to the point the gun was a tangible object representing his fear. He now had a choice; keep it close by him and the fear with it, or out it away and get rid of the fear.
It should have been an easy choice.
Ray stared out of the window. The world was a big place. A gun wouldn’t protect him from being mown down by a car or being taken by surprise. Everyday he was out there his life was at risk in one way or another. A gun wouldn’t save him from drowning, wouldn’t call an ambulance, and wouldn’t be able to fend off a gang of armed men.
His house was no place to be displaying guns and fear. This was a home to his family; his mother, his sisters, brother-in-law and his nieces and nephews. He didn’t want them to be living in fear or pain. God knows what his mother would think if she found him the next morning with a gun in his hand. What would happen if one of the kids got hold of the armed weapon? Ray feared harm to his family far more than he feared hurt to himself.
In the end, the gun would not protect him from himself. Ray wanted to live without the fear. That was why he took the clip out and put it in the drawer. Without the bullets the gun was just another piece of metal that had been given a form by human beings. It was empty now and Ray slowly felt the fear drain away. He would never be completely at ease, but now, at least, he could move on and sleep soundly.
He locked the drawer in the bedside table and lay on the bed with the key in his hand. He had locked away the fear now too. He was safe here. Fraser was safe across town. Ray was at peace. He placed the key on the table and turned the lamp off. In the darkness there was no longer the sense of fear that had haunted him at the lake.
Ray suddenly felt the events of the day take their toll. Delayed stress. His head hit the pillow. Closing his eyes he was able to see only blackness which was comforting to a man who had been plagued by images of guns and blood and fear and hate. He fell asleep so quickly he didn’t hear the front door downstairs or the footsteps of his sister.
Author: Aingeal
Pairing: None. It's Gen
Word Count: 1133 (ish)
Rating: PG
Summary: Set after 'The Deal' Ray vecchio reflects on fear and his gun.
Author's Notes: Many thanks to
lozenger8 for a really quick beta. I hope this fits into the Weaponry Challenge.Ray Vecchio felt weary as he made his way up the stairs to his room. The house was in quiet darkness. After he had dropped Fraser off he had driven around in circles before going home. He knew his mother would have been worried but he had to have time to think. He’d wound up staring at the water of Lake Michigan as it rippled and shimmered under the moonlight. There was nothing perceptible on the surface to cause such an effect. There was only the light breeze.
He’d got out of the Riv and stood leaning against the hood, just staring out to a horizon. He wasn’t even sure how long he was there. He’d stood there for he didn’t know how long, until the cold had penetrated his bones and dried the blood on his hands into a tough covering. He’d barely looked at his knuckles. He could feel the tightness the dried blood of Zuko had caused. He felt dirty inside just having Zuko’s blood on him.
Eventually he had got back in the Riv and driven home. He felt numb and it wasn’t just because of the cold. He was just…numb. He still could not believe what had gone on that night. He replayed the scenes in his mind but it was as if he was watching someone else inhabiting his body, someone else kicking the crap out of Zuko. It wasn’t the same man he had thought he was, a coward. But then he wasn’t fifteen anymore.
Other images fought their way in. Fraser lying bleeding and unconscious in the dirty corridor of the bus depot. Ray remembered turning him over to be met with a scarred face. It was as if an angel had been abused. It had been then Ray had felt a change inside. It was a change that had let him relate the events of twenty years ago and to put the demons of his youth to rest on that basketball court.
Now he was in his room. He had taken off his clothes and had a shower. He didn’t want to disturb anyone but he had to get the blood off. He’d already put his shirt in the machine. It was becoming clean, white, again. His mother would have too many questions about the bloodstains. Now all he had to do was get the blood off his skin.
The water was tepid but Ray didn’t care. He was too cold and numb to care. He scrubbed the blood off. He scrubbed his knuckles until they were red raw and even if there had been any blood left he would not have been able to distinguish it from his skin. He wondered if he would ever really feel clean again.
After putting his pyjamas on, he spent some time staring out the window. He glanced at the gun on the bedside table. That gun was his protection, it was Fraser’s protection too in a lot of ways, but now it lay there on the polished surface, looking as innocent as a child’s BB gun.
He sat on the bed and handled his weapon. He remembered all the words he had been told at the academy about proper use of firearm, that it wasn’t something to be used lightly. Ray knew that. He also knew that people turned to guns in times of fear and that was what he felt – fear.
The weight was heavy in his hands as if the responsibility of borrowed time was wound up in this metal protector. He hadn’t asked Frankie for safety he had only asked it for Joey Paducci. Some might have seen it as a miscalculation but Ray didn’t. He saw atonement for the humiliation of Marco Metroni all those years before. Back then Ray had valued his own safety over that of his friend; he wasn’t going to make that mistake again.
He turned the gun over. It would be so easy to sleep with it in his hand or under his pillow. It would be so easy to give into the fear that Zuko instilled in every man, woman and child in the neighbourhood. Deep down Ray knew if his enemy really wanted him dead one gun would not stop him. More to the point the gun was a tangible object representing his fear. He now had a choice; keep it close by him and the fear with it, or out it away and get rid of the fear.
It should have been an easy choice.
Ray stared out of the window. The world was a big place. A gun wouldn’t protect him from being mown down by a car or being taken by surprise. Everyday he was out there his life was at risk in one way or another. A gun wouldn’t save him from drowning, wouldn’t call an ambulance, and wouldn’t be able to fend off a gang of armed men.
His house was no place to be displaying guns and fear. This was a home to his family; his mother, his sisters, brother-in-law and his nieces and nephews. He didn’t want them to be living in fear or pain. God knows what his mother would think if she found him the next morning with a gun in his hand. What would happen if one of the kids got hold of the armed weapon? Ray feared harm to his family far more than he feared hurt to himself.
In the end, the gun would not protect him from himself. Ray wanted to live without the fear. That was why he took the clip out and put it in the drawer. Without the bullets the gun was just another piece of metal that had been given a form by human beings. It was empty now and Ray slowly felt the fear drain away. He would never be completely at ease, but now, at least, he could move on and sleep soundly.
He locked the drawer in the bedside table and lay on the bed with the key in his hand. He had locked away the fear now too. He was safe here. Fraser was safe across town. Ray was at peace. He placed the key on the table and turned the lamp off. In the darkness there was no longer the sense of fear that had haunted him at the lake.
Ray suddenly felt the events of the day take their toll. Delayed stress. His head hit the pillow. Closing his eyes he was able to see only blackness which was comforting to a man who had been plagued by images of guns and blood and fear and hate. He fell asleep so quickly he didn’t hear the front door downstairs or the footsteps of his sister.
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no subject
Date: 2006-04-22 01:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-22 04:42 pm (UTC)Thank you.
That scene at the end of "The Deal" with Ray and his gun is so powerful -- and this perfectly compliments it.
I've always wondered what was going through Ray's head when he handled his gun. I'm glad my attempt worked well.
Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-22 02:49 pm (UTC)Angsty and powerful.
You paint a very clear picture.
Moving too. You can feel Ray's pain.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-22 04:45 pm (UTC)Angsty and powerful.
You paint a very clear picture.
Moving too. You can feel Ray's pain.
Thank you.
I always think Ray goes through a heck of a lot in that episode. He really does suffer but ultimately comes out of it a stronger man.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-22 05:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-23 10:25 am (UTC)Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
wow
Date: 2006-04-22 09:56 pm (UTC)Re: wow
Date: 2006-04-23 10:26 am (UTC)It is a bit of change but change can be good :-)
Thanks for comment, Moo.
Glad you enjoyed it.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-23 02:55 am (UTC)I didn't say it at the time but;
"The weight was heavy in his hands as if the responsibility of borrowed time was wound up in this metal protector."
This was my favourite line.
It was a very evocative piece, and I loved the humanity you presented in Ray and his choices.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-23 10:33 am (UTC)Thank you!
I didn't say it at the time but;
"The weight was heavy in his hands as if the responsibility of borrowed time was wound up in this metal protector."
This was my favourite line.
Oh I'm glad I really liked that line.
It was a very evocative piece, and I loved the humanity you presented in Ray and his choices.
Thank you very much.
Thyanks also for doing the beta on it. Much appreciated.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-24 12:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-24 07:57 am (UTC)Thank you!
Really glad you enjoyed it.
:-)
no subject
Date: 2006-04-25 05:24 pm (UTC)Really great fic.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-25 06:25 pm (UTC)Thank you glad you enjoyed it. I had hoped it would read just like the episode so I'm glad it succeeded.
Really great fic.
Tahnk you!
no subject
Date: 2006-04-30 05:54 pm (UTC)I'm glad I waited until I had some headspace to read it, even if I'm still kind of reeling under "Father's Day" and another compulsive run to the end of "The Parting of the Ways". There has been much Kleenex use in the past couple of days!
no subject
Date: 2006-04-30 08:26 pm (UTC)Thank you, glad you enjoyed it.
"The Deal" is such a powerful episode, and that moment with Ray and the gun is haunting. It's wonderful to have this rumination as a kind of voice-over.
Thank you. I always wondered what was going through Ray's mind when he handled that gun.
And the Frannie touch at the end was a nice nod to the ending (which, I'll admit, is an ending that flaws an otherwise great episode for me - but this is much better!).
I almost left her out becuase that paert did seem to lessen the episode for me but I'm glad I put it in.
I'm glad I waited until I had some headspace to read it, even if I'm still kind of reeling under "Father's Day" and another compulsive run to the end of "The Parting of the Ways". There has been much Kleenex use in the past couple of days!
Thanks for reading and commenting in detial. Not surpised the tissues have had a workout recently. I always need them handy with those eps.