[identity profile] lucifercircle.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] ds_flashfiction
Title: On Being Queer
Author: Luciferofthecircle
Pairing: Fraser/Kowalski
Rating: PG
Word Count: 562
Notes: No beta as I only just got this done in time. Therefore be as critical as you like and please point out any spelling mistakes, typos etc.
Disclaimer: If you believe that, I’ve got a bridge for sale.
Summary: But if I had to pick a label, the label to describe me, I’d pick queer.



I don’t like labels. Labels box you in, lock you up and then throw away the key. Once you’ve got a label you’re not allowed to be anything else. But if I had to pick a label, the label to describe me, I’d pick queer.

See, queer’s got a couple of different meanings. There’s queer-odd and queer-different and queer-…queer. You know what I mean.

And I ain’t got no problems being described as odd or different. Being known as an odd-ball or a kook, it keeps the people around you on their toes, makes life more interesting.

But I’m also the other kind of queer. The kind that gets a guy whispered about in locker rooms and beaten up in alleyways. So I’m not what you’d call open about being that sort of queer. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not uncomfortable about it either, I’m totally cool with that side of my sexuality. I’m fully in touch with myself and all that other psychological bullshit. I’ve even had some fun times. I just don’t broadcast it.

The Mountie – he’s another queer one. Queer-odd for sure, who the hell licks electrical sockets? And acting like he understands what the wolf is saying, that can’t be normal even by Canadian standards. I’ve never met a guy more different either. It’s like he goes out of his way to prove what a freak he is. And I mean that in the nicest possible way.

I’m kinda hoping he’s the other kind of queer too. There are signs, like the way he ignores all those women who throw themselves at him and the way he looks at guys sometimes, especially when he thinks I’m not watching.

I’ve got some rather particular hopes at this moment in time because he’s coming over tonight for beer and pizza and hockey. Or so he thinks anyway. Me, personally, I’m going to tell him how much I value him as a friend. And as more than a friend. And then I am going to ask his permission to court him. He’ll appreciate the courting. Fraser’s not the sort of person who jumps right into sex, I don’t think, and nor am I. You’ve got to get to know the person better. Movies, restaurants, holding-hands, kissing on the couch, that’s half the fun.

I don’t think this will wreck our friendship (and Fraser is, without a doubt, the best friend I have ever had) because Benton Fraser is not homophobic. He might get all weird on me though; avoid me like he does Frannie. But I’ve gotta try, I care about him too much not to. And if Fraser is amenable to being courted, I think it’ll be for keeps. That’s what I want (hey, if you’re going to aim high you may as well aim for the very top) and I don’t think he’s the kind of guy who’d settle for anything less. Mr Commitment, that’s him.

He’ll be here in five minutes. I’m shaking, sweating, jittering on the spot. I want to put some music on, dance my nerves away, but I’m worried I’ll miss his knock. Instead I pace, running through what could happen, what I want to happen, in my head. See, even after everything that happened with Stella, I can’t help hoping, can’t help thinking everything will turn out for the best.

I’m queer like that.

***

So what do you think?

Date: 2006-09-21 09:26 am (UTC)
ext_20943: (ray_smile)
From: [identity profile] sam80853.livejournal.com
Oh Ray, you're such a romantic!

Great Ray voice, I can see him jittering in his apartment, waiting for Fraser.

Date: 2006-09-21 10:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ultra-chrome.livejournal.com
As much as I hate to admit you didn't need me....you didn't need me.
You know what's in Ray's head, and his heart and you know how to frame it all up perfectly with a last line sent from heaven. :)

Date: 2006-09-21 06:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] taroly1888.livejournal.com
LOVE YOUR ICON!!!

Date: 2006-09-21 10:55 am (UTC)
china_shop: Close-up of Zhao Yunlan grinning (F/K fingerpoint)
From: [personal profile] china_shop
Aw, yay! *pets Ray*

Date: 2006-09-21 11:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the_antichris.livejournal.com
Awww, lovely. That banged-up, dented optimism is one of the best things about Ray.

Date: 2006-09-21 11:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] marcellapolman.livejournal.com
Hey, I like this! I like it that you did a pensive, first person Ray (as opposed to Fraser, who would be the more obvious choice). I like nearly all of it. My only regret is the emphasis placed on the fact that it isn't just about sex. Because, well, isn't that obvious? Other than that, very nice fic, and very Ray.

Date: 2006-09-21 12:17 pm (UTC)
zellieh: kitten looking shocked, openmouthed, text: WTF? (What the fuck?) (DueSouth BF/RK Cuffs Key Chain)
From: [personal profile] zellieh
I love this! Ray is so cute in your story, I just want to go "awwww!" and pinch his ickle cheek. *g* I hope Fraser gives him a big hug. I really like the idea of the two of them having an old-fashioned courtship, too; it just fits them somehow.

Well, sice you said, "please point out any spelling mistakes, typos etc." - The words in brackets are sub-sections of the main sentences, so I don't think they should be capitalised or have full stops/periods at the end, but everything else is perfect! *g*

Date: 2006-09-21 01:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lilac-one.livejournal.com
This is great! Your Ray voice is spot on. I can really see this.

Is it too greedy of me to want to know what happens after Fraser shows up?

Date: 2006-09-21 01:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mickeymvt.livejournal.com
Ray, you're such a romantic.

It’s like he goes out of his way to prove what a freak he is Fraser do this?? Noooo...

Date: 2006-09-21 04:13 pm (UTC)
sansets: Knee high rainbow socks on a white person's legs, while the legs are toe-ing a pair of sneakers off. (Paul Gross/Geoffery Tennent)
From: [personal profile] sansets
Awww - hand holding! Because while I dearly *heart* porn, I really love hand holding and courting and kissing on the couch too! (And now I kind of want to write a kissing on the couch story) Thanks for this - it put a large smile on my face!

Date: 2006-09-21 06:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] taroly1888.livejournal.com
w00p! loved reading this! a great distraction from my work! thanks, it was great!

Date: 2011-03-16 08:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vickitub.livejournal.com
fantastic i just loved Ray K in this and i really, REALLY need to know what happens next how dose Ben react plz plz plz plz plz plz plz plz plz plz plz you have't to let us know. Don't let us hanging its a great story and thank you for sharing it wit us x

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