Sisterhood challenge by omphale

[omphale]

Title: Unspoken
Author: omphale
Word Count: 100
Rating: PG for one itty bitty word
Summary: Sisters at a funeral

Author's note: This is my first time posting here, so any helpful hints would be greatly appreciated!





They sat at the funeral, silent and unblinking. Staring forward as the priest spoke on and on, words that made of him a saint, a man that Francesca had never met. She caught her sister’s eye, sharing a glance that made it clear how she really felt. Knowing Maria would understand, because there was no one else who could.

He was a shit, he was better off gone, they would not cry. They would be strong for each other, for their mother, strong because he didn’t deserve tears. He was a horrible father.

Maria missed him anyway. They both did.

Comments

[lucifercircle.livejournal.com]

Nice!
Short and haunting.

[omphale]

Thanks! I figured with a drabble, there was less chance of something going horribly wrong.

[sansets]

I like it! I know that I always forget that Ray's father was Frannie's dad too, because we focus so much on the effects of his bad parenting on Ray. Nice little drabble! :-)

[omphale]

Thank you!

[china_shop]

Oh, this is lovely and achey. *hugs Frannie*

(My only suggestion would be to put more space or a line between the drabble and the author's note. It's a little jarring it read straight on from one to the other, you know? :)

[omphale]

Oh, good point. I'll fix that.

[broken-kite.livejournal.com]

Oh I like this. I never thought that Frannie and Ray had the same father and that would have affected her as an adult. Maybe this is why she has problems with men?

[omphale]

Thanks!

I like to think her father has something to do with her choices in men, because I can't imagine that it wouldn't. I don't think it's an accident that she chooses to build her fantasies around a man who is the exact opposite of everything we know about Vecchio the Elder (totally polite, non-drinking, no family, not a part of the neighborhood, dedicated to his work, almost pathologically obsessed with doing the right thing while being selfless and understanding) rather than a guy with whom she'd have something (anything!) in common. And I'm willing to bet that she's more than a little conflicted about that, and about the love-hate relationship there can be with a lousy parent.

If I'd really been thinking (rather than hyperventilating about "OMG! I'm posting to flashfic!") I'd have worked this up as a double drabble, with Maria's pov as well. She doesn't get much screen time, but I'd bet that they have a lot to say to each other about growing up in the Vecchio household, and about their brother. After all, Maria did all the stuff she's supposed to, what with the kids and the husband and all, while Frannie (who in my head *insists* on being called by her given name for some odd reason) claims to be looking for all that but seems perfectly happy being someone who works and flirts and bosses around men with badges and guns.

(Urgh. My replies to comments are longer than the original story. So much for self-editing.)

[marcellapolman.livejournal.com]

I like this. I just don't like it that it is so short. That's a drawback all drabbles share: they end at the point where things get interesting. Your reply to the previous comment mentions that the story is in fact too short. I agree. So, one advice: make sure your future stories have more words. (I know that some readers like drabbles. I for me do not understand these people :))

[omphale]

Thanks! I knew I'd be leaving out an awful lot, but I thought I might be able to catch that one moment where Frannie realizes that she's been hiding the way she really feels about it. It maybe sort-of worked, but not really.

(And I love a good drabble, but the stories I'm working on now are all *much* longer than 100 words. I'm not disciplined enough to write drabbles very often!)

[slidellra.livejournal.com]

I can totally see Frannie and Maria communicating nonverbally (oh, man, can I ever), it's refreshing to have their relationship expanded beyond the sarcasm and snappishness I think of when I think of them at home. And believably sistery, I think.

Do we know when Pa Vecchio died? What age Frannie was? Or, since I don't think we do, when were you picturing this taking place?

[omphale]

I absolutely think that Frannie and Maria communicate nonverbally. As someone with a sister who was usually a pain in the ass (as I'm fairly confident Frannie was as a child) but who is a close confidante now, I can't imagine that they don't.

There's something about growing up in the same house, especially in a home where there are some issues, that leads to that sort of thing. I think they would have learned to read each other fairly early on, and then used it to communicate when they needed to.

That doesn't mean they wouldn't drive each other crazy and be sarcastic and bitchy the rest of the time.

And I think there is a fairly clear statement of when he died, but I'm drawing a blank on when it was or where the statement was made. "North" maybe?

I've somehow internalized the idea that she was still fairly young--a teenager, maybe--and that's when I set the fic. I'm pretty sure she was old enough to see his flaws, but I'm not sure she was mature enough to really forgive him, or be able to compartmentalize the good and the bad.